


Maybe Magnus Bane Wouldn't Break His Heart

by Malteser24



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: AU - All Human, Accidents, Alec Has A Bad Past, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Confessions, Developing Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Everything Works Out Though, Evilish Lovers, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hospitals, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Magnus Has An Interesting Past Love Life, Non-Consensual Elements, Non-consensual kiss, Past Lovers, Past Relationship(s), Poor thing, Requited Love, Romance, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sexual Themes, Teacher!Magnus, it's more than tooth-rotting, literature references, now featuring christmas chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-02-09 21:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 93,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1998615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malteser24/pseuds/Malteser24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec Lightwood is lonely. And that's okay. He'd never had many friends, and he'd barely had a proper relationship before. Besides, there was no time for any of that. He had college, and his siblings to look after...Being lonely suits him.</p><p>Or at least that's what he thinks. Until he meets Mr Magnus Bane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any characters in this related to Cassandra Clare, or The Mortal Instruments.
> 
> The Mortal Instruments characters belong to Cassandra Clare; I do not gain any profit from this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Far Too Young To Die; the song, all credit and lyrics belong to Panic! At The Disco, Fueled By Ramen, and associated parties. I do not gain any profit from this.

_Endless romantic stories..._

Brendon Urie's soft voice echoed throughout the quiet car, the only other sound the soft purring of the engine. Alec's fingers tapped to the beat on the steering wheel.

_While the crown hangs heavy on either side..._

Alec was becoming irritated. His sister was twenty minutes late, and as much as he enjoyed listening to his own bands, instead of the infuriating garble she called _music_ ; she was late and he really did have homework to do.

Even if said homework wasn't due for at least two weeks...it's not like Alec had a _life_ to lead or anything.

He waited until the song ended, the singers beautiful voice fading with the music until the only sounds to be heard found outside the car.

With a sigh of reluctance, Alec turned his car off, shutting the door and locking it with a _beep_. He stared up at the school as he walked from the parking lot, upsetting memories flooding back. High school had never been his good years; which is why he preferred to wait in the parking lot for Isabelle, and Jace on the rare occasion he _wasn't_ hanging out with his girlfriend.

Alec's shoes squeaked on the tile floors, and he took in the sights. It had been two years since he had stepped foot inside what had once been his personal hell. Even now he was still haunted by the demons of his past.

"Alec?!" He was brought out of his reverie by the sound of his sister's voice. Turning on his heel, and tripping over it a little, he turned to the direction in which he had heard his name called.

"Isabelle? What on earth are you still doing here so late...?" He trailed off; his brain losing function; because the most gorgeous man Alec had ever seen had just appeared behind Isabelle. He was tall and dark haired, his skin a golden tan. He was wearing a button up top and pants, so Alec knew he wasn't a student, but he looked too young to be a teacher.

"I had some work to catch up on, so Mr Bane was helping me."

Alec noticed the man look down at his watch, and he was suddenly reminded of the reason he was standing there.

"Next time could you message me please; I've been waiting for nearly half an hour."

"It's my fault, I was helping her with her homework, and then we got talking about future assignments and from there it led to pop culture and mindless chatter. I apologise, I promise next time she will be out on time." He extended his hand towards Alec, and Alec nearly stumbled as he tried _not_ to stare into the man's green-gold eyes; a feat he was sure he failed. He reached his own hand out.

"I'm Magnus, Magnus Bane. You must be Isabelle's brother, she's told me a lot about you." His voice was like honey; sweet to Alec's ears, and Alec was certain he was blushing.

"Alec...Alec, uh, Lightwood. Nice to meet you."

"And you, Alec." Magnus dropped his hand, and turned to Isabelle, who had been standing silently to the side with a smug grin.

"Isabelle, maybe tomorrow you can present your new dress, I'm sure I won't be the only one impressed."

"Just a few more touch ups and it should be ready. Thanks for all your help, but Alec and I best be going now."

"Of course, anytime."

"Uh, goodbye. It was a pleasure to meet you." Alec said, stuttering.

Magnus waved good bye to them, and stepped back inside the classroom. Isabelle walked off in front of Alec, telling him she was going to her locker and then she would meet him outside. Alec started to walk back to his car, until he heard his name being called behind him. He glanced over his shoulder, to find Magnus staring after him.

"The pleasure was in meeting you." He winked at Alec, swiftly disappearing back into the classroom.

Yep. Alec was definitely blushing.

He hurried out of the school, willing the heat to leave his cheeks. He really didn't want to deal with Isabelle's teasing. He found her standing by his car, a wide smirk on her face, and he knew there was no way he was getting out of this.

He didn't say anything to her once he reached the car, choosing to ignore her and silently get into the car hoping she would leave him alone, just this once. That hope seemed like a possibility, when Isabelle hopped in the car and turned the radio on; not saying a word.

Of course it wouldn't last long.

"What do you think of Mr Bane?" She asked, casually.

"He's...nice. I've never seen him around before, is he a substitute?"

"That's probably because you haven't had anything to do with the school since you left. He's a teacher, actually. If he needs to, he subs but he usually just teaches his own classes."

"And is he one of your teachers?" Alec asked, trying to sound conversational.

"Yeah. Jace's too. He teaches History and Fashion."

"Let me guess, Jace takes Fashion?"

Isabelle laughed, pulling her phone out and quickly tapping away on it.

"Funny. No, he's taking History. Not that I can understand why."

Alec nodded in confirmation. _He_ had a pretty fair idea, and it had to do with a certain Miss Fray.

"Now, and please do correct me if I'm wrong...but were you blushing back there?" Isabelle's eyes never left her phone; but Alec concentrated his eyes on the road ahead of him, his grip tightening on the steering wheel.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Isabelle huffily turned her attention to her brother.

"Oh come on, Alec. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

He ignored her, but the realisation still dawned on her.

"Alec...do you like him?"

Alec didn't say anything.

"You do! Oh Alec, that's fantastic! I'll tell him tomorrow, he'll be delighted."

"Isabelle, no!" He snapped.

"I don't understand. You like him, what's the problem?"

"Everything. I've only just met him; I know nothing about him..."

"That's what dates are for."

"He's your teacher..."

"Doesn't bother me."

"He's a teacher in general, Isabelle! I'm still a student."

"You're at college."

"It doesn't matter."

"Alec." She said; her voice sounding stern and so much like their mother's Alec couldn't find any words to speak.

"This is only his second year out of college. He was good at his studies, and apparently he and Mr Scott are old friends; that's how he got the job so fast. There is no reason whatsoever you can't at least go on a date with him."

"What if he's straight?"

"Oh, don't worry about that."

Alec glanced at his sister, confused. She just looked smug, as if she held all the answers to every question he hadn't yet asked.

"I saw him back there Alec. I saw you blushing, and I saw the way he was looking at you. He is as interested as you are, if not more."

She saw the uncertain way he looked. She knew he'd never had the best love life; and he'd been hurt in the past for fancying someone. She needed to assure him that everything would be okay; she just wasn't sure how. It seemed she would need some help.

The rest of the ride was silent, each sibling caught up in their own thoughts. Alec mulling over what Isabelle had said, trying to work out if it was true, if maybe someone did actually find him interesting. Isabelle scheming, playing matchmaker. She was determined to get Alec at least a date...and though it took her a while, she came up with the perfect plan.

"Alec, look. I'm not going to pressure you into doing something you don't want." She said, once they reached their house. Alec drove his car into the parking lot; it seemed it would be only his siblings and himself for dinner that night.

"Thank you."

"But, if you decide you _do_ want to even talk about Mr Bane, or anyone else; please tell me. I'm here for you Alec, but only if you're willing to let me help."

Alec nodded, thanking his sister once more, and heading inside the house.

It seemed he needed to be alone with his thoughts that night...thoughts of a stunning eyes and a dazzling smile. A beautiful golden-skinned man, with hair black as night.

 


	2. A Phone Call Is All That's Needed To Set A Plan In Motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Isabelle Lightwood wants something, no one can get in her way...

Isabelle Lightwood was on a mission, and no one was going to stop her. Not her blind, foolish brother, nor the idiots of her school. She pushed through the swarm of students in the hallway. She reached the door she was looking for and knocked loudly.

“Come in.” Came the deep voice of her Fashion teacher.

With purpose in her step, Isabelle strode into the classroom, perching herself on the desk in front of her teacher’s. He laughed, a low chuckle; before looking up at her, an amused smile.

“Isabelle. How may I help you?”

“You met my brother yesterday.” She said, bluntly. Short and sharp, it was how she had been brought up.

“I did.”

“What did you think of him?”

“I don’t see how that matters.”

She stared at him pointedly, and he sighed.

“He seemed like a very nice young man.”

“And...?”

“He’s attractive. Lovely eyes.”

Isabelle nodded, as if she had known all along what her teacher’s answer would be.

“Why, pray tell; are you asking me my opinions on your brother?”

“I want you to ask him out.”

Mr Bane froze. Never in his whole teaching career had a student requested that.

“Isabelle, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? He’s not a student here anymore. He left before you became a teacher. And there’s only a few years difference.”

“Who’s to say he wants to go out with me?”

“He does. Trust me. I saw him yesterday, you saw him. I’ve only ever seen him this smitten once. And it’s only a date. If it doesn’t work out, you never even have to speak to him again; if you don’t want. This is the only request I’ll ever have. Please.”

He saw the pleading look in Isabelle’s eyes, the almost desperate need for him to say yes. He had to admit, she had quite valid reasons. It might have been that, or the look in her eyes, or the fact she was in his classroom on her time. Perhaps it was because it had been a really long time since he’d been on a date; and Alec was attractive. He didn’t really know. All he did know, was something pushed him to answer.

“One date.” He said.

“You’re really going to do it?” Isabelle asked.

Magnus nodded, wincing slightly as Isabelle squealed. She bounded to her teacher’s side, engulfing him in a giant hug. She quickly pulled away, realising that she was hugging her _teacher_ , but Mr Bane only laughed.

“It might not work out, you know.” He said, watching as Isabelle practically skipped out of the room.

“I know.” She called back. “But there’s a chance.” 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Alec was sitting at his desk, scratching pen against paper furiously. He had an assignment due in a few weeks, an essay; but nothing sounded right. Every word, every sentence he wrote down was wrong.

His phone began to ring. Alec picked it up, grateful for the distraction.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Alec.” The voice was smooth, and deep. Alec froze for a second.

“M-Magnus?” He asked.

“That is my name.” Alec could hear Magnus laughing through the phone. Even though they weren’t in the same room, Alec still blushed.

“Why are you calling me? And how did you get this number?”

“Isabelle...gave it to me. I think it would be better if we discussed this face to face. Are you busy tomorrow?”

“Uh, no. No, I’m not doing anything.”

“There’s a little cafe a few miles away from the school. Taki’s. Shall we meet there, say 3:30pm?”

“S-sure.”

“Wonderful. I look forward to seeing you again.”

The phone went dead, a flat beep. Alec put his phone down, still in shock.


	3. First Date (Part 1)

Clothes had never been a problem for Alec. His wardrobe consisted of ripped jeans and baggy sweaters. No one had ever seen him wear anything different unless he had been forced to for a special occasion or one of his mother’s dinner parties; and no one really saw him at school. He coasted through life living in the shadows of everyone else; literally. And he’d never had a problem with it before.

Until Magnus.

Alec didn’t even understand why he was worrying so much; after all, it’s not like he was going on a date with Magnus. There’s no way someone like _Magnus Bane_ would ever be interested in him; and even in the slim chance he would; he was Jace and Isabelle’s teacher. It wouldn’t be right.

Yet Alec still found himself glaring at every item of clothing in his wardrobe, wondering why he hadn’t taken up Isabelle’s endless offers to go shopping with him and buy him some _‘real clothes’_. He couldn’t go to Isabelle now though. She would ask too many questions; and wouldn’t leave until she got an answer. There was only one person Alec could ask for help.

 

* * *

 

“So, tell me again, why you need my help?”

“I never technically told you why I needed your help.”

“Okay. Let me rephrase that. Tell me, why do you need my help.”

“Because I couldn’t ask Isabelle.”

Jace pulled his head out from Alec’s wardrobe, where he had been rummaging for decent clothes.

“You’re going on a date.” Jace said.

“What? No, no I’m not.” Alec could feel his face heating up already, as if his high-pitched tone wasn’t enough to give it away.

“Yes, you are. That’s why you need my help, that’s why you can’t ask Isabelle...you’re _so_ going on a date.”

“Are you going to help me find some clothes or not?” Alec snapped. “Because if you’re going to waste my time, I’ll find someone else to help. Or I’ll go in the clothes I’m wearing now.”

“Alright, alright. There is no way you are wearing that. You can borrow some of mine.”

Jace disappeared into his own room, returning with a bundle of clothes.

“There are some _not_ ripped jeans here, and a few shirts I think you would look okay in. Try them on.”

Alec pulled the jeans on. They were a snug fit, but comfortable. It was lucky for him; he and Jace were around the same size. The shirt fit okay too. It was a faded band shirt, some rock band Jace used to listen to before he became ‘too cool’. It didn’t hug Alec in any bad places, so he supposed that was a good thing.

“Thanks. I’ll put them in the wash later.”

“It’s cool. Whenever. Just, one thing.”

“Yeah?”

“What’s the lucky girl’s name?” Jace got his answer; the rest of his clothes hitting his face.

Jace just laughed good-naturedly, chuckling as he left the room. Alec glared at his brother’s retreating figure.

“At least he didn’t push for an answer.” Alec muttered. “I don’t know how I would explain this to him. I don’t even know what it is myself.”

 

* * *

 

“Why did you call me? Is it about Isabelle? Is she failing?” Alec asked.

He had arrived to see Magnus sat at a table, waiting for him. They'd exchanged greetings, and Alec had sat down. Magnus hadn't spoken however, electing to sit and stare at Alec, his eyes fierce but his expression amused. It all baffling to Alec. He assumed he was meeting Magnus to talk about Isabelle. His thoughts always flew to Isabelle. She didn’t take education as seriously as she did her social life. He thought she would have been okay in a class like Fashion, one of her favourite things in life; but he could think of any other reason why Magnus would have called him.

“No.” Magnus paused, smirking over at Alec. “Actually, I probably shouldn’t be saying anything; teachers aren’t supposed to have preferences...But Isabelle is my best student.”

Magnus looked proud, almost beaming; though that could have just been his natural personality shining through.

“Was it Jace then? I know he can be a bit of a...disturbance at times.”

“Your siblings have not done anything wrong.” Magnus assured Alec.

“Well, if they haven’t done anything wrong...why did you call me?”

“I wanted to talk to you.” Magnus sipped at his ice water, glancing up at Alec.

“Me? Why would you want to talk to me?”

Magnus shrugged. “I think you’re interesting.”

Alec blushed, a light pink tinting his otherwise pale cheeks.

“And you’re positively adorable when you blush...has anyone ever told you that before?”

“No. No-No one has ever called me adorable because of anything before. I mean, maybe when I was a baby...”

“That’s a shame.”

“Why?” Alec started to panic, had he said something wrong? Even though he wasn't here for Isabelle, he didn't really want to leave. There was something to Magnus...his personality, his presence that captivated Alec.

“Someone as beautiful as you should be told so every day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was kind of short. The next chapter will hopefully be longer (and will definitely feature more Malec moments!)  
> Huge thanks to everyone who commented. You guys are so lovely and I'm really excited to continue this!


	4. First Date (Part 2)

Alec stared at Magnus in disbelief. Magnus’ composure was calm, his eyes sparkling with a pleased shine.  
“You...you think I’m...but that is...it’s...” Alec cut himself off, sitting back in his chair with a heavy sigh.  
Magnus fought hard to not find it all completely endearing.  
“You think, that I am beautiful?” Alec asked slowly, using the time to compose himself.  
“I do. Exceptionally so; in fact.”  
“But I’m not.”  
“I beg to...”  
“No.” Alec said, cutting Magnus off. Magnus looked a little surprised, but closed his mouth regardless; leaning back a little in his chair. His eyes locked onto Alec’s, showing him he had Magnus’ complete attention.  
“You...you are beautiful. Jace, and Isabelle, are beautiful. They’ve always been the beautiful ones. They got my parent’s looks; Isabelle is practically a spitting image of my mother. They’ve got that flawless, natural beauty that I just don’t have. And I’ve accepted that, I accepted that a long time ago. That’s the way it has always been, and that’s the way it always will be. But I can’t...” Alec paused, searching for the right words.  
“I can’t let you lie to me. I don’t know if you’re saying it to make me feel better, or because this is some sort of pity date or something. But I can’t sit here and let you lie to me.”  
Alec’s face was calm, resolved; as though this was something he really did believe. His eyes kept a hidden sadness, deep below the surface, and that chipped at the corners of Magnus heart.  
“Alexander.” He said, reaching his hand out across the table. Alec had been fiddling with his napkin, but stopped when Magnus pulled at his hand. Magnus held Alec’s in his, sliding their fingers together.  
Alec drew a sharp breath, but didn’t say anything; perhaps he was too shocked, or perhaps he didn’t know what to say  
“I said you are beautiful, because you are. You may not see it, but I do. I’m not denying your siblings attractiveness, but for you to deny your own...I wasn’t lying to you. And this isn’t a pity date either.”  
“Then why am I here? Why did you call me?” Alec asked.  
“I called you...well; there are a lot of reasons why I called you. You caught my interest when I first met you, your innocent nature, and stumbling speech. Not to mention your eyes. You’re gorgeous and I caught onto that immediately. Anyone with eyes could see your beauty. However, the day after our first meeting, your sister came and...Rather forcefully told me to ask you out.”  
Alec opened his mouth to speak, to object; but Magnus kept talking.  
“But, before you saying anything, know this. I didn’t call you because she told me to. I told her I would, because as I’m sure you know, she is a fierce girl; who hardly ever takes no for an answer. I hadn’t intended to follow through and actually call you; after all, I teach your siblings. I didn’t want to freak you out, or anything.”  
Magnus leant back further in his chair, gazing over at Alec with a concealing expression, a mask hiding his emotions. It confused Alec more.  
“But then I started to think, really think about it. And I thought, hell to it. I haven’t been on a nice date with a good guy in months, and you are one of the most interesting, though not at first glance, people I have ever met. If you didn’t want to go on this date, you always had the option to say no. I realise I only gave a vague description of what this meeting would be; I wasn’t thinking too much at the time, and on reflection I really should have told you more.”  
“That’s not to say.” He added after a moment’s pause, sipping at his drink; the ice nearly all melted into clear liquid. “That I’m not glad you’re here.”  
Alec stared, once again that day, at Magnus. His expression was a cocktail of emotions, as was his brain.  
“So, you asked me out on a date...not because my sister told you to...but because you wanted to?”  
Magnus nodded, breaking his mask to smirk at Alec.  
“And you actually think I’m good-looking?”  
“Absolutely.”  
“It’s a lot to take in...And a bit hard to believe, if I’m honest.” Alec continued, sheepishly.  
Magnus pulled Alec slowly closer, their fingers still interlocked. Alec’s eyes widened, but he didn’t make a move away from Magnus as he was pulled close.  
“I may have a way to...convince you.” Magnus whispered, their faces inches away  
“Really?” Alec mentally winced at his high-pitched tone.  
“Yeah.” Magnus replied, stifling a laugh. “If it’s okay with you.”  
Alec nodded, too nervous, and excited, to speak.  
Magnus leaned in, and Alec closed his eyes...


	5. First Kiss

Magnus’ lips moved expertly against Alec’s, slow movements of perfectly soft lips. The hand that was holding Alec’s squeezed reflexively, while the other flew up to cup the younger’s cheek.  
Where Magnus was skilled and composed, however, Alec was not.  
He had neglected to tell Magnus about his previous romantic history, or lack thereof; though he supposed his clumsy lips told Magnus all he needed to know.  
Alec couldn’t find it in himself to stop, though. Magnus’ lips were warm and soft against his, and he found his own lips moulding perfectly against the elder’s. He gasped when Magnus reached out and cupped his cheek, startled at the contact yet oddly pleased by it. He found himself a little unsure of where to put his own hand.  
Luckily for him, Magnus pulled away after a few seconds, the perfect picture of poise and serenity; whereas Alec was certain he was the complete opposite.  
“That was...something.” He said softly, still slightly dazed.  
“Something nice, I hope?” Magnus asked, the corners of his lips turned up into a smirk.  
“Yeah. And a little unexpected.”  
“I didn’t force myself on to you, did I?” Magnus appeared concerned, his composed mask breaking to show the emotions underneath.  
“No, no. I wanted to kiss you...I didn’t know I wanted to kiss you until I was kissing you, but I did want to kiss you.”  
“Good.” Magnus replied, relieved. It amused Alec to see the different side of Magnus.  
“I apologise if I was...bad. I haven’t kissed anyone in...” Alec gave a low chuckle, his eyes darting down. He flicked his hair in front of his face subconsciously, his cheeks warming with an embarrassed blush.  
“Well...I suppose I’ve kissed you now, so I have to be honest. I’ve never actually kissed anyone before.”  
To a passerby, Magnus didn’t appear surprised. His face held the same calm expression it had before Alec’s confession. It was only until Alec looked up, worried by the prolonged silence, that he saw the surprise in Magnus’ eyes.  
“You know...I couldn’t tell.”  
“Really?” Alec asked, sure that he would have been horrible, due to his lack of experience in the field of kissing.  
“No, I could sort of tell. You seemed nervous, and apprehensive.” Magnus laughed softly, the warm sound making Alec smile in spite of his embarrassed self.  
“Though I have to say, for someone who’s never been kissed before, you weren’t half-bad at it.”  
Magnus’ self-assure, almost smug smirk was back, but there was an honest shine in his eyes, an amused glint that helped Alec relax a little.  
“You must have had your fair share of kisses before, then.” Alec said. The blush had died down from his cheeks, but he still felt a little embarrassed at the vast contrast between his skills and Magnus’.  
“I suppose.” Magnus leant forward, staring straight at Alec with a look that scent pleasuring shivers down the young man’s spine.  
“Is this your first date as well?”  
“Sort of. It’s my first...proper date. With someone I’m interested in, and who has a genuine interest in me.”  
Alec was beginning to seriously wonder how pathetic Magnus must think he is.  
Magnus saw Alec’s face change, his expression softening and saddening, and without taking much care to what he was doing, or really thinking about his actions any more than the automatic brain waves sending through his body to make each limb move; Magnus stood up out of his chair, pulled Alec up and pressed his lips to Alec’s.  
To say Alec was surprised would be an understatement. He froze for a second, startled. Magnus kept kissing him, his movements slower, more cautious than before. His hands slid to Alec’s waist, holding him firmly.  
Alec relaxed into the kiss, sliding his hands up Magnus’ arms and locking above his shoulders. They both moved slowly, taking their time with the kiss because they could.  
“Why did you do that?” Alec asked, pulling away slowly. He wanted to continue kissing Magnus, desperately, but he needed answers more.  
“You looked sad...” Magnus smiled sheepishly; it was the first time Alec had seen Magnus look anything but happy or suave.  
“I didn’t want you to be sad...I hoped if I kissed you, it would help. I wasn’t...I wasn’t really thinking too much. I’m sorry.”  
“You don’t need to be sorry. I enjoyed it, I was just a little...confused. And startled.”  
“Maybe I should give you a little bit of warning next time?” Magnus asked.  
“A small sign would be nice.” Alec said, laughing a little.  
“So, does this mean there will be a next time?” Magnus asked, smirking as Alec realised not only that Magnus had played him, but how well he had.  
“Are you asking me out again? Tad eager, considering we haven’t even finished this one yet.”  
“I’ve enjoyed this one so much; I have to make sure I would see you again.” Magnus replied.  
“I’ve enjoyed it too.” The playful tone was replaced with a more serious, whilst still pleased one.  
“Not bad for a first date?”  
“Better than I’ve ever imagined.”  
Magnus placed a slow kiss upon Alec’s lips, pulling away before Alec could respond.  
“Good.”

* * *

 

“How did it go?”  
Alec had barely put a foot past the threshold before he was bombarded by his siblings. He had suspected they would be waiting for him, but he had hoped they’d give him a few minutes.  
Apparently not.  
“I’ve just gotten home. Can you at least let me get through the door?”  
Jace and Isabelle stood off to the side, following Alec up the stairs to his bedroom, and inside it.  
“Now you’ve made it inside your bedroom. So, how was it?”  
Alec sighed, collapsing onto the foot of his bed. He stared at his siblings, bracing himself for a barrage of questions and queries.  
“So, how was the date?” Isabelle asked, situating herself on Alec’s right side.  
“Was she hot?” Jace added, sitting on Alec’s left.  
“Jace!” Isabelle scolded, reaching behind Alec and slapping Jace on the back of his head.  
“It’s a perfectly valid question.” Jace replied, chuckling.  
“And one I’m not going to answer. The date was...it was fun. I had a good time.”  
“What did you do?” Isabelle asked.  
“We went to a place called Taki’s...”  
“Ah, yeah. I know that place...” Jace quickly stopped his sentence after a sharp glare from his sister.  
“We had a drink...nothing alcoholic, just something to do, and we talked.”  
“You talked?” Jace asked, dubiously.  
“Yeah...and we kissed...”  
Isabelle squealed loudly, hugging Alec tightly. He smiled despite himself, the only thing stopping him from laughing being the restriction on his lungs from Isabelle’s hold. Jace was laughing too, his golden eyes sparkling with an amused glint.  
“Isabelle, please let go, I do need to breathe.”  
Isabelle pulled away, her dark eyes locking onto Alec’s with an intense stare.  
“Alec...you kissed someone!” Isabelle squealed.  
“I know, I was the one that did the kissing.” He replied.  
“This is a marvellous day of firsts for our dear brother.” Isabelle said to Jace, who replied with a sharp nod.  
“I believe this is cause for celebration.” Isabelle jumped up off of the bed, turning to her siblings.  
“I’m going to make us dinner, and, because this is such a wondrous day, I think we should break into the alcohol cabinet.” She said, winking at her brothers before waltzing out of the room.  
Jace stood up too, waiting until Isabelle was out of earshot before speaking to Alec.  
“Should I call for some take-away now?”  
“No, give her a few minutes.” Alec chuckled softly.  
“It’s not a bad idea though.” Jace added after a few moments.  
“Little bit of wine, some actual food. I think it’ll be nice.”  
“Are you still going to grill me on my date?” Alec asked, feeling an internal thrill at the words.  
“Yeah.” Jace said, heading to the door.  
“But that’s what good siblings do.”


	6. First Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace finds out some more details about Alec's date; one in particular surprises him the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while, guys. I hope this chapter makes up for the wait and I promise to post a chapter as soon as possible.

"You can't ignore our questions, you know?"

"I can, actually. The only person it annoys is _you_ , after all."

Jace pointed an accusing fork at Alec from across the table where they sat.

"If I hadn't seen the blush you wore before, I'd say you're lying to us, and that you've made this whole 'date' business up."

"And how would I benefit from that?" Alec smirked. "The satisfaction of seeing your shocked expression?" He continued nonchalantly.

"No...I...that's not what I mean..."

Alec and Isabelle both laughed at the sight of their brother's obvious distress and discomfort.

"Leave Alec alone, Jace. He hasn't even had time to reflect over the date yet. Besides, you know he's not going to answer if you bother him."

"Thank you Izzy." Alec said, grateful that somebody was on his side.

"Although...Jace does have a point." Isabelle admitted.

"What?"

"You can't ignore our questions."

"We'll see." Alec muttered.

* * *

Alec managed to dodge his siblings' questions for all of about an hour.

He finished his food quickly, throwing the empty cardboard container in the bin. He hurried to his room, muttering rushed explanations as he made a hasty getaway.

Jace and Isabelle were determined to ruin the peaceful quiet of his empty bedroom. He had hoped to spend the night alone, bundled in his warm bed where he could replay the afternoon's events over and over in his head. All his hopes were unfortunately destroyed when they practically threw his door open.

"Time to talk, brother dear."

"Do we have to?" Ale asked in a last minute attempt to save himself.

"Yes." Isabelle and Jace replied at the same time; which _really_ annoyed Alec.

Isabelle and Jace sat on the end of Alec's bed.

"So there's no way I can get out of this?"

"Not a chance."

Alec sighed. "Fine. Fire away."

"Was she hot?" Jace asked. Alec tried to stifle a laugh and failed; it was such a _Jace_ thing to do ask.

"If by 'hot' you mean attractive, then yes."

"That's all well and good, but I need details. This was your first date Alec; it's time for brotherly talk."

"Fine. Bright eyes. They sort of...sparkle. And they speak so many things. Intelligence, mischief, happiness. Every emotion just filtered through chartreuse eyes." Alec was careful to choose his words; unsure of how his brother would react if he found out the _'girl'_ he went out on a date with was actually a boy.

"Not exactly the details I was expecting...anything else?"

"Short black hair...shiny and...Lush, I suppose. Soft. Quite tanned too, like caramel. Oh, and very soft lips." Alec blushed, remembering just how those soft lips had felt against his.

Isabelle was smiling, listening to Alec's descriptions and feeling quite proud of herself.

 _This may turn out to be my best match yet._ She thought.

Jace was a little puzzled, though.

"No pronouns?" He asked. "You always use grammar and words _correctly_...and you're very quick to jump on us if we're not speaking properly...yet you never said _'she'_."

It was an innocent question, Jace was just a little confused...but that didn't stop the colour from draining out of Alec's face.

"Are you sure?" He asked shakily.

"Yeah..." Jace replied, becoming more suspicious by Alec's change in behaviour.

"I'm sure it was a mistake; Alec's mind's probably still fuzzy from his kiss." Isabelle said, hoping to distract Jace.

Unfortunately, Jace was a lot smarter than they were giving him credit for.

"It wasn't a she, was it?" He asked, realisation settling in.

"Of course it was."

"Alec, you don't have to lie to me. What are you not telling me?"

Jace's tone was empty, and his face was blank. Alec took it the wrong way, believing Jace to be mad, or disappointed.

"It wasn't a she. I-it was a he." He whispered, looking down ashamedly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jace asked, shocked and a little hurt that his own brother didn't trust him enough to tell him such an important detail as the gender of his date, and his sexuality for that matter.

"Because I'm scared."

Alec's answer surprised Jace, and Isabelle.

"What are you scared of?" She asked, placing a gentle arm on her older brother's arm.

"Everything." Alec muttered, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"It's not being gay that scares me. Strangely, that's the most comfortable part. It's being attracted to him...I've never felt this way about anyone before. Hell, I've never kissed anyone before; and now suddenly I'm going on a date with the first guy that looks my way, I'm _kissing_ him. I can't stop thinking about him, and I want to see him again; and it's only been a few hours. He was so nice, and he actually thinks I'm attractive, which was weird at first...but felt really nice when I realised he meant it."

Alec sighed, feeling a burdening weight lift off his shoulders. He didn't look up at Jace, or Isabelle. This was more than he had told either of them; and he wasn't too sure he wanted to see their reactions.

"Do you like him?" Isabelle asked softly.

"Yeah...yeah, I think I do. I _do_."

"Then that's all that matters."

Alec looked up, shocked at the words that his brother had spoken.

"Pardon?" He asked.

"Ask him out again, call him up. It seems pretty obvious to me that you like him, and it sounds like he likes you. The only way to get him out of your head, even for a little while; is to see him again."

"I thought I was supposed to be the big brother who gives out insightful and helpful advice."

"Not this time." Jace grinned his cocky smirk, and the familiarity of it caused Alec to smile.

"Thank you." He said, his comment directed towards both of his siblings.

Jace shrugged, and Isabelle just smiled knowingly; as though there was something she wasn't telling Alec but was still important.

"It's what siblings are for." Jace said, and Isabelle nodded.

"I do have a question though."

"Yeah?"

"What's his name?"

This was a question that Alec was hoping to avoid; but Jace's hidden determination told him that he want going to get away without answering.

"Funny you ask," Not that Alec found it too funny; awkward, perhaps, "You know him."

"I do?" Jace quickly ran through all the guys his age or older; but none of them matched Alec's description.

"He's your teacher."

Realisation sunk in Jace's mind like a stone in water.

"Mr _Bane_?"


	7. 2nd Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec takes a leap into the deep-end.

Alec’s blush was bright, and Isabelle’s laugh loud and slightly obnoxious.

Jace stared at the two of them, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“Yeah, _Mr Bane_.” Isabelle said teasingly. Alec glared at her, which only increased her laughter.

The more Jace thought about it though, the more it all made sense. Mr Bane had the most striking eyes he’d ever seen on a person, and although his rare golden eyes amazed people, he sometimes felt jealous of how enchanting Mr Bane’s eyes were.

Everything that Alec had said about his date made sense, and once the overall shock had worn off, Jace’s signature grin was back, sliding smoothly in place, the previous shock quickly disappearing.

“You knew about this, didn’t you?” Jace asked Isabelle.

He took her pleased smirk as confirmation, and shook his head slowly.

“So you got set up on a date by your sister, with our teacher; and you actually had a good time? Isabelle, my dear, for once your matchmaking has worked.”

“I am a perfectly wonderful matchmaker, thank you very much. Must I remind you that Aline and Helen are a wonderfully happy couple?”

“No. You don’t need to remind me.”                                                                                            

“And she didn’t set me up.” Alec added indignantly. “He asked me out of his own free will.”

“Alec, I asked him too.” Isabelle said slowly.

“I know. And he told me that it was his decision, him actually _wanting_ to go on a date with me, that made him say yes.”

Alec’s blush had died down, and his expression was one of happiness.

“Look at that, only been on one date and our brother has already turned sassy _and_ confident.” Jace grinned at Alec, who smiled back.

“It’s like a new you.” Isabelle added.

“Maybe you should go on another date.” Jace suggested, absentmindedly.

* * *

 

It was two days before Alec heard from Magnus again; and to say that those two days were agonising would be a complete understatement.

Alec did manage to do a fair bit of thinking in that time, and after a few long hours hunched over a blank page with music playing softly in the background; he realised that he had a serious crush.

And the only thing to get rid of, or at the least help, a crush; is to _see_ aforementioned crush.

So, feeling rather bold, he rang Magnus.

“Alexander.” Magnus answered after the second ring, his voice soft, almost purring.

“How lovely to hear from you.”

“I had a really nice time on our date.” Alec said.

“As did I. Is that why you called me?”

“No...I called because I...because I wanted to speak to you. I know it’s only been a few days, but-”

“I’m glad you did call.” Magnus cut in. “I was going to call you myself, but I’ve been swamped by papers and markings...”

Alec heard Magnus groan through the phone, and he covered his mouth to stifle a laugh.

“But enough about my boring teacher life. What are you up to, Alexander?”

“I’m supposed to be writing an essay for English Lit, but it’s not really happening.”

“I’m not interrupting your study, am I? As a teacher, I’m rather inclined to be _against_ that sort of thing.”

“No.” Alec laughed softly. “I’ve been staring at a blank piece of paper for at least an hour now. All you’ve done is given me an excuse not to feel bad about how much work I haven’t done yet.”

“Ah, the ease and appeal of procrastination. I’d say it’s only the youth that experience it, but that would be a little bit hypocritical; seeing as not only am I talking to you instead of doing my marking, but I’m also only a few years older than you.”

“And here I was thinking that you were smart and sophisticated; but you’re really _just_ like me.”

“I _am_ smart _and_ sophisticated, thank you very much!”

Alec laughed again, almost surprising himself with how at ease he felt.

“Of course you are. I was just playing around.”

“You’re a piece of work, Alexander.”

“Am I?”

“Absolutely. In fact, and please tell me if I’m being too hasty, but I was wondering if you were doing anything this weekend?”

Taking a quick glance at the calendar hanging next to his desk, though expecting anything but empty boxes was futile, Alec answered.

“No, no I’m not doing anything. I don’t do much, anyway.”

“That’s a shame. Regardless, now you are.”

“What do you mean?”

The phone was silent, and Alec waited, on the verge of impatience, for Magnus to speak.

“I’m taking you out. Don’t bother asking me where, because I’m not going to tell you. It’s a surprise.”

Alec was silent, a little shocked at being asked out on another date, and excited about seeing Magnus again.

“Shall I pick you up...or do you want to meet in an undisclosed location?”

“Y-you can pick me up...if you want.” Alec stuttered.

“Wonderful. Let’s say, Friday night...about seven?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll need your address...unless you want me to ask Isabelle. I’m sure she would be all too pleased to tell me.”

Alec quickly told Magnus his address, preferring to deal with Isabelle on Friday and only having to withstand a few hours, at the most, of her teasing.

“Then this is where I say goodnight, seeing as how you and I both have work to do. I’ll see you on Friday, Alexander.”

“Yeah. I’ll see you then. Bye.”

“ _Selamat tinggal”*_

* * *

 

The days leading up to Friday went agonisingly slow, but eventually Friday rolled around and Alec couldn’t have been happier. He woke up early, before his alarm. He didn’t have to drag his body out of bed either; he practically leaped out of it.

_12 hours._ He thought to himself with a smile. _Only 12 hours._

Though, as much as twelve hours was less time than it had been when Magnus asked him out the second time, it was still many hours before he could see Magnus again, and Alec found himself almost wishing the time would go by faster, so that he could see Magnus sooner.

_That_ had Alec freezing, stopping him from pulling his shirt on any further than his arms.

_I’ve never thought about someone like this before. Not this...seriously._ He thought.

It was all a little too much for so early in the morning. Alec felt as though he had been hit by a brick; the force and weight of the past two weeks came crashing down on him at once. His crush, his feelings, the date. The almost _need_ to see Magnus again. It was all too much.

Alec stumbled back and sat on his bed, the shirt still hanging off his arms. His chest felt tight, his breath constricted in his lungs with no chance to escape. He couldn’t breathe, and he couldn’t stop the thoughts from bouncing around his mind, taking control. He distantly remembered he was supposed to be getting ready for class, but the thought was too far away for him to concentrate on properly.

“Hey Alec are you awake...oh my...Alec!”

Alec registered arms gripping his shoulders, the grip firm. He tried to focus his attention enough to recognise who it was, but his brain wasn’t listening to him. It was too busy fighting with itself, one side filled with thoughts of Magnus, little details he remembered from their date. The other side filled with fear, worries about how his feelings for Magnus were escalating, and his own insecurities.

“Alec.” The person gripping his shoulders shook them, hard. It bought him out of his thoughts, out of his mind. He blinked slowly, his vision clearing enough for him to see who else was there.

“Isabelle?” He asked.

“What the hell happened?” She asked.

“I don’t...what do you mean?”

“I came in here to see if you were awake, Jace and I were going to the bakery down the street and I thought you might have wanted some breakfast; but when I walked in you were sitting on your bed, your shirt hanging off your arms, and you were shaking. I called your name and you looked at me, but you weren’t looking _at_ me. You were looking _through_ me.”

Isabelle stared at him, her eyes full of concern and worry.

“Alec, what happened?”

“I don’t know. I was thinking about...” Alec stopped. If he told Isabelle what he was really thinking about, he’d have to tell her about the date. And if he _told_ her about the date, she’d _know_ about the date. Perhaps it was silly and childish, but Alec wanted to keep some things to himself.

“I was thinking about Magnus,” Alec continued. This way he wouldn’t be lying to Isabelle, who could see right through him as though he were a wine glass, but he could also keep the date a secret.

“And then I started thinking about how I felt, and how fast my feelings have grown, and how serious they’ve become. And...I guess it all became a bit too much at once.”

Alec gave a short laugh, startling Isabelle.

“I’ve never had an anxiety attack over a guy before.”

“Oh Alec.” Isabelle said, hugging her brother tightly before pulling away, smirking amusedly.

“You’re hopeless.”

She kissed his cheek. “And it’s adorable.”

Alec didn’t get a chance to protest, Isabelle had already left the room by the time he’d gotten his brain to work.

“Adorable.” He muttered. “Fancy that.”

And in another terrifying realisation. “Magnus called me adorable on our date.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Selamat tinggal means Goodbye in Indonesian.


	8. Second Date (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus picks Alec up for their second date.

“I do believe our dear friend has a crush.”

Alec blinked, turning to face his friends.

“Who?” He asked.

Aline shook her head, a playful smile upon her lips.

“You.” She said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Which, Alec supposed, it probably was.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said.

Aline stared at him, and Helen smiled sympathetically. Mark hid a smirk behind his hand.

“I call bullshit.” Aline said. 

“I second that.” Mark agreed.

“Why are you guys ganging up on me all of a sudden?”

“This isn’t _sudden_.” Aline said. “And if you told us the truth, there wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Just tell us, Alec.” Helen said. “You know Aline won’t give up, and Mark isn’t going to be much help.”

Mark opened his mouth to protest, but he quickly shut it after a sharp look from his sister.

“His name is Magnus.” Alec said reluctantly, sighing exaggeratedly so they all knew how annoyed he was. 

“ _And he’s just the sweetest guy I’ve ever met._ ” Aline said mockingly. Alec glared at her, and was faced with only a teasing smirk.

“I thought I’d fill in the gaps.” She said. “Unless...you want to tell us the details?”

Alec shook his head, his hair falling in front of his face. He pushed the strands back with an exasperated sigh, annoyed at his friends and now his hair; though he knew hisfriends had good intentions, and no one could control his hair.

“He _is_ sweet.” Alec admitted. “I don’t know what you guys want to hear...he’s tall, I guess.”

“Tall?” Aline asked. “He’s _tall_?”

“Taller than me, by a few inches or so.” Alec shrugged.

“Okay. What does he look like? Apart from being tall?”

“He’s got really...striking eyes. They’re a sort green-gold, but they...sparkle, is the best way to explain it. And he’s really tanned, I look like paper compared to him.”

“You always look like paper.” Mark chimed in.

“Then I look paler than paper. He just looks, golden. He has short-ish black hair, shorter than mine. Shaggy, I suppose?”

Alec groaned, this was proving to be harder than he thought.

“Look, you guys might, _might_ , meet him one day. If you do, then you can see what he looks like for yourselves.” 

“Is he nice?” Helen asked softly.

“Yeah...yeah, he is. And he seems to really like me, not that I know why.” 

Helen smiled gently. “Good. And good for the both of you, we’re all really happy for you.”

She nudged Aline and Mark, who nodded and mumbled congratulations.

“So when are you going to see him again?” Aline asked.

She paused, eyes wide and expectant; the hints of a teasing smile on her lips.

“You _are_ going to see him again, aren’t you?”

Alec smiled, happy that for once he had the upper hand.

“Interestingly enough, we have a date.”

“When?” Aline leaned forward, her face only inches from Alec’s.

“Tonight.”

* * *

  
Alec tugged at his dark blue sweater, accidentally pulling a thread from it. He frowned at his reflection, annoyed that it wasn’t showing him what he wanted to see. It wasn’t that Alec thought the mirror was magical, he wasn’t living a fairytale; but he didn’t remember his sweater looking so...tattered, and brown. In the glow from his light it looked blue, but when he looked in the mirror it was _definitely_ brown.

“Why do you hate me?” He asked his jumper; not that he expected an answer.

He tore it off, chucking it onto his bed where he would probably see and put away later...maybe. 

“There’s only one other option.” He muttered, glaring at the offending sweater.

Alec opened his bedroom door slowly, peeking out into the hallway. He didn’t expect to find anyone; it was a Friday night after all. Isabelle had a party to go to, not surprising, and Jace would be hanging out with Clary, even less of a surprise.

Satisfied with the empty house, Alec headed towards Jace’s room; sneaking in and opening the door only as wide as it needed to be. He made sure not to move anything else, apart from the closet door. He didn’t want to change anything too drastically; knowing Jace’s keen eyes he would find a small difference and corner Alec, resulting in endless teasing.

He found what he was looking for at the back of Jace’s wardrobe; an old, black leather jacket he knew Jace never wore. Jace had bought a new one months ago, the one Alec found had been sitting collecting dust ever since. 

“I’m sure he won’t mind if I...borrow this.” 

Alec shut the closet doors and snuck back out the door, closing it carefully. He crept back over to his bedroom, shutting the door and letting out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He pulled the jacket on, heading towards the mirror as he did so. He fiddled with the jacket, pulling the sleeves and the collar, trying to shift it so it looked okay; his efforts failing. 

“The jacket’s certainly an improvement.” He muttered to himself.  
He had gone for a simple, casual outfit; as he still did not know _where_ he and Magnus were going. Black lace-up boots, under black skinny jeans, paired with a plain black shirt

and, of course, Jace’s leather jacket. It was probably boring, but at least it was safe. 

Alec had always been one for safe.

* * *

The doorbell of the Institute rang loudly. Alec cursed the doorbell for _being_ so loud as he rushed down the stairs, almost tripping as he ran. 

“Shit, shit, shit.” Alec cursed as he went. Either he had spent too much time fretting over his outfit, or Magnus was early. He didn’t know which scenario he preferred. 

“I’m so sorry.” Alec said as he opened the door, his breathing heavy and laboured.

“Alexander?” Magnus asked. He was standing outside in an impeccable dark purple suit jacket, black pants and a matching black shirt. His hair was done in a stylish quiff, with a faint black shadow around his eyes. They were thinly rimmed with eyeliner, and Alec noticed glitter sprinkled on his cheeks.

“I was getting ready and then the doorbell rang and you had to wait and I’m sorry.” Alec rushed out. He breathed in deeply, sucking in as much oxygen as he could. He had sprinted faster than he thought, and while he wasn’t unfit, he had run down a _lot_ of stairs. 

“Why are you...did you run?” Magnus asked in disbelief.

“Yeah.” Alec admitted. “I didn’t want to keep you waiting.”

“I was perfectly content with waiting a few minutes...you didn’t have to nearly _kill_ yourself.”

Alec smiled, his breathing back to relative normality. “I’m fine.”

Magnus shook his head, but he was smiling; and Alec felt a strange pride. _He_ had made Magnus smile. 

“You have a beautiful smile.” He said, rather dazedly. He wasn’t thinking when he said it, and he quickly clapped a hand over his mouth.

Magnus smiled wider, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

“You have a beautiful everything.” He said simply. 

Alec didn’t speak. He wasn’t used to getting compliments, let alone from someone like Magnus. Magnus was clearly gorgeous himself, and quite likely more experienced than Alec; and yet he kept calling Alec beautiful and adorable. It was different...but Alec was beginning to like it.

“Where are we going?” He asked, hoping to divert the conversation.

“That’s a surprise.” Magnus said. 

“Then how are we going to get there? And how are you going to keep it a secret?”

“I have a car.” Magnus smirked. “And a blindfold.” 


	9. A Simple Walk Along The Pier Reveals Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another date...another kiss.

The blindfold was a little over-the-top in Alec's opinion. A surprise is a surprise – and it's not as if he knew every inch of New York, anyway.

And yet, Magnus still put the blindfold on; despite Alec's protests.

“I still don't understand why I need this on.” Alec said, huffily.

“Because I want this to be a surprise, Alexander. And, no offence darling, but this is only our second date. I don't know how much I can trust you.”

Alec heard the flirty tone to Magnus' comment, and felt the light touch on his leg.

“I'm a very trustworthy person, I'll have you know.” He said, fighting to stop the blush from creeping up his neck.

“Really? Is that so?”

“It is. Of course, you don't know me well enough to have known that, do you?”

“You're a very intriguing person, Alexander Lightwood.”

“I'll take that as a compliment.”

“That's how it was intended.”

The rest of the ride was silent.

Alec wasn't sure what to say, and Magnus didn't have anything to say.

So instead, as Magnus concentrated on the road ahead, Alec concentrated on Magnus.

He focused on the hand that still rested lightly on his leg, the light brush of Magnus' thumb across his knee. He listened to Magnus' singing, as he echoed the words from the radio softly, almost under his breath.

He tried not to focus on the way his heart was beating at a hundred miles an hour, how it hadn't stopped since he'd ran down the stairs; if anything, it had sped up.

He attempted to ignore the way his stomach tensed when he thought of their first date, the fluttering of his nerves, the anxieties of messing this one up clashing against the anticipation of what might happen like waves in the ocean on a stormy day.

“We're here.”

Alec's nerves rose as he heard Magnus turn the ignition off.

He waited patiently as Magnus opened his own door and got out. A second later, Alec's door was being opened.

“Can I take the blindfold off now?” He asked.

“Soon. Not yet. Here, I'll help you out.”

Alec tensed as Magnus leaned over and undid his seat belt. He stepped back, pulling Alec's hand as he did so, helping Alec get out of the car without hurting himself.

That is, of course, not to say that Alec was exactly graceful when climbing out of the car.

He tripped on his own feet, or maybe it was just a crack in the ground. Whatever it was, caused Alec to stumble, narrowly missing the door – so he thought, at least.

Luckily, he had his knight in shining armour – or more accurately his knight in a purple blazer, there to catch him.

“Hm, it looks like you've literally fallen for me.”

“That was lame. You probably can't see it, but I am glaring in your general direction.”

Magnus chuckled. “You love my flirting – I know it, you know it.” He teased.

“If you keep trying to joke, we'll be here all night.”

“Fair enough. But if I take off your blindfold – you have to do something for me.”

“What do I do have to do?”

“You'll see.”

Magnus stood behind Alec. His thin, nimble fingers undoing the firm, but not-too-tight, knot. The blindfold fell away; Alec needed to blink a few times as his eyes adjusted.

By the time he could focus properly, Magnus was standing in front of him.

“So, that favour...” Magnus began.

Alec surged forward, pressing his lips against Magnus'.

The kiss was short and fast. Alec pulled away, is breaths slightly laboured.

“Is that what you had in mind?” He asked, grinning, proud of what he'd had the courage and confidence to do.

“Something along those lines.” Magnus said, still a little surprised.

“Well, good. Because that's what I've had in mind since you picked me up.”

Magnus smirked. “You can't deny, it was worth the wait.”

“It was incredible, if a little short.”

Alec kissed Magnus again, even quicker.

“Perhaps you have something to look forward to.”

“I like this confidence on you, Alexander.” Magnus admitted. “It's sexy.”

Alec blushed, most of his confidence disappearing.

“And that blush – honey, I've never seen anyone look so adorable before.”

“Then you haven't looked in a mirror, recently.” Alec said, near-quiet.

“Your flirting's not half-bad either.” Magnus acknowledged.

“That's surprising. I've never flirted before – let alone with anyone as amazing and gorgeous as you.”

Magnus stroked Alec's cheek lightly. “You flatter me dear.”

“I tell the truth.” Alec stated.

Magnus only smiled, reaching for Alec's hand and lining their fingers.

“Are you going to keep standing here or are we going to properly start our date? As much as I love standing here, especially with you, talking and teasing, I'd much rather do so...in a more comfortable scenario.”

Before Alec could even speak, before he could ask any questions himself, Magnus was pulling him, tugging him by the hand.

__

Alec looked around as they walked; now that his blindfold was off and he wasn't kissing Magnus, he could – and took in his surroundings. They were a a pier, a festival pier, if the brightly coloured lights flashing and sounds of children's shouts were any indication.

The main part of the carnival was teeming with people, kids and adults of all ages. Couples and friends were everywhere.

It was starting to make Alec feel uncomfortable. He was a very quiet, secluded person. Sure, he could be loud and outgoing around his friends and siblings – but he wasn't comfortable in or around large crowds consisting of strangers. 

He tried not to let it show, tried o keep the blood from draining from his face, his hands from shaking.

It was too early to let Magnus see all of his flaws.

“Alec, are you alright?”

Magnus eyes were wide, he looked concerned.

In the strangest way, it felt nice – Alec liked that Magnus worried, because it meant that he cared.

Not that Alec wanted anyone to be worried about him, he didn't – he just wanted someone who cared about him in general.

“I'm fine.”

“Alec, you don't seem fine. Is something wrong?”

“It's nothing, really –“ Alec sighed. He didn’t want to tell Magnus, he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of the first guy who'd ever shown an actual, proper interest in him.

At the same time, he hated the thought of lying to Magnus.

“I don't feel very comfortable in crowds. All these people, strangers -” Alec bit his lip and dug his nails into his hand. He didn't want to shake, he didn't want to appear weak.

“You have a fear of crowds?” Magnus asked, not unkindly, but rather curiously.

“I have a fear of crowds of strangers.” Alec clarified.

“And strangers in general, really...they can make me feel awkward, strange.”

“I was a stranger to you, once.”

Alec smirked. “Yes, but you were an attractive, charming stranger.”

“You never felt awkward or uncomfortable around me?”

“No...nervous, yes. Aware of my own person awkwardness, but not awkward because of you. Perhaps you put a spell on me.”

Magnus laughed. “I wish I had magic like that.”

Alec laughed too. He didn’t realise it at the time, but Magnus was easing his anxieties with just a simple smile.

“You don't have to worry. My plan has nothing to do with anyone else but me and you.” Magnus kissed Alec's cheek.

He led Alec down the boardwalk, past the rides and the arcade, past the sideshows to the food stalls.

He bought them a hot dog and a drink each, walking down the lane until they reached the end.

“I brought you here,” Magnus said, taking a sip from his drink. “For a few reasons. One, because the view is great, and the sounds are like the perfect backing track, in my opinion.” 

Alec looked out at the ocean ahead of them. The bright lights bounced off the surface, the reflection rippling, distorting. Behind them, the shouts, cries and carnival music all blended together, heard faintly in the distance.

“It's beautiful.” Alec said.

“The other reason I bought you here,” Magnus continued. “Was to talk.”

“To talk?” Alec echoed.

“Yes, to talk. I don't know much about you, and I'd like to.”

“I want to get to know you too.” Alec said. “I guess I've just...never thought about it.”

“You haven't?”

“I've only ever been on two dates before, including this one, both with you.”

“Oh, right.”

Magnus' furrowed brow only lasted a second, before it was swept away, replaced by a grin.

“So, tell me something about yourself.” Magnus said.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.”


	10. Secrets Don't Always Stay Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus learn a bit more about each other, feelings are discussed, and a certain someone makes an unexpected arrival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am currently without a computer which makes updating hard.  
> thankfully I am without a teacher today, but I can't promise when the next chapter will be written.

Alec blushed, and ducked his gaze down.

His hair fell down in front of his eyes. Magnus lifted Alec's head up, with two slim fingers under his chin. He brushed the obscuring strands back from Alec's face.

"How about we swap facts? You tell me something about yourself, and I'll tell you something about me." Magnus suggested.

"Okay." Alec said. It sounded pretty good to him, fair too. This way, he wouldn't be the only one that was spilling secrets.

"I'll go first, set the tone a little. I was actually born in Indonesia, such a beautiful country, and I moved here when I was thirteen."

Alec, swept up in surprise, didn't realise what he was saying until after it had been said. "Wow...you, you sound so..."

"American?" Magnus suggested.

Alec nodded sheepishly, embarrassed.

"I've had a lot of practice, I guess, with learning the language, and the accent. I used to watch a lot of English-based TV shows, some American but not all, to learn English better, and once I came here I learnt to imitate the accents of others I heard. Don't be fooled though, I can do a pretty good English accent, and my Indonesian is still impeccable."

"You should speak some...so that I can determine if that's actually true." Alec commented.

"Maybe one day." Magnus said, winking slowly.

"That's still really awesome." Alec added, silently pleased that there was a possibility for "one day".

Magnus gave a small shrug. "I guess I'm just good at learning certain skills. Anyway, enough of me - it's your turn."

"Well, you already know about Iz and Jace," Alec said. "I also have another little brother, Max. He's the baby of the family - he's only 11. And, of course, my parents. Not that there's much to tell about them."

Alec's voice turned slightly sour when he mentioned his parents, which Magnus noted, but made no comment on. That would be an issue for another day - perhaps then, Magnus might tell somebody about his parents, for the first time in his life. A second date is not the time for depressing revelations, the fourth perhaps, but most certainly not the second. He didn't really want to scare Alec away, not when he was being so open and adorable.

"I never intended to be a teacher. I actually wanted to head purely into fashion - designing and making and selling, the whole deal. But, alas, that was not to be."

"I can't imagine why not, you certainly have the sense and the looks for it. Not that I really know a lot about fashion, practically nothing really, but..." Alec trailed off, and Magnus' grin widened.

"Thank you. It's not such a bad thing, I love my job."

"Why _did_ you become a teacher?"

"Because I was still in love with fashion, even though I couldn't have a career in it. And I've always had an interest in history; so I decided to become a teacher. This way, I can still have a career somewhat related to fashion, providing you see teaching as a career. Besides, I like kids. Most of the time, anyway - some of my students are downright pains in the ass."

Magnus' unabashed cursing caused Alec to unintentionally laugh, and then snort. He covered his mouth, trying not to make another embarrassing sound. Magnus found it positively adorable.

"You said kids." Alec said. "That was me only a few years ago,"

The words _"is that how you see me"_ were unspoken, but Magnus still heard them.

"Alec, do you want the honest truth?"

"What do you mean?" Alec asked, puzzled.

"You're wondering about how I see you, how I feel about you...aren't you?"

Alec looked down.

"I can tell, Alec. An it's okay, it's perfectly normal to wonder. To be fair, I haven't really been completely clear. To me, this is only a second date - a chance to have fun and enjoy the other's company for a few hours. But for you, this means something different. I didn't think abut it, but I do know. I should have considered more about what this means to you."

Alec looked up, and met Magnus' eyes with surprise.

"I really like you Alec. I've spent less time with you then there is in a day, and yet despite that, I think I like you more than I have ever liked anyone." Magnus' smile faltered. "And as depressing as it sounds when I say it aloud, my dating life is more extensive than I would like it to be."

"I really like you too." Alec said quietly.

"There's more." Magnus gently took Alec's drink out of his hand and placed it on the rail next to them along with his own. He took both of Alec's hands in his own, slipping his fingers between Alec's.

"You're so beautiful. Gorgeous, and sexy..." Magnus grinned, wide and bright and happy. "Honestly, if I listed all the different ways I think you're attractive, we'd be here all night and all through the next day."

He rubbed his thumb along Alec's hand. "You're so smart...Isabelle and Jace have both told me so many stories - but nothing they have ever said manages to truly live up to you. You're witty and sassy and you make me laugh without even trying to. You're cute, and you look adorable when you blush - which you do a lot, I must admit, but that's okay, because it's utterly endearing."

"You...you think all that of me?" Alec stuttered.

"Of course I do. Alec... I think you're amazing."

Alec pulled his hands from Magnus's hold, reaching up to cup Magnus' face. He leant forward, closing the gap between them and pressed his lips against Magnus'.

He kissed hard, pressing his body against Magnus so they were chest-to-chest. Magnus slid his hands under Alec's jacket, gripping his waist firmly. Magnus ran his tongue along Alec's bottom lip. Alec parted his mouth, moaning low as Magnus slid his tongue in. Their teeth clashed, their tongues danced and their lips moved slow and smooth against each other. Alec gasped and groaned, as did Magnus. They were both breathing heavily, gasping for air once they'd eventually pulled apart, the threat of suffocating to strong to ignore. Alec looped his arms around Magnus' neck, and Magnus kept his hands on Alec's hips.

"I really like you too." Alec said. "I like you more than I've ever like anyone before, not that I have a lot of experience, but still. This, me liking you so much; it's scary, and as much as I don't want to admit it, out loud or even just to myself, because I'm so scared - it's true. You're incredibly gorgeous, and you always look fantastic...and sometimes I feel awkward, or inadequate, because you're just, you're up high on this pedestal, and I'm six-feet under."

Magnus opened his mouth to speak, but Alec kept going before Magnus got the chance to speak. "But you don't make me feel that way. You make me feel like I'm a giant, like I'm ten-feet tall, and I have so say, I quite like the view from up here."

Alec smiled softly. He didn't feel nervous around Magnus anymore, he felt _comfortable._ He felt _safe_ in Magnus' arms, and he liked the feeling. "I don't know what' going to happen, or if this will last or even if _anything_ will happen. And I know that all these thoughts that I'm having are probably too serious for the second date, but I'm sort of past the point of caring. I like you, and that's where I stand."

Magnus kissed Alec hard and fast and with every ounce of emotion he felt. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it was magical.

 _"That's_ where I stand." Magnus said. "And wherever this road takes us - I'm along for the ride."

 

* * *

 

 

 

Magnus drove Alec back to house within the hour, and during the ride, Alec told Magnus why they called it _'The Institute'_.

_"It's as big as a church...and it used to be a boarding school, and before that it was a mansion, for wealthy nobles - it's been restored and renovated about a thousand times, the good old thing. My great-grandfather was the headmaster back when it was a school, and when the school had to shut down he offered to buy it, he was already living there anyway. It's been passed down through each generation, and now I live in it."_

They stayed in the car, parked outside the house for a few minutes, during which they kissed for a good ten minutes or so. Everytime Alec attempted to pull away and say goodbye, Magnus kissed him, knowing that Alec wouldn't resist.

"I have to go." Alec said, pulling away, though the grin he wore remained.

"Fine." Magnus said, trying to sound as displeased as possible...which wasn't that hard, because it really didnt want to stop kissing Alec.

"I'll call you later. Tomorrow, probably." Alec kept smiling, not bothered by Magnus' tone.

"I look forward to it." Magnus kissed Alec one last time, deciding that it would have to be enough, for the time being.

They said their final goodbyes - final for the evening - and Alec walked slowly up the path to his front door, with the lingering taste of Magnus' mouth on his.

He opened the door, and he was still smiling as he walked in. He heard footsteps coming closer, and he assumed it was Isabelle; home from, her party and loaded with eager questions, because there is no way she wouldn't have figured out why Alec was home so late.

"Just give me a chance to get changed, and you can ask all the questions that you want Iz."

"It's not Isabelle." A familiar voice drawled. "But I most certainly do have questions."

Alec froze.

_"Mother?"_


	11. Questions and Pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Alec wishes his family weren't so...interested, in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...Maryse is here. 
> 
> ...
> 
> Anyone else kind of excited, or is it just me?

_"Mother?"_

Maryse crossed her arms over her chest, and Alec realised she was still in a crisp, black ironed suit - her work uniform. Which meant that she couldn't have been home for very long.

He hoped she hadn't been waiting for _him_ , but his hopes didn't hold much faith.

"Surprised to see me?" She asked, coolly - not that _that_ meant much, she always spoke that way.

"No, uh - just, surprised you're here alone."

_'Nice save, Alec'_

"Where's Max? And Dad?" He continued.

"Max is in his room. Your father is...some business came up, and he wasn't able to return."

Alec wasn't that surprised, or disappointed. Robert Lightwood cared about his family, sure, but they weren't exactly a top priority for him. He'd visit them if it was convenient...and nothing more exciting had come up. Besides all that...there was always some _'buisness'_ for him to attend to.

Apparently.

"Oh, I see. I might just go up and say hello to Max, if he's awake."

Alec managed to take no more than a single step, before Maryse spoke again.

"Hold on."

Alec halted, desperate to go up the stairs, but not desperate enough to disobey and concur his mothers' wrath.

"Where were you all evening?" She asked, her eyes glinting, a warning to Alec.

_'Don't say the wrong thing'_

The wrong thing, being of course...the truth.

"I...I was, out. With friends."

Alec tried not to cringe. He'd never really gone out with friends that much before...not by himself, at least.

"By yourself? Without your brother and sister?"

"Izzy's at Clary's," Half a lie. He didn't know exactly where Isabelle was, but he knew she'd end up at Clary's if she didn't come home. She wasn't a dumb girl.

"And Jace is...hanging out with, Simon."

Then, Alec very nearly _did_ cringe. Jace put up with Simon when Clary was around, for Clary's sake, but they were barely civil the rest of the time. He wouldn't willingly hang out with _just_ Simon.

"Oh, I see."

Alec thanked his lucky stars that his mother wasn't around enough to actually know the truth.

Simple miracles.

"Well, I hope you had a good time. And I'm glad you're socialising more, without your siblings. It's good for you to have other friends."

Maryse smiled, and though it was small, it was also slightly warm - a ghost of the way his mother used to act, not so long ago.

The smile disappeared almost as soon as it appeared.

"I'm going upstairs, now." Alec said, stepping forward to place a kiss on his mother's cheek.

He said a quick _"I love you"_ before racing up the stairs before his mother could ask away more potentially unanswerable questions.

 

* * *

 

 

Max was asleep when Alec poked his head in - but his lamp was still glowing, the manga he had supposedly been reading clutched in his hand, his glasses crooked, half-on and half-off his face.

Alec slowly pulled the manga from Max's hands, placing it, along with Max's glasses which he carefully slid off, onto Max's bedside table.

"Goodnight Max." He whispered into the young boy's hair as he kissed it softly.

He shut the door carefully behind him, careful not to bang it and wake Max up.

He did a quick, two-second look in Jace and Isabelle's rooms - both of which were empty. As he had already guessed.

Alec's plans for what was left of his night, were to change into his pyjama's, maybe read a book or listen to ' _that band's new album'_ , and then get some well-needed sleep.

He got as far as picking up his book, when his phone _ding-ed_ , letting him know that he had a new message.

He had expected something from Jace or Isabelle, asking him to cover for them - he'd messaged them to let them know Maryse was home - or telling him they're on their way home.

That is of course, _not_ what he _actually_ got.

** Magnus: ** _I just wanted to thank you for an absolutely wonderful evening. I had a fantastic time, as I hope you did too. I look forward to our next date, whenever that may be. ;)_

_Sweet dreams, Alexander xx_

It took Alec a few minutes more than he would like to admit, to calm himself down enough, to slow his overactive heart to a relatively human pace, before he was able to message Magnus back.

 

* * *

 

 

**Sweet Cheeks: ** _I did have a good time. I'm glad you did too. Another date sounds exciting, we should definitely organise that. And soon._

_Goodnight, Magnus xx_

 

* * *

 

 

Alec woke up the next morning, satisfied with the most amount of sleep he'd gotten all week. In fact, he wouldn't have even _looked_ at his phone if it hadn't of buzzed the precise moment he made the decision to get out of bed.

He contemplated praying gratitude to some higher entity, because what he found on his phone could not have been a natural occurrence.

**Magnus :** _Wishing you the best of mornings, the greatest of days, and the happiest of times._

_(Also hoping that I might hear from you today ;) ) xx_

Alec shook his head at what an adorable idiot Magnus was being. His reply

was sent out quicker this time - he didn't even think about what he said.

 

* * *

 

 

**Sweet Cheeks:** _Thanks for the wishes, although I'm a little unsure about why - aren't wishes generally reserved for birthdays and late nights under the stars or staring at an alarm clock?_

_(Not that I'm complaining - and of course you'll hear from me today) xx_

 

* * *

 

 

Alec was still smiling - grinning, more smile than actual face - when he reached the kitchen, the delicious smell of blueberry pancakes drawing him since he opened his bedroom door.

The thought that the smell of pancakes could only be because his mother was cooking it, and that the grin would hardly be accepted as simple, natural behaviour, didn't quite click in Alec's mind.

Unfortunately for him.

"You look...happy, this morning." Maryse commented, flipping another pancake onto a plate already piled quite high.

On the dining table where Isabelle, Jace and Max were seated, was a banquet's worth of condiments and additions, enough to feed a warrior army or something.

_Mum's back._ He thought.

Out loud, he said: "Just excited to have some actual, home-made food that's, well, _edible_."

His grin widened when Isabelle scoffed indignantly.

"Some people can cook, some can't - I can't exactly be good at _everything_."

"I can." Jace cut in, and Alec contemplated throwing one of the pancakes at Jace's face - but that would just be a waste of good food. He settled for making a coffee instead.

"Pancakes are ready," Maryse announced. She carried the plate over to the table, the kitchenware barely touching the wooden surface before Jace reached out and snatched the top one.

"I will drown you in maple syrup if you do not leave me at least two." Alec threatened, stirring his sugar in.

"Empty threats are worth nothing." Jace replied, but everyone, even Max, knew that Alec wasn't entirely joking.

"I'm going to go and call your father. Try not to make too much of a mess - if you have to _"drown"_ other, do it somewhere that's not my kitchen."

There were hints of a smile in the corners of her mouth, a ghost of a grin on her lips, but she was gone before anyone could properly comment.

"So, are pancakes the real reason you're so bright and cheery this morning?" Jace asked, light and conversationally, though his interested eyes betrayed his casual tone.

Isabelle, never one to shy away from anything, was a little more...blunt.

"Did you go out with Magnus?" She asked.

Alec should really have known better, than to expect that Isabelle Lightwood would let his behaviour slide.

"Who's Magnus?" Max asked, though whether anyone actually heard him is undetermined, as no one replied.

"Does it matter if I did?" Alec asked, curiously.

"Um... _yes_."

"Who's Magnus?" Max repeated, a little annoyed that nobody was listening.

"We're just curious, Alec. It's nice to see you so happy." Jace said.

"I was happy _before_ I met him, you know." Alec protested.

"Yes, but not like this." Jace replied, and Isabelle nodded.

Max had just about had enough. He was used to being ignored, or dismissed, but that doesn't mean that he _liked_ it.

"Who is Magnus?!" He practically shouted, shocking all of them.

It was Alec, who spoke.

"A...friend of mine." He answered.

"How does he make you happy?" Max continued.

"Well, he's nice, and funny...we just have a good time together, that's all."

"Oh." Max said.

Then, to Isabelle and Jace, he said: "That's just normal. You're making a big deal out of nothing, and that's just silly."

Max, who had apparently finished his breakfast, stood up from the table, carried his plate to the sink, and promptly left the room.

"Heh," Alec sniggered. "I can't believe you just got schooled by an _eleven_ year old."

"Can we get back to the important part, please." Isabelle requested.

"You know, the proper answer to my question."

"Why does it matter so much?" Alec asked.

Isabelle stared at him, eyes wide, and even Jace looked like he didn't believe Alec had asked the question.

"That's a bit of a stupid question, mate." Jace said.

"I just don't understand why _my_ relationship with Magnus manages to be of such importance and concern to _you_."

Alec quickly regretted his particular choice of words.

"Relationship?" Isabelle squealed.

Jace simply grinned.

"There's no need to be so excited, we're not in a proper, _'boyfriends'_ relationship."

"But you - " Isabelle began.

"I worded it wrong. We're just dating - no need to plan the wedding yet, okay?"

Isabelle nodded, but she and Jace couldn't quite wipe the grin from their faces even if they'd bothered trying.

"You two are ridiculous." Alec chastised.

But even he couldn't help but smile, as he thought of the previous nights' events, and the text messages. There was just something _about_ Magnus, that tied his stomach in knots and sent his heart into overdrive.

 

* * *

 

 

Alec had to study all weekend, and Magnus had tests and homework to mark, so they didn't get a chance to spend any time together again. They texted at intervals, though, and on Sunday night, they both decided that a phone call was completely appropriate, and that they were both absolutely deserving of a nice break.

"You did not!" Alec exclaimed, his laughs mingling with Magnus.

_"I did. He never let me buy hair products again - although, he did have a particularly bright green haircut for longer than it should have lasted. I haven't seen him in months, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was still colourful now."_

"How do you still have friends? And how does Ragnor not hate you?" Alec asked.

_"I honestly do not know. Maybe it's because we've been friends since I moved here. For the same reason that Cat and Raph still like me, I suppose - I'm wittingly charming."_

"Charm isn't everything."

_"It worked on you, didn't it? Or was it simply just my staggeringly irresistible good looks?"_

Alec didn't speak for a few seconds, unable to form sounds let alone actual words.

"A bit of both, I suppose." He said. "And then you proved to be amazing, and caring and incredibly smart."

_"Alec..."_

"Yes?"

_"I think the right time has come...would you mind, being my boyfriend?"_


	12. Coffee and a Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus' question is answered, Alec goes on a coffee non-date with a friend, and learns a fair bit about relationships, and himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...stuff is happening.
> 
> (I've actually got the next couple of chapters planned, and let me warn you...it's good. Exciting stuff, guys. I'm excited. It's good. Mostly)

 

 

Magnus' question echoed through the phone, and Alec was too busy being caught off guard to answer. His mind flooded with memories he'd hoped were long lost and forgotten - of a boy with pale-blond hair that turned silver under sunlight, eyes dark enough they looked black, thin lips stretching into a practically _evil_ grin, and the unmistakeable pain that heartbreak brings.

 _"Alec,"_   Magnus' voice pulled Alec from his thoughts, and reminded him, with a sharp stab of guilt to his heart, that he hadn't answered yet.

"Sorry, sorry...I'm sorry. Yes. Yes, I'll be your boyfriend, I'd love to - yes."

Magnus laughed, but there was relief mingled with delight, and Alec only felt worse. He couldn't explain to Magnus why he took so long to answer though, not yet. It was too soon, and he didn't want to scare Magnus away. Besides all of that, even just bringing up the memories, even just for a moment, was enough for him to settle back into his old ways, entertain old vices...and he didn't want to do that. He had worked way too hard.

 _"Well that's certainly a weight lifted off my shoulders."_ Magnus said.

"Again, I'm...I'm really sorry, Magnus. I was caught off guard, and I've never been asked that before - I've never had a relationship quite like this before."

_"Alec, darling, it's fine, really. You answered, that's all I needed."_

Alec's guilt didn't wash away completely, it was still there, like the sense one gets when they know they've forgotten something, but they can't remember what, or where.

He and Magnus continued talking for the better half of the next half hour, and they ended the call with promises of a date in the very near future.

Alec, however, didn't quite have the peaceful nights' sleep he'd been hoping for - his dreams twisted into nightmares, his heart full of pain and guilt.

 

* * *

 

 

 The next day, Alec, unfortunately, had a lecture in the morning he couldn't afford to miss, so he woke up after the third snooze, dragged himself into the shower and dressed in the simplest clothes he has - he wasn't aiming to impress anyone, and it was highly unlikely that he would see Magnus that day anyway.

He entered his lecture hall with a large cofee in his hand, and he simply shrugged when Aline gave him a questioning look, his gaze centered on the lecturer instead of his friend; in the hopes she wouldn't ask any questions.

He was wrong, of course.

"Do you have any lunch plans?" She asked the second they're dismissed - Alec hadn't even closed his notebook.

"Not in particular. I was going to the library after I grabbed something to eat, but other than that..."

"Good. Guess what? You do now."

"What?" Alec asked. He hadn't had enough sleep - or cofee - to understand Aline's partly cryptic declarations.

"You and I, are going to that great little cafe just off campus, and we're going to chat. Just the two of us."

"What about Helen?" Alec asked. Aline was never seen her without her girlfriend, not unless she had to be.

Aline shrugged. "She's got a lecture at two. I trust her to be able to feed herself, she doesn't need me to do it for her."

Alec glared at her, but she just laughed.

"C'mon loser. I'm starving."

Alec had never been more grateful to have a friend like Aline. They didn't hang out every day, sometimes they could go weeks without talking to each other, but now, more than ever, her straightforward no-bullshit attitude was a welcome sound.

 

* * *

 

 "So, how's Magnus?"

Alec sipped his coffee instead of answering - he was stalling, they both knew it, but that didn't stop him.

"I'm good too, Aline, thanks for asking. Not a lot of sleep last night, but other than that, good."

"I know you're fine, I can see you. And I know you're tired, because I can see the faded bags under your eyes."

Alec brushed the top of his cheekbones, but didn't speak.

"I'm curious about your relationship. Can you blame me? I mean, you were just as interested when Helen and I started dating."

Alec couldn't exactly deny that.

"Fine. Well, I mean, we're official. Exclusive, whatever the correct term is. More than just dating..."

Aline's face lit up, and Alec could feel himself grinning too.

"Congratulations! That's awesome, Alec." Alec nodded, but then he was reminded of his fears, and decided that maybe Aline is the perfect person to talk to.

"Do you mind...can I ask you some questions?" Aline looked curious, and a little surprised, but she nodded.

"Sure, go ahead." Alec pondered over the correct way to phrase his thoughts.

"When you and Helen first started dating...how did it feel? How did _you_ feel?"

"At the start, it was all so new - it felt exciting and different and new, and so full of surprises. I felt anxious and happy and...there was this intense need to be around her _all the time_."

"And now?"

"Now...I don't know. Now, we've passed that many milestones, and anniversaries...it's still exciting, but it's also familiar and...and comfortable. Almost like a married couple, I guess."

Aline blushed, just a little, and although Alec found it curiously out of character, he didn't comment on it.

"I like him, so, so much...and it's scary. I've never felt like this before, with anyone. Even with...even with _him_ , it was never like this. And it terrifies me, Aline, I..."

 _I think I might be falling for him,_ Alec thought. He didn't say it aloud, it was hard enough admitting it to himself - but he's pretty sure Aline knew.

"You want my advice? Don't overthink things. You're going to feel things, and you need to let yourself feel them. Your heart knows what it wants, Alec, so listen to it. Act with your heart, not your head - and maybe you won't feel as confused."

Alec let her words sink in, and he knew she was right, of course, she was. It was just a lot harder for him to accept that is what he should do - then it is to actually do it.

 

* * *

 

 

Alec and Aline chatted for a few hours, about his siblings, and Helen's - _"Ty had to drag Liv back before she could bite the guy, or worse. We all found it pretty amusing, even Ty, though he didn't admit it"_ \- and Aline regarded him with tales of her and Helen's more awkward romantic endeavours, leaving Alec's heart a little lighter, his head a little clearer - but also with an innate need to see Magnus. Not just talk to him, but actually see him.

So, when Aline announced she had to leave, Alec thanked her for the company and the advice, hugged her tightly and waved her off with promises of more lunch dates in the future. Then, with no second thought to what he's doing in case he overthinks it and changes his mind, Alec called Magnus.

Three times.

And each time, the calls went straight through to voicemail.

Alec reasoned with himself, that Magnus was probably at the school, at a meeting or something. Sure, it was four-thirty, and school finished at three - but that didn't mean he wasn't busy.

Despite acknowledging all of that, Alec knew he should just go home and call Magnus later. But he _couldn't_. He _needed_ to go see Magnus, he couldn't wait. And it _scared_ him, that he had become so attached so quickly, that it was _essential_ he talk to Magnus, but he couldn't deny it, so he accepted it. Not that accepting it was easy. Those things never are, he knew that better than most.  

(He also remembered that Aline had said the same thing happened to her, and he couldn't determine whether it was a comfort or not.)

He called again, and when Magnus didn't answer, he made the potentially foolish decision, without thinking about it, to walk to his apartment - he had gotten the address off of Magnus a couple of days ago, with the promise of a future movie night, as Alec just _had_ to meet Chairman Meow, Magnus' cat.

It was a relatively short walk - only taking fifteen minutes - and Alec was grateful for the quiet alone time his walk allowed. He managed to calm himself down a little, so his thoughts were in order as opposed to a jumbled mess of words and feelings.

There was a dull ache in his heart, a reminder, of sorts, but he ignored it, pretended it wasn't there just as he pretended the event causing the hurt didn't actually happen.

It was three years ago...practically a lifetime. He shouldn't be thinking about it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DRAMA IS FINALLY MAKING AN APPEARANCE!
> 
> Speaking of appearances, I think I made it pretty obvious, but have any of you guessed who the mysterious "he" from Alec's past is???
> 
> ALSO!!!!
> 
> So, this story, as of right this second, has 37 comments, 219 kudos 17 bookmarks: 17 and nearly 3,000 hits!!!! GUYS!!!!  
> That's freaking awesome. Thank you, everyone who has commented or kudosed (kudos-ed?) or even just read this story. I promise everything is appreciated so much. 
> 
> THAAAAANKKKSSSS!!!! <3


	13. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his talk with Aline, Alec decides he simply cannot wait to talk to Magnus, even if it means arriving at his apartment unannounced.
> 
>  
> 
> Previously known as 'Naps Are Easy When The Couch Is Soft'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not what the title suggests - although it should be taken as a hint for future chapters.

 

Alec rang the doorbell, waited a few minutes, and then rang it again. The second time, he heard Magnus call out _"just a minute"_ , and satisfied that Magnus was on his way, Alec stepped back, a few inches from the door.

Magnus pulled open the door, and his hair was messy, like he's just woken up, and his clothes - a black top with _'Fabulous'_ written in glittery cursive scrawl, and grey-washed jeans - were rumpled.

"Alec?" He asked, his eyes widened in surprise.

Perhaps, Alec realised, Magnus hadn't yet checked his phone. Oh well, too late now. He was already at Magnus' door.

"Hi. Sorry to come here unannounced - I mean, I did call you but you obviously didn't get it. I hope I'm not disturbing or interrupting you, I can leave if you want-"

"No. No, it's fine - I was just doing some marking, but I must have dozed off. I woke up when you rang the doorbell. I'm sorry I missed your calls, though. Please, do come in."

Magnus moved aside, and Alec stepped past. Just as Magnus had shut the door and turned around though, he was being pushed backwards by a somewhat gentle force - a force quickly revealed to be Alec, who wasted no time in pressing his lips to Magnus'.

"Well, hello to you too Alexander." Magnus said, and Alec blushed at the use of his full name - a name he usually despised, but surprisingly not when Magnus was saying it - and the excited glint in Magnus' eyes.

"I missed you." Alec said, simply, his wrists resting on Magnus' shoulders.

"I can see that." Magnus replied, chuckling softly as his hands slip under the hem of Alec's shirt.

He tugged on Alec's hips and pulled him closer, and then they're kissing, soft lips and brushing tongues and clashing teeth, and Magnus tastes like stale coffee and raspberry muffins - he tastes like _home_ , Alec realises, and it scares him enough to have him pulling away abruptly.

"Alec?" Magnus spoke. He didn't sound angry, which was a relief, but he did look concerned.

"Sorry, I, uh...I think I need to sit down."

Magnus nodded, and led Alec to his couch - which is black, and soft and inviting, and when Alec sits down, he feels as though he could quite possibly sink into it, and he doesn't mind the sound of it too much. There was a startingly bright, colourful throw across the back, and Alec rested his head on it, indulging in the comfort he felt.

"Here," Magnus said, handing Alec a glass of water, and Alec's a little taken back - he hadn't even noticed Magnus had left in the first place.

"Thank you," Alec replied, taking the glass Magnus was offering.

Magnus sat next to him, and Alec could feel his eyes watching him curiously, as he sipped the cool, refreshing water.

"Alec..." Magnus spoke slowly, and Alec wondered if he was carefully choosing his words, or just afraid to speak them. "Is everything alright? Are _you_ alright?"

Alec sighed heavily. He had known the question was coming, after all, Magnus was bound to be curious, and rightly so. It just wasn't a question he had an good enough answer for.

"Yes...well, kind of. I've had a, sort of a flux of memories that I would, honestly rather not recall, ever. I prefer to pretend the events causing it never actually happened in the first place...so this past day has been a little trying. And on top of that I had a semi-intense talk with my friend and today has been really emotionally exhausting, and I just - "

Alec sighed again, and his heart broke - in a strange way that was good but also not so good - to see Magnus' eyes had softened as he had spoken, it was a feeling he'd never quite felt before.

"What did you talk about?" Magnus asked, before quickly adding, "That is, if you don't mind me asking?"

"About, my siblings and her girlfriend's siblings, and their relationship...and, um, about...uh, about us."

"Us?" Magnus echoes, sounding more amused than anything else.

"Uh, yeah. You and me, and our...our relationship." The words feel strange on Alec's tongue, because they mean something more now - but also weirdly fitting, like there's no other way as perfect to describe what they have, what they _are_.

"I see."

Alec groaned, he hated how difficult he was finding it to tell Magnus. He'd never had that much of a problem talking to him before, yet now he found it harder to even open his mouth and make a sound.

"I've...I've never had a proper, actual relationship before. I've never had a boyfriend and I...I don't know what I'm supposed to do, and it was scaring me a little. And Aline, she's been with her girlfriend, Helen, for nearly four years, so...I figure she knows what she's talking about."

"And does she?"

"Well, she gave me what I believe is pretty good advice, so...yeah. Not that I would ever admit that to _her_ , of course."

"Of course." Magnus agreed, letting out a little chuckle.

Then Alec asked Magnus about his day, and they talked a bit more, this time with more lingering touches and gentle gazes, and Alec doesn't bring up the horrible memories, and neither did Magnus, which Alec was grateful for.

Their conversation quickly lead to kissing, which Alec found almost amusing, as most of their face-to-face conversations had ended with their lips attatched. They break away eventually, and Magnus leaves in search of something to eat, and perhaps to drink.

Alec settled down into the couch - they'd managed to move a fair amount whilst making out, and Alec had ended up lying stretched out on the couch, his head resting on the arm.

The couch was _really_ comfortable, and there was a nice homely atmosphere to the room. _And_ , Alec was _really_ tired. So, realistically, he couldn't actually be blamed for falling asleep on Magnus' furniture.

* * *

 

To say Magnus was startled to find Alec curled up on his couch, fast asleep, when he walked returned to the room would be a tiny bit of an understatement.

He put the plate and glasses he'd been carrying onto the table, and spent a few seconds admiring how adorable Alec looked when he was sleeping. Then, his brain kicked in, and he picked up the colourful throw from the back of the couch and draped it over his boyfriend.

"Goodnight Alexander, sweet dreams." Magnus whispered as he brushed a few inky locks back, and placed a gentle kiss on Alec's forehead.

Alec sighed in his sleep, and his lips slowly stretched into a pleasant smile.

Magnus cleaned up his coffee table, and the kitchen, before retiring to his study. His plan was to finish marking the last few essay's he hadn't yet finished, and then go and check on Alec.

When he did check on Alec, his boyfriend was still in a deep state of slumber, so he deemed it highly unlikely Alec would wake up in the middle of the night, leaving it fairly safe for him to go to sleep himself.

And if he allowed himself to indulge in fantasies about the beautiful boy who was sleeping on his couch, who barely twenty-four hours ago agreed to be his boyfriend, and who's had a painful past he was keeping to himself, and who Magnus was falling for, a fact he couldn't try to ignore or deny anymore...well, he had every right to do such a thing.

* * *

 

When Alec woke up, it wasn't to the smell of his mother's infamous blueberry pancakes, or to the blaringly loud screech of his alarm. He woke up to his phone ringing, and it took him a few seconds to properly wake up enough to answer the call, an even longer to identify his surroundings. He didn't even bother looking to see who was calling him.

It was only when he hit the green button on the screen of his phone, that he realised he was at Magnus' house, not that he allowed the fact enough time to actually sink in.

"Hello?" He said, his voice coming out sluggish and slow.

_"Alexander Gideon Lightwood! Where on earth are you?"_

It truly terrified Alec, how much his sister could sound like their mother.

"I'm, ah...I'm at Magnus' apartment." He replied, his ears ringing slightly from the loud screech of Isabelle's voice.

_"...please tell me you're not lying."_

"I am absolutely telling you the whole, absolutely honest truth. I came over here to talk to him...and I don't know, I must have fallen asleep - well, obviously I _did_ , because I'm currently lying on his couch, so..."

Isabelle squealed, and Alec had to muffle the speakers on his phone in his shirt, for fear of waking Magnus up.

_"Alec, that's huge!"_

"It's not like I planned this, Isabelle. Besides, I actually would have thought you'd find the suddenly elevated status of our relationship to be far more exciting."

There was silence on the line, and Alec almost laughed at how much joy he was getting out of this.

_"Alec..."_

"I have a boyfriend, Izzy. I actually have a boyfriend." He said, as though it was this massive revelation he'd just come to, and in a way he supposed it almost was.

It only took a second, a mere second, for the words to sink in - and then Isabelle was yelling and Alec thought he could hear her calling out to Jace, but he was to giddy with delight to care.

"Isabelle, go and get ready for school. We can talk about this later." Alec said, knowing Isabelle wouldn't let it go, willingly, no matter how hard he tried.

_"Fine. But only because it takes me longer than five minutes to get ready, and -"_

"Spare me the details, Iz, please. I'm going now, bye, love you."

Isabelle repeated Alec's sentiments, and then promptly hung up.

"Of course, she always has to have the last word." Alec muttered to himself.

"Who does?" A low, amused voice asked, and it seemed Alec wasn't as awake as he had thought, as he jumped - practically out of his skin.

Alec whirled around, to see Magnus leaning rather contently, against the wall closest to the hallway. "Hi, um...good morning. Uh, Isabelle - Isabelle does. That was her, on the phone."

"I see. I hope she's not worried about your whereabouts - I'd hate to be the cause of conflict."

"No, she was just...wondering where I am. Thank you, by the way, for letting me sleep on your couch. I didn't intend to fall asleep, I promise, I hope I haven't burdened you in any way. I'm, I'm really sorry." Alec apologised, his cheeks heating with a light blush.

Magnus shook his head, one caramel brown hand waving dismissedly in Alec's general direction.

"No need to apologise, my darling. You were tired, so your body made the executive decision to get some sleep. It's certainly not your fault, not that I would blame you if it was."

Magnus smiled, he _grinned_ , and Alec's heart fluttered in his chest as a result.

"Do you have any classes or such this morning?" Magnus asked.

Alec took a moment to think about it, his mind working a little slower than usual.

"Uh...I have a Social Studies class at...eleven. And a Psych group study session at one. But that's all."

Magnus' grin widened, a feat Alec didn't think possible, and before he could even blink, Magnus was standing merely inches away.

"I have two free periods first up," He said, leaning down. "Which means I won't need to be at the school until half-past ten."

"Really?" Alec asked, smirking."What are you going to do until then?"

Magnus shrugged one shoulder. "I have a few ideas."

And then they were kissing, again, and if it wasn't for Magnus' hands in Alec's hair, grounding him like an anchor does a ship on the ocean, then Alec could have quite easily melted into the couch and become part of the furniture.

"I'm going to go and have a shower," Magnus murmured against Alec's lips. "But I'll be right back."

He pecked Alec's lips, then walked off, his hips swaying a bit, and Alec was pretty sure that the movement was deliberate, perhaps even just for him, but either way he wasn't exactly complaining.

Alec decided to do something nice, as a sign of gratitude towards Magnus for letting him crash on his couch.

He felt a little strange, walking into Magnus' kitchen, but logically he'd already spent the night so he couldn't really be classified as a guest anymore.

He had all the ingredients and utensils to make scrambled eggs - one of the only breakfast items he knew how to cook - when a slight weight pressed down on his foot.

"Hello there." He said, peering down to see a white-grey tabby. He had known Magnus had a cat, as it had come up in conversation when Magnus asked about the faint white lines etched on Alec's ankle.

(The Lightwood's cat, Church, was a grumpy arse-hole - as Alec explained it.)

"You must be Chairman Meow. Well, it's lovely to meet you, I've heard the most wonderful things about you." Alec said. Chairman didn't say anything back - not that Alec was expecting him to - but he did twist his way around Alec's legs.

Alec, enraptured in the adorable little fluffball, picked Chairman up and cuddled him in his arms the way one would a newborn baby. He was too busy cooing over and patting Chairman to notice the sudden presence leaning against the kitchen counter.

"How interesting." Magnus said, and though Alec wasn't exactly startled, he was a tad surprised.

He was honestly beginning to detest the ease in which Magnus could surprise him. It was becoming awfully annoying.

"What is?"

" _That_. Chairman, he's a friendly cat, sure, he mingles and he's never bitten anyone, but - he looks incredibly content, like he's known you for years." Magnus pointed out, and he was right - Chairman Meow was rubbing against Alec's chest, purring like a car engine.

"I hope this doesn't mean I have competition." Magnus added.

"I don't know...the Chairman and I have been talking, and we're honestly thinking of possibly running away together. Sorry."

Alec was dead-panned, his face completely blank and passive - but there was a sparkle of joy and humour in his eyes.

"I'll have to live out my days as a depressed hermit. Such a shame, what a wasted life."

Alec laughed, and then gently placed Chairman Meow down, who stalked off as soon as his paws touched the ground.

"I wouldn't do that to you." Alec said, kissing Magnus softly.

"You'd look horrible with a big, matted beard."

Alec laughed as he hopped backwards. He continued where he left off in the breakfast preparation, leaving a shocked, yet amused, Magnus raking his long fingers through his wet hair.

"You are just full of surprises, aren't you Alexander?" Magnus asked, though it was more of a statement - he was talking about more than just the kiss and the joke, and Alec knew it.

Still, Alec didn't comment, he just continued making breakfast for the two of them. Magnus was quiet too, turning his attention towards the coffee machine, although he did sneak fond glances. He asked Alec how he liked his coffee, and Alec asked where the plates were kept - there was something incredibly domestic about it all, but neither of them mentioned it.


	14. Working (Things) Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace, as the caring brother he is, not-so-subtly gets Alec to talk to him. Much is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quality gold chapter title, hey?
> 
> Edited: but roughly.

Alec cleaned up - despite Magnus' persistent protests - and Magnus got ready for work, taking nearly as much time to get ready as Isabelle does, a fact that Alec internally stored away for another time.

Magnus dropped Alec home, and because everyone had already left, they enjoyed a pleasant make-out session -leaving Alec silently excited at Magnus' red, slightly swollen lips and the sparkle in his eyes. They said goodbye reluctantly, when Magnus realised if he didn't leave he'd be late for class, and unfortunately his presence would indeed be noticed.

Alec took a second to slump against his bedroom door, breathless despite the ten minutes since he'd said goodbye to Magnus, his heart pumping even though he'd only walked up a small flight of stairs.

The next afternoon, Alec came home with full intentions to procrastinate to his heart's content instead of planning his analytic response to T.S Eliot poems for English Literature. He'd been thinking of possibly taking a nap, those thoughts leading him to memories of the last nap he'd had...

Needless to say, Alec was a little bit caught up in his thoughts when he walked into his room, so he didn't notice the figure sprawled on his bed, until aforementioned figure coughed loudly.

"What the... _Jace_?"

Jace grinned once it was obvious Alec had seen him, and leapt off the bed in one smooth, fluid motion.

"Greetings, brother dear."

"What are you doing?" Alec asked, resisting the urge to just walk away. He highly doubted Jace was up to much good, one look at his cocky smirk told him enough, and he wasn't exactly in the mood for an interrogation.

"Well, it has recently come to my attention that you and I haven't had a proper, brotherly-bonding session in far too long."

 _Barely two weeks,_ Alec thought, but refrained from speaking aloud.

"And your proposed solution is..."

"A work out, just you and me. And if you happen to want to...divulge anything to me, you can feel free to do so."

Jace smirked, and Alec knew there was a hidden motive behind Jace's suggestion, a secret agenda of sorts. But he also knew that, unlike Isabelle, if Alec declared that he didn't want to speak about something, Jace would let it slide. He wouldn't be  _happy_ about it, but he would let it go.

 _And_ , truthfully, he hadn't had a good gym session with Jace in a while. It was very appealing, and so with nothing much to lose, Alec agreed. Maybe he'd even be able to pull out the ol' bow and quiver.

"Alright. Just, give me a few minutes to get changed first."

Jace nodded, that signature 'golden-boy' smile of his that always got him out of trouble, spreading wide as he practically skipped out of Alec's bedroom.

Alec changed into black jogging pants and a loose tank-top - clothes much more suitable for exercising than the jeans and hoodie he'd been wearing before. Jace was already on the treadmill when Alec walked in, and he had to stifle a scoff at his brother's impatience.

"So, how's school?" Alec asked, as he stretched his arms above his head, as far as he could. If he had to divulge his own secrets - which it was very likely he would - then so did Jace.

"Pretty good. I got a C+ in English...History's my best subject though, I got a B last time."

Alec had stifle a smile, he didn't want Jace to clam up or start joking instead of being serious.

"Is that because you're not wasting your time talking to Clary?" He asked instead, because really, that was the first conclusion his mind jumped too. It wasn't like Jace was ever deliberately bad at school, he just got distracted easily if he wasn't that interested.

"No, actually...I mean, she is in the class, but - I don't get that distracted. Mr. Bane - Magnus - is a really good teacher. He's helpful, and patient, and he jokes around so the content doesn't seem as boring. He makes it fun."

Alec stilled, as Jace's words, and the honesty, properly sunk in.

(He also thanked his mother, absently, for the gymnastic lessons she had forced them all to have as children. His legs would be on fire, in the position they were in, if it weren't for the lessons.)

Jace had always struggled with heavy content-based subjects - he'd always been better at sports and maths then English and science - they were more Alec's area of expertise. In fact, Alec had been a little concerned when Jace had first told him about his subject selections, if only because he didn't want Jace to get stressed and burnt out by the harder work. But Jace had reasoned with him, saying that he wanted to learn, and promising he'd quit if it ever got to a point where he couldn't handle it any more.

Alec also made a mental note, to thank Magnus  _immensely,_ perhaps with chocolate, for helping Jace, for taking the time to explain it so his brother  _would_ understand - unlike msot of Jace's previous teachers.

He should be scared, of how hard and how quickly he's falling for Magnus  _\- when had he ever thought of giving anyone but his mother chocolate -_ but in a strange way he w _asn't._ He was, in fact, becoming rather acquainted with the idea.

"Good. I'm glad, that he's helping, that's...that's really good."

Jace nodded, then leapt straight into a detailed account of all the interesting things he and Clary had done -  _and then we went to the park because Clary wanted to paint, but we had to leave early because those blood-thirsty ducks were looking for flesh._

It was when Alec was doing his bicep curls, that Jace brought Magnus up again, and Alec almost dropped the weight onto his feet.

"Enough about me and  _my, a_ dmittedly interesting, love life. How's yours?"

Alec coughed, surprised by Jace's sudden outburst, and then he sighed, although it could quite easily have been mistaken for a huff from exertion.

"You mean Iz hasn't told you yet?"

"Told me what?" Jace asked, and he looked genuinely surprised, which in turn puzzled Alec.

"That Magnus and I - he's my boyfriend...and I accidentally fell asleep on his couch - she really told you none of this?"

"No," Jace answered, shaking his head. "But I wish she would have."

Alec put the weight down, just in time. Jace practically  _sprinted_ towards him, and tackled him in a bone-crushing hug. Alec just laughed and hugged him back, and it all felt nice.

They were gross and sweaty and smelly, but in the moment neither of them cared too much. Jace was happy  _for_ Alec, and Alec was simply just ecstatic.

"That's really great Alec, I'm - I'm really happy for you."

Jace looked as if he was going to cry, and Alec knew that if Jace cried there would be no stopping himself from tearing up, so he tightened his hold for a second before pulling away - he thanked Jace, and he almost believed it was the end of the conversation.

He really should have remembered his horrible luck - or lack thereof - especially when Jace is an involved factor.

"Wait, wait, wait...just a second...you fell asleep  _on his couch_?" Jace asked, incredulously.

"Accidentally!" Alec stressed.  _"Accidentally!"_

"Alright, Alec, I believe you." Jace said, although he most certainly didn't sound like he did.

"Did you..."

"Did I...no,  _no -_ I...I started to drift off, and then before I knew it Izzy was ringing my phone and I had slept through the night.  _Nothing else happened."_

Alec tried to fight off the blush threatening to rise, and he attempted to banish the invading thoughts of disappointment at how accurate the statement was.

_Bad thoughts Alec, not the time._

Jace looked at him knowingly, almost as if he could read his mind - which honestly wouldn't surprise Alec too much - and Alec almost cursed at how well his brother knew him.

"Can we please drop this now?" He requested.

"Yeah, okay, sure." Jace nodded, but then he opened his mouth again, and Alec waited for the words to come out.

"Hey, Alec, you...you know that Iz and I - we just want you to be happy. After all you've been through, what happened with S-"

"Please, don't." Alec croaked.

Hearing the name only brought the horrible, embarrassing memories back, and it only made it  _harder_ for him to pretend it never happened, made it all w _orse,_ because then he'd have to admit it to himself, and he didn't think he was ready yet _._ Not that he knew when he would be ready, even though he should have gotten over it years ago, because it really wasn't as made as he's decided it was.

"After all you've been through," Jace continued, "To see you so genuinely excited about someone...we're not trying to be annoying or invasive, we're just really happy for you, that's all."

Jace looked so genuinely worried that Alec was annoyed, and it was probably inappropriate, but Alec couldn't help but choke out a laugh.

"I know, Jace, and I - I appreciate how much you care. Things have just been happening so fast, that I'm a little taken aback by everything - I'm still trying to process some things. I mean, I'm not like you and Iz, I'm not good at relationships or romance, and I'm not exactly that pretty or handsome..."

Jace parted his mouth to speak, but Alec kept talking, not allowing him the chance.

"You guys are the good-looking ones, and I'm not, and that's okay - it's the way it's always been. I've  _always_ been the quiet one, the 'clever' one, and up until recently I had accepted that it's all I'd ever be. We get dealt what we get dealt, there was no point in fighting that. But Magnus...he doesn't think that. He thinks I'm smart, sure, but he also thinks I'm gorgeous and beautiful and...and it took me a while to believe him, to understand that he wasn't just saying that - he really means it."

Alec's voice had taken on an almost wistful tone, not that he noticed it - or Jace's soft smile.

"It's been a really intense whirlwind of emotions and events and experiences, and I think I'm only just beginning to catch up with it all. And I'm trying to push my past away because I know it wasn't as bad as I keep telling myself it was - "

"Alec..."

"I don't want it to affect me any more, I'm done with being pushed around by my past...and I think Magnus is really helping me with that, even if he doesn't know it."

He stepped forward to give Jace another hug.

"I know you only have the best intentions at heart, and I'm really sorry if I've been a pain."

Jace grinned. "You're always a pain, I wouldn't expect anything else. But I love you, so it's okay."

Alec made a move to hit Jace, but he was too slow. Within seconds they were running around the room laughing and shouting, and there was a burst of something in Alec's chest, a feeling that popped up when he talked to Max, or when he saw Izzy with Simon - when she was truly happy - or on the rare occasions his mother would smile, or even when he's around Magnus...

It's a burst of love, he realised, and it didn't take him long to accept it, for the simple fact that he didn't see any other viable option, and because there wasn't really anything stopping him.

However, just because he accepted it, accepted that his feelings for Magnus were more serious than he'd previously thought...

Didn't mean he knew what to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is super, super important guys. I hope you're looking forward to it as much as I am.


	15. No One Could Ever Mean Half As Much To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec take another big step forward in their relationship, and both reveal a small secret they'd been keeping to themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS NOT ME CONDONING UNDERAGE DRINKING - 'THE LAW IS HARD BUT IT IS THE LAW' AND ALL THAT.
> 
> But, then again, Book!Alec got drunk in Edom and he was only eighteen, so we can honestly just claim I'm following Cassie's lead.
> 
> Title taken from 'Walls' by All Time Low - the whole chorus/song is really fitting for this chapter by the way.
> 
> Very big things happen.

About a week later, after a nice date in the park -  _'no Jace we did not see any ducks'_ \- many texts and just as many phone calls, Alec still had no idea what to do about how he felt...about  _what_ he felt for Magnus.

It was a daunting thought, once he'd allowed himself to properly think about it - to feel such intense emotions for someone he'd only known for what was a considerably limited amount of time...and to not have any idea how to express it, or whether he should even express it at all.

Alec hadn't been in love before, ever, but he was unable to come up with any other explanation for the way he felt about Magnus, the way Magnus made him feel.

The last person Alec had felt anything akin to even romantic affection for - or more to the point, the last person he'd  _allowed_ himself to feel such things for - had strung him along whilst keeping their supposed 'relatonship' in the dark, a skeleton hidden in a pitch black closet. Alec had felt like a dirty little secret - one minute foolishly falling for empty promises such as  _"I will kiss you Alec, I promise, I just don't think we're ready for that yet"_ and  _"I don't think it's the right time to go public yet, people might react badly, you understand, right?"_ \- the next minute, crying in the boy's bathroom at his high school because he'd been humiliated  _in front of the whole school_ by a boy he thought had honestly cared about him.

Alec didn't exactly believe Magnus would do that to him, Magnus was nothing like...

But Alec's heart had been broken when he was  _sixteen years old_ ; he was fragile and far too trusting, and he had truly believed that he had actually found someone who cared about him.  _That someone_ had torn him down in front of their whole school, had shredded his heart into a thousand pieces and then stomped on it under his foot like a pest; all the while wearing that smile that could melt hearts, the same smile that had first caught Alec's attention.

Such emotional damage at such a young age - is more than just traumatising.

Alec was conflicted, he felt like there was a civil war raging inside him, between his heart and his head.

And he couldn't tell which side was going to win.

* * *

Alec got a text on Friday afternoon, an almost cryptic one, in fact.

_**Magnus : **_Are you free tonight? x

Alec pondered over the question - Magnus knew that Alec wasn't busy...and he could have quite easily called. He sent a message back, inquiring why Magnus wanted to know, and curiously awaited a response.

_**Magnus:**_  Because I have a romantic evening planned - and as my boyfriend, it's sort of vital that you're present. xx

Alec grinned, and immediately sent a message of confirmation back, asking for details. It was only when he recieved the time he was requested to turn up...that he realised he had no idea what to wear on a  _'romantic evening'_.

He needed help. Drastically.

* * *

Isabelle only smirked when Alec explained his conundrum...which surprised him as he'd expected more yelling or squealing...or at the very least jumping.

"You're not going to say anything?" Alec asked as Isabelle ruffled through his closet.

"Nope." Came her muffled reply.

"Seriously? No jokes about the 'romantic' part, or us dating...seriously, nothing?"

Alec was in complete disbelief. Isabelle was never this quiet.

"Just, shut up. And put these on." Isabelle instructed, throwing a pair of black skinny jeans at Alec - he'd forgotten he even owned them.

She was out the door before he could open his mouth to ask where she was going. He sighed as he changed into the jeans, a little startled at how good he looked in them - and how easy it was to admit it to himself.

"Don't ask stupid questions, and you won't get ambiguous answers, okay?" Isabelle said when she walked back in. The smirk was still there, along with a mischevious glint in her dark eyes that Alec knew didn't spell good things...his suspicion was growing rapidly.

"Iz, what's going on?" He asked.

" _That's_ a stupid question."

"No it's -"

"Here." Isabelle interrupted, throwing a deep blue v-neck top in Alec's face.

Alec took the top warily, his eyes trained on Isabelle.

"This isn't mine." He said slowly.

"It is now. It's new. Now, put it on."

There was one possible explanation that Alec kept coming back to...and only one.

"Let me guess..." He said, as he slipped the new top on.

"Magnus told you about his plans." Alec estimated, although he was fairly sure he was correct.

Isabelle didn't make any visible changes, but Alec's sharp eyes and years of watching her practically get away with murder, meant he knew when he was right, and when Isabelle knew she'd been caught.

It gave Alec a very satisfying feeling, his smug grin enough to show it.

"If I say yes...will that change anything?"

"Nope."

"And you'll still let me help you? Because he only asked me to encourage you to wear something nice, and I know you only had shirts and sweaters and they're all well and good, but that top looks really nice on you..."

"Izzy, it's fine, really." Alec interrupted, kissing her cheek, just like he used to when she was little and had been scared by a nightmare. "I came to you for help because I want to impress Magnus, and because we  _both_ know you've got far more expertise in this area than I probably ever will. Would I have preferred you told me - well, yeah. Do I really care that much - no, not really."

Isabelle grinned and tackled her brother in a tight hug.

"Now," Isabelle said, that mischevious glint back in her eyes.

"About your hair..."

* * *

Alec arrived at Magnus' apartment with meticulously styled hair that was supposed to look 'deliberately messy' - courtsey of Isabelle - a black leather jacket, another item that Isabelle had bought without him knowing, and a box of assorted chocolates, because apparently one could never go wrong with chocolates when it came to date-gifts.

He rang the buzzer on Magnus' door, because even though he'd literally spent the night, he didn't yet feel comfortable knocking and then announcing his presence as he walked in...or simply just barging in the way Jace and Isabelle so loved to do.

He stood outside the apartment, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he waited for Magnus to open the door. He was feeling a little anxious, and he wasn't entirely sure why.

Magnus opened the door barely seconds after Alec had pressed the button. He was wearing black jeans, similair to Alec's - only much tighter - and a deep purple button-up dress shirt, the top few buttons open to reveal his golden, sun-kissed skin. That, paired with his delicately applied make-up and stylish jewelery, was proving to be a little too much for Alec to handle.

He had to take a moment to collect himself, and to remind himself to breathe.

"Well, hello Alexander." Magnus greeted, his black-lined eyes trailing slowly down and then back up Alec's body appreciatively.

"H-Hey. I, uh...I brought you these." Alec said, handing Magnus the chocolates. He was feeling awkward - but in a good way. It was nice to be...checked out. He just wasn't used to it, that's all.

"Ooh, thank you." Magnus took the chocolate's from Alec, then used his spare hand to gently cup Alec's cheek, and kissed him. It was short and sweet and perfect.

"Please, do come in." Magnus invited, gesturing Alec inside with a sweep of his arm.

Alec smiled and stepped past, and he was barely past the threshold when he was stopped by a familiar fluffball.

"Hello Chairman, it's nice to see you too." Alec said, chuckling softly as he picked the cat up, Chairman's low purs vibrating through his arms.

"You know, I have a theory," Magnus called out from somewhere, the kitchen, Alec presumed, although he'd barely noticed Magnus walk past.

"That Chairman actually loves you more than me. He sulked once you left the last time, and wouldn't spare me a second glance for the rest of the day. He seems far more smitten with you than I am - which is a very impossible task, I should add."

Alec felt himself blush, felt his heart pick up in his chest and beat a little faster, but he didn't try to fight it off like he usually would.

Magnus walked out of the kitchen and reached for Alec's hand, tugging it to lead him towards the dining room, adjacent to the kitchen. Alec smiled and let Chairman Meow go, resisting a laugh as Chairman whined and padded off.

" _Voila!_ " Magnus exclaimed, and Alec couldn't help but gasp at the sight before him.

The table was covered in an enchanting blood-red cloth, on top of which stood flickering scented candles that gave the room a sweet but not overpowering smell, like vanilla and lavender, and the table was set with pristine porcelain plates and glinting silver cutlery - a setting one would expect to see at a nice restaurant...not so much in a teacher's Brooklyn apartment.

"Magnus, this is...this is..."

_Too much,_ Alec thought, but he kept that part quiet.

"Thank you." He said instead.

"It's my pleasure. And I don't want to hear you say  _"it's too much"_  or  _"you shouldn't have"_ \- because I know that is what you're thinking. But you're wrong, it's not too much - most of this was collecting dust in my cupboards anyway - and I should have, and I did, because you deserve it."

Magnus spoke with an air of finality, as though he wasn't about to let Alec argue with him. Alec just looked at Magnus, a little puzzled, as he sat down. Magnus then disappeared into the kitchen again, leaving Alec alone with his thoughts.

Magnus returned with a plate of stacked ciabatta garlic bread pieces, and a bottle of red wine.

"You do know I'm under the legal drinking age..." Alec pointed out.

Magnus winked as he put the plate down.

"I'm not going to call the police to tell them - are you?"

Alec shook his head and lifted the glass.

"Pour away, good sir."

* * *

They talked about everything and nothing - from Magnus' obsession with shows and movies, particuarly  _'Project Runway'_ , to Alec's not-so-hidden love for archery. They steered clear of Magnus' childhood and past lovers, and Alec kept quiet about  _his_ skeletons too, still locked in the back of his closet - whether the lack of acknowledgement was mutually unspoken or because neither of them felt ready to unleash their inner demons, wasn't too important, not yet.

What was important, was how Alec felt about Magnus. Nothing else.

Alec hadn't even noticed that they'd finished their meals, as he'd been so enraptured in their conversation, until he glanced down at the empty plates, the only remnants of their dinner the last drops of pasta sauce.

"Well, it does seem like we're finished." Magnus said, following Alec's gaze.

"I hadn't even noticed." Alec admitted.

Magnus stood up and stacked the plates and cutlery, and Alec took the wine glasses, dismissing Magnus when he tried to protest.

_"I'm not really a guest anymore, Magnus."_ He'd said, and Magnus' only response was to smile fondly.

"It's probably too early to have dessert..." Magnus said, turning back to face Alec once the dirty dishes were stacked on the sink.

Alec, possesed by some peculiar urge deep inside, gripped Magnus' shirt and pulled him impossibly close, crashing their lips together in a kiss that was both sweet and urgent.

"Dessert can most certainly wait." Magnus declared, his words escaping through weighted breath, straight into Alec's mouth. His hands gripped Alec's hips, slim fingers slipping under the hem of Alec's shirt, stroking the skin with a gentle touch.

Magnus bit Alec's bottom lip, and Alec sighed, his grip tightening as he pushed against Magnus, pushed into the kiss, into Magnus' touch. Magnus blindly led Alec to the closest wall, pushing him against the surface in a way that was forceful but not assaulting. Alec gasped, his heart pumping as Magnus licked into his mouth. His hands wound around Magnus' neck, a moan escaping as Magnus kissed down his throat.

_I love him, I love you, I love him_

"I love you."

Magnus pulled back and looked at Alec, he stared and Alec didn't understand if it was a good thing or not. Alec's eyes were wide, and he wanted to speak, to take it all back but the words were stuck, and his mouth felt dry. It wasn't that he had lied...he did love Magnus, that wasn't the problem, it was the fact that he'd said it aloud and he hadn't meant to.

Magnus' eyes were narrowed slightly, he seemed to be searching for something.

He leant forward and kissed Alec, and it was messy and sort of sloppy, but real, it all felt so right...and only confused Alec more.

"Oh, God..."Magnus said breathily, his eyes bright and sparkling.

" _God,_  Alec...I love you too. Of course I do, of course...of course I love you."

Magnus laughed, and Alec wondered for a moment if Magnus had  _actually_ lost his mind completely. If he had, it would have been a rather unfortunate turn of events.

Thankfully, Magnus soon stopped, and when he looked back at Alec, he was smirking, his eyes filled with delight and what looked like...love.

"I love you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, I love you so much." He said, and then his lips were back on Alec's, and Alec momentarily forgot what he'd last been thinking about.

Magnus tugged on Alec's belt loops and they blindly made their way into the lounge-room. They tumbled onto the couch, Alec landing on his back with Magnus stretched out over him. Magnus' lips made their way down Alec's neck to his collarbone, where he bit - earning a very satisfying sound from Alec - and sucked, his attention creating a beautiful mark, in Magnus' opinion, on the soft skin.

_"Magnus,"_ Alec breathed out. He wasn't sure if he was asking for something, or just exclaiming, caught up in the moment. Whatever it was, Magnus seemed to understand.

"Mmm...although I do quite admire this absolutely gorgeous shirt of yours...I feel as though there is not much purpose for it anymore." Magnus declared, leaning back so he was straddling Alec, his fingers fiddling with the hem of Alec's top.

"You, don't?" Alec panted, his heart pumping as though he'd just completed a triathlon.

Magnus made a soft noise, tugging Alec's shirt up and over Alec's head. Alec leaned up on his elbows, smirking at Magnus - although the corners were quivery, his eyes wide and his cheeks flushed, most likely from arousement a _nd_ nerves.

"Oh...you're so beautiful, Alexander. So, so beautiful." Magnus exclaimed, kissing along Alec's broad, toned chest.

"No... _oh..._ " Alec groaned as Magnus tugged and played with one of his nipples, sending electirc shivers down his spine.

"Hush. You're beautiful,  _exquisite_. And tonight, if you want me too, I am going to prove it to you. I'm going to show you just how gorgeous you are, and I'm going to make you feel  _really good._  How does that sound?"

Alec nodded, he didn't need to think about it 'cause he'd already done that for a whole week or so. He knew it was a big deal, but at the sime time he also knew he was as ready as he'd ever be.

_"Sounds...great."_

Magnus stared at him, as if waiting for something, or looking for some falsity.

"Magnus, I know what you're talking about, and I get it...and, and I'm ready. You're the only one I've ever wanted to do this with. I love you,  _and I trust you._ "

Magnus stilled. Although Alec hadn't exactly explicitly come out and said it, Magnus was fairly certain that trust didn't come easily to Alec. It was something that was  _earned_...and Magnus had accomplished that.

Not to mention, Alec had told Magnus he  _loved_ him, more than once...Magnus presumed  _love_ was another thing that didn't appear often, not when it came to people who weren't his immediate family.

Alec had opened his heart to Magnus...had opened  _himself_ up to being with Magnus. No wonder Magnus was in love too.

"I love you." He said, kissing Alec with as much love and passion and fervour as he could muster.

Tonight, he would make Alec feel better than he'd ever felt before.

* * *

Magnus led Alec to his bedroom, and they took their sweet time simply because they could, kissing and touching and whispering mumbles of sweet nothings.

He undressed Alec slowly, leaving gentle kisses on every inch of skin he possibly could. They took it slowly too, lovingly, trailing hands and soft kisses, curled toes and nails dug into skin, hot flushed cheeks and necks and ears.

Magnus unravelled Alec, took him apart and then stitched him back together again. Alec gasped and moaned, his fingers scratched down Magnus' back as his hips thrusted and his body writhed, overcome by the adrenaline and pleasure coursing through his veins. Magnus took him to the edge and Alec swiftly fell, crashing in a wave of ecstasy, drowning in it until he couldn't see anything but fireworks and sparkles and flashing lights, mumbling low noise and sounds that could have possibly been words -  _"I love you"_ and  _"you're so beautiful."_

Alec welcomed sleep like a warm blanket. He slipped into a peaceful unconsciousness - he didn't completely notice as Magnus slipped an arm around his waist, cuddling up to him from behind - but he did lean back into it, his fingers intertwining with Magnus' of their own accord.

He was halfway to the land of dreams, when Magnus kissed his temple, lingering for a few seconds.

"I love you, Alexander." Magnus whispered, and Alec sighed happily, a soft smile gracing his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that happened.
> 
> I've been really excited for this chapter, but I'm also really excited for the next one. Things are starting to happen!!


	16. Things Are Looking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec has his first ever 'morning after' and it's not even an eighth as bad as he thought it might be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally just a cute fluffy morning of (basically) domestic Magnus and Alec.
> 
>  
> 
> Not going to lie ... CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND CONFIDENCE GROWTH MAKES ME SO HAPPY!

When Alec woke up, to the warm rays of the golden morning sun peeking through the gap between thin curtains, he was a little uncertain as to where he was for a few seconds. The bed was a lot softer than his own, and there was a higher multitude of pillows he was currently sinking into.

There was also the unmistakeable presence of another person, a warm weight of gorgeous body mass that also happened to be snoring gently, and whose arm was draped over Alec's body in a comforting fahion.

It was only after Alec registered that he was in Magnus' bed, sleeping  _next_ to Magnus in his apartment - that he realised they were also both very,  _very naked._

Suddenly, in much the way it happens when one is incredibly hung over, the memories of the previous night flooded back, and it took Alec a bit to sort through them.

He remembered the delicious dinner Magnus had cooked for him, the illustrious set up that had secretly delighted him, the sweetness of the whole gesture, the whole night, even. The hour-long chat that didn't feel like it took any longer than a few minutes, because the conversation just flowed easily.

And then, the part that should have frightened him the most, or at the very least startled him more than it had. Saying  _"I love you",_ hearing it back, over and over. Making love to Magnus,  _with him_... Alec thought he should probably be having some big revelation or moment after the massive, life-changing event that had transpired the night before.

Instead, he actually felt more comfortable and at ease than he'd remembered feeling for a long time. He felt as if his heart, just might possibly be ever so slowly repairing itself.

There was movement, sudden, unexpected movement from beside him, and Alec was startled and caught off guard for a second, having been so enraptured in his musings. The arm that was wrapped around him tightened for a second; Magnus groaned as he snuggled closer and Alec had to stifle a laugh in case his boyfriend wasn't properly awake.

"Alec?" Magnus mumbled, and a thrill like a shot of lightning travelled through Alec. 

"Good morning, Magnus." He said, unsure of the proper, expected words after such an important night - in all his meticulous fantasising, he'd never thought about what would happening the next morning, and it was starting to stress him out, just the slightest bit.

"Mmm." Magnus replied, pressing a gentle, warm kiss on Alec's bare shoulder. His voice came out like a purr - Alec catalogued the behaviour along with all of Magnus' other cat-like mannerisms.

"Good morning  _indeed_." He continued, kissing up Alec's neck, behind his ear.

Alec squirmed, the touch of Magnus' lips sending delightful pleasures down his spine. A low sigh escaped his mouth, and he decided, without much extra thought, that he never wanted to wake up any differently.

_"Oh,"_ Alec breathed out, and Magnus chuckled softly against his skin.

"And I thought you had been perfect last night," He murmured. "Apparently, there are higher levels of your absolute perfection."

Alec smiled, and turned over so he was facing Magnus. He was met with the startling beauty of Magnus' eyes, and the fondess and unadulterated love shining within them caused his breath to hitch.

"Last night really happened, didn't it?" He asked, and he expected Magnus to laugh amusedly, but he didn't.

"Yes. Did you think it was a dream?" He inquired, and he sounded genuinely interested, curious too.

"No, it's just ... last night was probably the best night of my life, and ... and I was thinking about it before - it almost feels too good to be true, you know?"

Magnus nodded slightly. "I understand, but I can assure you that last night most certainly did happen, and it was, in my admittedly biased opinion, a wonderful sequence of events."

Alec tried to squash his face into the pillow, to hide the heated blush creeping up his cheeks. He didn't think it worked.

"I love you, Alec." Magnus said, and Alec's whole body filled with an intense joy that made hm feel as if he'd swallowed the sun.

"I love you too." Alec replied, and the sun inside him burned like a firestorm.

He'd never felt so happy before.

* * *

 

They stayed in bed for the next half hour, kissing and talking and then kissing some more, wrapped up in the delights of the morning and each other.

Alec messaged Isabelle, when Magnus was in the shower, to let her know that he'd stayed the night - which he guessed she'd already realised - and he'd message when he knew what his plans were. He was about to put his phone away when it beeped with a new message.

He knew that it couldn't be from Isabelle, but he wasn't expecting a message from the person who did send it.

**Helen:**   _Aline and I were wondering if you wanted to have lunch together today. You can bring Magnus if you want - but you don't have to._

Alec smiled as he read the text - he'd almost forgotten how clever Helen was at manipulating Aline's words so they didn't sound demanding. She was pretty sly herself, though - he knew it was their way of trying to meet Magnus without pressuring Alec and possibly scaring them both away.

"Did you take a picture of me while I was sleeping?"

Alec looked up, to see Magnus standing in the doorway to the ensuite, wearing only a fluffy white towel around his waist. Gorgeous didn't even  _begin_ to describe him, Alec thought.

"No, but I might next time."

Alec bit his bottom lip as he realised what he'd said, but all he was met with was an amused chuckle and charming smile from Magnus, so he continued, as though his usually-out-of-character admition had never been spoken in the first place.

"My, my friend Helen - Aline's girlfriend - she invited me, well  _us_ , to lunch today. You're invited on the condition that you want to, of course, but it's not exactly a requirement."

Alec paused, then added. "Although, I feel as though they'll both be very upset if I turn up alone. They're almost d _esperate_ to meet you."

Magnus looked contemplative for a moment, but it didn't last long before he nodded.

"I'm in."

"Really? You don't have to, it's fine if you don't want to." Alec reminded him, shuffling up so his back was resting properly against the headboard of the bed, the sheets falling until they were barely covering below his waist.

"It sounds fun." Magnus replies, and Alec doesn't miss his straying glance. "Besides, I'd love to meet your friends, I'm just as interested in getting to know them."

"Not to mention," He added, shrugging as he walked over to his closet. "They're almost guaranteed to have hilarious stories about you that are most likely also embarrassing. I can't really find a downside."

"Hopefully they'll be too busy bombarding you with questions about  _yourself_ to regale you with awkward anedotes." Alec said.

Magnus turned, his back resting against the closet doors, and grinned.

"Alec-dotes." He said, and he sounded so earnestly pleased with the pun, that Alec couldn't help but laugh in response.

"Very clever." He said, and Magnus winked.

"On a more serious note," He said. "Do you want to borrow some of my clothes, or ... I can wash your's if you want."

Alec pondered the question.

"Either option is fine, really. Whichever's not a burden." He replied.

"I think I might just wash them, wouldn't want you to feel strange. What time is lunch?"

"I haven't asked yet - I was waiting until I had checked with you first." Alec said, unlocking his phone.

"Well, while you do that, I'll put the washing on ... and find you something to wear temporarily. As much as I'd love to keep you unclothed, just as you are right now, I can understand that you might be more comfortable w _ith_ clothes on."

Magnus winked as he finished, and Alec's blush came back with an intense fervour, lighting his face up like a red traffic light.

"O-Okay." He said, unconsciously playing with the covers on Magnus' bed.

Magnus simply grinned and walked off, leaving a stil very red-faced Alec alone in the room.

He tried to force the blush down as he typed a message to Helen, asking her when and where. He had it mostly under control by the time Magnus came back.

"Here's a shirt," He said, handing Alec some clothes. "And a pair of pants - they're slightly baggy so they should fit."

"Thank you."

"You can have a shower, if you want. I'll go turn on the coffee machine." Magnus said, and it surprised Alec to hear he sounded almost shy.

Which had to be Alec's imagination, right? Because it was  _Magnus_ \- beautiful, gorgeous, brilliant Magnus, who was never shy and always so admirably confident, Alec was slightly envious. He had no reason to be shy ... unless he was ... because of  _Alec..._

"Sounds great - thank you, again."

Magnus nodded, and was almost out the door when Alec spoke again.

Although Alec's decision to speak up with yet another uncharacteristic line was a spur-of-the-moment choice that he usually would have thought more of.

"Maybe, sometime in the possibly near future, even ... you might be able to join me ... if you'd like to."

Magnus froze, his eyes widened slowly, as if he couldn't quite belive what he'd heard. Alec stood by what he'd said, though, he'd mean it - and his unwavering eye contact, along with the cheeky smirk, supported that.

Suddenly, Magnus was moving, walking towards Alec - who barely had a chance to register what was happening, before his boyfriend was kissing him, hard and fast and passionate. He pulled away merely a few seconds later, but Alec was breathless and not bothered by it at all.

"I  _would_ like to, very much." Magnus whispered, before leaving a chaste kiss on Alec's lips.

Then he was gone, and Alec felt as if he'd had a mini-heart attack.

* * *

 

Magnus was flipping pancakes when Alec walked into the kitchen/dining area after his shower. Chairman Meow left Magnus' side and curled around Alec's feet instead.

"This is a surprise. And here I'd thought you had run out of those after last night."

Magnus smiled and flipped another pancake.

"Surprising that I'm more than just a pretty face with a killer fashion sense?"

Alec stepped forward, and acting on impulse instead of calculated thoughts, slid his hands around Magnus' torso, pressing his lips against his boyfriend's bare shoulders - he still hadn't put a shirt on, not that Alec was exactly complaining.

"I'd say there are a lot of things you're good at, and you're most certainly more than just a pretty face - although you do have that." He mumbled against Magnus' skin.

"Good in bed?" Magnus prompted, and Alec slapped his elbow.

"I was trying to compliment you on your intelligence and kindness - not just your skills when it comes to the bedroom, or your attractive appearance. Learn to accept praise,  _honestly_." He said, teasingly, placing another gentle kiss to Magnus' back.

"Most people tell me to be more modest. I'm not usually instructed to boost my ego." Magnus quipped back.

He leant back a little, and it's only then that Alec realised they're wasn't any pre-cooked pancake batter left.

"Everything in moderation, and all that. Oh, and by the way, Helen texted back. There's a sushi place, roughly fifteen minutes away, they want to meet at quarter-past-one ... is that okay?"

Magnus turned around, pushing Alec's damp hair backwards. He kissed Alec, his lips warm and soft, and Alec felt his knees go weak.

"Sounds wonderful." Magnus said, before stepping back slightly.

"Breakfast?" He suggested.

"Love to. Coffee?"

"Already brewed." Magnus said, nodding towards the coffee machine.

Alec kissed Magnus, then practically skipped to the coffee machine - which Magnus found positively adorable. Once again, the domesticity of the whole situation was astounding, but this time neither of them minded too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly think that 'Alec-dote' will be my legacy, and I'm okay with that.   
> Other people might think I'm possibly clinically insane but - oh well. 
> 
> I hate to bring the tone down, but I must warn you: this is the last chapter where everything is 100% good. 
> 
> Cause, you know, drama is fun.


	17. Double Date, Sounds Great

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus go on their double date with Aline and Helen. Things are going swimmingly, until an unexpected phone call rattles Magnus and threatens to tamper with their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> And cuteness, but also drama.

They ate breakfast at the dining table - now devoid of the red cloth and glittering silverware - and Alec warned Magnus of just how ... intense his friends could be.

"Alexander, I  _highly_ doubt that your friends are truly as bad as you say they are." Magnus said, after Alec complained about his friend's likely interrogation.

"Helen isn't too bad - she'll question you, sure, but she'll be a lot more subtle and polite about it. You won't even realise she's learnt your whole life story and every little secret you've ever kept, until it's too late."

Alec popped a strawberry into his mouth and continued.

"Aline, however, is honestly about as subtle as a sledgehammer. She's a lot like Isabelle, in a sense - we're cousins, actually, the Lightwood's and the Penhallow's. Aline won't hesitate to strip you down until she's discovered even the little white lies you've told your students. And that's the nicest thing she'll do."

Magnus reached over the table and took hold of Alec's hand.

"It sounds like you don't want me to meet your friends." He said calmly, and a little amused.

"It's not that," Alec shook his head. "It's just that ...  _I love you_ , Magnus, and I love spending time with you, being with you. I don't want you to be ... scared off. I just want to prepare you, that's all."

"I love you too, Alexander, but I highly believe I will be scared away - I'm a lot tougher than I look. But this does bring up an interesting point - please notify me before you wish to meet  _my_ friends."

"Why?" Alec asked.

"Because," Magnus smirked, but Alec got the feeling that he wasn't completely lying.

"I'm of the firm belief that after you've met my friends, most of them anyway, you might actually never come back - if only to ensure that you never see  _them_ again."

"That's a very strong claim," Alec replied. "And, unfortunately for you, I just want to meet them more."

Magnus shook his head, a delighted smile playing across his lips.

"Let's conquer one friend group at a time, shall we?"

Alec looked at the clock on the wall and sighed.

"The time of utter questioning is nigh."

* * *

Magnus drove and Alec picked the music - pleasantly surprised by Magnus' diverse taste - and neither noticed how fast the time passed until they were out the front of the restaurant. Alec tried to reassure himself that he had nothing to worry about - the thought that he was being just a tad over-dramatic not crossing his mind - and if he happened to slyly check Magnus out in order to distract himself, decked out in a dark crimson button-up, well ... who could blame him?

"Everything will be fine, Alec." Magnus assured him as he turned the ignition off.

"I know," Alec said. "It's just, Aline ... let's just say that she can be almost as scary as Isabelle, and Isabelle  _knows you_."

Magnus raised his eyebrows, but didn't say a word.

They had barely made it two steps into the restaurant, before two girls were determinately striding towards them.

One had dark eyes and even darker, silky hair - Aline, Magnus guessed, mainly because of her similarity with the Lightwood siblings. She was shorter than the other girl, by an inch or so, with a prettiness that was subtle but unable to be missed. She was also of Asian descent, Magnus noted with a hint of pride.

Which would make the other girl, Helen - she was exquisitely beautiful, with honey-blond hair and delicate, almost elf-like features. She was smiling kindly, although Magnus could tell that she was also carefully examining him ... she just appeared to be a lot more sly about it than Aline.

He liked them both instantly.

"Alec, hi." Helen said, pulling Alec into a friendly hug.

"And you must be Magnus," She continued once they'd pulled away, offering a thin, manicured hand to Magnus.

"Indeed I am," He said, taking her hand - and kissing her knuckles. "And you are..."

"Helen." She said, before gesturing to Aline.

"And this is my girlfriend, Aline."

Aline stuck out her own hand, and Magnus repeated the greeting.

"It's a pleasure to meet the both of you."

"Likewise. And about time, I might add." Aline said, glancing at Alec with a devilish grin.

"You're meeting now, aren't you? If I had my way you wouldn't meet until ... oh,  _never_."

Helen reached for Alec's wrist and tugged gently.

"Come on, let's take a seat. I'm starving."

* * *

"So how long have you known Alec?" Magnus asked.

Helen finished her bite of her California roll, before answering.

"Well, Aline and Alec are cousins - closer than that though, like siblings really - so they've known each other forever. I met Alec back in high school, but we never really became friends until Aline and I started dating."

"Yes, about that ... Now I don't mean to be intrusive, but I am a little curious as to how long you two have been together." Magnus said.

"It's just that, Alec told me that you, Aline, had some very helpful advice for him..."

Aline smirked, and raised her eyebrows.

"He  _did_ , did he?" She asked, looking at Alec, who had his head in his hands.

"I plead my right to silence." He mumbled.

"Four years, nearly five." Aline said, glancing at Helen and chuckling softly.

"That's a substantial amount of time." Magnus said. "Commendable, even."

"It takes a lot of strength and patience." Helen said. "And even then, sometimes I want to strangle her."

She grinned cheekily, and Aline responded by poking her tongue out.

"I'll bet. Uh, I'd like to excuse myself, if you don't mind. I have some ... business to attend to." Magnus said, rising slowly out of his seat, still smiling charmingly.

"I think we can allow it." Aline said, and Alec resisted the urge to groan.

"Appreciated. Ladies," Magnus said, nodding to the two girls.

He bent down and kissed Alec, muttering  _"love you, darling"_ before walking off.

Unfortunately for Alec, those three little words did not go unheard by the other patrons at the table.

"Alec, did he just say what I  _think_ he said?" Helen asked, both her and Aline leant forward in their seats.

"That's a bit too vague for me to clarify." He said, trying to escape answering.

In vain, obviously, but he still tried.

"Well, see,  _I_ heard him say that  _he 'loves you'_... and, providing that was true, that would be an extremely interesting step in your relationship." Aline said.

"Not to mention," Helen added. "You didn't seem too surprised by what he said."

Alec sighed, and this time he actually  _did_ groan.

"You two are certifiable evil geniuses and I hate it. It should be illegal for you to even know each other let alone be in a serious committed relationship."

He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit of his, one he really needed to kick.

"Yes. Okay, yes, he  _did_  say what you think he said. But I don't want you to make a big deal out of it, we only said it last night - a lot of things happened last night, though - and I don't want him to be bombarded about it by you two. I know you're happy for me, it's just - I'm happy for me too. I really don't want to mess this up."

Helen nodded, hints of sympathy flooding her voice and features.

"Alec, even if we hadn't heard him say that he loves you, anyone with two eyes could see that he's completely and utterly infatuated with you." She reassured him. "You couldn't mess this up, even if you swapped his conditioner for bright pink hair dye."

Aline laughed, and it didn't take long for Alec and Helen to join in fits of giggles.

"That would be a tremendous sight, that I personally would  _love to see_." Aline commented.

"What would be a tremendous sight?" Magnus asked, sliding back onto his seat.

"You, with ... uh, with bright pink hair." Alec told him.

Magnus appeared to think about the idea, surprising all of them.

"I wouldn't usually venture on such extravagant fashion choices ... but I'm sure that I could probably pull it off. With a nice scarf, perhaps."

Aline and Helen laughed, but Alec didn't find it as amusing - not when Magnus sounded so serious, and the idea was a believable possibility.

"Actually, on second thought, I think I prefer your hair the way it is." He said.

"How about glitter? Is that a problem?" Magnus inquired.

"I think I could tolerate that." Alec said, his excited grin betraying his nonchalant tone.

"Were we ever  _that s_ appy?" Aline asked Helen.

"No, I don't think so." Helen answered.

"Uh, you two are s _till t_ his sappy - you've never stopped." Alec reminded them.

"Touché, is in order, I believe." Magnus added, and then they were all laughing and Alec couldn't remember what he'd been so worried about.

* * *

The girls told awfully embarrassing stories about Alec - including the one time Jace scared him so hard he tripped down a small flight of stairs - and Magnus laughed as Alec attempted to melt into his seat, to become part of the furniture.

In return, however, Alec told both Magnus and Helen previously secret tales about how Aline was as a child - such as when she chased the Lightwood family's cat Church around the Lightwood's kitchen and ended up with a bowl of flour on her head - and Alec grinned as Aline glared sharp daggers at him.

However, the drinks soon became flat and the chairs uncomfortable to sit on, and so they all mutually agreed to call it a success and part ways for the afternoon. Aline and Helen both let Alec know just how much they adored Magnus as he was chatting to the staff waiting for his receipt, and Alec thought Magnus might just have heard, despite their attempt to whisper.

Magnus offered to drive Alec home, and the girls didn't even bother to hide their amusement. Alec blamed the blood-rush on his neck as a result of the cold breeze, and pretended the girls weren't giggling at him.

They spent the drive jamming to the radio and discovering each other's karaoke skills - of which Magnus excelled at the best. Unfortunately, Alec arrived home far too quickly for his liking.

"I had a really good time last night." Alec said, gazing at Magnus with wide, genuine eyes.

"I just wanted to thank you. For everything you've done these past few months, and for last night. For letting me take things slow and for being so patient because I'm still new to all of this. Just ... thank you."

Magnus' expression softened immediately, and there was such intense adoration in his eyes Alec almost felt dizzy.

"There's no need to thank me, Alec, it's not as if I was obliged to do all those things. I did it because at first, you intrigued me and I wanted to get to know you. I've always found it better to take relationships slowly, anyway. More chance for them to last. And as for last night ... it was a delight to do that for you, Alec, and I would easily set up dinner or even brunch for you again, a hundred times over."

Alec burst forward and kissed Magnus, hard and fast and passionately. Their lips slid and their noses bumped together, Alec's heart clocked  _100kms_ and this time he really  _did_ feel dizzy.

"I love you." He said, breathless, and he was grinning like a fool but he didn't care.

"My sentiments exactly, Alexander." Magnus said, before kissing Alec with short gasps of air and soft moans - unfortunately ending it all after a few seconds, far too quickly for either of them.

"If you have any free time tonight," Magnus said, with a slight tweak to the corners of his lips.

"You should call me up. For a bit of a chat."

The words themselves were normal, but Magnus' tone was low and deep and full of unspoken hints.

"We'll see." Alec said, pecking Magnus' lips before climbing out of the car.

He didn't hear Magnus' car driving off until he reached the door. He smiled, amusedly, to himself as he stepped inside.

* * *

When Magnus got home, he saw he had a couple of missed calls on his answering machine. He hit the button to hear them, and got busy making himself a nice, alcoholic beverage.

The first message was from his old friend Ragnor, letting him know that he'd be in New York within the next month or so, in case he happened to want to meet up. Magnus got the strangest feeling that Catarina, one of his closest friends, had told Ragnor about Alec ... judging by Ragnor's tone, and the fact that Catarina was the only person Magnus had told.

He'd also sworn her, on her life, to complete and utter secrecy, but apparently that didn't matter.

The second message, was not one that Magnus was ready for.

_'Magnus, dear, how delightful it is to see you still don't answer your phone ... my, oh my, you haven't changed a bit in these awfully long years since we parted.'_

The voice was delicate and smooth, but all Magnus heard was ice and shattering glass - a piercing dagger straight into his heart.

_'I can't wait to see you again, my dearest love. We have much to catch up on.'_

A flash of razor teeth pulled into an elegant smile, popped into Magnus' mind, and he felt his hand jerk, his glass falling to the floor and crashing into a million shards.

_"Camille."_ He spat, and as he spoke he felt his blood run cold, goosebumps appearing on his skin, pricking like a million needles despite the warm air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's here???
> 
> Camille is here!!!!
> 
> (And she is far from the only 'special guest' character I am going to introduce.)


	18. Mending Hearts Can Take Some Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec shoots some arrows. 
> 
> Magnus gets a call from a dear friend.
> 
> And some clues from both of their pasts are finally revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLASHBACKS!!!!
> 
> Also more characters (finally)

When Alec got inside, he heard delighted shrieking - very high pitched, very girly, and very  _not-his-siblings_ '. A foot past the threshold, and Alec knew who the squeals were coming from.

"Why did no one call to tell me there was a party going on?" He asked as he entered the spacious family room.

Two pairs of eyes turned to him, one green and clear like stained glass, the other a luminescent gold like hidden treasure. Alec couldn't help the amused grin that spread at the surprise he saw in both pairs.

"And where were you last night, Mister?" Jace asked, trying but failing, to appear stern and unamused. His eyes were dancing far too much, his smile too happy for Alec to believe his facade.

"It is one thing to be out until all hours of the night, but to not return home..."

"Well, now, I'm not usually one to kiss and tell..." Alec began, but he didn't get to finish.

Another shriek, from the same person, escaped and the fiery red-head clapped a hand over her mouth. Alec noticed the dried splatter of different coloured paints on her forearm and the back of her hand, and chuckled softly to himself.

"Hello to you, too, Clary. It's certainly been a while."

"You're awfully cheery." She replied, appearing almost a little confused. Alec hadn't always liked Clary - he blamed his innate over-protectiveness - but he'd grown to like her over the past few years, if only because it didn't seem like Jace was easily letting her go.

"He got lucky -" Jace began, all cocky and smug, not realising how true his almost-spoken statement was. Thankfully, Isabelle walked in before he could finish and promptly cut him off, Simon - her kind-of-boyfriend - trailing behind her.

"With a sister as awesome as me. I knew Magnus would like that shirt - he and I both share a fantastic sense of fashion - but you appear to really love it too."

She was smirking, but there was also a million questions in her dark eyes. Alec took a deep breath and commanded his skin to stay cool.

"Well, it is such a nice colour." He said, with hints of sarcasm.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to interrupt ... it's just, did you say  _Magnus_?" Clary asked. "As in  _Mr. Bane._ "

Alec looked to Jace, eyebrows raised.

"You haven't told her?" He asked. The obvious meaning was evident -  _you didn't tell her about Magnus_  - but there was also another query lying just below the surface -  _she doesn't know I'm gay?_

Jace shrugged. "None of it was mine to tell."

Alec looked over at Isabelle, a fleeting glance.

"Nope." She said. "Simon knows you're  _in a_  relationship, but that's it."

Alec released a breath, then burst into a fit of laughter he couldn't control.

"Out of all the things I've done in the past few weeks, you'd think this would be easy ... I suppose it never really gets easy though..." He said, and it was mostly to himself, so he wasn't really expecting a reply.

"Mum's not around." Isabelle informed him. "In case that's what you're worried about."

"Good to know."

Alec took another deep breath. He hadn't been this nervous when he confessed his feelings to Magnus, but he wondered if it was because for the first time, he was truly admitting this out loud, and by saying it in front of other people, it all become true in the real world, not just in his little universe.

"Okay, news flash - although this might not be that new. I'm gay, I have a wonderful boyfriend who I love, and who  _happens_ to be a teacher at you're school. We're quite happy, and  _yes_ I did stay the night - take that as how you will."

Alec hadn't really paid much attention to the words that were coming out of his mouth, but apparently every one else had.

Isabelle rushed towards him, engulfing him in a tight hug.

"I'm so happy for you, Alec." She said, and at first he didn't understand, because she knew everything...

And then it dawned on him.

_'...wonderful boyfriend who I love'_

_**'who I love'** _

"Thanks Izzy." He said, and he was shaking a little as she let go.

Jace had walked over by then, but he didn't say anything. He simply placed a hand on Alec's shoulder, and smiled - and even without words, Alec understood what he was saying.

"Thank you." He said.

Jace walks back to Clary, and there's silence for a few beats, and then Simon pipes up.

"I don't mean to offend you or anything, but - when did you get so confident? It's just, you're a little different now."

Alec considered the question - he'd never really noticed any change, but by the interested looks of the others, he guessed it had happened.

"I don't know ... when I stopped caring about what other people thought I guess. When I met Magnus ... I suppose..." He said, and it was  _then_ , that he heard what everyone else had seemed to be aware of for a long time already.

Simon blinked slowly from behind his glasses, and then smiled - although the corners were wavy. At first Alec didn't understand why, and then he remembered that he hadn't really been too warm towards Simon, before. He was probably expecting Alec to punch him in the face or something - which he wouldn't.

Isabelle would hit  _him_ , too, if he did, and that just wasn't worth it.

"It's good to see you happy, Alec." Clary said, and there's a nagging part of Alec that questions why he'd never gotten to know Clary better.

_Probably because I never really used to talk to anyone, apart from Izzy and Jace - and Helen and Aline and, occasionally. Mark only if he was around._

It seemed, there was a lot Alec had to thank Magnus for, least of all drawing him out of his shell.

"So what have you guys been doing?" He asked, hoping to change the subject.

"Just some, uh, painting." Clary said, and it was then Alec noticed the splotch of blue paint on the underside of Jace's jaw.

"Homework." Simon added, and Alec believed that, sure he did, absolutely,  _100%._

"Okay then. Well, you kids have fun - not too much, mind. I'll be upstairs if you need me. Or maybe in the practise room, it's been a while."

"The call of the quiver dragging you away?" Jace asked, smugly.

Alec shrugged. "Pretty much."

"Well, have fun - video games and guitars have always been more my style, but each to their own." Simon added.

Alec choked out a laugh, and he missed the amused and disbelieving looks thrown his way as he headed towards the stairs.

* * *

Alec shot some arrows for the best part of two hours, and by the end of it he was sweaty and stinky and a little gross - but there was fire in his veins and adrenaline pumping out of his heart, and his mind felt clearer. It made him feel  _alive,_ and put everything that had happened recently into focus.

There was a big difference between being able to understand his feelings for Magnus, to overcome the hurdles his past had built to admit those feelings and say them out loud  _to_ Magnus - and revealing his past and all his demons, the whole reason that he was so messed up. To open himself up completely, to show every angle of himself he'd always kept in the shadows.

He knew, as he pulled the last arrow of the target, that there was only one possible thing he should do, one thing he  _had_ to do, because he owed it to Magnus.

He had to tell Magnus, because he knew that he was still keeping a part of him hidden, and that wasn't fair. He just hoped that Magnus wouldn't leave him for being ridiculous.

* * *

_"Alec ... Alec, come on, you can't just shut me out forever."_

_Alec furiously wiped his eyes with his closed fists, angry at himself, not just for crying but for allowing himself to be manipulated and humiliated like that. For letting Sebastian hurt him in the way that he did._

'I'm an idiot.'  _He thought, and he knew that he was right._

_"I can shut you out for as long as possible, and that's what I'm planning on doing!" Alec shouted back, his voice coming out shattered and broken._

_"Alec, you're not the problem here!" Isabelle yelled, and Alec knew none of it was her fault, but his anger didn't._

_"Well, it certainly feels like I am!" He shouted back, and then he flopped onto his bed, his face squashed into his pillow._

_Within seconds the cotton pillow case was soaked, but Alec was in too much pain to care._

_Today had been the worst day of his life, the one person he'd ever properly liked - romantically liked - had strung him along for months now, and on the one day Alec had actually thought he might finally get his first kiss ... Sebastian had waited until Alec had leaned in, lips incredibly close, before pulling away and shouting about how gross and disgusting Alec was._

_And then, as if matters couldn't possibly be any worse, most of their grade had flooded in, laughing and pointing - he thinks some of them might even have taken pictures, but he was out the door before he could be certain._

_"I can't believe I trusted him." Alec told his pillow, and then he added. "I can't believe I was foolish enough to tell him all that I did."_

_He didn't know what would happen when he turned up back at school - he had told Sebastian a lot of things about himself, shared a lot of secrets before he'd told Isabelle, a certain secret even Jace didn't yet know._

_Alec thanked whatever lucky stars he had left, that Jace was on a school trip for a few weeks, and hopefully wouldn't hear about what had happened to Alec. He didn't think he could handle his brother finding out how much of a pathetic mess he was - it was bad enough that Isabelle knew, that he hadn't been able to stop her from finding out._

_There was a sharp ache in his chest, like a hand constricting around his heart, and the tighter it gripped, the more tears that fell._

* * *

Magnus didn't call Alec that night, not because he didn't want to, but because he didn't think he'd be able to keep himself together without Alec figuring out that something was up. Because there was no way he could tell Alec the truth, not yet.

Instead, he called one of the few people in the world he trusted most.

_"Magnus, it's been so long. I don't think I've heard from you in at least a year."_

Magnus almost sighed at the pleasant, achingly familiar voice that echoed through the line.

"I know, and I am terribly sorry, Tessa. How are you, how is London?"

_"Fine, I'd imagine. Probably quite wet - it is London after all. Although, technically I'm not there right now."_

"You're not?" He asked. He had met Tessa when they were in college together, and they had become fast friends, and close ones too.

She had left for London once they had graduated, and Magnus had stayed. Unfortunately, communication had dwindled in the past year or so, and it had therefore been a while since they'd spoken. He wasn't sure where she was now, or why, though.

_"No, not for the moment at least. I'm in New York, interestingly enough - visiting an old family friend."_

"Tess, dear, why didn't you tell me?"

_"If I'm being perfectly honest, I wasn't sure if I even had the correct number."_

Magnus ducked his head, thankful Tessa couldn't see how ashamed he was.

"I'm immensely sorry, Tessa, I never meant to cease communication with you."

_"Things happen, Magnus, it's fine. Is this a call for a pleasant reason, or is something wrong?"_

Trust Tessa Gray to understand what was going on, even through a phone connection.

"Nothing is wrong yet, although a lot of things have happened. Do you happen to have time for a chat, Tess?"

_"I'll always have time for you Magnus, you know that. Besides, it's not like I have much else I_ want  _to do - working towards a Master's takes a lot of one's strength, and I would gladly accept any distraction."_

Magnus laughed. "I can't believe you want to be a Literature professor."

_"It's my passion, Magnus, you can surely understand that."_

"Yes, but it's also so much  _work._ " Magnus whined.

Tessa laughed, the sound like a sparkling wind chime.

_"What did you want to talk about Magnus?"_

Magnus sighed, and steeled himself, drawing upon hidden strength.

"I hope you have a comfortable seat, Tessa darling, because there is much you don't yet know. The best news, is that I am in a new relationship..."

_"Magnus, I am so happy for you, congratulations."_

Magnus smiled at Tessa's words - she had been there at the tail end of his first serious relationship, helped him through the hurt that had been inflicted upon him like knife wounds - her kind, caring nature a big factor in the creation of their friendship. And when Magnus had gone through another, terrible relationship ending, Tessa had held him close, through the pain that had blossomed inside of him because he hadn't been able to help the one he loved when he wanted to the most.

Tessa was one of his dearest friends, and she'd always cared for him like a brother, and he loved her like his own sister.

"He might just be one of the best things to have happened to me." Magnus admitted, and he took on a wistful, faraway look as he thought of his delightful, gorgeous boyfriend.

_"That is wonderful. Yet, why do I get the feeling there is other news that is not so postive?"_

Magnus sighed, and he didn't notice his hand start to twitch or his back tense, nor his blood turn cool.

"Because I recently found a message on my voicemail that causes me to regret having a landline."

_"That does not sound good. What was the message? Who was it from?"_

"You'll never believe who has dared to rear their demonic face."

Magnus ran his spare hand through his tousled locks, resisting the urge to groan and slide down the nearest wall.

"Camille's back, Tessa. And I have no idea what she's planning, but I have no doubt that it won't be good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tessa is coming, for anyone else who likes her.


	19. Hope For The Future And Disdain For The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec tries to work out how to tell Magnus about the person who broke his heart, and Magnus accepts (not willingly) that he has to tell Alec about his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AKA the best chapter title by far. 
> 
> Seblec fans will be happy. Malec fans too, of course.

"You've never seen Anastasia?"

Alec shrugged, a little embarrassed.

"I was never allowed too. My parents had strict restrictions on what we could watch on TV, and when we could watch it. By the time I was old enough to have control myself, I wasn't interested - I prefered books and music and there was also school to worry about, so..."

Magnus was staring at him wide-eyed, and Alec blushed at the gaze.

They were curled up together on Magnus' couch, Alec's head resting on Magnus' chest, his boyfriend's arm wrapped tightly around him. When Alec had admitted to Magnus that he'd never watched the classic movie, Magnus had pulled back and stared at him in disbelief.

Magnus curled his fingers against the fabric of Alec's shirt near his ribs, rubbing soothingly.

"I'm sorry to have embarrassed you, darling, but it came as quite a surprise." He admitted.

Alec smiled. "It's fine. We can watch it, if you want."

Truth be told, Alec didn't care what they did or whether they watched anything at all, he just really wanted to spend time with Magnus. It had been a few days since their double date with Helen and Aline, but Alec had exams in a couple of weeks and he knew that their time together would be few and far between, especially considering the time he needed to study as well.

Magnus grinned and kissed the top of Alec's forehead.

"You, here, is all I want." He murmured, and Alec's blush turned radioactive.

Despite all they had done and admitted to each other recently, there was still a shock of gleeful surprise when Magnus said sweet, romantic things like that. They didn't even have to be face-to-face. Magnus had called Alec the night before, murmuring "goodnight" and "I love you" and other nice, lovely words that had kept Alec from sleeping for almost two hours, simply because he couldn't stop replaying them over and over, still in a slight state of disbelief that someone like Magnus could love someone like  _him_  so much.

He was still trying to get used to the fact that Magnus was  _his_ , that everything that had happened since they met hadn't all just been a concotion of Alec's imagination.

Alec pressed his head further into the crook of Magnus' neck, placing a gentle kiss on the warm skin of Magnus' collarbone. He felt the pulse of Magnus' beating heart, smelt sandalwood and lavender soap and sweat and something inherently Magnus.

"I love you." He whispered, and he heard Magnus' breath hitch, felt his heart beat faster.

"I love you too," Magnus replied softly, and Alec couldn't remember a time he'd ever felt more content or happy.

* * *

_"A little birdy has told me that you have a crush on me."_

_Alec blushed furiously as Sebastian's words flooded over him. He could feel his heart pick up speed as Sebastian stepped closer, forcing him to step backwards until his spine hit the front of the classroom table._

_"Who?" He choked out._

_Sebastian laughed, sharply, and it reverberated down Alec's spine._

_"Oh, Alec, you know that I can't tell you that. I made a promise. A promise is a sacred declaration, it would be rude of me to break it."_

_There was barely any distance between them now, and Alec tensed against the shudder that threatened to tear through him at the close proximity. He was certain that if Sebastian stepped any closer, Alec would be able to feel his breath, and then he would definitely faint._

_"Why ... why does it matter?" Alec asked, and he was ashamed at how nervous and lovestruck he sounded, but he couldn't help it. Sebastian was the hottest guy in their entire school, not just their year, and he was loved by everyone - even those who claimed to hate him couldn't help but admire him._

_Sebastian was charming and witty and gorgeous, and he managed to make anyone feel important just by looking at them. He could command a whole group with a click of his fingers, he was dark and moody in the best way - like thunderstorms at midnight, dark but fascinating and inspiring. His eyes were impossibly dark, practically black, like ink spilled from a pen had pooled into his iris', and they clashed in the most brilliant way with his strangely bright hair, locks that shone like silver under moonlight._

_And he was talking to Alec right now._

_"Because, Alec," Sebastian spoke slowly, his voice low. He stepped forward, reaching a hand out to brush the back of his knuckles across Alec's cheekbones. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind Alec's ears, and tremors shook through Alec's bones._

_"I think it's interesting."_

_Alec dug his fingers into the fabric of his jeans, trying in vain to press his short nails into his leg so he doesn't pass out. Sebastian's voice was travelling down his spine like a shiver, the thin hairs on the back of his neck standing to attention._

_"And, I think_ you're  _interesting."_

_Sebastian moved so he was speaking directly into Alec's ear, his breath tickling his neck and the shell of his ear._

_"Not to mention, unfairly attractive."_

_Alec gasped, his heart bouncing against his rib cage. His skin felt like a live wire, alert and on edge, and he wasn't sure if he was going to suddenly wake up and find out it was all a dream._

_"Really?" He breathed out, not trusting himself to speak more than a single-word sentence._

_Sebastian laughed again, and Alec felt it in the depths of his veins._

_"Yes, Alec." Sebastian said. "Really."_

* * *

"His name was Sebastian..."

Alec shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked at his reflection in his bathroom mirror, at the faded bags under his eyes and his messy hair. He'd only been studying for two days, and he already looked like a wreck.

Although, to be fair to himself, he was also trying to figure out some way to explain to Magnus why he had been so reserved and self-conscious at the start of their relationship. Why he was still a little apprehensive when it came to being with him, being in love, committing himself to a serious, adult relationship - something he'd never had before.

Why it had taken him so long to trust Magnus, why there was still a small part of him that was illogically scared that Magnus would treat him the way Sebastian did, even though he knew that Magnus never would.

Unfortunately for him, he was having trouble even telling himself.

"There was this boy..."

Alec sighed, none of the words he was trying out sounding right to him.

This was going to be even harder than he'd thought - and he'd imagined it would be impossible.

* * *

_Knock knock knock_

Magnus paused the show he was watching, his head turning slowly to the direction of the door. He knew that, if it was Alec, the door would open soon. Then again, Alec was likely studying at the moment, so it might not be him.

Figuring that it was someone other than his boyfriend, Magnus stood up and slowly made his way over to the door.

"Who has the delightful pleasure of my wonderous presence?" Magnus said as he opened the door.

He was met with a beautifully familiar laugh, once that caused a faint ache in his chest.

"I think that  _'wondorous presence'_  might be pushing it a little."

"Tessa, darling!" Magnus exclaimed, pulling his old friend into a warm hug.

"It's good to see you too, Magnus." Tessa said, hugging him tightly.

"Are you ever planning on moving out of this apartment?" She asked when they pulled away.

Magnus raised his eyebrows amusedly. "You and I both know that this is a wonderful apartment and one of the best in the neighbourhood. Not to mention how awful I am at moving when I don't need to."

Tessa laughed again. "Awful isn't even the word."

Magnus stepped back, letting Tessa into his apartment. She slid past him with an enviable grace, heightened by the fact she was in simple faded denim jeans, a crisp white blouse and cream flats, her dark brown hair twisted into a braid swung over her shoulder.

"How has New York been treating you?" Magnus asked, making his way to the kitchen.

"Fairly well, I have to admit. The weather has been surprisingly pleasant, it wasn't this nice the last time I was here." Tessa said, following him.

"It's a fickle place, this beautiful city." Magnus commented, pulling a glass out of the cupboard and holding it up in a silent question.

"That it is. Just water, please."

Magnus nodded, filling the glass with ice and water, before adding a colourful straw.

Tessa shook her head fondly at his eccentrics. "Thank you."

Magnus led her to the couch, where they sat, on opposite ends. Magnus rested his feet on the coffee table, legs crossed, and Tessa folded her legs carefully.

"So, I assume you know why I am here." Tessa said, taking a slow sip from the straw.

"Somehow I get the feeling it's not to reminisce about our reckless college days?" Magnus sighed.

"The way I remember our college days is most certainly not as reckless as how you view yours, I'm sure. I can certainly distract you from the problem at hand if you desire by discussing your current relationship ... although that will likely lead to your problem anyway, so..."

Tessa smiled sympathetically as her words sunk in.

Magnus sighed, because even though he didn't want to admit it, he knew Tessa was right. He shouldn't be surprised, as she was hardly ever wrong.

"I don't even know how I am supposed to tell him, Tess."

"I'd say you should just be honest with him, but it's really all up to you." Tessa said.

"You have to work out whether you want to tell him about both of them, or..."

"I want to tell him everything, but Camille ... she was different, she wasn't special in the same sense as ... if she turns up here and Alec is around ... I don't trust her around him, Tessa, who knows what she'd do." Magnus explained. He rubbed his forehead wearily, exhausted by the mere reminder of his past relationships and the weight he'd only recently managed to shake off.

"My suggestion would be to slowly reveal your past with her then." Tessa suggested.

"Because unfortunately Camille's self-made career at ruining my life prevents me from pretending she never existed in the first place." Magnus muttered.

"You could start with Etta..." Tessa suggested, her voice quiet and soft, because she knew how much simply hearing the name hurt him, and she guessed it had been a long time since Magnus had even allowed himself to speak his ex's name.

"Yes, well, the next obvious step in our relationship is to cry in front of him." Magnus said, sarcastically. He groaned and slumped against his couch, and Tessa reached a hand out to squeeze his hand comfortingly.

"I know it's hard, Magnus, and I know you'd love nothing more than to forget your past. But I also believe that Alec deserves to know the truth, and if you love him as much as I know you do, you won't be able to keep this from him for much longer."

Magnus looked at Tessa with pain and confliction in his eyes. Her heart ached to see her friend so torn, especially as she wasn't entirely sure how she could help him. She knew Alec could probably help, a little, even though Tessa didn't know him yet, simply from what she'd heard from Magnus. By telling Alec about his ex's, Magnus might be able to finally let go. To give himself fully to Alec.

At least, that's what Tessa hoped.

"I don't want to lose him, Tess." Magnus whispered. "I don't want to go through it all again, I don't think I could handle it. I'm not sure I could handle him walking away."

"Before you tell him," Tessa said. "I wouldn't mind meeting him. I don't believe he would leave, not after hearing what you've been through, but I also admittedly don't know him the way you do."

Magnus pursed his lips, considering the idea.

"I'm not entirely opposed to introducing you." He said slowly.

Tessa smiled sweetly. "I'm sure we'll get along swimmingly."

* * *

Alec didn't realise he had fallen asleep until he heard the chiming of his phone, alerting him of an incoming call. He lifted his head off his Psychology textbook, groaning as the side of his face tingled. He looked at his phone with bleary eyes, taking a second to register who was calling him.

"Hello." He said sluggishly, pushing his hair backwards with his spare hand.

_"Hello, Alexander. Did I wake you?"_

Alec sighed. "Sort of. I had been studying but I must have fallen asleep..."

_"I'm sorry for disturbing your slumber, I had hoped I'd caught you before you fell under the spell of unconsciousness."_

"It's fine. I have all night to sleep, after all. Why did you call - not that I'm saying I'm not glad you did, I'm just wondering."

_"The reasons are two-fold. Mainly, I just really wanted to talk to you - it's horrible how dependant I've become on you and your presence, but there's not much I can honestly do about it, now. I'm much too far gone."_

Magnus' laugh echoed through the phone, and Alec smiled to himself.

_"However, I've recently had a visit from a good, dear old friend of mine, who wishes to meet the guy who has captured my heart. I have this feeling she might not believe you exist."_

Alec laughed, trying to hide how Magnus words were making him feel. "I'm pretty sure I exist, just give me a minute to check."

_"No need. I know you're real and that is enough for me. I must add, that you have every right to deny her offer if you don't feel comfortable with it."_

"You've already met my siblings and two of the people I can claim as my best friends, Magnus. It would only be fair for me to meet your friend. Especially if she is as special to you as she sounds."

_"I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it before I promised her anything."_

"I'd love to meet her Magnus. I'm free on Sunday, if that's okay with you and your friend."

_"Sunday sounds wonderful. I'll let her know the good news."_

Alec yawned, and his hopes that Magnus hadn't heard were immediately diminished.

_"Alec, darling, if you're tired, I'm sure we can talk tomorrow, or some other more suitable time."_

"I don't want to go to stop talking to you yet, though." Alec said, covering up an incoming yawn with his hand.

Alec didn't mention that he wished he was sleeping next to Magnus instead of alone in his bed, because he was a little terrified about how easily the thought came to him and how much he actually wanted it.

_"Neither do I. But sleep is important, especially if you're going to be running yourself ragged by studying for your exams."_

Alec sighed. "You're right."

_"Of course I am. Go to bed, darling, sleep the night away with sweet dreams."_

"I guess I should. Goodnight Magnus."

_"Goodnight Alexander, I love you."_

"I love you too."

Alec's dreams that night were filled with flashes of Magnus, kissing and hugging and touching. There were memories that filtered in, of silvery-blond hair and eyes that speak of evil and darkness and pain. But ultimately, the reminders of his past were pushed away by pictures of Magnus' golden-green eyes and heavenly smile.

Even unconscious, Alec had a feeling that he might just be finally getting over the boy who broke his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to be writing Sebastian as 'Sebastian' from Cruel Intentions - the coincidence is extraordinary. For anyone who has seen it. It's enormous fun. Not going to lie.


	20. Take A Deep Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec prepares himself to meet Magnus' friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might seem a bit funny, because I had to split it into two - I got a bit excited and carried away with Tessa and suddenly it was far too long for just one chapter. 
> 
> But trust me, I'm like five chapters ahead and it's getting very interesting and I'm very proud.

"Hey, Alec."

Alec looked up to find Jace standing next to his door, which was half-open. He leaned back in his chair, stretching the muscles of his back to prevent future aches and fatigue. Jace watched patiently as he did so, understanding how hard Alec had been studying. His exams weren't until next week, but Alec had never been much of a procrastinator, it simply wasn't in his genes.

"Clary and Simon are over, and Iz and I wanted to know if you wanted to eat dinner with us? We were thinking of just ordering in and watching a movie, and we thought it would be cool if you joined - you don't have to of course, I understand if you want to keep studying."

Alec pushed his legs out, curling and uncurling his toes. He hadn't really moved in a few hours, trapped in his textbooks and the black scrawlings that were his frantic notes, the lines of Eliot and Austen and the theories of Freud scrambling his brain until he couldn't seperate one from the other.

He could, at the moment, think of little better than having a break.

"Sure, I could use some time off."

Jace grinned and took a step back. "I'm going to order now. Thai sound good to you?"

"Sounds perfect."

Alec stretched out his arms, popping an air bubble in his elbow, before shutting his textbook. He tidied up his desk as much as possible, keeping in mind that he'd likely return to it soon anyway. He put his pen in the old cup that served as a holder, and pushed his chair back.

Alec slipped on a faded grey sweater - it might have been green, once - because he could guarantee the air downstairs would be nowhere near as warm as it was in his room. He blamed Jace, mostly, because his brother's bodily temper was near-alarmingly warmer than the average human. His skin could get so hot it was like he had fire in his veins. His feet made soft pads as he made his way down the stairs, and he was only half-way done when he heard chatter echoing through the walls and open doors. He didn't notice the smile as it spread, but he did recognise the feeling of happiness as it filled him.

"What's on the agenda for tonight?" He asked as he walked into the living room, and he resisted a chuckle as Simon's eyes widened in alarm.

He was on the couch, Isabelle on his lap, and anyone could see that they were inches away from making out. Unsurprisingly, Jace and Clary were nowhere to be seen.

"Jace went to go and get the Thai food, the place is only a few blocks away and he said he could enjoy the fresh air." Isabelle explained, not making any move in getting off of Simon.

Who appeared to be contemplating whether he should just push Isabelle off and make a run for it before Alec skinned him.

"If my food is cold I'm going to dump it down his shirt." Alec said, flopping into an armchair.

He smiled at Simon, hoping to ease him just a little bit. "I'm not going to hurt you, Simon, you can stop looking like I'm holding a gun to your head."

Isabelle giggled. "No, arrows are much more his thing. Cleaner, too."

Alec looked at her disaprovingly. "Not helping, Iz."

Simon looked like all of the colour had drained from his face. Isabelle smiled and kissed his cheek, whispering something that Alec couldn't hear, but that apparently eased Simon's concerns a little.

"How's the studying?" He asked, shifting so Isabelle was sitting on him in a manner that was a little more appropriate for conversations with her brother.

"Fine. Tiring, but what else was I going to expect from college?" Alec joked. It felt good, to socialise with Simon as though they were friends, with less heated glares and terrified eyes.

"I bet you'll be glad when they're over, less stress and more time for fun?"

"I suppose." Alec nodded.

"More time for Magnus, you mean." Isabelle said, wiggling her eyebrows, and the behaviour was so ridiculous and so Jace-like, Alec burst into laughter.

"I'm not going to say you're wrong, because in all honesty we all know that you're not, but that's not the highest priority on my to-do list." Alec informed her, shaking his head in amusement.

"But he _is_ on there?" Isabelle asked, and Alec scoffed out a laugh.

"Well, yeah. Actually, I'm supposed to be meeting one of his friends, tomorrow." Alec said. "For afternoon tea."

"That's, kind of a big deal, isn't it?" Simon asked.

"I guess. He's already met Helen and Aline, and we've both announced our undying love." Alec replied, trying to joke, but his words slowed as he realised the actual weight of what was happening tomorrow.

"I guess you can't pretend that it's not serious anymore, hey?" Simon said, trying a laugh, though it sounded broken and awkward.

"Bigger than anything else I've done." Alec said slowly, more to himself than anyone else.

Neither Isabelle or Simon spoke, and the air in the room appeared to get heavier, weighing down on Alec's shoulders just as his thoughts did on his mind.

* * *

Jace and Clary came back and Alec decided that - as the only person there without a significant other present, and the oldest of the group - he reserved the right to choose the first movie. Jace, as always, tried to argue, but between Alec's stubborness and Clary's somewhat surprising support, Jace had no chance.

He slipped on Sherlock Holmes, the Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law version, because it was a favourite for all of them, and after watching Anastasia with Magnus, Alec couldn't find many movies he _didn't_ want to watch with his boyfriend. Everything he had came across was seen as far too special for just a Saturday night-in with his siblings and their partners.

One movie together and he was already making mental notes of more he wanted to watch with Magnus. He'd find it ridiculous if it wasn't happening _to him_.

Simon and Isabelle didn't move too much from their original position, and Clary and Jace had joined them on the other side of the thankfully long sofa, curled up into the corner of the couch. Alec lounged in the armchair, his legs thrown over the arm, because he didn't have anyone to cuddle so he wanted to be as comfortable as possible.

He did end up texting Magnus halfway through the movie, with his phone tucked into the sleeve of his sweater and the brightness dimmed as low as possible. He was certain that the others had noticed, but he was also grateful that none of them had said anything.

He and Magnus talked about the movie - it was a favourite of Magnus', too, so it turned out - but their conversation quickly travelled to the next day. Alec tried to sound positive and excited about meeting Magnus' friend, but there was a bud of doubt inside him like a growing flower, and try as he might, he couldn't push it away.

Afterwards, when the movie was finished and Alec had retired to his room because he was far too exhausted to watch another one, he recieved a call from Magnus - apparently, even through written words Magnus could tell that something was up and he wasn't going to let Alec dismiss it easily.

* * *

_"Are you nervous about tomorrow?"_ Magnus asked. Alec leaned back against the headboard of his bed and closed his eyes.

"I don't know. A little bit, I suppose. This friend of yours, Tessa, is obviously so important to you, and she probably knows you better than I do, I mean - what if she doesn't like me?"

_"She'll love you."_ Magnus promised. _"And even if she doesn't, I do, and her opinion of you isn't as important to me as mine is."_

Alec smiled, despite the fact that Magnus couldn't see it. "Me, meeting her ... I understand that it means a lot to you, but I think ... I think it means more to me."

_"Why?"_

"Because ... you've already met my friends, and you had a great time with them. I want to do the same, I - I want to get to know your friends too. I know it sounds kind of silly after all the actual milestones we've reached, but..."

Alec sighed, the confession burning a hole in his mind not one he had been prepared to speak just yet.

"I've never had the best of luck with friends, or relationships - or even people I thought were my friends. What you and I have - it's so different, and yet so amazing and sometimes I can't believe it but I know it's true. I don't ... I want to make friends and to know that there isn't any doubt in the relationship, that they're not going to suddenly ... abandon me."

There was silence on the other end, and Alec hoped Magnus was simply mulling over his words.

_"It seems neither of us have had much luck in the past. But, I honestly cannot see you not getting along with Tessa. She's so much like you it's almost uncanny, and she already adores you even though you've never even met."_

"No pressure, much." Alec joked.

_"If it's too much, Alec..."_

"It's fine. I ... I'm sure I'll be fine, I'm probably just stressing about it too much. I do that a lot. Is it ... would it be okay if I turned up a little earlier, though?"

_"It wouldn't be a problem at all, I would love to see you sooner. How has the studying been going?"_

"Okay. I started to get Becker mixed up with Austen ... I'm not sure she'd appreciate how I started labelling her characters."

_"Depends on who they were. I imagine there would be a few characters with choice names she wouldn't mind too much."_

Alec laughed at the thought of spinster classics author Jane Austen hating on her own characters. Then again, it didn't sound all that surprising, if he was being perfectly honest.

_"It sounds like you need a bit of a break..."_ Magnus said slowly, his voice lowering until it was at an almost sultry tone. Alec slid further down his bed, slipping his legs under the cover. He tugged the sleeve of his sweater down and started nibbling on the fraying fabric.

"What are you suggesting?" Alec asked, his voice raising on the last word, his heart pcking up speed.

_"Well, I do have a few ideas..."_

* * *

"She's probably not even here, yet."

Alec was standing outside of Magnus' apartment. He hadn't moved since he'd arrived, which was roughly five minutes ago, because he had instead decided to stress over meeting Tessa. He knew he was being ridiculous, more so because he felt more nervous now than he had with Magnus since their first date.

He wasn't sure whether it was because of the doubt inside him that his relationship with Magnus was simply too good to be true and would therefore end horribly, and soon, or because he'd never really had many friends before.

Alec sighed, steeling himself. He dug his nails into his palm, not hard enough to hurt, because he was wearing a jacket, not his usual, comforting sweaters, and he needed to do something to center himself in reality.

He knocked on Magnus' door, three taps of his knuckles on the hard wood. His arm had barely returned to his side when the door opened, revealing Magnus with the widest grin on his face.

And, for some reason, flour in his hair.

"Hello!" He greeted Alec excitedly.

Alec immediately stepped forward, his hands coming up to grip Magnus' arms as they kissed, melting into the touch and the familiarity. It had been far too long since they'd last seen each other. (Even though it hadn't really been that long at all.)

"Hi. I know this may be a stupid question, but why on earth do you have flour in your hair?" Alec asked.

Magnus' hand reached up to run through his hair, which was a little fluffy and mostly down - which meant he hadn't done it up like he usually would. Alec couldn't deny that he liked the casual look better, in a sense, because it felt and looked more natural. Even his make-up was minimal, a thin line of eyeliner the only thing decorating his eyes.

"Oh, I hadn't even noticed. I've been baking." Magnus announced, and he sounded so excited Alec couldn't help but laugh.

"I didn't know you baked."

"I am a man of many talents." Magnus declared. He opened the door wider and stepped back. Alec looked down and noticed with a slight sense of delight, that he was wearing simple grey jeans and a black mesh top. Simple, for Magnus.

Admittedly, his jeans were flecked with more flour and what looked like chocolate.

"Yes, but baking? That doesn't really seem your style." Alec said, walking past Magnus into the apartment.

He didn't mention that he had always been a fan of baking himself, loved to make cucpakes and biscuits with his mother on the weekends, back when she was happy and home most days.

"It's relaxing, and I end up with delicious treats afterwards." Magnus said, following Alec into the kitchen. "I can't see any downside to it."

Alec shrugged, hopping onto the seat in front of Magnus' bench - which was decorated with baking ingredients, the area next to the sink covered in stacked dirty dishes.

"So what did you bake?" He asked. Magnus grinned knowingly, before sliding on oven mitts and pulling the door to his oven down. He stood up, brandishing a tray with cookies on baking paper.

"'Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies' - at least, that's what the recipe called them." Magnus joked, sliding the tray onto a bare area of bench.

"You'll have to wait until they've cooled a bit, but I hope they taste good."

"I'm sure they will."

Magnus smiled fondly, walking around the bench to slid his hands behind Alec's head, into his hair, his thumb caressing Alec's cheek. Alec sucked in a gasp of breath, as Magnus leaned in closer, the distance between them disappearing.

The kiss was delicate and smooth, expressing love but also how much they missed each other, how happy they were that they were together. It was a kiss that allowed Alec to relax, to melt into Magnus' touch, the feel of it, the warmth and comfort. It was one that allowed Magnus to remind himself that Alec was here, he was Magnus' and he wasn't just going to leave him. He was, for the foreseeable future at least, here to stay.

It was a nice reassurance. The last person Magnus had thought would stay, did the complete opposite in one of the worst possible ways - and even though it hadn't been her fault, it still hurt.

But Alec ... he couldn't let Alec leave him. And the kiss, allowed Magnus to feel as though he could capture their love, their relationship between lips and keep it locked inside of him forever.

"Magnus," Alec said, pulling away, almost breathless. There was a shine in his eyes, one of determination and severity, and his forehead was scrunched, as though he was fighting himself about something.

"There's something I need to tell you." He continued, and Magnus raised his eyebrows slowly. It didn't sound like a good thing, but he also didn't want to jump to any unnecessary conclusions.

Just then, the doorbell to Magnus' apartment rang. He didn't move, because Alec had something to say, and he respected Alec far too much to simply dismiss him.

"You should answer the door," Alec said, although he still appeared conflicted about something.

"But you wanted to talk to me." Magnus reminded him. Alec shrugged, gazing up with clear, crystal eyes.

"It's okay, I can always tell you another day. It's probably Tessa, it would be rude to keep her waiting like this."

When Magnus made no attempt to move, Alec leaned forward and kissed him slowly.

"Go." He prompted. Magnus did, although there was a funny feeling deep inside of his gut that he couldn't ignore.

Alec took a deep breath, preparing himself for anything that might happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scheduling will resume every second week, like it was before my holiday break. :)


	21. Sometimes Pain Remains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec gains some new insight, and divulges information he'd otherwise been keeping to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really love Tessa, okay?

"I'd make some claim about breaking down your door or something if you hadn't of answered, but I honestly don't think there is _actually_ anything I would logically be able to do." Tessa greeted as Magnus opened the door.

He shook his head fondly as she stepped forward. Their hug was short, but it was a great comfort, and one Magnus hadn't realised he'd missed until she came back.

"You're strong in nature, Tessa dear, and in mind, but not so much in physical strength." Magnus admitted.

Tessa shrugged, almost acceptingly, and Magnus stepped aside to allow her room to walk into the apartment.

"So, where is..." Tessa's voice trailed off as she noticed Alec walking into the room, from the kitchen area.

"Oh, hello. You must be Alec." She said, her smile widening, soft and gentle and pleasant.

Alec, although with wavering corners, returned the smile. "I guess that makes you Tessa, then. It's great to meet you."

"Magnus has told me so much about you, least of all how gorgeous he thinks you are, but it's truly wonderful to see you in person."

"I hope he only said good things," Alec said, his anxiety easing ever so slowly. It was still there, he could feel it like a knot inside his stomach, but it wasn't suffocating like it had been.

"When would I ever say horrible things about you?" Magnus asked, feigning offence, his hand on his heart to add dramaticism.

"Nothing but the highest compliments." Tessa promised, before Alec could answer.

Alec smiled, and the slight tension in the room seemed to ease a little more. Magnus nodded towards the furniture in the lounge-room. Alec and Tessa followed him, Tessa taking a seat in the smaller couch, Magnus and Alec sitting next to each other, arms brushing, on the larger couch.

"So, how did you and Magnus meet?" Alec asked, leaning back onto the couch, and consequently pressing closer to Magnus, seeking silent comfort and support.

"In college." Tessa said. "Magnus was a little more eccentric, and lot less ... mature. Everyone loved him, although I'm sure that's not much of a surprise to you."

Magnus made a noise of protest, but Tessa simply smiled at him and kept talking. Alec found himself smiling too, at the thought of young Magnus with feather hats or bright yellow stockings, running around with cloth scarfs and a legion of followers.

"I ran into him, once. I was exiting my dorm and he was strutting past, neither of us were really looking at where we were going. Thankfully, I only had a few textbooks and a notebook with me, nothing too fragile or breakable."

"I'm pretty sure I apologised." Magnus said, slipping an arm around Alec's waist.

"And I'm pretty sure you were hungover in the girl's apartments," Tessa reminded him, shrugging. "But I digress."

"We had no subjects together, but he was in a class - ancient mythology and legends, I belive - with my partner Will, so we found ourselves seeing more of each other than we'd first expected."

Tessa crossed her legs, one over the other. "I'm not saying our friendship is a normal one, but I certainly do count Magnus as one of my dearest friends, and I wouldn't change a thing even if I had the chance."

Magnus blew Tessa a kiss, and she politely blew one back. Alec snuggled into Magnus' side more, relieved at how comfortable the atmosphere felt.

"So, what happened after college?" Alec asked, curious as to how he hadn't heard of her until quite recently.

"I moved to England, to continue my studies at a higher level. I'm currently working on my Master's degree in English Literature. I'm hoping to teach it, soon."

"Is it hard?" Alec asked. He knew from his own classes, that English Lit. was not the easiest subject in the world, and that it required a lot of room to explore and anaylse - and often gave one a headache from overthinking.

"A little. The reward outweighs the difficulty, I suppose. I get to read beautiful works by extraordinary writers and poets, and then I get to apply that to modern society ... not to mention, for a small time I get to escape, to pretend I'm a lady in Victorian times..."

Tessa shook her head slightly, blinking away the wistful shine that had sparked in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm rambling."

"No, it's fine. It's interesting, honestly - I'm studying Lit. now, and I - I have the same feelings as you." Alec said. "The same perception."

Tessa's smile brightened. "Although I hate to admit it, it seems Magnus was right. We do have a fair amount in common."

Magnus grinned, tugging Alec a little closer. "I'm hardly ever wrong."

Both Alec and Tessa fixed Magnus with raised eyebrows, an expression so nearly identical it was almost comical.

"I'm not adding a further comment to that, I think I have said all I need to." Magnus added, lifting his chin a little. Tessa shook her head, and Alec found himself copying her.

"Is he still this ridiculous?" Tessa asked Alec, leaning forward as though she was heavily intrigued.

"Apparently. I was about to ask if he's always been this way." Alec answered, and they both delved into laughter once again, Magnus' groan of indignant protest unheard.

"I'm going to get the biscuits, they should be cool by now." Magnus announced, slipping his arm out from behind Alec's back. He kissed Alec's forehead softly, before waltzing off.

Tessa's smile was warm and endearing when Alec looked over at her, and he felt his cheeks heat up.

"Forgive me if I overstep my place," Tessa said softly, most likely so Magnus wouldn't hear.

"But I must tell you this. I've known Magnus for a while, by now, and I've seen him in love before, I've seen him in relationships that picked him up and swept him under, and I've seen him after a relationship that tore him apart."

Her mysteriously grey eyes, like a stormy night's sky, shone and sparkled, with something Alec hoped was good - delight or perhaps even joy.

"I've seen him at his best and at his rock-bottom. But - and you must believe that I am being completely serious, Alec - I have never seen him this happy before. There was only one time, that came close to this, but there wasn't a lot of hope for the relationship, for a reason I am not at liberty to reveal."

Alec nodded. "I understand. You ... you really think so?"

"I know so, Alec. You're good for him."

"But, I mean I'm just _me_ , I ... I'm nothing special." Alec said.

"I believe that everyone is special, in their own way ... and you're like a rare jewel in his eyes. You're good for him, you make him happy, and I know he wouldn't like to admit it, but I think it worries him a little. He cares for you so much, loves you more than he's possibly loved anyone, and it's an intimidating thought for him."

Tessa sighed, and Alec could feel the weight of her words in the depths of his bones.

"He probably hasn't told you much about his past yet, but I wouldn't worry too much - it can take a while for him to properly open up to someone. I only found out the exact details of everything about a year ago, and even then it was mostly me pairing up all the little details he'd revealed over time. He doesn't like to bring it up, because he prefers to live in the present and pretend the past never happened."

Alec nodded. "I, uh, I feel the same, about some elements of my past."

Tessa smiled sympathetically. "A lot of people do."

"My point is, and this isn't a spiel about how if you hurt him I'll kill you, because I don't think you will. At the very least, not intentionally, and an accident is hardly ever someone's fault. My point, is that you don't need to be so nervous - I'm not saying it's a problem that you are - I'm just trying to help you. I can tell that you're apprehensive, probably because this is still a little new, but I can promise you that you have nothing to worry about. Magnus is absolutely smitten, and from what I can tell, so are you."

Alec smiled gratefully. He felt a strange need to hug Tessa, even though he'd only met her a few hours ago. She had an ease and grace of nature which he admired, but her heart was warm and open, and kindness seemed to flow through her veins. He wondered, absently, if they would become close friends. They already had a fair amount in common, and conversation seemed to flow easily. He felt comfortable around her, which he never did around strangers, and he understood how she and Magnus were such close, dear friends.

"Thank you," Alec said softly. "I know you're being honest, you have no reason to lie, but still - thank you."

"Does this mean you will take my advice, and attempt to relax a little?"

Alec shrugged. "I can try, but I can't guarantee anything."

"That is all I need to know." Tessa said.

"You're right, though." Alec added, feeling as though if he didn't get the words out he would combust.

"I do, I do love him. A lot. More ... more than I've ever loved anyone who wasn't family. And it's ... it's a little scary, because I've never experienced anything like this before. The way he makes me feel..."

Alec's fingers dug into the flesh of his palm, anchoring him.

"There was this guy, once, who thought the world revolved around him, and who I placed at the center of my universe. That didn't ... it didn't end desirably, and I probably over-reacted to it all. But, entering this relationship with Magnus, at the start I tried to distance myself because it was all moving too quickly,"

Alec shook his head, smiling gently. "And now we're just _oh so hopelessly in love_ and I don't know when I stopped pushing myself away."

"Have you?" Tessa asked softly, and Alec shrugs.

"I don't know, I guess not ... if I had, I wouldn't be worrying now."

Tessa uncrossed her legs, leaning closer until Alec could see the flecks of light and dark in her stormy eyes.

"I know I can't tell you not to worry, because you will. But I can assure you that you have no reason to worry. And if you ever decide to tell Magnus, I'm sure he would appreciate it, but I know he doesn't expect you to. Whatever happened, it's something that you have to figure out, whether you even want to tell him and if so, when."

Tessa smiled. "It's all up to you though, Alec. You must remember that."

Before Alec could reply, Magnus walked back in, a tray with three mugs and a plate of cookies in hand.

"I decided that cookies aren't as good by themselves as they are with drinks, so I made coffee - that's not a problem, is it?" He asked, walking in.

Tessa leaned back smoothly, accepting the mug Magnus handed her. "Not at all. Thank you, Magnus."

Magnus nodded, placing the tray down on the table. Alec took his own mug, lifting it to his lips, breathing in the delicious scent of ground beans.

"I never say no to coffee." He said, before taking a cautious sip. The liquid was hot, on the good side of not-quite-burning, and it filled him with a pleasant warmth.

Tessa picked up a biscuit from the plate, taking a small bite. Alec did the same, and he noticed Magnus had already eaten half of one.

The outside was firm, the inside chewy, the chocolate half-melted. Alec reminded himself he needed to stop being surprised by Magnus' cooking skills.

"These are wonderful Magnus, thank you." Tessa praised.

"Not a problem." Magnus replied.

He placed a hand on Alec's knee, his coffee in the other. Alec knew Magnus was only doing it to make sure that Alec was still okay, still comfortable. The gesture was small, and even though Alec didn't need it, he still appreciated the sentiment behind it.

"It must be time for me to tell embarrassing stories about Magnus' college days?" Tessa said, her previously sweet grin turning almost mischevious.

"Please, no." Magnus said, but it was half-hearted, almost resigned.

"Oh, no, now I must hear it." Alec said, and Magnus sighed, accepting defeat.

Alec settled back, pressing against Magnus once again, although this time it was simply to remind himself of how lucky he was, to be in love with Magnus, and to have him in turn love him back.

* * *

_"I don't trust her, Magnus."_

_"You worry far too much, Cat. It's just one simple date, what is the worst that could happen?"_

_Catarina shook her head, the blue threaded through the soft white of her hair flashing between the strands._

_"You're far too easily accepting of people." She said, although it was less of a chastisement and more of a sympathetic statement, as if it was a bad thing but not something she could do much about._

_"She's an interesting person, and she wants to get to know me. I'm seventeen, darling, what is the harm in allowing myself some fun?" Magnus asked._

_"The harm is that you just want to sleep with her. I'm not naive or dumb, Magnus, I can tell that you find her attractive."_

_"And is that a crime?"_

_"No," Catarina acknowledged. "But I do not have a good feeling about this. Do what you want, I know you will anyway. But I still don't think she's the bringer of good news."_

_Magnus just smiled, and wrapped a hand around her arm fondly._

_"Enough depressing talk, I don't like subtley arguing with you. You're my best friend, we should be doing exciting things."_

_His eyes sparkled with a mishevious glint._

_"We should find Ragnor, I want to see how his hair has turned out."_

_Catarina eyed him with a furrowed brow. "What about his hair?"_

_Magnus winked. "I introduced him to a new fashion choice - a new brand of shampoo, if you will."_

_Catarina shook her head slowly. "He's going to kill you."_

_Magnus shrugged. "We'll see."_

_Despite her acceptance of the subject dismissal, Catarina still felt the worry and concern for her friend rushing through her veins. There was something off about Magnus' love interest, Camille, something not right about the twinkle in her eyes and the grace of her movements._

_Even though she didn't know her, Catarina did not trust Camille, and she feared for Magnus more than anything else. He was a young seventeen, he'd only been living as a teenager for barely any time - he'd had to grow up pretty fast, she knew, and was only now allowing himself the freedom of youth._

_Unfortunately, with that freedom came the access for heartbreak and betrayal, and Magnus had already been hurt far too much in his life for Catarina to allow even the possiblity of it happening again._

_He needed friends who looked after him and loved him, people who actually cared for him._

_She didn't think Camille was that._

* * *

"I must thank you," Magnus told Tessa.

They were in the kitchen, washing the dishes because Tessa refused to allow Magnus to do it all himself. Alec had gone home a little under half an hour ago, mentioning something about having an early night.

"For what?" Tessa asked, her slim hands moving the tea towel over a plate, drying the soap suds.

"Well, for a lot of things, obviously - I might have to get you a thank-you-muffin-basket or something soon - but mostly for today."

"Magnus, I didn't do anything." Tessa said. "I talked to Alec, certainly - I can see why you like him - but that's all."

"That is exactly my point, Tess. I don't know what you talked about, but whatever it was appeared to ease him a little. I don't know what's bothering him, but I know that something is - he was about to tell me something when you came."

Tessa paused, taking a moment to consider whether she should tell Magnus what Alec had revealed to her. She quickly decided that it was not her place to tell, it was up to Alec and she would respect him in his decision to wait.

"I don't think you have too much to worry about." She assured him. "I'm sure that Alec will tell you as soon as he is ready."

"I trust that he will." Magnus replied, rinsing a mug. "Just as I'm sure that he can tell I'm hiding something from him. My point still remains, that I'm grateful to you for speaking to him."

"He's an interesting person," Tessa admitted. "And we have a lot in common. I believe we could be good friends."

"I hope you do," Magnus said.

Tessa smiled softly, and Magnus sighed.

"I'm going to have to tell him, aren't I?" He asked.

Tessa nodded sympathetically, reaching for a measuring jug. "It would be a good idea. I stand by what I said before, Alec deserves to know, and I believe that even more now that I have met him. He's not going to leave if you tell him, Magnus. I'm certain of that."

"I just - I want time, because I'm terrified of saying it all out loud, of replaying it, but at the same time I don't want to keep this from him anymore." Magnus admitted.

"Wait until tomorrow then. Go to sleep tonight, have a good rest and then you can figure it out tomorrow." Tessa suggested.

"I have classes tomorrow." Magnus reminded her, pulling the plug from the sink so the water spun down the drain.

"Then you can distract yourself until you get home."

Magnus breathed out slowly. He knew Tessa was right, Alec had every right to know, and Magnus wanted to tell him.

But he also knew, that telling Alec about his past relationships would soon lead to him telling Alec about his past, in Indonesia, about his parents and why he left the country.

And even just the thought of that left a knot in his throat that was hard to swallow past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, 'female_overlord_3' was worried that it was actually Camille on the other side of the door. I can honestly say that is a route I hadn't planned, but I kind of wish I had. That would have been a really cool idea.


	22. Remnants Of A Former Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, the past comes back to haunt them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to.
> 
> TW: Anxiety attack featured

"It's certainly been a while, hasn't it?"

Alec froze in his tracks, his grip on his books tightening until his knuckles turned white. He felt as though his blood had stopped rushing through his veins, his heart stopped beating, and that any second he'd surely faint from lack of oxygen.

He wasn't sure whether he should turn around and acknowledge the person behind him, or just run away as fast as he possibly could. His fight-or-flight instinct had stalled just as he had, and the most he could determine was that he was quite possibly going to start crying.

"Not long enough." He stated, quietly, his voice verging on the edge of a tremor.

"Oh, now Alec, don't say that. Surely you've missed me?"

The cold voice got closer, and Alec felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand to attention.

"You're the last person I ever wanted to see again. Is that putting it simply enough for you?" He choked out, the words getting stuck by the lump in his throat.

There was a sharp laugh, and it reverberated through Alec like metal across glass.

"My, my, you have changed. And for the better, I see."

Alec could practically feel the gaze raking across his body, and with a locked jaw he spun around. The eyes he was met with were still black and soulless, empty and callous.

Just like _him_.

"What do you want?" Alec asked, his fingers hurting with the pressure of holding onto his books for so long. He'd only gone to the library to study, he had one exam left - he'd never expected to run into the person who'd shattered him beyond forseeable repair.

Even now, he was still affected by what had happened to him. He most certainly did not want to see the source of it all less than a metre in front of him.

"I haven't seen you in years, Alec. I want to talk to you, find out what I missed."

"The memo, apparently?" Alec bit. "Or did you somehow forget what you did to me?"

"You know I didn't mean that, I'm truly sorry ... _Alexander._ "

Alec shook his head, the glare in his eyes as heated as his anger.

"No. You don't get to just come here and act like nothing happened, and you most certainly _do not_ have the right to call me that. You lost that _a long time ago_."

He turned around, fully prepared to just walk away from his past like it hadn't just shown up in front of him.

And then, Sebastian spoke.

"Oh, I see. I'm guessing _that_ privilege is reserved for your _boyfriend_ , isn't it?"

Alec's breath caught in his throat, but he said nothing, hoping that if he ignored Sebastian he'd give up and Alec could just go home. For a moment, he forgot who Sebastian was.

"What's his name again ... oh, right, it's _Magnus_ , isn't it?"

"How do you know about him?" Alec asked, his voice shaking around the corners. He didn't doubt that Sebastian knew, he was just scared about how much.

"I know _everything._ And, unfortunately for you, I've recently made an aquaintance who is _very interested_ in your little lover."

Alec bit his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. He felt like he was back in that classroom, humiliated and terrified, and completely at a loss as to what was going to happen next.

"I'll see you around, Alec." Sebastian stated, as though it was a cold and cemented fact, and then he was gone, the soft thud of his footsteps fading as he got further away.

Alec's own feet were rooted to the ground, embedded in the concrete, and it took him at least five minutes before he felt strong enough to move them.

* * *

"He's back." Are the first words Alec said as he walked into Isabelle's bedroom.

She was stationed at her vanity table, in front of her mirror which currently had pink feathers around the border and photos of her and Simon, her and Alec, and even a larger photo of them with Jace and Max, stuck to the glass.

When Alec walked in, she spun around to face him. Her eyes quickly widened, and she was out of her seat in less than a second.

"No." She said, because she knew that Alec wouldn't look like he'd seen a ghost unless he practically had. And there was only one ghost haunting Alec's past.

Alec nodded reluctantly. His shoulders were drooped, sagging, and he looked as defeated as he had when he was sixteen and she'd had to help him repair his torn heart.

"He knows," Alec said, trudging over to sit on her bed, because he didn't think his legs would allow him to stand for much longer.

"About Magnus. Somehow, he knows, he said he made an, an aquaintance who knows Magnus I ... I don't know what to do, Iz."

Isabelle walked over to him, her arm automatically sliding around his shoulder as she sat down next to him.

"I thought - I was so sure that I would never see him again, and now here he is and I still haven't even told Magnus, and I don't think I can now because he's back, and besides who knows how Magnus will even react..."

Alec's breathing was heavy but shallow, and he kept gasping like he couldn't get enough breath into his lungs. There were tremors running through his body, his shoulders and his hands were shaking and all of the colour had drained from his face.

Isabelle knew what was going on, because she'd seen it before.

"Alec, I want you to copy my breaths, okay?"

Alec nodded, his gaze still directed towards the ground.

"Breathe in ... and out. And in ... and out."

No other words were spoken, and Alec spent thirty minutes trying to breathe, to calm down before his anxiety attack escalated to a dangerous state, whilst Isabelle tried to stomach everything she'd just been told.

Sebastian Morgenstern was never good news. And his return could only spell disaster for her brother.

And, for Magnus.

* * *

Logically, if Alec was as smart as he always tried to be, he would just tell Magnus the truth.

Of course, that is always easier said than done.

"Is something wrong, Alec?"

Magnus rubbed his thumb across Alec's shoulder, digging into the taut muscles.

"You're all tense and high-strung."

Alec melted into the smooth touch of Magnus' expert hands on his back. He'd come over, with the complete intention of telling Magnus at the very least _about_ Sebastian, and he'd stuck to that up until Magnus had opened his door.

After being ushered onto the couch, Magnus muttering about how tired and exhausted he looked, Alec had decided that he'd tell Magnus, just not yet. And then Magnus had started massaging his shoulders and Alec's words died on his lips.

"I guess it's just ... exams." He said, and he was grateful that Magnus took the tightening of his back as muscle fatigue.

"Poor thing. You've been working so hard."

Alec startled slightly as Magnus pressed gentle kisses along his shoulder blades, dipping down into the planes of his back. He sighed, his head tilting backwards slightly of it's own accord. He could feel the tension draining away, and although he was still worried, he was finding it easier to ignore.

"You should relax," Magnus murmured, his mouth kissing lower and lower down Alec's back.

"Let me take care of you. I promise, I can make you feel r _eally good._ "

Alec didn't say anything, a low moan escaping from between his lips. He knew that he had to tell Magnus, knew that it was important, now more than ever, but there was something undeniably intoxicating about the touch of Magnus' hands and mouth, in the care he was showing Alec.

Sebastian had only just shown up. He wasn't the kind of person to rush things - he'd dragged Alec along like a puppet on a string for months - which meant that Alec had plenty of time to tell Magnus.

At the moment, he just wanted to wrap himself in Magnus' love and pretend the outside world didn't exist, even if it was for only a few hours.

* * *

_"Alec? This is a surprise."_

"Uh, yeah, I know."

Alec gripped the blankets on his bed, his fingers brushing against the soft, charcoal fabric. He wasn't exactly proud of how he'd gotten Tessa's number - a quick search of Magnus' phone whilst he was in the shower proved useful - but he was desperate to talk to someone; and seeing as how Isabelle didn't know Magnus as anything other than a teacher, and his problem was that he didn't know _how_ to tell Magnus...

"I found your number in Magnus' phone ... he, uh, he doesn't know yet. I just needed to talk to someone, and I figured out of everyone, you know him the best."

_"I assume that means that you can't tell him whatever you want to tell me?"_

"Pretty much."

Alec sighed. This was the last thing he'd ever thought he'd have to do, everything had been going so well and now he felt like all his hard work to fix himself, to get to where he finally was now had all been for nothing.

"You know that guy I told you about, the one who practically broke my heart?"

_"I do recall it being mentioned, yes. Although something must have happened for you to sneak my number and call me."_

"He turned up at the library I was studying at. He said that he had met someone who was interested in Magnus, he said he knew _everything_ and I just - I don't know what to do. I know I should tell Magnus, but I don't know how, and now that Sebastian has turned up-"

Alec groaned. "I don't know who else to turn to for help."

_"I don't mean to alarm you, but I have an idea as to who this 'Sebastian' has been talking to. It seems to me that the best thing you could do is to explain it to Magnus. He won't judge you - I didn't, did I?"_

"No. I'm just - I'm just scared." He admitted. He didn't know when exactly he and Tessa had become close enough for him to openly talk about his feelings, but he was smart enough not to question it.

_"I know. And I guarantee that Magnus is too. And that is why I think you should tell him."_

"I suppose you're right ... any tips?" Alec joked.

_"I've found that the truth is always the best place to start."_

* * *

There was a bouquet of flowers on his desk when Magnus walked into the classroom on Wednesday morning. At first, they were a welcome sight - he knew that Alec had been distracted the day before, when he'd come over, and so his first thought was that the flowers were an apology-gesture. He didn't stop to question how Alec would know that flowers are a sweet and romantic thing, because he was too chuffed it had even happened.

And then he got closer, and the smell of the flowers became overpoweringly pungent. Calla lilies and yellow roses and small pink flowers that he couldn't remember the name of but that he hated the smell of.

He knew who they were from as soon as he picked up the crisp, white card. He smelt _her_ perfume, and as soon as he did he wanted to simultaneously throw the flowers out of the window and upheave the contents of his stomach into the nearest wastebasket.

The card had only one word, _'Soon'_ , with two small x's. Magnus sighed and flopped onto the seat of his desk, the weight of his situation pressing down on him from all sides.

There was a sudden knock on the door of his classroom, and he breathed in deep before he turned to see who it was.

"Isabelle?" He said, surprised to find his student - and boyfriend's sister - at his door so early in the morning. They didn't have class until the afternoon, and unless he was mistaken there was nothing she was behind on.

"Hi." She said, closing the door behind her before walking over to sit on the desk in front of Magnus'.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Magnus asked, politely albeit confused.

"No."

Magnus' forehead creased as he peered at her, curious and puzzled.

"Who are the flowers from?" She asked, diverting the subject slightly.

"An ex. Or, as I like to refer to her as, the cause of all my problems."

Magnus sounded completely serious, which shocked Isabelle more than his words had. There was a sadness in his eyes, mixed with fury and confusion, and it was a look that she had seen reflected in her brother's a few days ago.

"There's a ... person, who Alec used to know. He isn't a good person, and he's recently resurfaced." Isabelle informed Magnus, her words careful and selective.

"I don't know if he's told you about him yet, and I think it's best if I let him, but ... I'm worried about Alec. He got hurt, by this person, really badly, and I don't want to see him put through that again."

Magnus nods, encouraging her to continue.

"I've never seen him this happy before, and it's all because of you. I don't want to see that taken away, but I don't -"

Isabelle sniffed, and Magnus was surprised to say the least. He was certain that he'd never seen her shed a tear before, and from what Alec had told him, it wasn't something she did often.

"I'll try and ask him about it." Magnus promised. "He might not tell me everything, but at least I can figure out a way to help you ... help him."

Isabelle nodded, wiping her eyes furiously.

"Thank you." She said, and when she looked at him, Magnus saw the vulnerable, young girl she really was behind the tough facade she threw up.

It was one he himself had worn ever since he'd reinvented himself, and he knew how hard it was to shift.

There was no denying the severity of the situation anymore.

There could be no more keeping secrets from Alec.

* * *

_"But I love you!"_

_Her smile was soft but sad. Magnus knew she didn't mean it, she didn't really want to break up with him. She loved him too, he knew it._

_"I'm sorry Magnus. I really am. But it's for the best."_

_Magnus shook his head, tears falling down his cheeks like rain drops on a window._

_"After what_ she _did to me ... you're going to leave me too?"_

_"I don't want to." She said, her heart breaking in her chest as she spoke._

_She couldn't tell Magnus the truth, because she knew it would shatter him beyond any hope of repair. By breaking up with him before he found out, she could feel safe in the knowledge that he was only hurt, only heartbroken. She knew he'd be able to heal himself, with time, or even with the comfort of someone else, someone who loved him and who could be there for him, who could give him everything he deserved in the way that she couldn't anymore._

_"Etta-"_

_"I'm sorry Magnus. And I do love you, but - you deserve someone better. Someone who can give you everything you need. I'm sorry, but I'm - I'm not it, anymore."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...
> 
> It always worse before it's better?
> 
> I'm sorry.


	23. Love That Hurts In The Worst Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec, after careful consideration, finds a way to tell Magnus about Sebastian. 
> 
> Magnus, receives a gift, but the contents might not be as desirable as he first believes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i accept any possible continuation problems - i wouldn't be surprised if they turn up, when i first started writing this i had no plan in mind ... at all.
> 
> Important news down the bottom.

"Spill."

Alec didn't even look up from his textbook at the sudden intrusion.

"About what?" He asked, scribbling notes into the margins of the page, so he wouldn't forget his thoughts when they became important enough to remember.

"About whatever's got you so stressed out recently."

Alec turned around, startled at how close Jace was. He was leaning on the corner of Alec's desk, and if Alec stretched out he could probably poke him in the face.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Alec said, aiming for denial, because he couldn't be bothered right now. He had one more page and then he could go to sleep, and hope that instead of nightmares tormenting him he could dream of an solution of how to tell Magnus.

"Yes you do. There's no point in lying to me and you know it." Jace said, and when Alec looked at him, the steel in his eyes softened slightly. Alec knew that he probably looked horrible, a mess, a wreck, and it was almost fitting because that's exactly what he felt like.

"Alec," Jace said, his voice possibly the most concerned Alec had ever heard. "What's going on?"

Alec sighed, curling his fingers on his knee, digging his nails into the tough fabric of his jeans. Jace knew a little about what had happened with Sebastian, knew that Sebastian had embarassed him, and he knew the bare minimum about Magnus. Not because Alec didn't want to tell him, he was incredibly happy in his relationship and he'd love to share it with Jace - but he'd never been good with words, or talking about his feelings, so when the options were either forcing it out or not saying anything at all ... Alec always chose the latter.

Not this time, however.

"You remember, uh, Sebastian?"

Jace nodded hesitantly, and Alec wondered what part of the mess he'd become after Sebastian had hurt him Jace was remembering.

"Well, you knew that he'd, uh, embarassed me in front of the whole school, but I didn't tell you why, and, you don't, uh ... I didn't tell you about what had led up to that."

Jace walked over to Alec's bed, and perched himself on the edge of it. Alec blinked at him, slowly, not quite sure what he was doing or why he was doing it.

"So, tell me the story." Jace said, and Alec had a feeling that he wouldn't leave until Alec told him everything.

He wanted to protest, wanted to exclaim that Jace didn't understand, and he wouldn't either, because it was stupid and he should be over it by now, it shouldn't be affecting him like it was. But he knew Jace, knew him too well, and trying to protest would just be hopeless, and above that, a waste of time.

"Hope you're comfortable." He said, leaning back on his own chair.

 _He_ wasn't, but he also knew that telling Jace would ultimately make him feel better, and might even provide him with answers he wouldn't have been able to come up with otherwise.

So, at a loss and unable to come up with any other ideas, Alec told Jace everything he'd spent three years trying to hide.

* * *

 

If there was one thing Magnus had been putting off, for an unreasonable amount of time now, it was telling Alec about his previous girlfriends.

Not because they had, in fact, been women, nor because he wanted to keep it from Alec. Their relationship had already far exceeded any expectations he'd silently had at the beginning, and he felt himself falling further and further in love every moment they spent together.

But Camille had been his first ever serious relationship, the first girl he'd been interested in as 'Magnus Bane'. He'd met her a few years after he'd moved to America - she'd been sophisticated and gorgeous and moved with an enviable grace. Magnus had only just grown into the identity he'd created, had only just settled into the new him enough to be comfortable, and then Camille had come along with a devious sparkle in her eye and a soft hand on his arm, and Magnus had promptly fallen.

But he hadn't loved her because she was beautiful - although she was, with her blonde and platinum-streaked locks that were always fashioned perfectly, her piercing green eyes and lips that were always stretched into a smirk or pursed in amusement. Magnus had loved Camille because she took him at face-value, didn't delve beneath the hard exterior he'd built up, didn't ask questions he didn't want to answer. At a vulnerable age, in a place he was still struggling to become familiar with, her honey voice and teasing words were exactly what he needed.

It made forgetting all the more easier.

He'd lost himself in her, tangled up in her enchanting spiderweb of false truths and sentiments, because it was easier to believe her than to question whether she was lying to him or not. She gave him her complete attention, gave him everything he wanted and in return Magnus had stayed unbelievably faithful.

In fact, it hadn't been until he had quite literally caught her in the act of cheating on him with Ralf Scott, the younger brother of his friend Woolsey, that Magnus had to accept that Camille had only ever used him for her own benefit. She didn't love him, no matter how hard Magnus had tried to tell himself she did.

(He had, admittedly, gone out and gotten plastered at a random nightclub, and then somehow had a one-night stand with Woolsey, but that was something they both agreed to not talk about again, for different reasons.)

And now that she was back, after five years of radio silence, Magnus knew the best thing he could do would be tell Alec the truth. It's not as though he expected Alec to judge him on his previous girlfriend.

And he also knew that if he didn't tell Alec now, didn't prepare him, Camille would find a way to inform Alec of exactly why Magnus had moved to America, and that was something Alec was a little more likely to judge him for.

Not that it had been completely Magnus' fault, as years of therapists and constantly repetitive friends had taught him, but it was still not exactly an incident that he was proud of. And he knew that when Camille wanted something, she'd do anything to get it.

Not to mention, telling Alec about Camille would lead to him finding about Etta - and she had been a lot more recent, the heartbreak she left him with (unintentionally) still a dull ache in his heart on rainy days.

He wished he could just have a relationship that didn't hurt, that didn't require secret-keeping and worry and stress - stress was not good for his skin, at all - one where he could just enjoy himself, enjoy being with the one he loved with no other unfavourable factors.

He knew that he had to tell Alec, though. And he would.

As soon as he figured out how.

* * *

 

_"Catarina, I'm really far too busy. Whatever's bothering you, I am sure, can be discussed in great lengths at some-"_

_"Magnus. It's Etta."_

_Magnus' blood ran cold. His heart stopped beating, stuck in a frozen position behind his ribcage._

_"What about her?" He choked out. His hands were shaking as he reached back for something to grip, an anchor to tie him to the real world, because his own world had just fallen into pieces around him._

_Because if Catarina, a practising nurse and med-student, was calling him about the girl who broke up with him a few months ago, and at this time of night, the news couldn't be positive._

_"She's in the hospital. It's not good, Magnus - I know you broke up, but I really think you should come down here."_

_Magnus was already reaching for his keys by the time Catarina finished her sentence. His heart had resumed beating, if only to keep him alive, and it was pounding loud enough for his neighbours to hear as he locked his front door._

_"She needs you." Are the last words Catarina spoke before promptly hanging up._

_Those were also the words that echoed in Magnus' mind from his front door to the steps of the hospital. The words that would echo in his mind for years to come._

* * *

 

She was smirking in that infernal way that always irritated him, when he walked in. She was perched on a high-backed wooden chair, her pale legs crossed over each other, the hem of her skirt resting mid-way. He assumed it was to entice the waiter, as her sexual prowess seemed to be her main and most favoured weapon of choice.

_Hmm. Weapon of choice._

"And why this restaurant?" He asked as he sat down opposite her. "Was it Magnus' favourite when you were dating?"

Camille's eyes sharpened. "That isn't any of your business."

"Considering the deal we have, I'd say it is." Sebastian replied, cool and collected as always. Although it was hard, around her.

"Have you gotten any further?" She asked, and there was almost a threat in the tone of her voice.

"Alec knows I'm back. He knows, vaguely, about the deal we have. And that I know about Magnus."

"And you think that will help?" Camille raised a single, perfectly plucked eyebrow. "Because I know Magnus, and when he loves someone he will do absolutely anything for them."

"He doesn't love Alec." Sebastian said, because he couldn't. All his plans would be ruined if he did.

"Until I have any proof of that," Camille replied, leaning forward smoothly. "I'm going to assume that he does. Which makes our job harder."

She waved a hand, almost nonchalantly. "Of course, if you can make it work, your reward will be worth it."

Her eyes glittered like coins, pirate coins, dangerous and lethal and cursed.

"What are you suggesting?"

* * *

 

Alec felt emotionally drained.

He'd started his confession to Jace with the pure intent of just letting him know the basic details of what had gone down between him and Sebastian, but somewhere along the line he'd forgotten his intention and just kept talking, and by the end of it Jace knew every hidden secret, concern and worry Alec was harbouring.

Jace, seeing Alec's obvious exhaustian, had instructed him to get some rest, promising that they'd talk about it in the morning. Alec didn't know if that meant he had any tips to help, or whether they'd just figure it out together, but he appreciated Jace's help regardless.

But now he was lying in bed, staring up at the faded patches on his ceiling, where glow-in-the-dark stars used to shine down on him. Sleep was dancing in front of him, close enough for him to see but too far for him to reach, and he felt like he was stuck in a weird state of limbo.

He needed to tell Magnus, he couldn't keep putting it off, but he couldn't to it face-to-face either. Everytime he'd tried, he'd either been distracted or chickened out, so he needed to find another way. He could do it over the phone, or through text, but that felt impersonal and like it would lessen the degree of his words.

Maybe a letter, though ... he used to write letters, when he was younger and a little angrier at the world than he was now. He'd write them to everyone, those he loved like Isabelle and Jace, to his parents, to the people at school who hated him for no reason he could fathom. He never, ever gave them to the people he'd written them to. He scrunched them up and threw them in the trash, or he teared them into pieces so small they couldn't be stuck back together.

One time, he'd even set the sheets of paper on fire.

But maybe if he wrote a letter, explaining everything he wanted to say to Magnus ... maybe by writing it down, he'd be able to actually _say them_ , with his own voice and not the one in his head.

He decided on that as the most forseeable option, before shifting under his covers in an attempt to find a position that would leave him the most comfortable, hoping that by doing so sleep would come for him.

He could write the letter tomorrow, and possibly even show Jace, to see what he thought. For now, he wanted to forget everything else. And just sleep.

* * *

 

_'I miss you. x'_

Magnus stared at his phone. He'd sent the message ten minutes ago, and whilst it was entirely feesable that Alec was busy, or simply hadn't seen the message, there was a part of him that worried at the sight.

He was being completely irrational, but that's what Camille's return had done to him. Not to mention, a very important but melancholy anniversary was coming up, and in a few months, it would be Alec's birthday.

Not to add any more stress onto his plate. Although thankfully Alec's birthday was far enough away for it to be a few places down on his list of priorities.

There was a knock on his front door, and Magnus almost jumped out of his skin. He rushed to the door, ready to plaster Alec's face with a multitude of kisses. (Nevermind the fact that it was likely too late for Alec to be coming over, anyway.)

It was a good thing, for him, that he had some self-restraint. Otherwise he and the poor delivery guy, who had to be in his sixties and looked as though the last he wanted to do was deal with a guy in extravagant clothes and half-smudged make-up, would have found themselves in an extremely awkward situation.

"Sign here, please." The delivery man instructed in a gruff voice that contradicted his manners.

Magnus scribbled his name along the dotted line, handing back the clipboard with a faint smile. The man nodded, handed the package over and walked off, leaving Magnus to open the surprising gift. If, it _was_ a gift at all.

He couldn't remember ordering anything online, not that it necessarily meant he hadn't. There was no special occassions or anniversaries concerning _him_ , so he couldn't really figure out why he was receiving a package at eight in the evening.

He didn't even know deliveries were carried out so late at night.

The package had no other details but that it was to be sent to his address, which, yeah okay, was a bit strange. He retrieved a pocket-knife from the kitchen and settled down on his couch to open the box. It was fairly small, only a tad bigger than his hand, and the sticky tape split apart as he raked the knife across.

He lifted his glass of mulled red wine to his lips, and almost spat his mouthful back out once he'd lifted apart the cardboard flaps on the top of the box.

The scent of sickly-sweet perfume was overpowering, it burned the walls of his nose and crawled down his throat, inescapable. There was a slip of paper, too thin to be a card, folded in half and sitting on top of what looked to be another envelope. The bottom of the box was covered in red tissue paper - _red, betrayal, anger, love and passion. The colour of the heart. The colour of her lipstick. Her_ favourite _colour._

He opened the envelope first, because surely there couldn't be anything too horrible in there, right?

Wrong. The envelope contained pictures, black-and-white grainy images of Alec. At the university, at Taki's - his favourite restaurant, with Jace behind him, although Jace's face was hidden. At the front of Magnus' apartment, hands stuffed into his pockets.

Magnus' hands were shaking. It wasn't as though Camille had gone out of her way to take the photos - Alec was in public paces in all of them, easily seen by anyone, but the fact that there was so many of him chilled Magnus' bones.

He unfolded the paper, throwing the photos onto his table with little care.

 

_Magnus, didn't you like the flowers I sent you?_

_Such a shame, really. I only had the best intentions at heart. Is it really my fault, that I love you enough to try and reconnect? And yet you just throw me aside and pretend I don't exist._

_I suppose it's because of this new boyfriend of yours. Such a pretty little thing, isn't he? Those eyes - he reminds me of what's-his-name, Tessa's old boyfriend ... Will. Yes, he reminds me of Will. Are they still together? I suppose it doesn't matter._

_My point is, that you are mine, Magnus Bane. You always have been, and you always will be. And I will not let anyone stand in the way._

_Least of all, your precious Alexander._

 

Magnus' didn't notice the tears as they spilled down his cheeks, nor the rapid trembles shaking throughout his body. Chairman Meow must have noticed his distress, however, because he leaped up onto the couch, nuzzling his head against the palm of Magnus' hand. Magnus' subconsciously ran his hand down Chairman's back. His eyes stared at the page in his hand hard enough to burn holes, and he wished Camille was there if only so that he could bore holes into her instead.

"Oh, Chairman." He whispered, picking his cat up and pressing his face into the soft, white fur, concealing his tears.

"I can't let her hurt him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IT LOOKS REALLY BAD BUT TRUST ME THE NEXT LIKE, THREE CHAPTERS, ARE REALLY GOOD ONES FOR ALEC AND MAGNUS' RELATIONSHIP. 
> 
> I NEED DRAMA, OKAY? 
> 
> i'm sorry.
> 
> EDIT (17/3/16): I forgot to add this:
> 
> P.S Interested in Alec/Jace platonic brotp business? 
> 
> Look out for a brand new two-part series on here, focusing on Jace and Alec with reference to the books, the first part of which is to be posted on the 23-25th March. 
> 
> Here's a sneak peak from the first part: 
> 
>  
> 
> _"Everyone knew from the first moment the boys met that they were the last pieces to each other's puzzle, the one person who would always be there for them when they needed it most..." ___
> 
> [My Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/killjoyrow)


	24. Confessions Of The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus finds out about Sebastian. Alec learns a little about Etta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: References to death, a funeral, anxiety attacks.

 

The plan was, to just put the letter in front of Magnus' door, ring the bell, and rush off before he could be seen. He was by no means confident enough to physically hand to Magnus himself. He was especially not prepared for Magnus' reaction to the contents of the letter, whatever it might be.

Unfortunately, he'd made it barely three steps from the door, when it opened.

"Alec?"

Alec looked from Magnus, who was peering at him with a mix of surprise, delight, and utter confusion, to the stairs, which he'd been planning to escape down. He hadn't considered this situation at all, and he had no idea what he should do. He wasn't emotionally prepared to actually _be there_ when Magnus read the letter, that was the whole point of writing it in the first place, so that he wouldn't have to see Magnus' reaction, wouldn't have to know what he thought, how he felt...

"Alexander?"

Alec startled when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He leaned instinctively into the touch, even having been only aware of it for a few seconds, because he recognised the feeling of safety and _home_ from Magnus' presence.

"Here, stand up, that's it,"

Magnus words swam around Alec's mind, bringing him back to reality, and he hadn't even noticed he'd sunk into a crouch until Magnus was pulling him back up, one hand on his elbow, the other on his waist.

"Slow steps, that's it. Can you breathe for me, Alec?"

Alec thinks he might have nodded, he was too focused on his breathing to be entirely certain. His eyes were closed, his steps sluggish, but he kept moving, because he trusted that Magnus would guide him.

_He trusted Magnus._

He'd forgotten about that, for a moment. Maybe it was a good thing, that he hadn't been able to run away before Magnus had seen him. It wouldn't be easy, seeing Magnus read the letter, read his confession, but at the same time he had to admit to himself that it was highly unlikely Magnus would treat him any differently.

He loved Magnus, and somehow Magnus loved him back. _Actually_ loved him back. He should have remembered that before he stressed himself out, unnecessarily.

He faintly registered the click of the door behind them, the plaintive sound that had to have come from Chairman Meow, and the low thrum of what could only be Magnus speaking. He allowed Magnus to lower him onto the couch, gave himself time to even his breathing before he opened his eyes, slowly.

"Alexander?" Magnus called warily, and Alec turned, wondering what Magnus must be thinking after such an incident.

"What happened?" Magnus asked, his hand reaching for Alec's instantly, squeezing hesitantly.

Alec squeezed back before answering.

"I had a - a, uh, god this shouldn't feel so embarassing..."

Alec ran his spare hand through his hair, and sighed deeply. He could do this, he could tell Magnus. What he'd written in the letter was far worse than what just happened, telling Magnus this should be a piece of cake.

"I had an anxiety attack ... it happens sometimes, not a lot, and usually I can handle it, but this time I just ... couldn't."

"But you're okay now?" Magnus asked, and Alec paused, before nodding.

"Yeah, I am. Thanks to you," He replies, laughing softly.

Magnus laughed too, and though it was light it was also a little anxious. "You really scared me for a second, there. But I'm glad you're alright."

"I'm sorry," Alec apologised. "For scaring you. I didn't ... I just came to drop something off, I wasn't expecting for that to happen."

"The letter?" Magnus holds up the crisp white envelope Alec had dropped in front of his door.

Alec couldn't remember Magnus picking it up, but obviously he had, somehow.

"Yeah. I've uh ... please don't get mad, but I've been keeping something from you, not because I don't trust you, just because I was, well, scared. But I realised that I shouldn't be, because it's _you_ , and I love you, and - and I don't ... I want you to know everything about me. You _deserve_ to know everything about me."

There was something strange to Magnus' expression, something almost conflicted or torn. Alec blinked and then it was gone, and Magnus looked almost in awe, by what Alec had done.

"You can read it now, if you want." Alec continued, wishing his voice was stronger and less shaky.

"Do _you_ want me too?' Magnus asked, almost jokingly, and Alec shrugged.

"It's not really my choice. I was attempting to just drop-and-run, admittedly, but I'm here now, and if you want to open it, I don't see why you shouldn't."

Magnus frowned slightly, and Alec squeezed his hand.

"Are you sure?" Magnus asked, and Alec's heart warmed at the concern, at how considerate he was being, considering how frazzled Alec had been.

"Certain." Alec assured him, and Magnus nodded once before reaching for the letter.

Alec removed his hand from Magnus', and at the question in Magnus' eyes, smiled.

"I'm just going to make a drink. Just because I'm okay with you reading it, doesn't mean I really want to be right here when you do it." He explains. "Want anything?"

Magnus smiled, gently. "I'd love a coffee, if you're making one."

Alec smiled back, mentally reminding himself that what he was doing was right, the decision he'd made was the best one and that they would both be better off in the end because of it.

He concentrated on the whir of the coffee machine, getting the mugs out, the milk, the sugar, and not Magnus, sitting only a few metres away with Alec's biggest secret in his hands, not the words he had scribbled down whilst fighting back tears and invasive memories.

 

_'He was everything to me, I put him above everything and everyone else...'_

 

Alec shook his head, and turned to the drawer where Magnus kept the cutlery. It was almost amusing, by this point, how well he knew Magnus' apartment. How well he knew _Magnus_.

There was a sharp gasp, from the living room, and Alec halted, almost dropping the spoon. He recovered, thankfully, before he could drop it, or knock the mug and spill hot liquid all over himself, focusing back on the topic at hand and not whatever was happening behind his back.

His hands were trembling slightly as he carried the mugs, despite how hard he tried to will them to calm down.

"I should clarify that, this all happened when I was sixteen." Alec said when he walked in, placing the mugs carefully down on the coffee table, because his hands hadn't stopped shaking and he really didn't trust them at the moment.

Magnus' eyes were glued to the letter, and Alec wondered what line he was on, how far he'd read.

_'I didn't question anything, because I couldn't believe someone like him was actually paying_ someone like me _the attention he was. Even though it was also hidden, I never once considered if I was a secret to him or not.'_

 

Alec blew on his coffee, his breath creating ripples across the surface. It was too hot for him to drink without risking a burnt tongue, so he settled for watching the movement, allowing it to distract him, slightly.

"No wonder you were so nervous on our first date," Magnus mumbled, his eyes still scanning the page.

_'I always assumed he was just as nervous as I was. I never suspected anything else.'_

 

It took Alec a moment to think back - everything that had happened to them since had seemed so important in comparison, and he was so comfortable with Magnus now. It almost surprised him at how far he'd come, from the bundle of nerves he'd been when they'd first started dating.

"Seems a bit silly now, after all that we've done."

Magnus breathed in deep, and then looked up, and all the humour died as Alec saw the tears brimming in his eyes.

"Oh, Alexander," He whispered, and Alec wondered how _Magnus_ could possibly look so heartbroken. It had happened to _Alec_ , not him.

He put the letter down, and Alec put his mug down too, because had an idea where this could be going. He could feel tears pricking at his own eyes, and he fought them back. He'd struggled to get to this point, he didn't want to revert back to the way he used to be.

"My Alexander," Magnus murmured, leaning forward, his thumbs grazing Alec's cheekbones. His touch was tender, delicate, and Alec felt like fragile china beneath his hands.

There was sympathy and pain and overall love in Magnus' eyes, and maybe this was really why Alec hadn't wanted to be around when Magnus read the letter, because seeing him like this was making Alec feel ten times worse than Sebastian ever had.

"It's not fair," Magnus told him. "It's not fair what that bastard did to you. You were so young, and naive, you couldn't make any presumption about what he was doing to you. I'm so sorry, Alec, I'm so sorry."

He kissed Alec, gentle and tender, and Alec could feel the years of pain and hurt and embarassment just melting away. Because, sure, what had happened to him had sucked, and it had been tough trying to deal with it. But, in a way, it had gotten him _here_ , and that made it somewhat worth it.

Because now Magnus knew, and Alec felt closer to him. Now it didn't matter what Sebastian thought he could to them, because Magnus knew everything. There wasn't any secrets between them anymore.

"It's okay," Alec said, smiling weakly. "I'm okay now."

"That doesn't make it right." Magnus protested.

"No," Alec admitted. "But it's not important anymore. I've grown up now, I've moved on. I'm with _you_ , and that's all that matters to me."

"I love you." Magnus stated, as though he needed Alec to understand, that he was loved.

"I love you too." Alec replied, leaning in for a kiss, because it appeared like Magnus needed comfort more than he did, now.

Alec hadn't realised how far he'd come, from the sobbing boy who'd hid away from his family, from his life, all those years ago. He actually felt calm. He'd come to terms with what had happened to him, realised that although it had seemed like a big deal at the time, it really wasn't.

And, yes, he'd placed Sebastian at the center of his world. And yes, he'd been hurt because of it.

But now he had Magnus as the focal point of his world, his universe, in a spot he shared with his siblings, with his friends, and he genuinely believed that he wouldn't get hurt because of it.

"Alec," Magnus mumbled, appearing slightly reluctant to be speaking. "There's someone I have to tell you about."

* * *

_Magnus couldn't feel anything._

_He faintly registered the rain bouncing off his dark umbrella, thought 'oh, how fitting, that the weather matches my mood'. He knew that Catarina was guiding him, her hand around his arm to keep him walking, but if she was talking to him, he couldn't hear._

_He was still in disbelief. It had all happened only a few days ago, and yet he couldn't comprehend it, couldn't accept the facts laid out in front of him as the truth. He'd spent the time since he'd left the hospital in a funk, a whirlwind of emotions banging on the walls he'd thrown up._

_He was fairly certain that if Catarina hadn't been around, he wouldn't have made it to the funeral, least of all clean and somewhat put-together._

_"Here,"_

_Magnus blinked slowly, focusing on the tissue in Catarina's hand. She was smiling, weakly, and he struggled to smile back, but his mouth wasn't cooperating and so he settled for a grim line._

_"Thank you." He muttered, taking the tissue from her. He wiped it under his eyes, despite the fact he knew the tears would only continue falling anyway._

_"I have to go back to work tomorrow," Catarina said softly. "But if you need anything, I want you to call me."_

_Magnus nodded. He appreciated Catarina for many reasons, her help these past few days one of them, but at the moment he thanked her most for the fact that she didn't try to lie to him. She didn't tell him everything would be okay now, or that it was for the best because Etta was in a better place now._

_She was honest with him, they both knew it would hurt for a while, and she didn't try to pretend that it wouldn't._

_He appreciated her honesty. And, most of all, her friendship._

_"I will." Magnus said. "I promise."_

_He took a deep breath, then added. "Thank you."_

_Catarina smiled tightly. "It's nothing, Magnus. I'm always here for you, and you know it."_

_Magnus nodded. Catarina had been his dearest friend practically from the moment he'd arrived in this country. He had more things to thank her for than he'd likely ever admit._

_Which was fine, because Catarina didn't like bringing up the past. She lived in the present, and focused on that, and she didn't hold him to his actions._

_He wished he could move on, from his past, from his present, because it all just hurt too much._

_He didn't want to hurt anymore._

* * *

When Jace walked into his office, at a quarter-past-four, Magnus wondered if it was finally time.

"Are you here to ask me a question about class, or to give me the _'if you hurt him I'll kill you'_ speech?"

Jace looked taken aback for a moment, before he recovered his calm.

"Are you telling me you don't need to hear it?" He joked, and Magnus could see the concern hidden behind the bravado.

"I'm saying that you're concern is valid, but you have nothing to worry about. I love him, and would much sooner hurt myself than allow any harm to come to him."

Jace nodded, satisfied with the answer, and shuffled his feet. Magnus had never seen Jace like this before, so hesitant and nervous. He was always cool, collected, quipping witty jokes and smartass retorts.

"You're really worried about him, aren't you?" He asked.

"He hasn't had the best experiences in his life. Sure, we've all had hard times, but Alec-"

"I know." Magnus said, and Jace looked surprised for a moment.

"He told you?" Jace asked, and Magnus nodded, now wondering if he should have said anything at all.

"Good." Jace replied. "I told him he should. Nice to see that he finally listened to me."

Magnus laughed softly, and Jace turned to the door.

"I should probably go, now." He explained, and Magnus nodded.

Jace was half-way out the door, when something appeared to occur to him, and he turned around.

"You know, he's very lucky to have you." He said, and Magnus smiled.

"I'm very lucky to have him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE IS ACTUALLY SO MUCH MALEC-DEVELOPMENT GOODNESS NEXT CHAPTER YOU HAVE NO IDEA IT'S POSSIBLY MY FAVOURITE. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, anyone want to talk about that episode .... feel free ...


	25. You're The Light In My Darkest Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus takes Alec to see an old, dear friend of his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely made the cemetery up, I've never been to NY before. And to clarify, this happens on a Sunday. 
> 
> I took creative liberty with Etta's name.

_"I think it's time for you to meet her."_

That's all Magnus had said. Well, texted, technically, about a week after the letter incident. Alec, having no actual plans himself, had promised to be at his boyfriend's apartment within the hour.

And here he was, standing at the door, waiting for Magnus to come and answer. He could just walk in, of course, which he was well aware of. But there was something a little off about Magnus' text, and he was concerned. By waiting for him, Alec could feel marginally more comfortable, whilst also pretending that everything was okay.

Although, he had been waiting at the door for at least three minutes, with not even a whisper of a sound from the other side, which was very unlike Magnus.

Alec knocked again, confused and more worried than he'd been a minute ago. He was about to crack open the door and peek his head in, because he was almost certain that something was definitely not right, when the door opened. It took Alec a moment to register that the person in front of him actually was Magnus, and not some twisted, alternate clone.

His face was clear of any make-up, or glitter, and his hair was hanging down around his face like a fluffy curtain. There was a shadow across his eyes, something solemn about his forced smile, a heaviness to his drooping shoulders.

To put it simply, Magnus was not okay.

"I'm sorry, I was a little distracted - I didn't hear you until just then." Magnus explained, his lips tight and strained as he tried to appear better then he was.

"It's fine," Alec said distractedly. He scanned his eyes over Magnus, taking in everything he could to try and piece together what's wrong. There was no colour in his clothes, either. Black jeans, a simple dark v-neck and charcoal blazer, and a smokey-grey scarf wound around his neck ... none of it was making Alec feel any better.

"Is everything okay? You seem a little ... distraught." He asked. Magnus nodded, before halting, and shaking his head.

"No, it's not. _I'm_ not." He answered, truthfully, and Alec wanted nothing more than to somehow bring back the sunshine that usually shone through his magnificent eyes.

"Is there anything I can do ... to help?" Alec asked, because even though he recognised the sadness in Magnus' eyes, even though he understood that it was hard to overcome such sorrow, he hated seeing it. If there was anything he could possibly do, to even ease the pain, he would.

"Stay with me, today? As long as you're not busy, of course, if you are I perfectly understand-"

"I'll stay." Alec cut in. "I'd do anything for you. If you want me to stay, then I will. For as long as you need."

Magnus smiled gratefully, and although it was a little weak around the edges, it was still something.

"I know I only gave you the bare details about Etta, and although I had my reasons, I still feel as though it's unfair to keep everything from you. So, today I was going to, explain everything. Sort of."

"I understand, I didn't tell you about Sebastian until a week ago,"

Magnus nodded once, but the sadness had started to seep back into his eyes.

"My situation is ... a little different. You'll see why, when we get there."

"Okay," Alec said. He stepped forward, hesitantly placing a hand on Magnus' upper arm.

"I'm here for you, okay? No matter what." He said, his eyes locked onto Magnus'.

"I know. Thank you." Magnus whispered. There was something raw and open to his words and his expression, almost as though his make-up had been a mask, and without it, he had nothing to hide behind.

Alec wasn't the only one who had laid himself bare. And, just like with the letter, there would be no judging this time, either.

 

* * *

 

Out of all the scenarios Alec came up with, as to why Magnus seemed so upset, and where they could be going, he couldn't have ever imagined they'd end up at New York Grand Memorial Cemetery.

He tried not to let his surprise show, of course, but he had a feeling he wasn't doing a very good job at it.

"I'm guessing this isn't exactly what you were expecting." Magnus said softly, the car beeping obnoxiously loud as he locked it.

Alec shrugged, trying to reign his emotions in. "All you said about her was that she was an old girlfriend who meant a lot to you. I didn't really know what to expect."

Magnus mouth tightened into a grim line. "It's not exactly how I would have liked you two to meet. Providing she was alive-"

Magnus' voice croaked at the end, and Alec rushed over to his side. He slid his hand into Magnus', the one without a bouquet of flowers. There was a few moments of silence, before Magnus attempted to speak again.

"She would have loved you. I know it."

Alec swallowed past the figurative lump in his throat. "I hope you're right. Let's go say hello, shall we?"

Magnus nodded, and as they walked, Alec wondered if his boyfriend's grip on the flowers was as strong as his grip on Alec's hand. Not that he was about to say anything, Magnus probably wasn't aware he was doing it, but he obviously needed it.

"She - she passed away, about three - three years ago."

Alec squeezed Magnus' hand gently, as they passed through the wrought-iron gates. There were two stone angels, not too far from the entrance, their faces blank but still mournful. They had no real marking for eyes, and yet as they passed he felt a chill run down his spine. It could have been the actual graveyard, more than the statues, that caused his discomfort. He wasn't really interested in finding out, though.

"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. If it's too painful." Alec explained. He didn't want to put Magnus under any unecessary stress, not with how frantic his emotions already were.

Magnus' eyes scanned the cemetery around them, as though he was searching for something. Or trying to escape it.

"You have every right to know. What is the point in bringing you with me, or even you staying by my side today, if I'm not willing to explain things to you? It's just - it's been a while since I've really talked about her. And at least a year, since I have willingly spared more than a few fleeting thoughts."

He slowed, waiting until Alec did the same, before turning into a row. The gravestones were evidently new, in varied shapes - Alec's pretty sure he spotted a heart one, and one stretched wide enough for multiple people. It was saddening to see the ones without any flowers or decorations, nothing celebrating their life.

"Alexander, I would like to introduce you to my dear friend, and old girlfriend, Etta."

Alec couldn't hold back the sharp gasp of air he sucked in as he looked at the gravestone. The physical evidence impacted him more than he thought he it would have.

 

_Etta Louise Carter_

_1990 - 2012_

_Beloved friend and wonderful person. Truly an angel on Earth. Forever in our hearts._

 

His eyes flicked over to Magnus' eyes, which were brimming with silent tears. His hand slid from Alec's grip, as he stepped forward to place the flowers down, next to a miniature ornate vase with soft pink and white roses, and a a plush teddy-bear holding a bright red heart.

"Etta," Magnus whispered softly, his voice aching and quiet. "This is Alec. You'd like him, he's exactly what you told me I needed. He's so kind, and beautiful, and he makes me happier than I have been in years."

Alec wiped his own eyes, a little startled to find himself crying. He could practically feel Magnus' heartbreak, feel the pain throbbing through his veins. He'd never personally lost anyone like this, someone as close to him as Etta obviously was to Magnus, but in that moment he certainly felt like it.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited you in a year. I meant to come before, but I could never bring together the courage ... but I'm here now. I - I promised I'd visit, every year on this day, I promised and - I plan on sticking to that promise."

Alec knelt down, placing his weight on his heels. He reached out and rubbed Magnus' back soothingly, absorbing the tremors as they began to tear through him. Where Alec's tears were silent, hidden, Magnus' were heavy and heartbroken, echoing in the air around them and resounding inside Alec's bones.

He wasn't sure how long they sat there, how long it took for Magnus' sobbing to ease up. He didn't really notice the ache settling in his muscles, aware of only the one in his heart, at seeing someone he loved so dearly, in so much pain. He knew that he couldn't do anything, to take away Magnus' pain. He could only wait it out and console him, through gentle touches and the knowledge that he was there if Magnus needed him.

No matter what he needed, Alec would be there for him.

 

* * *

 

"Thank you, for doing this."

Alec smiled up at Magnus through dark eyelashes. He finished untying Magnus' left shoe, and took it off slowly. They had returned to Magnus' apartment after spending at least two hours besides Etta's grave. Magnus had explained, once his tears had stifled to quiet sobs, that today was the anniversary of Etta's passing. Which is why he was so upset, and why he really needed Alec around.

And, because Alec had promised to be there for Magnus, once they had gotten home, Alec had shrugged Magnus' coat off of his shoulders, and then nudged him onto the couch, and told him not to move. Magnus, either too emotionally-drained or simply too tired to be bothered arguing, did as Alec requested. And as Alec unwrapped the scarf from around his neck, and the shoes from his feet, Magnus had watched with an adoring smile and an overwhelming sense of love.

Before Alec, and after Etta, Magnus hadn't had a serious relationship, not one that lasted. And although he had loved Etta more than he had ever loved Camille, and Camille had been his first, it was nothing compared to how he felt about Alec.

And after today, and everything Alec had done for him - there had been no conflicting jealousy, or even discomfort, Alec had just done it because he loved Magnus - Magnus knew there was no going back from this.

He hadn't just fallen in love with Alec, he'd tripped, stumbled, and landed headfirst. There was no coming back from this, not without cuts and bruises along the way, which was fine because, Magnus didn't want to ever stop loving Alec.

And, there was a part of him that thought he never would. And the same part of him, didn't have a problem with it at all.

"I'm serious, I appreciate everything you've done - more than you realise, I think."

Alec stood back up, straightening his endless legs. He smiled at Magnus bashfully, and Magnus wondered if he had even been consciously aware of what he'd done, or whether he had truly just _done_ it.

"It was nothing," Alec replied. "I told you I was here for you, and besides all of that, after everything you've done for me - it would be ridiculous of me to not do the same for you."

He shrugged, and his eyes were bright and honest, when they stared into Magnus'.

"I love you. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you."

Magnus felt his eyes burning with unfallen tears, but not for the same reason as before. In fact, he felt better than he had all day, better than he had on any of these mournful anniversaries.

Alec, noticing Magnus' tears and taking them for what they're weren't, knelt on the couch and wiped beneath Magnus' eyes. His own were full of concern, and Magnus felt his heart ache for a far more positive reason.

"You're incredible." Magnus whispered, because he needed to make sure Alec understood. Properly, understood.

"You're a sap." Alec joked. He understood that Magnus wasn't actually as upset anymore, but he also needed a moment to process the words.

"And completely unashamed about it."

Magnus reached for Alec, tugging him closer by a hand at the waist. Alec ended up straddling Magnus' hips, his boyfriend's hands holding him in place. Magnus moved one to cup Alec's cheek, taking a moment to simply look at him and appreciate everything he had, and how lucky he was to have it.

"I have so many things I wish to say, and yet none of them are close enough for me to grasp and actually speak." Magnus said.

"Then don't." Alec replied, a rosy blush heating the tops of his cheekbones. "Just kiss me instead."

"That is something I can most certainly do."

Alec leaned forward and Magnus captured his lips in a firm kiss, and it was as though the rest of the day just melted away. The memories and the hurt were still there, the pain that had filled the hole left by Etta's passing only dulled, but as each second passed, he was finding it a little easier to ignore.

And as Alec's fingers carded through his hair, as he gasped into Magnus' mouth, he found it a little easier to breathe, the atmosphere a little less suffocating than it had been when he'd woken up that morning.

And it struck him, that what he was feeling, what he had with Alec, was exactly why Etta had left him in the first place. She'd wanted him to have the chance to find this kind of love, the kind so similair to what they had shared, because she knew she didn't have much time left and he wouldn't be able to have it with her for much longer.

And although that didn't make the pain go away - he doubted it ever would - it helped him concentrate on happier things.

And it was all because of Alec.

 _"Aku cinta kamu."_ Magnus murmered against his lips, the words slipping out before he could concentrate on what they were.

Alec pulled back, confusion sparkling in the depths of his ocean-blue eyes.

"What does that mean?" He asked, and Magnus deliberated how to answer for all of about five seconds.

He'd decided to trust Alec, he had every right to know the truth, and even if he couldn't tell Alec everything about Camille, or why he'd moved to America just yet - some secrets were harder than others - that was something he had no problem revealing.

"It means 'I love you', in Indonesian." He explained. The words tasted like fire on his tongue, harsh and biting, but the pure emotion in Alec's face was enough to make it all worth it.

"It's beautiful." Alec replied. "I've never heard you-"

"I know," Magnus cut in, because he didn't want to hear the words Alec was no doubt about to say. It had been hard enough explaining it, going into a deep and meaningful conversation was something he just wasn't ready for, not yet, not today of all days. There was a reason he'd left his past behind. 

"It's ... not exactly something I divulge in a lot."

Alec bit his bottom lip gently, almost subconsciously. "But you did." He stated. 

"For you." Magnus said, his cheeks warming with a heat that would be a blush on anybody else.

"It's not even Valentine's Day." Alec said, attempting a joke, although Magnus could see the underlying surprise. It reminded him again, of the reasons why Alec had trouble believing Magnus truly meant everything he said, and the person who had caused it all.

"Valentine's Day will be a momentous occasion unable to be forgotten." Magnus promised.

Alec laughed softly, and then tilted his head in thought. "You know, my birthday is coming up..."

"I'm aware." Magnus assured him. "I've had it marked in my calender since our second date."

Alec raised his eyebrows, his eyes widening. "You're kidding."

"I'd never kid about your birthday. Or, anything even remotely party-related. Which means that, even though it is at least a month away, I've already begun brainstorming."

Alec groaned and rested his forehead against Magnus'. Magnus ran his hands up and down the sides of Alec's torso.

Alec's eyes were closed as he spoke. "Why?"

"Because I love parties, and hosting them, and of course I love you, so..."

"So, I shouldn't even bother trying to dissuade you." Alec finished.

Magnus grinned. "Exactly."

They lapsed back into comfortable silence. Alec's fingers brushed the nape of Magnus' neck, his eyes still closed, Magnus hands roaming up his back and across his ribs gently. They were wrapped up in a bubble of comfort and quiet ... until they weren't.

Because Chairman Meow was the type of cat who couldn't stand the attention being off him for more than a few minutes at best. He'd been patient, but enough was enough.

_"Meow."_

Alec practically snorted, when Chairman jumped onto the couch and wormed his way between the two of them. He ended up sitting on Magnus' chest, with his paws caught in the fabric of Alec's sweater.

"Damn cat." Magnus grumbled, not that he really sounded that upset. Alec smiled and ran his hand over the soft fur of Chairman's back.

"He just wants some loving too." Alec cooed, scratching behind the cat's ears.

"Which is fine, but now when it interrupts _my_ loving." Magnus protested weakly.

"Aw," Alec mocked at Magnus' over-exaggerated pout. "Someone's jealous."

Alec leant forward, mindful of Chairman's small frame, and kissed Magnus gently.

"You have nothing to be jealous about. I promise."

"I know." Magnus said, completely serious. "Even if my possessive cat wants to take you away from me."

"I think you're the possessive one, here." Alec replied. There was a shine as bright as the sun in his eyes, and Magnus felt the chill around the edges of his heart melt away simply by looking into them.

"I don't know what I would do without you." He said, his eyes softening.

"We've only been together for a few months." Alec reminded him, and Magnus could feel him beginning to pull away, emotionally-speaking, and so he held on tight with both hands until his knuckles turned white.

"And I know, that I am better off with you in my life." He replied.

It was Alec's turn to look almost in tears. Happy ones, thankfully, which was a nice change from the tears that Magnus had been spilling all day.

"I'm really glad that I told you about Sebastian," Alec said, slightly choked. "And that you trusted me enough to explain about today, and to help you. It feels ... this sounds really stupid, but it feels like we're closer because of it, and I - I like this feeling. That we both trust each other enough to not really have any secrets between us."

Magnus nodded, ignoring the screaming voice in the back of his mind shouting about how stupid he's being, telling him to tell Alec the truth. He muffled the voice and pretended it didn't hurt a little inside to practically lie to Alec.

Because he was going to tell Alec, and soon, just ... not today.

Not when he was finally, ridiculously, unbelievably, floating-on-Coud-Nine happy. Surely he deserved a chance to enjoy it. 


	26. Trust Is Powerful And Easily Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lovely domestic morning quickly escalates into something a lot worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of cheating, harsh/offensive language, non-con moment.
> 
> Credit where credit is due: massive thanks to 'FrozenHearts' for the wonderful suggestion I've taken and manipulated for use in this chapter. I would have still been scrummaging for ideas otherwise. 
> 
> Edited by me. All mistakes are mine, and I apologise for them.

Alec was the first one to wake up, he'd always been a bit of an early riser, and the day before hadn't taken nearly as much out of him as it had out of Magnus. He slid carefully out from underneath Magnus' arm and off the bed, his bare feet padding along the soft carpet towards the window. Magnus had a seat on this one, as it was the biggest, and he once said that he liked to look out onto the cityscape occassionally.

Alec sat down on it, his knees pulled up to his chin, his arms folded over them. The sun was just beginning to rise, the horizon painted with a gorgeous mixture of red and orange and gold, basking the streets in it's glow. Alec rested his head against the glass and watched, calm in the serenity of the early morning.

There was something peaceful about being awake when most of the city was dormant.

He glanced over to the bed, where Magnus was still, thankfully, sound asleep, his arm outstretched. The duvet was pulled up to his torso, but Alec could see the planes of his shoulders, the taught muscles of his neck. His face was softened, at ease, unburdened by the stresses of his waking life. Alec wished he always looked so peaceful, but he also understood that life didn't work that way.

Still, he had hope, after yesterday, that maybe Magnus would be okay. Even if it was just marginally so. After all, he'd shared an emotional part of his past the day before, and afterwards they'd spent the night watching movies and cuddling, just spending time together. Nothing more, nothing too intense or serious. They'd gone to bed early and fallen asleep quickly, and it had been nice.

Of course, Alec was still worried - he wondered if this is how Magnus had felt before, when their situations were reversed - but he also knew that Magnus would tell him how he was feeling, and no matter what it was, he would do his best to help.

"Alexander?"

Alec looked over at the bed. Magnus had rolled over and pulled himself up, the duvet grouped around his waist, his hair fuzzy and messed from turning in his sleep. He peered at Alec through half-squinted eyes, his hand rubbing one of them slowly.

"Good morning." Alec said softly. He hadn't noticed the time passing, but there was more sunlight spilling into the room than there had been previously, meaning at least half an hour, if not more, had passed.

"Indeed." Magnus replied, his voice mumbled and heavy, in much the same way as he had when Alec had first properly spent the night.

Alec watched bemusedly as Magnus ran a hand over his face. His boyfriend was always attractive, usually alluring, but he'd never seen Magnus quite so ... adorable before.

"What are you doing so far away?"

Alec laughed softly and unfolded his legs. His steps were slow as he walked over to the bed, savouring the muddled expression on Magnus' face as he attempted to wake himself up faster.

"I was watching the sunrise. I woke up early, and I didn't want to disturb you, especially not after yesterday..."

Alec braced himself for Magnus' reaction, expecting the worse. Instead of a mournful expression, however, Magnus' eyes softened and his mouth pulled up into a kind smile.

"I'm feeling better, I promise." He said, reaching his arm out. Alec climbed back into the bed and nestled himself against Magnus' chest. Magnus slid his arm around Alec's back, tugging him close.

"Thank you, for yesterday." He said quietly. "It really meant a lot. And, that you stayed over, too. I don't think I really understood how much I needed you by my side."

Alec tangled his finger's with Magnus', resting his palm against the back of Magnus' hand. He didn't reply, because everything he could say he'd already said before. He was content to just sit there, content in Magnus' arms, content in the quiet.

"You know, I'll always be there for you." He said after a while had passed. "You wouldn't even have to ask."

"I know." Magnus replied, kissing the top of Alec's head gently. "Just as I will forever be by your side when _you_ need _me_."

Alec snuggled in closer, wrapping himself in the certainty that he and Magnus sat on a new level, one built of love and trust.

No matter what happened, he'd always have someone to confide in.

 

* * *

 

_All he could hear was shouting, his father's angry, frustrated shouting, like a booming crack of thunder. His mother's frantic cries, apologies that spilled from her mouth, tears from her eyes. He could see them, his father tall and looming, his mother hunched and cowering, desperate to get away from him. They didn't know he was there, hiding from behind the wall of the barn. They hardly ever knew where he was, there was no reason for this time to be any different._

_Except, in the way that it was, where his parents were angry and upset and where he didn't understand what was going on. His parents never fought. Sure, his father had a harsh temper, and his mother was too soft-spoken to ever really talk back, even if Magnus sometimes wished she would._

_But they never fought. Not like this._

_"You kept this a secret for ten years! Ten years, I've spent thinking he's my son. Ignoring the slight differences, assuming it was just a generational thing on your side. But, no. You cheated on me, and then when you got pregnant you allowed me to believe that the product of your infidelity was actually my child."_

_Magnus poked his head around the barn slowly. He'd heard what his father said, he just didn't understand it. He was pretty sure they were talking about him - he had no other siblings - but that didn't clear up anything else._

_"I didn't want you to be upset. It was a mistake, a one time thing, and I didn't expect to get pregnant. Besides, when I saw how happy you were to be having a child..."_

_"If you didn't want me to be upset, you shouldn't have cheated on me."_

_His father's voice had taken on a cold edge, like biting frost, and as he stepped closer, Magnus felt a sense of dread creeping up his spine. Something bad was going to happen, he could feel it._

_He just didn't know what._

 

* * *

 

Magnus dropped Alec off at his lecture on his way to work - he'd taken the morning off, and Alec knew he'd be getting a call from his siblings later, but he'd deal with it when it happened. He did hope, however, that it wouldn't be _too_ noticeable where he'd spent the night - that the shirt beneath his sweater was threaded with glitter, or that the belt holding his jeans up was studded with gold and silver buttons.

He'd had a decision - go home and change, or borrow some of Magnus' clothing items and spend more time with him - and it was a decision he'd spent very little time on.

Although, his choice to sit next to Aline ... he could, admittedly, have chosen another seat. Retrospect was a wonderful thing.

"That's not your shirt."

Alec rolled his eyes and opened his notebook.

"Nice deduction, Holmes. What's your next step, analysing the thread count of my sweater to figure out what I ate for breakfast?"

He was being sarcastic, intentionally so, and Aline knew it. He was in a good mood, a really good one, and joking around with her was something he'd missed doing.

"I really hope you got laid last night, otherwise I might have to take you to see a doctor. I'm not sure I recognise _this_ Alec, and that's kind of worrying."

Alec laughed, sharp and low and underneath his breath so as not to annoy others around them. Their lecturer hadn't arrived yet, but as soon as she did there would be little room to talk.

"I didn't, actually. I just had a really good night. And morning. But, again, not for the reason you implied."

Aline smirked. "Good to hear. But that's definitely Magnus' shirt, isn't it?"

Alec shrugs. "Possibly."

"Nope, no _'possibly'_ about it, I have never seen you wear a shirt that fitted, let alone with that much glitter before."

"Maybe I've changed. Turned over a new leaf, or whatever the saying is."

He could feel her studying him, see her fierce dark gaze from the corners of his own eyes, and he wonders what _she_ sees. Whether she finds anything in him that was different to before.

"Something about you has changed." Aline confirmed. "And for the better, by the looks of it."

Alec didn't bother trying to hide his grin. Something in him had changed, that was indisuputable, but what was even better, was that it was noticeable to those around him.

"I'm happy."

 

* * *

 

**Magnus** _**: 'You should stay over again tonight ;)'** _

Alec smiled to himself and began typing a reply, when he felt his shoulder crash into something. Or rather, someone, as he discovered when he looked up from his phone.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going..."

"Not a problem, _dear_ , accidents happen all the time." Said a female voice, coy and smooth.

He'd never seen her before, and especially not on campus. Alec would have surely remembered her, her striking green eyes and shiny platinum hair, simply for being so sophisticated, so confident. Just because he wasn't attracted to girls, didn't mean he wasn't aware when a pretty one was in front of him.

Her eyes seemed to bore into his, as though seeing beneath the exterior, and the sharpness of her smile unnerved him slightly.

"Have I seen you before?" She asked him coolly. He shook his head, and her eyes narrowed.

"Hm, I thought I had. There's just something about you, I suppose."

"Yeah," Alec said slowly. "I guess I just have one of those faces."

He felt an odd shiver running down his spine as her eyes trailed over his face. It was more than just unnerving now, it was borderline discomfort. He really just wanted to walk away, go home and get changed, decide whether he should stay another night.

"Well, in any case, I should probably be going. I'm Camille, by the way, in case we ever happen to run into each other again."

"I-I'm Alec."

Camille's eyes gained an almost darkened glint. "It's been a pleasure."

She stalked off, hair swaying behind her head, and even when he couldn't see her anymore, Alec felt like her presence was still around.

It was strange, not unfamilair, but certainly strange.

 

* * *

 

Alec did, in the end, stay another night. His parents were away, which meant that his absence wouldn't be questioned, and when he thought about it, there wasn't really much of a query in whether he wanted to stay or not.

Unsurprisingly, their night escalated into far more exciting activities, involving a lot less clothing, which was helpful for more than just the obvious, and both of them went to sleep tired but happy. So, ridiculously, happy.

But this was them, and more specifically, _Alec_ , and happiness never seemed to last for him. It was always replaced by something else, something worse, something that chased the happiness away.

He'd forgotten that part, too caught up in actually being _not sad_ for the first time in a while. Not that the day had started out horribly. He'd woken up, for the second day in a row, in Magnus' arms, their breaths mixing in the air between them, within an overwhelming sense of comfort and belonging.

Then, he'd studied with Helen and Aline, the jokes had flowed both ways, and he hadn't missed the sly glances either of them had snuck in his direction. He felt better than he had in ... well, in a long time. And from the grins his friends sported, it seemed to be showing.

Just when he thought he'd fulfilled his quota of good things for the day, if not the week, he got a text message from Jace, with a suggestion of a late lunch at Taki's, reminding him that he hadn't been home in a few days, and, unintentionally, sort of neglected his siblings a little.

He knew they didn't mind, Jace's text said as much, but Alec still felt bad about it, and so he agreed, and sent a message back saying he'd be there in fifteen minutes or so.

And there just might have been a noticeable skip in his step, or a lightness to the way he carried himself, more of a straightness to his back or a lift to his head. And it might just have been noticeable to others, like his sometimes oblivious brother, or his sister's equally ignorant boyfriend.

"Hey," Alec greeted, sliding into the booth opposite Jace. Jace waved back, and Alec looked around, noticing an obviously missing detail. Or, rather, a few.

"Where's Clary?"

"Out shopping with Isabelle. I would've tried to object, but..." Jace shrugged. "There wouldn't really have been much choice."

Alec nodded, understanding all too well how pointless trying to fight something with Isabelle was.

"What about-"

"Simon?" Jace interrupted. Alec nodded, and Jace sighed heavily, nodding towards the other side of the room, where Simon was talking to a waitress with bright pink hair and a soft smirk.

"We're 'bonding', apparently." Jace muttered, and Alec laughed quietly.

"You know, he's not that bad. Well, not like you make him out to be, at least."

Jace stared, without blinking, for a good, solid twenty seconds, at least. "You can't be serious?"

Alec grinned, and by then Simon was sliding into the booth next to Jace, though still with a fair amount of space between them.

"Hi." Simon greeted, and Alec nodded in return.

"It's good to see you, Simon." He said, his grin spreading, not only at Jace's choked sound, but also at Simon's slack jaw and impossibly widened eyes.

"Y-you too." Simon stuttered out.

"I'm not going to bite Simon, how many times do I have to tell you? I've grown up, and ... to be completely honest I don't really hate you." Alec replied.

Simon nodded, but he still looked a little freaked, and Alec knew he shouldn't be gaining any satisfaction - at all - but he couldn't help it. It was funny. And he was being truthful, he didn't hate Simon - he never had, not really, he'd just never liked the idea of someone who could hurt his sister. Even if, logically, the likelihood of Isabelle hurting Simon was far higher.

"He was just being an overprotective big brother ... at least, that's what Iz calls it." Jace added.

Alec nodded, and then picked up the lamenated menu in front of him. "Pretty much. But I'm over that now."

He hid a grin behind the menu, as he scanned the lists of items. "So, anything interesting happen in the past two days?"

He listened absently as Jace regaled him with Clary's newest art assignment - she was supposedly working on a theme centered around mythical beings, angels and demons and the such - and Simon's bands newest name, Apocalyptic Vegetables. He scoffed under his breath at the name, but admitted to neither that there was something almost amusing about it.

He was just about to ask if they wanted to order, when he felt a chill racing down his spine. He knew who was standing before him instantly, before he turned around, even before he saw the sharpness of Jace's glare through his narrowed eyes, or the confusion blooming in Simon's.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here?" Jace bit, harshly.

"I came to talk to Alec."

Another shiver raced through Alec, down to his toes, and he felt like throwing up.

"I've obviously missed something." Simon whispered, to no one in particular.

"This _bastard_ -"

_"Jace."_ Alec cut in before Jace could continue. "Don't."

"But-"

"I've got it." Alec added, a lot firmer. He could see Jace scrambling for an explantation, but Alec couldn't give it. He couldn't give a reason for a decision he wasn't even sure was the right one. All he knew, was that he had to do it. Sebastian wouldn't leave him alone if he didn't.

Alec would much rather go back to being _finally_ rid of the poisonous stain in his life that Sebastian Morgenstern created. Regardless of whatever it took.

He slid out of the booth, using the little time between sitting and standing to attempt to steel his nerves. There was a tightness in his stomach, a twist to his gut, and it only got worse when he turned around.

Sebastian was smirking, the corners of his mouth sharp like the edge of a blade, like a predator who had just caught sight of it's prey. His soulless eyes flashed with delighted malice, and Alec knew that he was probably making a fairly sizable mistake, but he'd already stood up and he just wanted it all to be over and done with.

"Let's go outside." Alec muttered beneath his breath. Sebastian bowed mockingly and waved his hand for Alec to lead. Alec groaned and stepped towards the side-exit, where the section reserved for smokers was located.

"What the hell do you want? I thought I made it quite clear the last time we interacted that I _never_ want to have anything to do with you. Ever. Again."

Sebastian eyes glinted, as though he knew something that Alec didn't. Alec had never really liked that look much.

"Oh, come now Alec, we both know you didn't mean that."

Alec choked out a scoff and closed his eyes. "Actually, I did."

He lifted a hand up to his eyes, rubbing the planes of his nose with a slight pressure, hoping to chase away the ache blooming at his temple, around the arch between his eyes and brows.

"It will be a delightful day when you decide you're done torturing me." He mutttered under his breath. His eyes were still closed, and as such, he wasn't aware of anything happening.

Until he opened them a moment later, to find Sebastian, an uncomfortable, maybe two inches away.

"What-" Alec began to say, but he didn't get a chance to finish his sentence.

Sebastian interrupted him by closing the distance between them and smashing their lips together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...


	27. Smoke And Poison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec, once again, suffers the aftermath of Sebastian's actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually try to stray away from including intense swearing, both because of readers who might not be comfortable with it, and because I've always found it a little difficult to imagine Alec, swearing harshly (I mean he was drunk in Edom, after all). In this situation, I think it's safe to say that Alec would probably swear.
> 
> WARNING: Offensive language/swearing. Non-con kiss. 
> 
> Helen has nicknames for Aline because they're A+ cuties and I want them to have a sappy, adorable relationship that also happens to allow me to live vicariously through them. I slip for a moment into Tiberius Blackthorn worshipping because he is a gift and I adore him.

_"What the fuck?!"_

Alec tore away from Sebastian. His stomach was churning, he felt as though he'd just been on a long sea voyage and was currently suffering from an intense bout of sea-sickness. He had to swallow twice to prevent from upheaving, twisting his body away from Sebastian and the malicious sense of accomplishment in his eyes.

"What's the matter, Alec?" Sebastian asked, and all Alec could hear was the echo of the past, the reminder of the string Sebastian had dangled him from like he was nothing but a puppet.

"What's the ... you _kissed me_ , without any sliver of my consent!"

"I thought it _was_ what you wanted." Sebastian replied simplistically, and the shock of his words was enough for Alec to turn around.

He stammered, emotions high and confusion blinding. Sebastian, noticing Alec's distress, continued.

"After all, you pined after me for so long, and, I do in fact remember a time when the one thing you wanted was _to kiss me_."

"A time when - what, when I was sixteen?!" Alec shouted. "I have a boyfriend, and you - you _know that._ "

Sebastian's smile was cruel and certain, and it told Alec everything he needed to know.

"You ... you..."

Just then, the door swung open, and Jace strode in, Simon a few hesitant steps behind.

"Alec, what's going on?" Jace asked, shooting obvious daggers at Sebastian.

"It's nothing." Alec answered on impulse, because how was he supposed to explain what had just happened, when he didn't even understand it himself?

He subconsciously reaches his hand up to his mouth, his fingers grazing across his lips. Though the kiss had been short, it hadn't been as pleasant as he used to imagine, those few years ago when his thoughts had been concerned with Sebastian. It hadn't been nice, like his first kiss with Magnus was, or heated, like the ones a few times later, nor had it been skin-tingling or enveloping like the kisses with Magnus were now.

It didn't send sparks down to his toes or turn his knees to jelly. In fact, it was everything a kiss _shouldn't_ be.

The touch of Sebastian's lips had felt like poison, burning and biting in the worst way, and even though Alec had pulled away as fast as he could, it still hadn't felt fast enough. He still felt it, even now, could feel the lingering effect, like an imprint, a reminder.

He could feel Sebastian's eyes on him, as he traced his bottom lip with his fingers, and it tugged him back to reality. His hand fell to his side, and he quickly shoved it into his pocket. He was reminded, absently, that it was the kind of thing he used to do, _back then_ , but for the time being, there were more pressing matters for him to focus on.

Like Jace, who was a dangerously close distance from Sebastian, a practically murderous look shadowhing his eyes.

"You stay the hell away from my brother, do you hear me?" He snapped.

Alec took a step forward, fully prepared to step in, because knowing Jace he'd probably punch Sebastian in the face, and as much as that wasn't something Alec would really mind, it wouldn't, in the end, be worth it.

"I'm not sure I want to do that," Sebastian replied, cool and collected, even now. "Your brother interests me, and I've never really been one to just let slip the things that I want."

"He's not an object!" Jace yelled, catching the attention of some of the other patrons. Simon looked as though he was debating between whether to pull Jace away, or to simply flee the situation. Alec himself wasn't sure he'd be able to move his feet if he tried.

"Alec isn't just something you can _want_ , he's not a _thing_ , and besides all of that, _he isn't yours_!"

Sebastian's smirk was calculated, smooth, and without fear. "We'll see about that."

He stalked off, back inside the restaurant, towards the exit, but it wasn't until he was completely out of sight, that Alec allowed himself the chance to breathe, to release the tension that had built up inside.

_"Alec."_

His head snapped around at the sound of his name. Jace had called it, his eyes full of concern and fear for whatever had just happened, and whatever was currently going on inside of Alec's mind.

"Are you alright?" Jace asked.

He'd moved, to stand in front of Alec, but Alec could still see past him, over his shoulder, where Simon was standing, hands shoved awkwardly into the pockets of his jumper, worry lines evident in his frown. Even though he didn't know about what Alec had been through, even though he didn't understand what had just gone down, there was a part of him that was worried.

And Alec wasn't entirely sure how to deal with that.

"Yeah ... yeah, I'm fine."

He moved to step past, but Jace moved with him, and Alec was once again trapped, Jace acting as a barrier between him and the door.

"Alec, be honest with me." Jace demanded, and Alec knew he had only the best intentions, but he didn't know how to explain what had just happened, or what the raging storm of emotions inside him were made of.

"I'm fine, Jace." Alec answered, a little more forcefully this time. "I just want to go home. Or somewhere ... somewhere that _isn't here_."

Jace looked for a moment like he was about to protest, but he ended up just nodding, almost dazedly, before stepping aside.

"Do you want a ride, or..."

"No, I'll - I'll just walk." Alec answered. "Give me some time to clear my head."

Jace nodded again, and when Simon opened his mouth, likely to reply asking if Alec thought it would be a good idea considering how far the walk would be, Jace simply shot him a glare that quickly kept him quiet.

"Call me if you need anything." Jace said, his voice soft and concerned.

Alec nodded. He felt a wave of numbness rush over him, removing the sense of feeling he'd just had and replacing it with a shield of glass, protecting him from being hurt again. He walked past Simon, his eyes locked straight ahead, because he couldn't bear to look at the sympathy or confusion on his face.

He didn't know where he was going, didn't know where he'd end up - he didn't know much at the moment.

He could feel the past returning to haunt him, sneaking up on him like a monster made out of shadows and remnants of his past, ready to devour him. It was suffocating, like smoke, creeping down his throat and into his lungs, choking him from the inside out.

It was the same smoke that had choked him after Sebastian had humiliated him, that had burnt the inside of his throat for months after he'd torn himself up over whether to come out to Jace or not.

It was like swallowing poison, and he'd thought he'd gotten past the point where he'd have to feel the destruction of his happiness.

* * *

 

His fist was loose, the knock weak as he rapped his hand against the door. He'd tried buzzing, but the button must have been broken, because no sound had rung. So he resorted to knocking instead, though he wasn't sure he had enough force behind it to be noticed.

He considered knocking louder, not that he really had the energy to, or just walking away, heading somewhere else for the night. But then the door opened, and he felt a rush of air escape from between his parted lips, and with it some of the weight from off his shoulders.

"Alec?"

He shuffled his feet. "Can I stay here for the night?"

Aline nodded. Her eyes were wide, glowing with concern, and he knew she had a lot of questions for him, the answers of which he didn't want to give, but that he'd probably end up spilling anyway.

"Of course." She moved aside, waving him in, and he summoned a weak smile.

"Ali, who's at the - _Alec?_ "

Helen walked out from the kitchen, drying her hands with a tea-towel. Her light blond hair was twisted up into a loose bun, strands of it hanging down in delicate curls that framed her face. Her blue-green eyes, a family trait, were boring through him, and he could feel the intensity of her gaze deep inside of his bones.

"Hi," Alec said weakly.

Aline stepped forward, having shut the door, and touched his arm gently. "Alec was wondering if he could stay here tonight..."

"Of course, of course." Helen replied. Her eyes flicked from Alec's to her girlfriend's, kind and subtly curious. "I'll go set up the spare room."

Aline lead Alec towards their couch, in the adjacent loungeroom. She and Helen had moved into their own apartment around a year ago, and whilst Aline's parents had, at first, been a little apprehensive, they'd quickly come around. Alec had silent hope that his own parents would treat him, when he came out, like they did her, but part of him highly doubted it.

Helen's family, on the other hand, were the most supportive bunch of people Alec had ever met. Her siblings - all six of them - had warmed to Aline immediately, even Ty, who was always a little wary of people he didn't know; probably because Aline had respected him, allowed him the chance to look at the twirling tattoo on her wrist and not her eyes, and had kept a safe distance when he'd gotten a little uncomfortable.

"Alec, do you want to tell me what's wrong? Did you have an argument with Magnus..."

 _"Magnus,"_ Alec whispered, a warped mixture of horror and despair tainting his words. "Oh, Magnus, I didn't even tell him, I have to, I have to..."

Alec's breathing quickened, fast and shallow, harsh as it scraped along his raw and wounded throat - at least it felt raw - and his nails dug into his palms subconsciously.

"Alec." Aline stated firmly. "Breath."

It took Alec a moment to concentrate his focus properly, because he had a flash of anger at himself, for having another anxiety attack, again, so quickly after the last one. He pushed it aside, though, because it was only making it harder for him to breath and he was already beginning to feel a little lightheaded; getting upset at himself would only make things worse.

"What do you need to tell Magnus?" Aline asked, once his breathing had returned to normal.

She placed a comforting hand on his knee, and the warmth of it, as it seeped into his pants, reminded him that he wasn't alone in this. He came here for a reason, and Aline wasn't going judge him. She'd understand, she knew about what had happened the first time, and it stood to logic that she would be just as supportive this time.

"I, uh, I was supposed to let him know, if I was - if I wasn't going over to his."

"Helen can call him, if you want? If you're not ready to call him yourself."

"What makes you think I can't call him myself?" Alec asked, weakly, and it was a ridiculous question, but he asked it anyway.

"The fact that you're here and not there, for one." Aline said, and from anyone else it would probably sound sarcastic and mocking, but it wasn't. It was calm and matter-of-fact, which Alec realised was just how he needed to hear it.

"That would ... that would be really ... yeah, you probably should. Thank you."

He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. Aline was looking at him, waiting for him to justify his slightly out-of-character actions, but he didn't know how to explain what had just happened. He'd spent at least two hours wandering around Central Park, in a stupor, his mind replaying both the recent and the past events that had caused it all.

"You don't have to explain if you don't want to." Aline informed him.

He knew that, if he asked her to, she'd drop the subject and let him just act as though nothing bad had happened. But he also knew that it wouldn't help, it hadn't in the past and it was unlikely to now.

"I was out with Jace and Simon," He said slowly, his voice low because he feared that it would break if he spoke any louder.

He averted his gaze, so that he was looking at the coffee table and not his friend. He didn't notice Helen slip into the room, didn't see her lean casually against the wall, so as not to frighten him.

"It was great, for a while, but then ... then, Sebastian," And even now, speaking his name was like swallowing steaming burnt coffee.

"He turned up, and he wanted to talk, so I lead him outside to just, you know, get it over and done with. And then ... then, he just ... he just..."

"Alec," Aline spoke softly, her voice caressing like a warm hug.

He was reminded of time, back when he was a kid, when he'd hurt himself play-fighting with Jace, and Aline had fixed him up with her toy first-aid kit, under the pretense of 'playing doctors'. He was filled with the same comfort, as when she'd kissed his elbow and told him that it was now fixed.

They were both older now, and wiser, but he wished he could go back to a time where his only problem was how to get revenge on Jace for knocking him into the wall.

"He kissed me." He whispered, and he sounded in disbelief even to himself. He heard Aline breath in sharply, and Helen's slightly fainter gasp of shock.

"He kissed you?!"

It was Helen, not Aline, who had spoken. She rushed over to the couch, sitting carefully on the edge of the coffee table so that she was eye-level with Alec.

He nodded, not trusting his voice to properly form words.

"I thought, that was the problem the first time? Well, that _you_ wanted him to, but he pretended and then ... didn't." Helen said softly.

"It was." Alec admitted. "And he knew about Magnus, so I don't ... I just don't get why he'd do it."

He sounded lost, even to his own ears, and it was frustrating, because he'd thought he'd gotten to a point where he wouldn't have to feel that way anymore.

"Because he's a bastard." Aline hissed, and Alec surprised himself by scoffing out a short, harsh laugh.

"That's what Jace called him," He explained, after Helen and Aline's puzzled expressions had started blending into concern for his sanity. "And Magnus, too."

"You told Magnus?" Helen asks, soft and almost casual, although Alec knew her intention was closer to probing.

"Y-yeah. Not, you know, about - about this, but, well, kind of, yeah. Technically, I, uh, I wrote him a letter, but - still, he knows now." Alec explained.

A spark of pride shot through him, pride that he could admit it now because it was true, it wasn't a secret. But the pride was short-lived, because with it came the reminder that he had to tell Magnus about this, had to tell him about what had happened. And after what they'd just accomplished, after what Magnus himself had just been through ... Alec wasn't sure if he could do it.

He had to. And he knew that. But like most things recently, that didn't make it any easier.

"So, are you going to tell him about this?" Aline asked, her mouth twisted into a sympathetic line.

"I don't ... I mean, I have to, but ... I don't even know how - that's why I'm here, 'cause I couldn't go to Magnus' and pretend that nothing was wrong, and I couldn't go home, because Jace was there but he didn't actually see it, so _I_ don't know if _he_ knows, and if he does he's probably told Izzy, and even if he hasn't she's bound to find out anyway-"

"Alec, that's perfectly understandable." Helen interrupted gently. Her eyes were wide and held nothing but compassion. She reached out for his hand, her own soft and smooth in comparison to his slightly calloused one.

"You can stay here for as long as you need." She continued. "And whilst we're here for you if you want someone to talk to you, we're more than happy to leave you alone if you need some space."

"Absolutely." Aline added, rubbing his knee gently. He felt swaddled in comfort, and under other circumstances he'd feel suffocated, but he had distance and he had options, and that eased any discomfort.

"Thanks guys." He said. He felt weary and exhausted, and although he knew they both likely had other questions for him, he really hoped to leave them until the morning.

"Do you mind if I just call it a night?" Alec asked. "I'm kind of tired, and my head's starting to hurt."

"Of course." Helen said, removing her hand from his and standing up. "The bed is set up, and I'll get you a glass of water and some painkillers for your head."

"Thank you." Alec said, to both of them. His eyes flicked to Aline, and then to Helen. "I'll answer any of your questions tomorrow, I promise, it's just..."

"It's been a long day." Aline inferred. "And you're exhausted, it's perfectly reasonable Alec, we're not going to force you to just stay awake and talk to us when you're not ready for it."

She stood up, wrapping an arm around Alec's waist to pull him with her. His limbs felt heavy, like his blood had been replaced with cement, and his head felt three times larger than before, as though his brain had expanded inside his skull and was pushing against the inner walls. All he wanted to do was sleep for a few days, maybe dip into a bout of a light coma or something.

"Thank you." He said, again, as Aline led him towards the spare room. He wondered how many times he could say thank you in one hour before it got too annoying.

"Any time." Aline replied. "You know that we're always here for you need, whenever you need it."

She smirked at him, a flicker of amusement flashing momentarily. "Especially if it's to drag that son of a bitch through the mud."

Alec summoned a weak smile, as an image of Aline literally dragging Sebastian through a puddle of mud flashed into his mind.

"Are you planning on telling anybody else?" She asked, conversationally. "You know, if Jace didn't actually figure it out, or if Iz doesn't know yet."

"I don't know." Alec answered, honestly. They'd reached the spare room, and he quickly found himself glancing at the bed longingly.

"That's okay." Aline told him. "I was just wondering. Here, you get settled, and if Helen hasn't already, I'll message Magnus to let him know that you're staying here, and you're alright."

"Can you just - if he asks if I'm okay, can you just tell him that I wanted to spend some time with you guys? Like, a catchup thing? I really don't want him to worry, that's all."

Aline nodded, her lips pressed together as though she was trying to prevent herself from speaking.

"Sleep well." She said. She looked over him, almost assessing him, before she turned and left the room silently.

He sat on the edge of the bed, releasing a slow exhale of breath. He wondered if it had been fate or just a joke the universe had thrown at him, that the pants he was wearing were loose and comfortable enough to sleep in, and not jeans like he'd worn the day before.

He decided on just luck instead, because it was less sad and cruel than the alternatives. And he needed as much luck as he could gather. The day had been sad and cruel enough as it was.

He didn't need anymore blows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few people seemed to think that Magnus would see Sebastian kiss Alec. I had already had both this and the next chapter written, and I didn't want to change it. However, the idea did intrigue me, and I have to say I did spend a while mulling over it. And it might have given me a few ideas for future chapters. 
> 
> ALSO BY THE ANGEL THIS HIT 13,000 WHAT IN THE - HOW?? HOW HOW HOW??? AND THE KUDOS (584) AND BOOKMARKS (79) AND SUBSCRIPTIONS (240) I JUST - I CAN'T BELIEVE IT BUT I AM SO, SO GRATEFUL. THANK YOU SO MUCH, EVERYONE WHO HAS READ THIS STORY, WHO HAS STUCK WITH IT OR EVEN THOSE WHO HAVE JUST TURNED UP TODAY. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT. YOU ARE WHAT KEEPS ME GOING AND WHAT HELPS THIS STORY BE WHAT IT IS.  
> (also sorry for the shouting im just excited)


	28. Secrets Are Destructive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec tells Isabelle. 
> 
> Sebastian and Camille discuss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying a new format thing with text messages. Feel free to let me know what you think :)
> 
> There is a deliberate change of tense in this, just to prepare you.
> 
> GOT reference because I'm excited about the new season and I love Daenerys too much for my own good.

 

Alec woke up to the low whirring of an obnoxious coffee machine that wasn't his and the slightly louder buzzing sound of his phone. His head felt better, less like his brain had swelled up inside of his head and more like he'd woken up from a nap and just hadn't gotten enough sleep.

Although the buzzing of his phone wasn't making it any better.

He rubbed his eyes to try and wake himself up faster, before unlocking his phone. From what he'd seen on the screen, he'd missed at least three calls from Jace, four texts from Isabelle, and an undetermined number of both from Magnus.

He checked Isabelle's texts first.

__

_**\- 'Alec, what happened?'** _

__

_**\- 'Jace told me you ran into Sebastian. Are you okay?'** _

__

_**\- 'Where are you, are you at Magnus'? Call me.'** _

__

_**\- 'Alexander Gideon Lightwood, I hope you have a good explanation for this ... call me tomorrow.'** _

 

Alec grinned to himself, as he scrolled through her messages. Her concern was heartwarming, and he felt the effect of it flood him as he replied to her, with a text letting her know he was fine, he'd stayed at Helen and Aline's, and he'd explain later.

He sent a similair text to Jace, knowing his brother would want personal confirmation, not secondhand words from Isabelle.

Magnus had called twice, around the time Alec was walking to Helen and Aline's, and the texts, though few, sent a piercing bolt of guilt through his heart.

__

_**\- 'Are you staying over tonight? It's okay if you aren't.'** _

__

_**\- 'I hope your day was alright. Message or call me when you get a chance.'** _

__

_**\- 'Alexander is everything okay?'** _

__

_**\- 'Aline called me. I know there's something going on, but I respect your privacy, and I know you'll let me know when you're ready. Sweet dreams, and with them all of my** _ _**love.'** _

 

It didn't feel fair, to be keeping it a secret from Magnus. And what made him feel worse, was the knowledge that Magnus respected him enough to, despite being worried about him, allow him the freedom to decide when to tell him. He didn't push, or pry, or demand answers. He loved Alec so much, that he would forego his own concerns in favour of respecting Alec.

He didn't deserve Magnus. He didn't deserve someone as sweet, or loving, or genuinely caring as Magnus Bane.

But he was also too selfish to let him go.

He quickly sent Magnus a message, letting him know that he was feeling better. He didn't make any promises of coming over, because he didn't want to suggest something he wasn't certain he could stick to, but he did finish the text with an 'I love you', because that was something he was undoubtedly sure of.

Alec had only just hit send when there was a knock on the door to the spare room. He breathed in deeply, running a hand through his unruly bed-hair, more than aware of the promises he'd made the night before.

"Yeah," He called out, swinging his legs so they hung over the side of the bed.

The door opened slowly, revealing Helen on the other side, an apprehensiveness to her movements as she stepped forward.

"How are you feeling?" She asked softly, her blue-green eyes wide but piercing.

"Better." He answered. He wished he could say he was peachy, but he didn't want to lie, and it simply wasn't the truth. "Thank you, for everything."

"We'll always be here for you Alec, you know that." Helen answered. She tilted her head slightly to the left, listening to a sound Alec couldn't hear.

"Aline's calling me."

"How do you do that?" Alec asked incredulously. He looked at Helen in wonder, despite knowing that near-superhuman hearing was a quality she'd possessed at least as long as he had known her.

Helen smirked, in a smug but not infuriating way, and shrugged. "Breakfast and coffee will be ready in about five, feel free to use the bathroom, have a shower, whatever you want."

"Thank you."

"I'd be careful how many more times you say that, otherwise Ali's going to get pissed at you."

"Probably." Alec acknowledged, knowing full-well the course of Aline's easily provoked temper.

Helen grinned at him once more before closing the door behind her. Alec spared himself one more glance towards his phone, thankfully still without any messages, before he stood up off the bed. He rolled his shoulders back and stretched his arms above his head, until he felt his muscles strain from being pulled so tight. His limbs felt lighter, as did his head, and although there was still a figurative weight on his heart, his lungs didn't feel loaded, air was entering them freely, clean and crisp. He felt marginally more in control than he had the night before, which was a factor he was infinitely grateful for.

Alec stumbled towards the shower. He wished he had of thought of bringing other clothes before he'd turned up, but his mind had been a little preoccupied on other things. He'd probably end up having another shower later, but he wanted to wake up quicker and he knew that a good rinse would really aid him in that.

The water was warm by his standards, hot by other's, and he could feel the tension in his muscles melt away with every drop that hit his skin. He scrubbed his body hard, hard enough to leave temporary red marks, as though by doing so he'd be able to cleanse away every bad memory that tainted his mind.

It wasn't enough, and he knew that it wouldn't be, but it was a start.

It was something.

He slipped his clothes back on, a shudder running down his spine, for these were clothes he'd worn yesterday, and then slept in, and was now being put back on, _again_. He really, really needed to drop off at home to change soon.

Alec checked his phone, not expecting anything as it had only been eight minutes at the most since he'd last spared a glance. To his surprise, he had four texts, three of which were from different people.

**Iz** **-** _**'Well, duh you're going to explain. And if you don't do it soon, I will find you. Don't test my determination, Alec. You know you'll lose.'** _

_**\- 'By the way, I love you too.'** _

**Jace** **-** _**'I know that something happened yesterday, man, and I respect your privacy. But please don't shut me out this time.'** _

 

**Magnus** _**\- 'That's wonderful to hear. I love you too, Alexander.'** _

 

He had to push away the invading thoughts of _'I don't deserve this, I don't deserve them'_. The last time he had to face those was when he was sixteen, and he'd worked far too hard to get to where he had, to let it all go to waste like water down a drain.

He had people who loved him, who cared about him, and it wasn't fair or polite to them to just brush it off as though it were nothing. To brush _them_ off.

Alec slid his phone into his pocket. He'd reply to the texts after breakfast, either that, or he'd just explain in person. He was hungry, and he didn't know what to say back. He didn't want to explain over the phone, it was too impersonal, and to him it would degrade what he was saying. If he did it in person, he could gauge their reactions, and in a way, they could gauge his. There would be no uncertainty.

Aline was setting the table when he walked in, Helen bustling around the kitchen, her steps as fleeting as though she was stepping on air. Alec had always envied her grace and the fluidity of her movements. She was a dancer, had begun with ballet and evolved from there, and so it was a part of her, a natural way to move. But, as much as he envied her, he also admired the way she carried herself.

"You know, you don't have to do that." He tells Aline, gesturing towards the table, which was round, and moderately sized. Alec often had to swallow the camelot jokes that threatened to tumble off his the end of his tongue.

"You're a guest, Alec." Helen explains for Aline. "It's not a problem."

Aline stepped past and whispered into Alec's ear. "If it was up to me we'd all be eating on the floor."

Alec laughed softly beneath his breath. Helen looked up, and he quickly smoothed his expression into a smile, heading over towards her.

"You mentioned coffee?"

Helen smiled sweetly. "That I did." She pointed towards the coffee machine, moderately-sized and polished silver, covered with buttons and easy-to-understand mechanisms.

Alec stepped past her and pulled a mug off from the hanging rack on the wall. It was black, glossy, with thin, elegant white script scrawled along the front.

"Really?" He asked, amusement dancing in his eyes. He wasn't making fun of them, he understood the mug, and in fact there was a particular reason why he chose it. But that didn't take away his deep-seeded urge to tease.

"Don't you dare, Alexander Lightwood. Our dear Khaleesi is a hundred times better than you and I will not stand for your disgraceful comments." Aline states, her dark eyes flashing, daring him to continue.

"Sorry," He said, hands held up in a stance of surrender. She stared at him for another second or so before turning back to her task at hand.

He stuck the mug under the spout of the coffee machine, and after pressing the appropriate buttons, it began to fill, the air around him blooming with the delicious smell of freshly brewed coffee. It was the smell of mornings, for him, and with it the reminder of how he'd spent the past few of them.

 

_Him, standing at the coffee machine that he could have sworn had only turned up once he'd started spending longer hours, days and nights, at Magnus'. Magnus, stepping forward to wrap his arms around Alec's bare torso, wearing only a pair of small black shorts, tight enough to not depend upon anyone's imagination, and one of Alec's shirts, just the slightest bit oversized. Music playing softly in the background, possibly from the TV, creating a low hum of noise to keep the eerie silence at bay._

_Comfort, a fog of warmth seeping into his bones. Magnus' touch, grounding, the hum of the coffee machine familair, the atmosphere welcoming._

_Not a moment spared to question the meaning behind how it feels, just acception of what the feeling is._

_A feeling like home._

 

"Alec?"

He pulled himself out of his reverie, just as he heard the click of the coffee machine as it was switched off.

"Huh?"

He turned around, to find Aline standing next to him, a gentle hand on his shoulder to draw his attention. The corners of her eyes were softened, sympathetic, and he wondered what meaning for his actions was forming inside her mind.

"Is everything okay?" She asked.

"Yeah," He replied automatically. Aline's gaze was scrutinising as it raked over him.

"I was just thinking about..." Alec coughed in an attempt to dislodge the words caught in his throat. "About, yesterday morning. And the morning before."

"When you were at Magnus'?" Aline guessed. Alec nodded, and she sighed softy.

"Are you going to tell him today?"

"Honestly," Alec pursed his mouth. "I don't know. I know I should, but I just - it's still a little hard to stomach, and as much as I don't want to keep it as a secret from him, I'm kind of dreading telling him."

"You know that you didn't do anything wrong, right?" Aline told him. "Sebastian kissed _you_ , not the other way around, and I highly doubt that Magnus would hold it against you. I realise I don't know him as well as you do, but-"

"No," Alec interrupted softly. "You're right. I don't think - I _know_ , that he wouldn't. Rationally. But my anxiety isn't really treading down the rational route at the moment."

Aline squeezed his shoulder. "Then don't listen to your anxiety. Don't even listen to your mind. Listen to your heart, instead. I know it's stupidly cliche, and _you know_ I hate anything _that_ overused, but it's true. When it comes to Magnus, your feelings have never steered you wrong, have they?"

"No." Alec admitted.

"Exactly." Aline handed him his mug, full of steaming dark coffee. "Now, here, drink your coffee. There's no point even attempting to be logical around you before you've had your first shot of caffeine."

Alec laughed. "True. Thanks."

"Anytime."

He followed her towards the table, where Helen had just finished setting down the food. There was a plate of hot, buttered toast, and another with a stack of pancakes, condiments and other assorted spreads set out as well. There was also a small wicker basket with assorted mini muffins.

"Wow, Helen, I didn't realise that the Queen was coming to breakfast." Alec stated sarcastically, grinning.

Helen looked far from put off. "Well, I thought it would be nice if we had a nice spread, and I know it's only the three of us, but ... I wanted to do something pleasant, that would, hopefully, make you feel a little better."

"Thank you."

Helen smiled, a gentle upturn of the corners of her mouth, and Alec felt his own expression spread to match hers. He sat down at the table, and due to the shape, ended up squeezed between the two of them.

"Thank you," He repeated. "Both of you. For everything."

"It's what friends are for." Helen replied.

"Yeah, we weren't exactly going to just turn you away, not when you looked like you did." Aline added. "I love you Alec, I do, but you were an absolute mess."

"I, uh, I kind of figured."

"But the point still remains." Aline continued. "That we're here for you. No matter what, no matter why you need us."

"I know," Alec's smile was small but true. "And I couldn't be more lucky, or more grateful."

 

* * *

 

"Next time, _I_ get to choose the meeting place."

Sebastian smirked, as Camille took the seat opposite him. He had chosen to meet at a bakery about ten minutes or so out of the city, where he knew they could meet in private. The satisfaction at Camille's annoyance was simply a well-received bonus.

"I think my news will counter-act your displeasure."

Camille raised one impeccably styled eyebrow. "Is that so?"

Sebastian leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. "Our deal is, unless I am mistaken, that you and I will work together, provisionally, until Magnus and Alec have broken up. Because you, for some reason, want Magnus for yourself, despite, I might add, having already cheated on him, more than once from what I hear."

Camille's eyes flash dangerously. "Be careful what you claim."

"I'm just saying," Sebastian continued. "It seems a little juvenile to complain about where we meet, when the real focus should be on how things are progressing."

"You're the one who said you had news." Camille reminded him, crossing one leg gracefully over the other. "So spill."

"I may, or may not, have kissed Alec yesterday. Now, what about you, how's your end of the bargain panning out."

Camille held up a perfectly manicured hand. "Hold on. You kissed Alec?"

"I said I may have," Sebastian repeated. "But, if you want to be technical, then _yes_ , I did."

"But I thought you didn't like him," Camille said. "Isn't that how the whole fiasco happened, because you humiliated him?"

"It's not that I do not _like_ him." Sebastian stated. "But rather, that it was fun to see him dancing on the end of my string. Like a puppet master's marionet. And then I lost that. So, therefore, I'd like it back."

"So why don't you just chase someone else. I'm sure you're very charming to those who've never spent longer than a few minutes with you."

Sebastian glared at her. "Why are you still hung up on Magnus?" He asked, instead of answering.

"Much in the same reason, I suppose, I like the power I used to have over him. He was like a lost, infatuated little puppy. And of course, he's gorgeous, and very skilled in many areas, which is a very delicious added incentive."

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "And you think he'll just, what, come back to you? After how you treated him?"

Camille tilted her head until her blonde locks fell over one shoulder. "I have my ways, don't you worry about that. And, if all else fails, I know something about his past that I doubt Alec does."

"What is it?" Sebastian asked curiously.

"An unfortunate secret, on Magnus' part. One I highly doubt he wants Alec to be aware of." Camille smirked. "And one that could spell disaster for their relationship."

 

* * *

 

The door was heavy, the creak deafening, as Alec pushed it open - although, that could just be because he was dreading stepping inside, and even more so, dreading what was waiting for him.

But he couldn't back away now. He knew that. He had to do it, and better to do it now, whilst he had even a sliver of a nerve left to guide him.

"Alec!"

He felt the smile as it grew, without any inclination on his part. He was supposed to be keeping a straight face, to make it all easier, but his resolve fled as soon as he heard the sound of his sister's voice.

Isabelle rushed towards him on clicking heels. Her dark blue jeans were snug, her white blouse just as tight, her long, dark hair cascading in waves. Her smile was wide, her midnight eyes sparkling as they always seemed to, with a constellation of stars held inside of them.

He'd missed her.

She hugged him, as soon as she got close enough to wrap her arms around his torso, her grip tight and firm.

"Oh, big brother, I've missed you."

"It's only been a few days, Iz, and it's not like I've been on the other side of the country or anything."

"True," Isabelle admitted, pulling back to peer at him through coal-black eyelashes. "But I've still missed you."

Alec smiled past the guilt threatening to drown him. "I missed you too."

"So, what brings you back here?" Isabelle asked. Her eyes were sharp, and they both knew what she really meant.

"I promised I would explain." He said. "And I meant it."

"Alec, I know what you said, but if you don't feel comfortable-"

"He kissed me."

Isabelle's eyes widened, her arms moving until they grip Alec's forearms tightly. _"Sebastian?"_ She asked, to be certain, although Alec's borderline distressed tone tells her enough.

He nods, jerkily. "Yesterday. At lunch. I led him outside, because I thought he just wanted to talk, and then he - he k-kissed me. I pulled away, obviously, but I could still ... I could still feel it."

Isabelle's hands tighten on his arms momentarily, reflexively.

"Does ... does Jace know?" She asked, stammering slightly, and Alec almost winced, because he hadn't heard her stutter like that since they were children.

"No." He spoke softly, for her ears only. "But before you say it, I know that I have to tell him too, and I know that I have to tell Magnus, and I will, I promise, I just - I thought everything else was hard to admit aloud, but this-"

Isabelle reaches up and cups Alec's neck gently. "You only need to tell them when you are good and ready, and not before. I'll come with you, if you want, for moral support. But it's your decision, all of it. You are under no pressure to do anything you don't want to just yet."

"But I - I do have to, tell them, that is. Jace, he was there, he knows that something happened. And Magnus-" Alec rakes his nails across his scalp. "It's not just that I can't keep this from him, I ... I don't _want_ to. We've come so far, Iz, _so far_ , and if I don't tell him, then - then I'm just letting Sebastian win."

He sighed heavily. He felt warped, twisted, misconstrued, like a crumbled up piece of paper that had just been thrown onto the grown and stomped on. He was drowning his own helplessness, his own confusion was tearing him apart - he knew what he had to do but he just didn't know how.

"Could you, come with me? To tell Magnus, that is ... I'm not sure I can do it by myself, I've had to do it twice now since it happened, and I'm going to have to tell Jace, and I just - it's a lot to handle all in one day."

"Of course." Isabelle rubbed her thumb over Alec's collarbone. "I'm always here for you Alec, you know that. It's never going to change, ever, and I most certainly am _not_ going to let _Sebastian Morgenstern_ , of all people, alter it."

Alec leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you," He mumbled into her hair. "You're the best sister I could ask for."

"I'm also your _only_ sister." Isabelle reminded him. "You're kind of stuck with me."

"And it's a burden I'm more than willing to carry."

Alec pulled back, averting his eyes as soon as they landed on Isabelle's, for hers were flooded with sympathy and love and he knew that if he kept looking he'd drown.

"Come on," He said, almost reluctantly. "Let's get this over and done with."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that Magnus does actually appear in the next chapter. It's about all that I can actually promise. But it's something.


	29. Heal My Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec tells Magnus, and the reaction he recieves is not the one he expects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's this???!!! a bonus chapter??? This is partly to say thank you for all the support, and partly because I have mid-term exams next week and I don't know if I will be able to post or not. It shall all depend on my time management skills.
> 
> warning for language (this is becoming quite commonplace, isn't it)

"Well, that went well."

Alec groaned and slumped against the headboard of his bed. Isabelle sat down more gracefully than he had at the end, her legs crossed, her back straight. He almost wanted to glare at her, for her collected composure in the face of his adversity.

"He punched a wall, Isabelle." Alec reminded her.

They'd just gone to tell Jace about what had happened, and things hadn't exactly gone down as positively as they could have. He'd been shocked for a second, and then all the blood had risen to his face and Alec had seriously considered the probability of his head exploding. Then there was a bit of shouting, during which Isabelle elected to try and calm him down, and then to release his frustration, Jace had punched the closest wall.

Alec and Isabelle had left him alone after that, giving him some space to calm down before he damaged something else.

"It still could have gone worse." Isabelle stood firm.

"That's yet to be determined." Alec muttered.

Isabelle reached over and took his hand in hers. "The point is, Alec, you did it. You told him. You personally had no control over how he would react and there's no point in you stressing over it. You told someone, and that's what you should really be focusing on."

"But it means that I now have to tell Magnus." Alec said, despair bleeding in. "And if _Jace_ punched a wall, who knows how Magnus will react. Or what will happen to us afterwards."

"He won't break up with you." Isabelle told him. "If that's what you're worrying about."

"You can't say that." Alec mumbled.

"You don't know. Neither of us do."

 

* * *

 

Isabelle knocked on Magnus' door, steady and even. Alec shuffled his feet next to her.

"Maybe he's busy," He said, searching for any excuse to get away. "He's probably got papers to grade or tests to mark or something - we really shouldn't be bothering him."

Isabelle rolled her eyes and knocked again."Says the guy who missed class today. Alec, if he is working, then all we're doing is giving him the chance to have a break."

"Or a cardiac arrest." Alec muttered under his breath.

Isabelle was about to turn and chastise him for being so negative, when the door opened, revealing Magnus on the other side, wearing a loose, oversized blue shirt and dark cotton pants.

_That's my shirt._ Alec thought, the recognition arriving with a stab of guilt.

Isabelle's eyes narrowed slightly, and Alec knew she was aware who owned it. Thankfully she smoothed over it and moved on, as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

"Alec, Isabelle." Magnus greeted with a smile. Alec could see past the confusion, hidden by a veil of nonchalance, and wished he had words to make it all okay. But he didn't.

"What a pleasure. May I ask what brings the two of you here?"

Isabelle glanced over at Alec quickly. "We're here to talk."

"Is something the matter?" Magnus asked, concern bleeding into his tone.

Alec wished he could pretend there was nothing wrong, but even if Isabelle would let him, he knew it wouldn't be the right thing to do. No matter how hard it was, he needed to tell Magnus, and he needed to do it now before he lost his nerve completely.

"There's something you need to know." He muttered, looking at Magnus for a second before he had to glance away.

Magnus' eyes flickered between Alec and Isabelle, before he stepped aside.

"Please, come in."

Isabelle walked in first, giving Magnus the chance to halt Alec before he could properly step past.

"This isn't a good 'something' is it?" Magnus whispered.

Alec paused, before shaking his head.

"No, it's not." He admits softly. "You kind of knew that though, didn't you?" He asked, not unkindly. After the texts from earlier that morning, he knew that Magnus hadn't been fooled.

"Unfortunately. I sort of, had a feeling. An instinct."

"I'm sorry," Alec whispered. "Even more so for what I am about to tell you."

He slowly walked past, into the apartment where Isabelle was waiting, perched on the smaller couch Tessa had once sat on. Alec almost laughed at the similarity, and in fact if circumstances were brighter, he probably would have.

"What a cheery congregation we are." Magnus said dryly, as he sat on the couch.

Alec sat on the other end, leaving a glaring distance between them. He didn't want to sit too close in case Magnus' reaction was anything like Jace's. He didn't know what to expect, and whilst he hated not knowing, there was a part of him that was grateful he didn't - in any case, Magnus could scream or shout or worst comes to worst, break up with him.

"Alec," Isabelle said softly. "You can do this."

There was a look in her eyes, of compassion and support, and he couldn't believe how lucky he was to have her with him, to have her by his side so that he could gather enough strength to say what he had to.

"Yesterday," He said, his eyes locked onto the table, so that he wouldn't have to see Magnus' reaction. "Jace invited me out to a late lunch with him and Simon, and ... well, when we were there, you see, um, someone - someone else turned up."

He breathed in deeply, shakily. Every part of his body and mind was screaming at him to stop, to not say anything, to keep it all to himself, but he knew he couldn't.

"It - it was Sebastian." He could feel the bile rising in his throat, the poison scorching the walls of his veins. "And - and, well, he said ... he said that he wanted to talk to me. I didn't think, I - I just - we, we went outside, and he was talking, and I was so fed up with him just ... just being around, that I wasn't concentrating enough-"

His words broke off, and he had to swallow before he could even attempt to speak again. He startled when Magnus reached over and took his hand, squeezing it encouragingly.

"What did he do, Alec?" He asked softly, kindly, far too kindly.

"He ... he-" Alec exhaled shakily. "He kissed me."

Magnus hand squeezed his convulsively, his breath hitched sharply.

"I pulled away, of course, but it - it still happened, and you deserve to know that, even if - if-"

"That _son_ of a _bitch_." Magnus hissed. Alec tensed, he could practically feel the frustration radiating off his boyfriend, saw Isabelle in his peripheral brace in case she needed to do something. The burning emotions inside him got hotter, searing, too much all at once, too much in general.

"I just don't understand how he could - I mean, the _nerve_ -"

Alec made a low noise, deep in his throat, and he thought for second that it went unnoticed. But then Isabelle perked up and looked over at him, searching, scanning, prepared at any moment to cross the short distance and help him in any way he needed.

But Magnus was closer to him, he heard the noise first, and as a result he reacted first. He shuffled closer, his hand still in Alec's, now looser and providing comforting warmth instead of burning heat.

"Alexander, I'm so sorry, I have no idea how you must be feeling right now," Magnus whispered. "I shouldn't be so careless, I am _so_ sorry."

"It's okay," Alec mumbled. "I'm just - I'm glad that you, that you know, now."

Isabelle stands up slowly. "I was only here to give Alec moral support," She explained, softly. She placed a hand gently on her brother's shoulder, locking her eyes onto his.

"I should probably be going now." She said.

Alec nodded slowly, dazedly. "Thank you," He replied.

Isabelle smiled pleasantly and straightened up.

"I'll lead you out." Magnus said. He squeezed Alec's hand once before standing up, leading Isabelle towards the front door.

Alec used the time until Magnus came back to even his breathing and push back the numbness threatening to overcome him. He had done it, he told Helen and Aline, and then Isabelle, and although things hadn't gone perfectly Jace knew too. And now he'd told Magnus, and all in all, the reaction had been better than he'd expected.

He'd done it. He couldn't take it back, and most of him didn't want to.

"Alexander," Magnus said quietly. Alec looked up, startled at the sudden noise, despite how low it was.

Magnus was standing beside the couch, peering down at him in thinly veiled concern, and Alec thought that it hurt more to know that his confession was the reason he was so worried. He knew that none of it was his fault. But seeing Magnus, torn between concern and anger, was almost enough to shatter him.

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

It was such a strangely innocent question, and one Alec certainly wasn't expecting, that it threw him off kilter for a moment. He stared at Magnus, blinking in confusion, before slowly nodding.

"Sure," He whispered. "That - that would be nice."

Magnus nodded once and turned on his heel towards the kitchen. Alec didn't move, almost too afraid to. He felt the familiar sensation of tears prickling at his eyes, and he quickly blinked them back, scrubbing his hands along the coarse denim fabric of his jeans, digging his palms into his thighs. He felt as though he was teetering on the edge of a crumbling cliff-face, and that with any wrong move or shake of balance he would fall off and tumble into the crashing sea and sharp rocks down below.

It was like being in a room alone with a ticking bomb, simply waiting for it to explode, and take him along with it.

Alec heard something, distant and slightly mumbled. It took him a moment to realise the sound was actually Magnus, who was talking to him from the kitchen. He quickly tuned in, hoping it wasn't too noticeable that he hadn't really been paying attention.

"I got this tea from Tessa," Magnus was saying. "It's supposed to _calm one's nerves_ and _ease one's mind_ \- or so she tells me."

Alec heard Magnus laugh, softly, almost unintentionally. He allowed himself the grace of a faint smile, for a few seconds, at the uninhibited sound.

"I mean, it has worked for me in the past, but I suppose I can't really base your experience on my own."

Alec registered the familiar tinkling of a spoon hitting porcelain, and the shuffle that indicated Magnus' bustle around the kitchen was almost finished, resulting in his reappearance in the loungeroom.

He sucked in a deep, shuddering breath and prepared himself for whatever Magnus' return would bring.

"Here," Magnus said, placing the steaming mug down on the coffee table in front of his boyfriend.

"Thank you." Alec choked out in a soft voice.

He reached for the cup and held it between both hands, allowing the warmth to seep into his palm. He breathed in the steam as Magnus moved to sit next to him, the sweet and spicy scent wafting around him, brushing the numbness away. He was beginning to feel better already, and a quick sip of the hot tea only increased those feelings. He lost himself in the delicious taste of the drink and the steam, and for a moment he forgot about why he was even there in the first place.

And then Magnus placed a gentle, comforting on hand on his back, between the planes of his shoulder blades, and everything came rushing back, the force enough to almost disorientate him.

"If you don't want to say anything more about it, Alec, I understand." Magnus said, a lot calmer than Alec was expecting, or believed normal for the situation.

There was a few questions burning at the forefront of his mind, but one stood out more than the rest.

"Are you going to break up with me?"

Admittedly, he could have gone about it a little better, but it was said now. He wasn't aware if Magnus was shocked by the question, or deliberating how to answer - how to break the bad news. Whatever the reason, he was silent for at least a minute, if not more, and in that time all Alec could conjure were horrible explanations and the sinking dread that this was it, after all that had happened, all they'd been through - all _he'd_ been through - it was all going to end, and because of Sebastian. His actions were, _again_ , going to be the root of Alec's downfall.

"Alec, you can't seriously be asking-"

"Just," Alec croaked out. " _Please_ , just, answer me. If you are, then I'll ... I'll - I'll deal with it. But don't feel as though you have to keep it to yourself to protect me. I'd rather you told me the truth."

Magnus sighed, and it was heavy and ragged and torn. _Here it is._ Alec thought to himself. He tried to prepare, tried to lock his heart up behind a rigid wall that could, with some luck, protect it from the pain likely to try and break it.

"Alexander, I am not going to break up with you."

"Okay, well, I guess I'll - I'll just ... _wait_. You're _not_ going to break up with me?"

Magnus laughed softly and shook his head. "No, I'm not. I love you, Alexander, and I know that _you_ didn't kiss Sebastian, not on purpose, none of it was intentional on your side. I know it wasn't your fault, and I don't blame you for any of it."

He rubbed Alec's back comfortingly. "Although, I am a litle upset that you actually believed I would break up with you. I thought our relationship was stronger than that."

"It is, and it's not - it's not that, I - I didn't _want_ you to break up with me, but I thought that you _would_ because of what happened. I mean, whether I initiated it or not, it _did_ happen, and I can see why you'd want to, at the very least take a break for a while. I mean ... you find out your boyfriend has been kissed by another guy-"

"Well, when you put it that way..."

Magnus was joking, and it took Alec a second to figure that out. It was an embarrassingly long second, and it was really only until he registered the low sound of Magnus' laughter that he properly realised it.

"You're joking." He mumbled. He saw Magnus nodding out of the corner of his eyes, and resorted to ducking his head in shame. Magnus rubbed his back again, his touch gentle and caressing.

_This is what I almost lost._

"Of course I am joking, Alexander. Honestly, my talents are simply wasted on you."

Alec exhaled and dropped his head onto Magnus' shoulder. Magnus moved his hand and wrapped it around his boyfriend's waist, slipping his hand beneath Alec's shirt and smoothing it across the taut skin. He kissed the side of Alec's forehead tenderly.

"I love you," Magnus said, his lips brushing against Alec's temple. "And I will stand by you. No matter what."

"I love you too." Alec replied. "And I'm sorry that I doubted you."

Magnus titled Alec's chin, so that Alec was looking at him. He leaned in and brushed his lips across Alec's carefully.

"Already forgotten."

 

* * *

 

It wasn't easy to forget the moments that shaped who he became, wasn't easy to push away the memories held by a scared child, wasn't easy to create a new identity for himself, one where nothing bad had happened and for whom no pain could touch, when all he felt was lost and forgotten.

It wasn't easy. But Magnus had managed.

His journey to America, and the path that lead up to that, had been difficult and trying, and at times he'd felt as though it would simply be easier for him to just give up. But despite it all, he never did. Not once, even when he'd fallen past rock-bottom and down into the abyss of surely-things-can't-get-worse, he'd held strong and gritted his teeth and kept going.

He'd dealt with all he'd been thrown, and he'd pushed past it. The easiest way for him to do that, not that it was easy at all, was to not let himself remember. To live hard and fast in the present and simply pretend as though the past had never happened.

Camille had made that part easy.

She'd bought into his facade immediately, attatched herself to his portrayal of a carefree teenager, not a problem in the world, fearless. And because of her, because of the fierce way she carried herself and the fact that she never once seemed to doubt him, it made it all easier. He became more _Magnus Bane_ and less the scared young boy who fled his home country, and he didn't notice as the real him slipped away.

He had, foolishly, trusted her. And within the trust, he gained the belief that she was trustworthy enough for him to spill his deepest, darkest secrets, the ones that tainted his soul and haunted his dreams.

He learnt, very quickly, that she was the last person he should have trusted.

After her, he leant on Catarina - whose kind nature and no-bullshit attitude kept him sane n his darkest days - and Ragnor - who was always ready with a quick and witty remark, usually made at Magnus' expense. The two of them carried him through the traumatic aftermath Camille had left him with, and together they repaired his broken heart and remade it, new and polished and stronger than before.

And then, a few months later, he met Etta at college, and he spiralled down a deep tunnel and, consequently, fell in love with her.

Because she was kind and sweet and gentle whilst still being quite strong-willed - she was everything that Camille had pretended to be, but genuinely so. She respected him but never pushed for information, never made him do anything he wasn't comfortable with. She was patient and pleasant and he admired her for everything she was, flaws and all.

And then she'd broken up with him, to protect his feelings, because she knew that she was going to die and she didn't want to hurt him by staying with him. She wanted to give him the chance to find someone else, someone new, someone for him to pour his love into - because that's just who he was. He was a hopeless romantic at heart, he fell quick and he fell hard, and it was a struggle for him to pull himself out of it.

And now here he was, three years after Etta's passing, in love with someone new, his life once more altered by the feelings he harbours.

Although, and Magnus wouldn't dare admit this out loud for fear of jinxing both himself and the relationship, this time felt different. This _love_ felt different. More important, more priceless, more significant, even. Special.

Because _Alec_ was special. Alec was different. With Alec, came not just the sense of warmth but also welcome. The sense of belonging, of _home._

Alec was someone whose presence was invaluable, whose love was precious, and hard-earned, but worth every moment. He made everything better - even just waking up was more fun when Alec was beside him; it didn't matter what they did, they could watch paint dry and Magnus would be happy, if Alec was next to him.

He couldn't imagine what would happen if he lost Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some hints for future chapters. I'd also like to point out that although there is a fair amount of angst in this, there is always light to be found in the darkness


	30. Luck And Gratitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec lets himself lean on the people around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a nice little chapter because of the weight of upcoming chapters. Enjoy!

It was a very bad idea for him to be studying. 

He knew that he had to, he'd already missed one day, and at least two lectures he'll need to catch up on, somehow, but his head just wasn't in it. He'd left Magnus' apartment an hour before, after a long and tiring conversation about why he was so worried Magnus would break up with him, and during which Magnus literally listed a seemingly endless stream of reasons why he was definitely not going to break up with Alec any time soon. And then he had spent at least half an hour  _showing_  Alec all the reasons why Magnus "would have to be possessed" to break up with him. 

The whole experience had been tense and confusing and had left Alec with a whirlwind of conflicting emotions he couldn't understand, and didn't want to, because it would only hurt both his head and his heart more. Some of it was ... good, all things considered. Because it felt nice to not only just  _know,_ to be reassured that Magnus loved him, wanted him, needed him even, but to be  _shown_  in brand new ways just how - how cherished he was. 

Like many events that had transpired since he met Magnus, he'd been pleasantly and perplexedly surprised. 

But he still had to study. He had things to catch up on.  _Work_ to catch up on. No matter how much he might have wanted to just wrap himself in a bundle of blankets, turn the lights off and just sleep for three days. 

At the same time, he was scared that he wouldn't be able to sleep because of all that was currently racing through his head. At Helen and Aline's he'd been too exhausted to even think, let alone be affected  _by_  his thoughts. But he'd had sleep now, and more things had happened, more things to think about, and he was worried it would all be too much. Worried any sleep he'd try to get would be taken away from him. 

Alec gripped his pen tighter, pressing the nib down into the margin of his page until it left a deep impression in the paper. 

This was ridiculous. He was over-reacting, over - over what? A kiss from someone he hated? Magnus hadn't even been angry at him, he'd been angry at Sebastian - none of it had been Alec's fault, and even if that was something he had to keep reminding himself, it was at the core of things the truth. He should have let it go already, moved on to more important things. Letting it affect him was only letting Sebastian win. 

But it was hard. He was more mature, more grown-up, than he'd been when he was sixteen, but it gave him the same feeling. The same restless, erratic energy, same feeling of dread and impending doom. Like something  _else_ was going to go wrong, likely just as bad, possibly worse, for all his heavy limbs and weighted mind were telling him. 

Alec ran a hand through his hair, scraping his nails across his scalp. He needed to seriously get a grip, this was becoming stupidly absurd. 

And pointless. 

And he hated things that were pointless. 

 

* * *

 

"Alec?" 

There was a warmth seeping into back, the weight of something - a hand, perhaps - resting between his shoulder blades. He heard his name being called, faintly, and then again, a lot louder, a lot closer. 

He only realised he had fallen asleep once he was being roused from it. He was groggy and still regaining consciousness when he registered who was s _till_  calling his name. 

"What?" He grumbled, though the word came out barely audible, and barely resembling a word at all. He lifted his head up from his desk, noting absently that he'd fallen asleep on his notebook, explaining the strange buzzing feeling in the right side of his face. 

He looked up through bleary, half-lidded eyes at his sister, who was peering at him with a strange mix of amusement and concern. 

"You missed dinner." Isabelle explained, her voice thankfully quiet and soft-spoken. 

There was a dull ache at the base of his skull, spreading outwards to the back of his head, and he could feel the tension in his neck from bending it so awkwardly. The nap had been unexpected, which he hated, and it had left him disoriented and feeling far worse than before he'd dozed off, which he hated more. 

And now he'd missed dinner. Great. 

"We got takeout. I put your share in the fridge. Do you want me to heat it up or do you just want to go to bed." 

She was giving him options, sincerely asking if he wanted to just sleep because she knew how ruined these past few days had made him. 

His sister was one of the few things in his life he held impossibly dear to his heart, close, sacred, and he was continuously astounded at how much love he harboured for her. Her affection and care was endless, eternal, and he knew he could never thank her enough for all that she had and would continue to do for him. 

Even if it was just giving him the space he needed, or heating up the dinner he'd missed from napping due to his bone-deep exhaustion. 

"Food would be really good right about now." Alec admitted. Isabelle grinned calmly, and nodded once. 

"I'll be back in a sec. You should probably wash your face with cold water or something - just so that you don't, you know, fall asleep into your food, or something." 

She was smiling at his misfortune, and other under circumstances he'd probably grumble at her because of it. But he was still tired, and hungry, and his headache was getting worse, everything was getting worse. 

He didn't have the energy left. 

He stood up from his chair and stretched, bending his back until he felt his muscles pull and pop. He pressed the home button of his phone to check the time, only to find it flat. Great. Just great. He supposed he could just ask Isabelle when she came back. It would certainly be easier. 

And it would mean that he could just slump back into his chair which was certainly more appealing. 

Isabelle returned a few minutes later, bowl of steaming warmed-up Chinese takeout in hand, bottle of chilled water in the other. Alec wasn't sure if he was more grateful for her or the food. 

Both. The best option was always both. 

"Thank you." 

Isabelle shrugged and handed them over. "You need to eat. You're already grumpy enough." 

She was trying to lighten up the situation, ease his tension, even just a little bit, and he appreciated it. It didn't work, but the sentiment was meaning enough. 

"Again. Thank you." 

Isabelle grinned, and surprisingly, it did make him feel a little better. A little. Marginally. But it was something. 

"Eat up, and then you can go to bed and get some well-deserved sleep. I'll even tuck you in, if you want." 

"I thought our days of 'playing house' were long gone." Alec said, after swallowing his mouthful of food, to distract from the warmth sweeping through him at Isabelle's words. 

"They are. I'm not 'playing house', I'm looking after you, because quite frankly brother dear, you need it." 

There was nothing but honesty in her tone, all traces of playfulness and frivolity gone like an exhale of breath. Alec didn't want to say thank you, again, for the third time in as many minutes, but he wanted to show Isabelle how grateful he was. Not just for everything that she was doing, but for everything she was. 

He smiled at her instead, a weak attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. She smiled back, and there was a mutual level of understanding shared between them. He didn't need to thank her because she already knew how grateful he was. 

There was a lot of things in his life he was lucky to have. And his sister was no exception. 

 

* * *

 

Magnus had spent a lot of time, energy, and vaguely-suspiciously attained funds to get himself through college, to attain a teaching degree, to set himself up for a good, reliable future. And he enjoyed his job. He loved it. Teaching was exhilarating, and there was little joy like seeing a student improve over the course of few months, start finding the subject interesting and not a chore. And of course, by teaching fashion, he not only got to see phenomenal talent, but also mold and shape it, watch it grow before his eyes. 

Isabelle Lightwood, for example, was not only one of his favourite students, but most certainly one of his most talented ones. Her works were brilliant and exciting and he had no doubt that she would surpass his own talent, assuming she already hadn't, and he wouldn't be surprised if she ended up in Milan or Paris or New York before she was twenty-five. 

She was also the sister of his boyfriend, which was an interesting fact that, unfortunately, never seemed to slip his mind. 

One of the most important parts, however, of being a teacher was not the relationship he had with his students, or the siblings of his students, for that matter. But rather the effort that he put into his work, during the day, and after the school bell had rung. 

Which was all well and good in theory, of course. And something he knew that he could do. But knowing it didn't make actually doing it any easier. 

Which brought him to exactly where he currently was, and had been for the past half hour or so - staring at the pile of unmarked tests on his desk in front of him. Tests he really should have finished marking by now, what with it being roughly nine in the evening, and him having class the next day. But for all his tense and frantic energy, and the nagging voice in the back of his mind that sounded suspiciously like his friend Ragnor rattling on and on and on, he can't focus long enough to keep the words on the paper from sweeping in one ear and out the other. 

It had been two days since Alec had come over and confessed Sebastian's actions, and Magnus had been considering and debating on whether or not to tell Alec the other secrets of his past, or at least one of them, sporadically since Alec had left his apartment. 

He knew that it was the right thing to do, to tell Alec as much as he could, just as he knew that if he didn't, Camille would. She'd find a way to destroy his life, she always did. 

It wasn't that he didn't want to tell Alec, or that Alec didn't deserve to know - he did, and that was the main point of Magnus' internal struggle. Alec had been nothing but forthcoming with information about his own past, despite how difficult it had been, but Magnus was still keeping important slivers of information secret because he had no clue how Alec would react. 

The reactions he'd gotten in the past were mixed at best, and Camille had only used it to manipulate him to ensure that she always got what she wanted. He knew that Alec wouldn't do that, he was far too sweet and kind, but even Catarina had taken a few days to look at him the same. 

It wasn't his fault. What had happened hadn't been his fault. But the force of that statement could only do so much in combat against years of torturous nightmares and what felt like hundreds of orphanages and foster homes. 

It was one thing telling Alec about his evil ex-girlfriend. 

It was another to admit the fatal actions of a young, scared boy. 

 

* * *

 

"You know Chairman, I do miss these little nights of ours, just the two of us. I love Alexander, I do, but I also love you, and spending time together is such a delight-" 

Magnus paused, hand curled into the fur on Chairman Meow's back. He heard the doorbell ring again, for the second time, somehow more persistent. Strange. Who could be turning up so late on a weeknight? 

The doorbell rang again, and Magnus groaned before scratching Chairman's head to make moving him onto the couch a little easier. He was still met with an agitated meow, but it was a better alternative than being scratched. 

"I'll be right back." He assured his cat. 

Chairman's response was given through a snobby turn of his head, away from Magnus. So, it looked like he had some serious sucking up to do. Probably a new cat toy, a motorized mouse or feather-on-a-stick would do the trick. He hoped. 

There was no third ring, which was as curious as it was worrying. Had whoever rang it the first two times left, or was there something else, something wrong. Whoever it was had been rather persistent, so the sudden lack of persistence was a little startling. 

He had a slight worry that it was Camille, but he quickly shoved that down. Camille was a two-faced evil witch of a woman, but she was a lot smarter than to turn up at his flat so late on a weeknight. At least, that's what he tried to remind himself as he opened the door. 

"Alec?" 

Alec looked up, sheepishly, at the sound of his name. He was clad in a faded old sweater with frayed sleeves, and black jeans with scruffed fabric and holes around the knees. There were sullen bags under his eyes and lines on his forehead, and to be perfectly honest, he'd had much better days. 

He was still beautiful, though. Magnus would always think Alec was beautiful. But seeing him like this also made him upset, because  _Alec_ was clearly upset, something was definitely wrong, and that - that was simply heartbreaking. 

"I'm sorry, I know it's late, but I just-" 

Alec's breath shuddered, and he pulled his sleeves down, tighter. Magnus reached out and took one of his hands, silently. Alec's fingers were chilling, like he'd just pulled them out of a freezer. It didn't ease Magnus' concerns - if anything, it heightened them. 

"I just really needed to see you." Alec explained through a whisper. 

Magnus nodded, and tugged on Alec's hand, leading him inside. He didn't say anything, not yet. His only priority was getting Alec inside, where it was warmer, where he was safe, where he could  _feel_  safe. 

He lead Alec towards the couch, guiding him down. Chairman Meow, spotting Alec for the first time, cheerfully leapt up onto his lap. Alec started patting him, almost absently. 

Noting Alec's attention was elsewhere for the moment, Magnus slipped into the wardrobe of his bedroom to find his Bad-Day Blanket, because it seemed pretty safe to assume that Alec was indeed having a fairly bad day. Or, more accurately, night, as it were. 

"Here," He mumbled in a hushed tone. He draped the blanket over Alec and then sat down next to him, still leaving a space between them in case that was what Alec wanted or needed. 

"Thank you." Alec replied. He waited a beat, before scooting over so that he was pressed against Magnus. He didn't speak, and neither did Magnus, as he slid an arm around Alec's waist. 

Alec slowly let his head fall onto Magnus' shoulder, sighing gently as Magnus stroked the skin above the waistline of his jeans, hoping to warm him up in any way he could. 

"I love you." Alec whispered. 

Magnus smiled to himself, still stroking Alec's torso. "I love you too." 

"You know," He added after a moment of silence. "You never have to apologise for coming here, and especially not if you feel as though you  _need_ to be here. You're welcome in my apartment at any moment of any day, Alexander, and that will never be questioned. Ever." 

"Thank you," Alec replied. "It's just, I - I feel safe here, you know? Comfortable. With you." 

It was a big statement for Alec to admit, especially aloud, and Magnus could appreciate the effort it took. It was also very heartwarming, which he knew was not the point, but it was a fact. 

"I've been having a bit of trouble sleeping, and I know it's kind of stupid, and we both have things to do tomorrow, but I just - I really needed to see you. And I know that it's only been two days and I'm probably overreacting but-" 

"You are not over-reacting." Magnus assured him. "I missed you too. And I am so far from being upset I barely remember what it feels like. I love having you here, I love spending time with you, and I wish that you could be here every single day, so that I would never have to spend any time away from you." 

He could practically feel Alec smile in response. "I love spending time with you too." 

"I'd hope so." Magnus said, aiming for a light and jokey tone. "You're sure around a hell of a lot." 

Alec shook his head, the movement slight, before looking up, the hints of a smile playing across his lips. 

"I just-" 

Alec pressed his lips together tightly, searching for words he couldn't find. 

"Thank you." He eventually settled on saying, though it didn't appear to be the words he wanted. 

"You're welcome, Alec." Magnus replied, leaning down to brush his lips against the corner of Alec's mouth. 

"You're always welcome."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> confession-session very soon. wasn't this a cute little chapter though? See, I can write chapters without serious angst...


	31. Lost And Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confessions are made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy start to this chapter as an apology for everything to come. tbh title is pretty significant
> 
> credit to the always lovely 'Vulturemonem' who unknowingly inspired part of this chapter, and whose comments keep me in check. I'm sorry for the angst.

Alec ended up staying the night.

Not a surprising fact, what with how upset he was, and how much neither of them wanted to be apart. Alec texted both Isabelle and Jace to let them know; his decision proved to be the best choice when he got a message from Aline about their lecture - or lack of lecture the next morning. Which meant that, apart from the studying he needed to catch up on, and the extra work to keep him up to date, he practically had the whole day off.

Which was a deep-breath kind of relief, to know that he could sleep in, with Magnus, with a reprieve from his thoughts. (It was a Friday, and though Magnus had a staff meeting at eleven, he didn't have any classes until then, and could afford - or so he said - to turn up late).

Except, unlike the past few times Alec had stayed over, he wasn't the first to wake up.

 

* * *

 

Alec squirmed beneath the sheets. The sun was warm and bright, peeking through the gaps of Magnus' curtains and falling onto the bed where - where Alec was alone. Weird. He was still a little half-asleep, so Alec used his arm to search for Magnus on the other side of the bed, only to find a notable boyfriend-sized absence.

Between the heat of the sunlight on the covers, and the lack of Magnus being in the same room, Alec wasn't really satisfied just waiting. He'd never been a patient kind of person, not when he didn't have to be, and his amount of restraint before he'd had his first coffee of the day was laughably minimal.

He forced his eyes to peel open, blinking quickly at the sudden assault on his senses. He threw the covers off, sighing and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. His phone told him it was a quarter-to-nine, leaving at least an hour and a half, if not more, before Magnus would have to leave, and he would have to decide what he'd do with the rest of his day.

Which meant that he should probably try and find Magnus, wherever he might have wandered to. Was it considered wandering, when it was Magnus' own apartment? Or would Alec be the wanderer if he went in search? It was too early in the morning for such questions, not that his mind took any notice of that, it still supplied him with queries but not answers.

"Magnus," He called out, not loudly, but loud enough to be heard if Magnus was close.

There was no reply, but he could smell something now, more awake than he'd been a moment ago. Pancakes. Or at least, that's what it smelt like.

The prospect of a delicious, warm breakfast - and cooked by Magnus - was enough to prompt Alec to push himself up out of the bed and into Magnus' ensuite bathroom. It only took him the distance to the bedroom to wake himself up, properly.

The light in the bathroom was bright, a lot brighter than in his own, and it highlighted his hollow cheeks and sunken eyes, the signs of stress and fatigue stark against his otherwise pale skin. He splashed his face with cold, chilled water, dried it with a clean towel, and made sure that he didn't catch sight of his reflection as he walked out. He knew how crappy he looked, he didn't need a reminder.

His shirt was his own, as was his underwear - but they were the only things he wore. It had taken him a little while, to become comfortable enough to not cover himself up - even after he and Magnus had ... added the _physical_ component to their relationship.

Now - now Alec had far better concerns to spend his time and attention on than wasting it worrying about something as silly as whether Magnus sees him in his underwear or not. Especially considering he often sees him in less than that.

"Magnus?" He called out again, his bare feet padding along the floor. The apartment was warm, the smell coming from the kitchen delicious and enticing.

But Alec would have traded the comforting feeling and even the food itself to keep the even more enticing image of Magnus, dancing around the kitchen to the low hum of some bouncy, pop music, in tight black shorts and a baggy green sweater Alec _knows_ is his, because he remembered wearing it a few weeks ago.

He thought it had gone missing. Apparently, he'd either left it here, or Magnus had just taken possession of it himself. Alec didn't mind, either way. The sight brought a pleasant smile to his face, pushing away the bleak emotions he'd been faced with in the mirror. After all, it wasn't a view he was blessed with every day.

Magnus was still dancing, still swaying his hips in sinfully delicious movements that shouldn't be affecting Alec in the way that it was, at such an early time of the morning. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Alec stepped forward and slowly, carefully, wrapped his arms around Magnus' waist. Magnus jolted slightly when Alec first touched him, but he quickly relaxed, leaning back against Alec's broad chest.

"Good morning." Magnus greeted, twisting his head to look at Alec.

"It is now." Alec replied, smiling softly.

Magnus leaned in and kissed Alec - it was short and sweet, and Alec found it very difficult to pull back.

"Morning breath," He explained when Magnus pouted.

Magnus leaned in again, ignoring Alec's comment. "I don't care." He said, pressing his lips firmer against Alec's.

Alec, deeming it futile to attempt and pull away again, especially since he _really_ didn't want to, pressed back. This kiss was just as slow, but more confident, more self-assured. Happier, even. Because Magnus wanted to kiss Alec despite his gross morning breath, and if Magnus didn't care then neither did Alec.

Which was an interesting way to look at life, now that he thought about it.

"Are those pancakes I smell?" Alec asked.

Magnus pulled back, grinning. His delight quickly transcended into startled fear, and he twisted sharply in Alec's arms. Alec barely had a chance to step aside, shocked by Magnus' sudden movements.

"Oh, thank every celestial and otherwise being." Magnus breathed. Alec folded his arms loosely and waited for an explanation.

"I thought I had burnt the pancakes." Magnus said, gesturing towards the pan. "But, thankfully, I saved them just in time."

"I'm pretty sure _I_ was the one who mentioned them." Alec reminded him.

Magnus nodded, picking up the spatula. "That is true."

"And if I hadn't of," Alec continued, a coy smile tugging at his lips. "You would have kept kissing me, and then they would have burnt. What would you have done then?"

Magnus shrugged. "Cried? Thrown a tantrum?"

Alec laughed softly. "Hm, that would be an interesting sight to be privy to."

Magnus flipped the last pancake onto the stacked plate, and turned the heat of the stove off. "What can I say?" He replied. "I'd be lost without you."

It was a casual, off-handed comment, and it affected Alec more than it probably should have. If he had of spared it more thought, he would have been frustrated at himself, that such a simple comment impacted him the way it did. As it was, he skipped over the frustration and headed straight to _he actually just said that._

His hands fell limp at his sides, and he ended up just sort of staring at Magnus, who was more preoccupied getting breakfast and coffee ready. Alec stepped back and leaned his weight against the bench.

"Would you mind setting the ... Alec?"

Magnus' thin fingers were warm against his neck, the pressure of his thumb along Alec's jaw grounding. He left Alec with little choice but to look at him, his attention solely on Magnus.

"Did I say something wrong?" Magnus asked gently. "Do you not want pancakes?"

Alec shook his head, minutely. "No, it's - it's not that." He exhaled shakily. "You just - would you, would you really be lost without me?"

It wasn't, apparently, the response Magnus had been expecting. As such, it took him a moment to reply, and during the time between the question being asked and the answer being provided, Alec managed to come up with three ways he could have gone about reacting to Magnus' previous statement.

"Honestly," Magnus replied, eventually - although it had really only been a minute at most. "Yes, I think I would be."

Alec blinked, once, and then he leant in and kissed Magnus. He spared no thought to his breath or to the food on the bench next to them or anything else except for the love pumping through his veins, mingling with his blood, keeping him alive.

It was almost ridiculous how much he loved Magnus, how hard he kept falling, as each day passed, as Magnus surprised him more and more, with little things like this.

"I'd be lost without you, too." He mumbled against Magnus' mouth.

He was probably over-exaggerating, but he didn't care. Because somewhere in it there was a thread of truth and even if he _had_ actually blown it out of proportion Magnus deserved to know what he was feeling.

He'd decided not to keep anything from Magnus and he sure as hell wasn't going to start now, after all he'd overcome.

He refused to revert back.

 

* * *

 

Another note. More of that sickeningly sweet stench. The sink of a stone in his gut. The weight of what he had to do, suffocating.

He had officially run out of time.

There would be no turning back. It was now, or it was goodbye.

 

* * *

 

Alec was curled up on Magnus' couch, head against the arm and legs outstretched, when he heard the door open. He watched in amusement as Chairman Meow jumped off his lap and padded off.

Alec returned his attention to his novel, pencil in hand, as he scribbled notes in the margins, definitions of certain words and musings brought up by phrases and paragraphs. He only had a page left before he was willing to give himself a break, and he imagined that Magnus would probably want to change into more comfortable clothes - it was Friday, after all, and his clothing was heavily layered. Alec knew that he couldn't stand wearing a blazer and necklaces for longer than he had to - but then again, his position on clothing was a lot different than Magnus'.

His only change in clothing was the addition of a pair of Magnus' plainer sweatpants - admittedly, _'Babe'_ was written on the back in glitter, but it was mostly hidden beneath his shirt, and besides, he took what he could get. He had come to expect little different from Magnus Bane.

He kept an ear out in case Magnus said something, expecting a call of "honey, I'm home" or even just his name, but there was nothing. Which was strange, but not entirely unusual - Magnus could have gone into the bathroom or his bedroom for all Alec knew.

He returned to his novel, fighting down the building anxiety. He couldn't waste his time fretting instead of studying, especially when he didn't know if his worry was even founded in the first place. Magnus was probably just tired, which was perfectly understandable, of course.

"Alec, can we - can we talk?"

Alec looked up, not even attempting to disguise his surprise. Magnus wasn't looking at him, his eyes downcast, his fingers fidgeting with the cuffs of his purple button-up - he was acting a lot like Alec himself did when he ... when he had to tell Magnus about Sebastian.

Both times.

Alec guessed it was pretty safe to assume that whatever Magnus wanted to talk about wasn't good. He tried to remind himself that Magnus wasn't going to say he wanted to break up, because it had only been a few days since he'd explained in very clear and definitive detail how stupid it was of Alec to even think that he would in the first place. And besides that, just earlier Magnus had said that he'd be lost without Alec.

So, whatever Magnus wanted to talk about surely had to do with something else. Right?

"Y-yeah, sure."

Alec pulled his legs up and tucked his feet beneath them, placing his book on the coffee table. He straightened up as Magnus sat down next to him, an achingly visible distance between them.

"Are you okay? I mean, well, obviously you're not _okay_ , but-"

He clamped his mouth shut. In his mind, he heavily chastised himself for being so insensitive. Out loud, however, he remained quiet. Waiting. Impatiently patient.

Magnus huffed - it sounded like a weak attempt at a laugh, and it struck all the cords in Alec's heart like they were strings on a guitar.

"I have been better, admittedly, but I'm - well, I'm relatively okay. I just have things that, well, that I have quite frankly been pushing away for far too long now."

Alec frowned, but didn't say anything.

"You ... you have been more than forthright with your own past, and whilst I told you about Etta..."

Magnus breathed in slowly, deeply. Alec reached over and took hold of one of his hands, squeezing it encouragingly. Magnus smiled gratefully, but still refrained from looking at Alec.

"There is more I have been keeping from you." He admitted. Alec hated that he couldn't determine anything from the tone of Magnus' voice - nothing but despair, that is. And something like sadness, just not explicitly so.

"When I - when I moved here, from Indonesia, I ... I met some people. Some good, like Catarina and Ragnor, and, and someone who wasn't very nice at all. Her name was Camille..."

The name sounded familair - the woman, who had run into him, her name had been Camille, hadn't it?

"And she was the first person I ever fell in love with."

All of Alec's thoughts stopped dead at Magnus' admition, like a train screeching to a halt.

Magnus peeked up at him, then, as if waiting for Alec to ... to what? React? React _badly_?

"I must clarify," Magnus continued, his voice a lot softer. "She wasn't - _she isn't_ \- a very nice person. And falling for her was most definitely a faulty mistake on my part - but I was young, just sixteen, and ... and she represented everything I wanted in this brand new world I'd found."

Alec had considered why Magnus had moved to America, but he had never asked, and he had the feeling that it wouldn't be fair of him to ask now either.

"She knew that, and she took advantage of that. Manipulated me - not that I knew it at the time. Whilst I was falling in love with her, while I thought, while I _assumed_ that she was feeling the same, she - she was ... dabbling in other interests."

Alec frowned, before the euphemism sunk in. "Oh."

Magnus smiled wryly. "Exactly. I didn't realise - or perhaps, more accurately, I didn't allow myself to even ponder the possibility of her infidelity. But it was the truth, and I had to accept it eventually. Of course, that was basically two years later, but - the heart believes what it wants, I suppose."

It was the most self-deprecating that Alec had ever seen Magnus. And it hurt. Like an arrow to his heart.

"The point is, she was my first, and I believed her lies because that way I could ignore what I knew was the actual truth. And I could move on from everything I had left behind - Camille had bought into my persona whilst I was still trying to create it, and I - I needed that. I craved it. And my ignorance was what blinded me."

Magnus sighed coarsely, and squeezed Alec's hand, more out of a reflexive need for comfort and reassurance than anything else. Bringing up his past was something he had refrained from doing for a long time, possibly too long, in fact. Because it was difficult, yes, but also because it was physically and emotionally draining, and it left him feeling far worse for wear than he was content with.

"I was a fool. Stupid. And as much as I would like to believe that I have changed ... some days I worry I haven't."

"You have." Alec promised, speaking up before he could stop himself. "You're a wonderful, beautiful person, Magnus, inside and out. And you weren't a fool, you were young and trustworthy and maybe you made mistakes but it was out of love. Everyone makes mistakes. You can't be held accountable for decisions you made - what, seven years ago?"

Magnus scoffed. "That makes me sound so old."

Alec shrugged. "You have an old soul. It means you're clever. Wise. Sophisticated."

"Now you're just buttering me up."

Alec smiled weakly, unsure of how Magnus was feeling - then again, it was entirely possible that even Magnus didn't know how to define how he was feeling.

"You don't have to tell me, but - what did you leave behind? In Indonesia?"

There was no doubt about what he was asking, and Magnus' startled freeze left no doubt as to how he felt about the question being asked.

"I left behind a mournful and disenchanted past. I do hope you forgive me, Alexander, but I am afraid it is not a happy story, and one that requires copious amounts of alcohol, tissues and chocolate - most of which I don't have."

It was a half-hearted attempt at an excuse which Alec saw straight through. He let it pass, didn't ignore it but simply pushed it aside for a different time, a better, more appropriate time. He didn't want to make Magnus uncomfortable, and he'd already revealed a significant and difficult part of who he was, and what had happened to him and made him who he was.

It was a choose-your-battles kind of moment. And Alec, as always, picked the safest option.

"I understand." Alec said softly.

Magnus smiled shyly, gratefully. "Thank you."

Alec nodded once, and smoothly - or at least, attempted to - switched onto a nicer subject.

"How was your day?" He asked.

"Good." Magnus replied. "Tiring, and I have a bit to do over the weekend - which reminds me, do you want to stay over again tonight? I'm sure we can drop by and pick up some clothes, or get someone to drop them off - or you can, of course, keep wearing mine. That is a perfectly suitable option that I am more than okay with."

"I'll stay." Alec said. "I'm sure we can figure something out. For now, though, I was - I was thinking we could just put on a movie, and cuddle, and just sort of relax, you know? Something that doesn't really require a lot of in-depth thought and analysis."

Magnus' eyes sparkled with a warm mirth, and Alec couldn't be happier to see it. "I could think of nothing more perfect at the moment than just cuddling with you."

"Well," He amended after a second. "Perhaps there are _some_ activities slightly more perfect."

Alec rolled his eyes, and then Magnus was shuffling and before Alec could realise what was happening, Magnus was straddling his hips, his hands running up beneath Alec's shirt and up his torso. The rings on his hands were cool, the metal biting against Alec's heated skin, and Alec, as a result, simply melted against the back of the couch.

"How did I survive before you came around?" Magnus asked, somewhat off-handedly. "Surely I should have died of, I don't know, boredom at the very least."

"I'm not sure." Alec admitted truthfully. "But I'm glad you didn't die. I quite like having you around."

Magnus leaned in and kissed the corner of Alec's mouth.

"I like having you around too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a thing for corner-of-the-mouth-kisses can you tell? and hip-straddling... I hope you enjoyed the sappy romanticism.


	32. Temptations Of Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bringing (back? Properly bringing in?) a special guest. A good one, too. And some others.
> 
> fun fact I was sick and tired (literally) when writing this so fingers crossed it hasn't turned out like gibberish.

Alec went for a run after breakfast the next day - breakfast which started an hour later than it was supposed to, which was all Magnus' fault, and the fact that Alec even had energy was a miracle, really. He allowed his mind to clear as his feet thudded along the concrete, steady and sure. Exercise had always been an escape method for him, a chance to forget about the rest of the world. It also gave him a chance to sort through some problem-solving - not that he'd really call them problems, per se, but they were things to be considered.

Like Camille.

It was weird, to know that he'd already met her. Did she know who he was? Or was she as in the dark as _he_ was? From what Magnus had told him, she seemed rather coniving and sort of manipulative, but that didn't guarantee that she knew who he was. It also didn't rule it out, though.

He felt a shudder run through him, and he had to carefully side-step a crack in the path to keep himself from tripping. He didn't like the idea that she knew who he was. Mainly because he was quite a private person, all things considered, and who knew how much she actually knew about him...

He needed to talk to Magnus.

The problem was, he'd tried to talk to Magnus the night before, but Magnus hadn't wanted to talk about it anymore, which Alec understood, and respected, but it also meant that he couldn't ask the questions that were burning at the forefront of his mind.

Like why it had taken Magnus so long to tell him, why he felt he had to now. Why he had moved to America in the first place. What had happened to him when he was younger to cause him to want to turn into somebody else?

But then, it wasn't his business, it was Magnus', and he had no right to question any of Magnus' decisions. No matter how desperately he wanted to know.

 

* * *

 

"Are you going to tell Mom and Dad?"

Alec glanced over at where Magnus was standing, in front of a food vendor as he lined up with Isabelle to retrieve their food.

"Tell them what?" He asked innocently.

Jace stared, unamused. His resemblance to Isabelle at times was overwhelmingly irritating. "Come on Alec, you know what I'm talking about."

"I have a better question." Alec interrupted. "Since when do you call them 'Mom' and 'Dad'?"

"Since they're not here right now ... and since I broke curfew and Iz told me to call them that, to save myself from getting into serious trouble. But that's not the point, you're avoiding my question."

Alec shrugged one shoulder casually. Obviously he was avoiding the question. It was a dumb question, and he didn't _want_ to answer it. Isabelle would tell him he was acting like a child, and Magnus would say he was being petulant - though they mean pretty much the same thing - but he didn't care. He didn't _want_ to.

Jace sighed heavily, and leant back on one elbow. "You know what I'm talking about, Alec. When are you going to tell them about Magnus?"

Alec pretended to consider it. "Hm, maybe after I come out to them, you know ... once I'm dead or something."

Jace didn't even smirk. He looked almost annoyed, which was weird, because Alec was usually the one done with _him._

"Do you really think it's fair to Magnus?"

Alec's gaze hardened. "Watch where you step, Jace."

"I am. But I'm right, and that's why you're upset. We both know it isn't fair to you, but you're a stubborn ass at times, and even I know that there's no point trying to venture down that route. However, you are more likely to admit that it isn't fair to Magnus."

"It's not like I'm keeping it a secret..."

"Have you told them?" Jace interrupted.

"Well, no, but..."

"Then it's a secret."

Alec went to protest, and then huffily shut his mouth. Jace was right. And he hated that. It wasn't fair to Magnus, at all, but he didn't know how his parents would react and things were going so well between them ... he didn't want to ruin that.

"Can't I just enjoy spending time with him without having to worry about ex-crushes or ex-girlfriends or parents of any kind - even those you know _nothing_ about..."

His hand had clenched itself into a fist without him realising it. Unfortunately, Jace had. Crap.

Alec loosened his fist and quickly glanced around. Magnus and Isabelle were further up the line, chatting excitedly about something, but still not quite up the front just yet. He had a bit more time. Although, Clary had only gone to the bathroom, and Simon was supposed to arrive soon, so he might not actually have as much time as he thought he would.

"Alec, has something happened between you and Magnus?"

"No." Alec answered hastily, before adding. "No, nothing has happened, it's just - after everything we've been through, everything we told each other ... I'm worried that trying to introduce him to Mom and Dad would only cause uncessarry strife that we don't need and I finally feel like we're at a place where he can tell me things, and where I can tell him."

"Things like what?" Jace prompted.

Thankfully, just then, Clary turned up, Simon trailing close behind her, glasses slightly askew and his satchel hanging limply off his shoulder. Oh, Simon. A constant paragon of simple nerdiness.

_'We'll talk about this later'._ Jace mouthed.

Alec pretended like he didn't see it.

He understood where Jace was coming from, really he did, but Jace just didn't understand how hard it was for Alec. It wasn't as though he wanted to keep Magnus a secret, he'd love to tell his parents, but he was scared. Because he had no idea what reaction he would get in coming out and he really didn't want to put Magnus into that kind of sitiuation.

Things between them were just _so good_ at the moment. Was it a crime if he wanted to just relish in the peace and happiness for a few days?

 

* * *

 

"It's time."

Camille flipped her hair over her shoulder and sat down delicately. "Time to stop meeting in these horrific venues you keep insisting on. I mean, honestly, this one doesn't even allow you to pay by credit card."

Sebastian blinked, unimpressed and unfazed. "Time for you to tell Alec this 'secret' that will ruin their relationship. This waiting is getting tedious. I did what I needed to, now it's your turn."

Camille sighed and leaned forward, one elbow resting on the table. She grimaced slightly at the texture of the slightly sticky wood but elected to move past it.

"I don't appreciate being told what to do." Camille reminded him. "I will tell Alec, and soon. But the more you try and force me the longer it will take."

Sebastian's gaze hardened, becoming similair to stone. "I thought the point of our partnership was to work together to break them up."

"And I thought you cared more about the benefits." Camille's eyes narrowed. "Let me put it in a way you'll understand. As I am the one with the secret, it is my decision when I reveal it."

She stood up, brushing imaginary lint of her skin-tight red dress.

"I will not allow my hand to be forced, least of all by you."

Sebastian glared, but didn't say a word.

"I suggest you keep in mind what is at stake if you overstep." Camille said, before stalking off, her heels making an obnoxious sound with each step.

Sebastian picked up his fork and jammed it into the table. He hated been told what to do, being _ordered around_ like some child.

After all, she may have come to him, but the plan itself had been all his idea.

 

* * *

 

"You're a fool."

Magnus frowned momentarily as the words sunk in. Then the identity of who spoke the words registered and he grinned without sparing any second thought.

"Darling, I do wish you'd tell me you're coming before you break into my apartment."

Catarina rolled her eyes and stood up, crossing the room as Magnus shut the door behind him. He dropped his stuff on the corner of his kitchen table and held his arms open for her to step into. She stared at him for a moment, before sighing and stepping forward. Despite her external reluctance, her arms were tight around his, her head pressed against his shoulder. He smiled into her hair, still white and blue like when they were younger, just a little more tastefullly done - professionally, if he were to take a guess, instead of the home-brand dye she'd made him help her apply back in the day.

"It's good to see you. I've missed you, Cat." Magnus said, pulling back slowly.

Catarina crossed her arms and stared at him unforgivingly. "I've missed you too. You could have called. I had to find out from Tessa - who unlike some people does actually value our friendship - that you're in a relationship."

Magnus parted his mouth to speak, but Catarina didn't even pause to breathe.

"So then I wait, thinking that surely it won't be long before you tell me yourself. But no. You didn't. So I call Tessa to see if she knows anything because I'm not getting information from you, and Ragnor either doesn't care or doesn't know - I'm guessing a little bit of both - and I find out that Camille is back?!"

She's breathing a little heavier than normal, which only serves in fuelling Magnus' guilt. It wasn't that he'd meant to keep it from Catarina, it was that he'd never found the right moment. She was always so busy herself, keeping ridiculous hours and working more than she should; he'd kept putting it off partly because he didn't want to disturb her and partly because ... telling Catarina would make it that little bit realer.

And he was having such a nice time pretending it wasn't.

He was about to apologise, when Catarina hit him upside the back of his head.

"Ow," He muttered, rubbing the sore spot.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Catarina demanded. "I could have helped ... I was there for you before, wasn't I?"

"Yes," Magnus admitted sheepishly.

"Then why didn't you tell me this time."

Magnus sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. He was probably ruining his makeup, but it didn't really matter - Alec wasn't coming back over until the next day, if not later, and Catarina had seen him in far worse states than this before.

"I didn't ... the last thing I wanted to do was disturb you, Cat, I - I thought I could handle it. And I am, so far. As for not telling you about Alec ... honestly I've been so caught up in everything it slipped my mind."

He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Catarina's glare softened, slightly, which Magnus took as a victory.

"But that is no excuse. I have behaved poorly as your friend and I apologise immensely for it. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

Catarina pursed her mouth, considering the offer. Magnus waited patiently for her answer.

"You can take me out to dinner tonight." Catarina said. "Providing you're not busy."

"Nope," Magnus shook his head. "But even if I was, I would make time for you, my dear."

Catarina exhaled slowly. "Well, then I guess I can't stay mad at you for too long. As long as you pay."

"How about I throw in dessert too?" Magnus suggested. He raised his eyebrows, wiggling them to arise amusement.

Catarina smiled, but Magnus could tell she was reluctant about it. "Fine."

Although he felt bad for not telling her earlier, Magnus was glad Catarina was here. There were very few people he loved and trusted more than her. She was one of his oldest friends, someone who had been there for him through everything.

If there was anyone who knew what to do, it would be her.

 

* * *

 

_"So, how are things?"_

Alec sighed, and carefully dodged a lady with a pram, and a - a dog? Sometimes he forgot how weird New Yorkers were.

"Things are ... things are going fine. Good."

He could hear Aline's barely hidden chuckle, and Helen's soft laughter.

"Am I on speaker?" He asked, although he was already pretty sure of the answer.

_"It's just easier. Now stop changing the subject. Did you tell Magnus?"_

"Yeah. I told Jace first - he punched a wall." Alec said. The memory was a lot funnier now, when he looked back on it, than it had been at the time. Perspective and all that, he supposed.

_"We heard. Iz texted me about that, but she hasn't said anything else on the matter. She told me I had to ask you."_

"Ah, so that's secretly why you called me." He laughed softly. "You only wanted me for my gossip."

_"Not true. You never have any gossip. I do actually want to know what happened, for more than just 'gossip' reasons. Although by the sounds of it, things can't have gone that horribly."_

Alec heard Helen, a little fainter, chastise Aline, mentioning something about focusing on what's important. He smiled to himself, not even caring if he looked a little weird to others walking past.

"Yes, I told Magnus. His reaction was ... understandable. But things are really ... really good between us."

Alec heard Helen squeal, although it was quickly covered by Aline's words. _"It was about time. I didn't want to say anything but if it took you any longer I would have had to."_

It was her way of telling him she was proud without "sounding like a sap" about it. She seemed to handle emotions about as well as he did, at times.

"Nice to know you care."

_"Don't push it. Just keep talking about you and Magnus' stupidly adorable relationship."_ Aline ordered.

Alec could see more than hear Helen's response, could imagine her hitting Aline playfully on the shoulder.

"I seem to be spending more time at his than at home," Alec admitted, a little more cautious about who was around, and who could hear. It felt kind of weird, to be talking about it, in such a public space - even if he was on the phone.

_"Do you think you'll move in together soon?"_

Alec halted, and ended up having to mutter an apology and step off to the side of the path. It wasn't somethng that he'd ever really considered before, not because he didn't want to do it, but because he'd been too preoccupied.

But now that he did spare some thought ... well, it wasn't as though it was a horrible thought. And he did already spend a lot of time at Magnus' anyway. But moving in - it just seemed like a lot, so early. Maybe, maybe an alternative, if Magnus was ever interested. They should probably have a conversation about it first. And he'd definitely have to tell his parents first, which should be a priority for him anyway, but he still wanted to put if off for just a little longer.

_"Alec?"_

Alec shook his head, in an attempt to order his thoughts. "Sorry, sorry - I'm here."

_"I didn't mean to ... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."_

"No, no, it's - it's fine. I was just a little surprised, I've never ... I haven't thought about it before. Wouldn't it be moving a little too ... quickly?"

There was a pause on the other end, and Alec thought he heard Helen, but could not make out her words.

_"I think you should talk to him about it."_ Aline said, apologetically. He guessed that she hadn't really planned on dropping the question on him and creating such an impact.

It wasn't her fault he hadn't thought about anything past next week.

"Yeah, I - I think I will. I should probably go - I'll see you tomorrow. I know it probably doesn't sound like it, but I - I think I really needed to hear that question. Thank you."

_"Well ... in that case, not a problem. I'm glad I could help."_

They exchanged goodbye's, and then Alec hung up and slid the phone into his pocket. He took a moment to breathe in as deeply as he could, to try and fill the hole that he could feel growing in his lungs.

He had to tell his parents. Out of all the secrets he'd been dreading, this one felt like the worse. Because how his parents reacted could impact the rest of his life, they were his family. And sure, they could be around a lot more than they were - but they were his parents. If they didn't accept him, it would be like throwing years of hard work down the drain. All for nothing.

"My oh my, what an interesting coincidence."

Alec looked up, taking barely a second to register who was speaking. He felt that same, strange and uneasy feeling settling in his stomach, except this time it was far worse. This time he had reason to feel the way he did.

"What do you want?"

It was barely a question, spat out between tightly clenched teeth.

"To talk, of course."

Camille's voice was high-tilted and sickly sweet. Fake. All Alec could think about was what Magnus had told him, how much hurt she had inflicted.

"I have nothing to say to you." Alec turned, with complete intention to ignore the past five minutes. Unfortunately, Camille wasn't of the same mind.

She reached out and wrapped a hand around his elbow. Her grip was tight, her fingers pressing into the fabric of his jacket. He whirled around, heated fury in his eyes.

"It's about what I have to say to you, rather than anything you might want to say to me." Camille stated.

Her hand was still holding him, and as much as he probably could have pulled away, something told him she wouldn't make it that easy. It was much easier to wait for her to spill whatever ridiculous nonsense she thought he needed to know, and then walk away without having to turn back.

He deflated, visibly, his shoulders slumping, his breath coming out in a sigh.

"You're a smart boy," Camille said, almost with an air of approval, or admiration.

It made Alec feel sick. He could see the charm that attracted Magnus to her, so long ago, but it was tainted by the manipulation and pain he'd been told about.

"I bet Magnus trusts you a lot. You've got one of those faces, I suppose." The corner of Camille's mouth tugged up into a sultry smirk. "He's probably told you about me, about all the horrible things I've done?"

Alec despised the way she said it, as though it wasn't the big, life-altering deal it actually was. He tore his arm out of her grip and turned away, not interested in anything else she had to say.

"Did he tell you about Indonesia?"

Alec stopped dead in his tracks.

"Or about his parents," Camille continued, a heightened lilt to the cadence of her words. "And why he had to leave."

_Had_ to leave? Magnus hadn't told him much, but he certainly hadn't said that he'd been ... forced, to leave.

"It's his past," Alec muttered. "It's his choice when he tells me."

He heard Camille laugh, a strange sound that was both soft and harsh.

"I imagine it's a little hard for him. How is he supposed to find the 'right time' to tell you, his boyfriend, that if it wasn't for him, his parents would still be alive?"

Alec's blood ran cold and froze inside his veins. Surely ... surely she had to be lying? It was Camille, he knew now, that it was the kind of thing she did. She twisted lies into falsity's and wrapped the truth in a spider's web of confessions that sounded better than what they actually were.

There was every possibility that she was lying to him now. But then again ... Magnus hadn't been very forthcoming with information, and he'd basically said it was a very difficult piece of his past that he preferred to not even think about.

"Don't believe me if it will make you feel better, but for once I am actually telling the truth. In fact, I highly recommend talking to Magnus yourself. Maybe if you ask him about it he'll actually tell you."

Alec sucked in a shaky breath and then whirled around. Camille was gone, the sound of her words echoing inside his brain and the phantom feel of her hand on his arm the only reminder that she had actually been there in the first place.

He didn't know whether to belive her or not. Even if she was telling the truth, he doubted it could have been Magnus' fault.

And if she wasn't, there was probably a reasonable explantion for why he moved, _and_ why he didn't want to talk about it.

Still. Alec knew he wouldn't be able to rest without asking Magnus about it.

He just hoped that instead of brushing it off, Magnus would answer this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is posted today instead of next week because I shall be away from Wednesday to Saturday and I'd rather post this early than not at all.
> 
> sorry sorry sorry (remember the tags, guys, remember the tags)


	33. Worth It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec attempts to come to terms with what he's heard, and tries to figure out what to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first part of this was written whilst watching 'Pride And Prejudice and Zombies' so it's possible there is a slight difference in language style.
> 
> Cat's back. I really love writing her, so it's really no surprise. don't ask me why they're always drinking tea, I have no idea it just keeps happening.

Alec's hands were shaking when he opened the door to Magnus' loft. He couldn't get Camille's words out of his head; _"if it wasn't for him, his parents would still be alive"._

She had to be lying, she _had to be._ Magnus wouldn't - he wouldn't ever do such a thing, certainly not on purpose. There had to be more to it, more she didn't know, or more she just wasn't telling him.

He knew he had to talk to Magnus, to find out the truth, but he wasn't even sure he'd be able to get the words out.

Despite the fact that he'd just gone for a run, he was struck with the need for fresh air, to get away from, well, everything. Including Magnus, despite how bad that made him feel. He just, he needed to get away from things, to give himself enough time to wrap his head around everything he's just been told, whether it was true or not.

He just had to figure out a way to leave without upsetting Magnus. Maybe ... maybe he could say that he wanted to spend some time with Isabelle, just the two of them. It wouldn't be a lie, he did miss being with his sister, one-on-one with no other distractions. And then it gave him an excuse, not only to disappear for at least a few hours, but also to find Isabelle, when he's ready, and ask for her help in figuring out what to do next. He could always trust her to give him the advice he needed. And, in some cases, the shock factor to bring him back to reality.

Magnus was in the lounge when Alec found him, papers sprawled on the table in front of him. Alec pushed away the little voice that told him it would be easy to just slip out now, without a word. It wouldn't be fair to do that to Magnus. The only hope he had was that Magnus did have things to complete and therefore would be somewhat distracted for at least a couple of hours.

He just needed some time, that's all.

"Hey, Mags?" Alec called out, in a quieted voice that should have been louder.

Magnus turned around, glancing over his shoulder at Alec. "You're back. I didn't even hear you come in."

"Yeah," Alec smiled weakly. "Look, I - I don't want to, be rude or anything, but I was thinking of hanging out with Isabelle for a bit today? Just the two of us. You wouldn't - you wouldn't mind, would you?"

Magnus shook his head. "Of course not. You're free to do whatever you like, Alec." He frowned, lips pressed together firmly. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Alec dismissed the claim before Magnus had even finished the question. "I just ... I must have pushed myself too far, or something. I'm a little lightheaded."

He bit down on the intruding request and settled for a statement. "I'm going to have a shower, then call Iz."

Magnus studied him for a moment, and then nodded. "Okay. Are you sure you're alright?"

Alec forced a smile, as real as he could make it. "I'm sure."

He wasn't. He wasn't sure, and he wasn't alright, and he didn't really know what he was doing, or whether it was the right thing to do or not.

He had only felt this clueless a few times in his life, and it was not feeling he enjoyed much.

 

* * *

 

The only problem with going to his sister for advice about his boyfriend's past, was that Isabelle didn't _know_ what Alec knew, and therefore could only do so much when it came to helping him.

"So, let me get this straight." Isabelle said, once Alec had recounted everything he could. "Magnus' evil, bitchy ex-girlfriend, who may or may not, possibly, know Sebastian, and who has a history of being manipulative _and_ a creative liar - told you that Magnus is the reason his parents are dead."

Isabelle sighed, stretching her legs out and resting her feet on the coffee table. "Does that about sum it up?"

"Pretty much."

Isabelle patted her legs, like she used to do when she wanted Church to climb onto her lap, before she realised that Church never did anything he didn't want to, no matter how much one asked.

"Lie down." She instructed. "Like I used to, when I was upset over Mom and Dad, or some stupid boy."

Alec huffed. "I'm not going to play psychiatrist with you, Iz. This is serious."

"I know," Isabelle said, patting her legs again. "So lie down."

Alec groaned, but shuffled nonetheless. He stretched his own legs out as far as the couch would let him, and rested his head down on Isabelle's lap. Isabelle slowly ran her hands through his hair, in calm, soothing motions. He didn't want to admit it, but it was making him feel a little better.

"I don't know what to do." Alec admitted, sullenly. "I don't even know whether to believe her, I mean, she could very well be lying, but it's not like he's told me anything yet. I have nothing to go off, and I don't want to believe her, but Magnus told me that, when he was younger, he really trusted her. Which could mean that he did tell her his secrets, and she might have actually been telling the truth in the first place."

"You and I both know what my response is going to be." Isabelle said, not unkindly.

Alec sighed. "I know. But do I really have to?"

Isabelle laughed softly and leant down to kiss his forehead. "If you want answers, then yes, you _really_ have to."

She took his hand in hers and linked their fingers together, her other hand still combing through his hair. "It doesn't have to be today." She said. "But I do think it's your best option. Besides, it's Magnus - he's not going to get mad at you for coming to him, surely. And you both deserve honesty from each other."

"When did you get so smart when it comes to these things?" Alec asked, quietly. "You're so young."

"I'll take the compliment," Isabelle replied, squeezing his hand. "And it's more a matter of knowing you well enough by now to understand what you need, and what you need to do."

"At least one of us does."

 

* * *

 

_"Magnus, I really don't think this is a good idea-"_

_"Cat, I appreciate your concern, but I don't care." Magnus frowned, and typed away faster, his fingers pressing the keys harder with each letter. "I need to find out what happened to them."_

_Catarina sighed, glancing at Ragnor. "You're not even going to try stopping him?"_

_"Why bother?" Ragnor waved a hand dismissively. "He's going to do whatever he likes anyway. It would just be a waste of my energy. I don't even know why you're bothering in the first place."_

_"I can't stand having these - these holes in my memory. I barely remember what my mother sounded like, let alone what she looked like. And my father is just a blurry impression. I need to know."_

_Catarina sighed, and placed a gentle hand on Magnus' shoulder. "Alright. But if you find something you don't like, don't say I didn't try and stop you."_

_Magnus paused, reaching up to grasp Catarina's hand in his._

_"Thank you," He said, sincerely._

_He smiled, weakly, and then turned his attention back to the computer in the school library. He didn't have very long before the librarian kicked them all out, and he wanted to find out as much information about where he came from as he could._

_He knew it wouldn't be easy, most of the records from his old village wouldn't have been digitalised yet, let alone public. He was hoping to find something, anything, connecting back to his parents. His memory of the orphanage he'd been taken to after their deaths told him little, if anything, and the foster homes afterwards had been more concerned with controlling him than helping him._

_"Why don't you try the orphanage?" Catarina suggested. "There might be something there that can help, a website, maybe?"_

_"It's worth a shot." Ragnor said, sounding a little less disinterested._

_Magnus hummed, typing 'Silent City Orphanage' into the search engine. He supposed that there was some hope, that after all this time they'd caught up with technology and upgraded their record system._

_He managed to find a website, with a list of current employees and profiles for kids waiting to be adopted or fostered._

_"I remember him," He said, pointing to a picture of a pale, thin man with bony cheekbones and piercing dark eyes. "Jeremiah, he was one of the people who came, and took me back to the orphanage. He was kind, but a little strict. Less cold than the others, though."_

_"Well, that's a start." Catarina said. "Maybe we can find a way to contact him. He might know something."_

_"Yeah, maybe." Magnus said. He hoped she was right, but he also didn't want to get his hopes up._

_It would only hurt worse if they were shattered._

 

 

* * *

 

"It's been two days."

"Exactly. It's been _two days_ , Cat. Two whole days with only the barest minimum of texts and the odd _'I love you'_ message, because Alec doesn't understand, or seem to like, emoticons."

Magnus' words were spoken frantically but still with a hint of fond amusement.

"I'm sure that you have nothing to worry about,"Catarina said, flitting around Magnus to the fridge. "He's probably just busy."

"Then why wouldn't he just tell me?"Magnus asked, imploringly. He sighed, leaning back against the kitchen counter. "Do you think I'm just being really paranoid?"

"Honestly?" Catarina turned, one hand on the handle of the fridge. "I think you're being a little bit overdramatic. But if it's really worrying you, you should just call him."

"I suppose you're right." Magnus acknowledged. Catarina smiled and pulled the milk out.

"I know I am," She said, crossing the room to add the milk to their tea. "I'm always right. You're just sometimes not willing to admit it."

Magnus laughed softly. "I can't really argue with that."

Catarina smiled, her eyes glinting with mirth and mischeif. "You'd be smart not to."

She finished with the drinks, and Magnus watched in silent contemplation.

"I've been thinking," He said, almost casually, as Catarina handed him his mug. "Of telling Alec about Indonesia."

Catarina paused, eyes boring into Magnus' with her mug only inches from her lips. She blinked carefully, waiting for any sign that he was joking, any sign that he wasn't genuinely serious.

"You're not kidding." She stated, a little surprised.

"No." Magnus shook his head, minutely. "I told him about Camille, and whilst it was irritatingly hard, it felt - well, it felt good, afterwards, to know that I'd gotten it off my chest. That he knows, about her, and about what she's like."

Catarina smiled, kindly, like she had when he'd broken things off with Camille in the first place, all those years ago. "I'm proud of you, for that, you know? For opening yourself up and telling him. It couldn't have been easy."

"It wasn't." Magnus admitted, taking a sip of his tea. "But I did it. And I think he appreciates it too. The honesty."

Although it was hard to know, with the basic radio silence from his boyfriend for the past few days. There had been something ... a little _off_ , the last time Alec had been over. He'd denied anything being wrong, but Magnus had felt it, seen it, knew something wasn't completely right.

"So you want to tell him about Indonesia?" Catarina clarified. "Everything, or just-"

"Everything."

Catarina stills, appearing very close to dropping her mug. Magnus slumps, craddling his own mug carefully between his hands. His rings clink against the porcelain, the heat seeping into his skin.

"You really are serious about him, aren't you?" Catarina asked, hushed and careful. "It's more than just a case of you loving him..."

"I wish it wasn't," Magnus admitted. He turned slightly, placing his mug down on the bench where it would be safer. "Sometimes, I wish it was just love. Simple and understandable, just - just love."

He sighed, heavily, the breath ghosting out from between his lips.

"He's so young, Cat. Barely an adult, still technically a teenager - for the time being, at least. Far too young to be loaded down with my past or my feelings, let alone everything he's already been faced with."

He scrubbed a hand over his face, as Catarina placed her own mug down. It was too much, it was all too much at once to be so unprepaed for.

"I just love him so much, Cat, I - I can't lose him. I don't _want_ to lose him."

"There's no reason for you to lose him." Catarina reasoned, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"What if there is? If I tell him, he could - anything could happen. He could hate me, be disgusted by me, never want to see me again. I could lose him by telling the truth."

"You _will_ lose him if you don't."

Magnus looked up, startled. Catarina's eyes were hard and unwavering, but still kind. "I'm sorry for being so brutal, but it's true. He deserves to know, and if you keep putting it off, you'll end up pushing him away."

"I don't want that." Magnus said, his voice small and child-like.

"I know you don't," Catarina said kindly. "And I also know that I don't have to ask if you think he's worth it."

"He's worth everything." Magnus mumbled.

"Then show him that. Figure out how much you want to tell him, all at once or just in parts, whatever. And do it. Tell him. Before it's too late."

Magnus sighed heavily, tugging at the hairs on the nape of his neck. "I'm so scared, Cat."

"I know," Catarina squeezed the hand on his shoulder, comfortingly. "But it would be a big mistake to let that get in the way."

Catarina, as always, knew what was better for him than he did, and knew the best way to go about it.

Which didn't make her advice easy to follow. But he appreciated it nonetheless.

 

* * *

 

"You're avoiding him."

Alec frowned and tried to focus on the highlighted lines of his print-outs, scribbling relating points in pencil. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Aline scoffed and leaned back in her chair, lifting it slightly before placing it back safely down on the ground.

"You're a crap liar, you know that Lightwood?"

"Lightwood?" Alec questioned. "You haven't called me that since we were twelve."

"Well when you start acting like a grown-up," Aline reasoned. "I will treat you like one. For the moment, that's not really happening, so I won't."

Alec grumbled incomprehensible noises, barely formed words. He refused to look at Aline, because he knew she was staring at him and it would only give her the satisfaction of knowing her words left an impact. Because even though he isn't trying to, he is kind of avoiding Magnus.

Well, no. Not avoiding. Necessarily. He was just focusing on other things, putting them first. He had a lot of work to catch up, that's why he hadn't seen Magnus since he ran into Camille. Which had technically been three days ago.

And, okay, so he hadn't really returned Magnus' calls either. But he had texted him, which counted for something, surely.

"Alec, you can't keep doing this. It's hurting both of you."

Alec shook his head. "You just don't understand." He explained, pitifully.

"Then explain it to me." Aline replied, folding her arms over her chest. "Because you're right, I really _don't_ understand. You _love_ him, more than I think even you thought you would - something must have happened recently for you to be bascially ignoring him."

Alec stared at his work and wondered if the letters would rearrange themselves into the words he wanted to respond with.

"I think he might be hiding something from me." He admitted, quietly, reluctantly. "Not intentionally, I don't think, just - just not something he wants to talk to me about yet. Which I understand, but I'm just - I'm a little worried that he'll never tell me. And things between us are getting so serious, I don't - I don't want it all to be for nothing."

"Then talk to him."

"You sound like Isabelle." Alec told her, weakly.

Aline shrugged. "It can't be that hard to listen to at least one of us."

"I don't want to overstep." Alec explained, sighing. He tapped his pen on his page frustratedly. "It's up to him, to tell me when he wants to. I'm just - I'm worried, I've heard - well, I've heard rumours, surrounding his, his past, and-"

"Rumours?" Aline cut in. "You're basing this off of rumours?"

"Yes," Alec admitted sheepishly.

Aline shook her head, her jaw tightening. "You're avoiding - don't shake your damn head, you are - you're avoiding you're boyfriend because of _rumours_ that might not even be _true_?"

She scoffed. "I'm sorry, Alec, okay, I am. But you're being ridiculous. You need to t _alk to him_ , and find out the truth yourself."

Alec fidgeted with the lid of his pen, pulling it off and then putting it back on again. Off and on and off and on.

"I just wish - I wish we didn't have to deal with any of this. Between Sebastian and Magnus' past and my own fears, it feels like we're never going to be able to just enjoy being together without the nagging fear of _something_ getting in the way."

"That doesn't mean you can just ignore it and hope it will just go away," Aline reminded him kindly. "Because it _will_ only get worse the longer you leave it."

"I know," Alec slumped back in his chair. It was just all so exhausting.

But Aline had a point. And he wasn't really being fair to Magnus. By ignoring him, by hiding their relationship from his parents. None of it was fair, and none of it was right.

And it was about time that he changed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to let this chapter speak for itself.


	34. The Tipping Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can a climactic event finally break the distance between Magnus and Alec?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm just going to make 'language' a tag I think it will be safest for everyone. let's pretend i know what the day is.
> 
> fairly chip-choppy on purpose. the pov does change a lot, and somewhat inconsistently.

Alec was not the kind of person who found it easy to admit his own mistakes. Because, as the 'big brother' to three siblings, he wasn't supposed to make mistakes in the first place. He was supposed to set an example - he knew he wasn't expected to be perfect, that was just ridiculous.

But he also wasn't supposed to mess up this badly.

Because it had been a _stupid_ , horrible mistake to ignore Magnus for - what was quickly nearing four days - instead of actually talking to him.

It seemed the only thing he was doing a wonderful job of was being a crap boyfriend.

"Are you heading out?"

Alec looked up, his hand resting on his jacket. Isabelle was standing at the entrance to his room, poking her head around the door. She looked apprehensive, but with it something lighter, something like pride. Not that she really had any reason to be proud of him, not at the moment.

"Yeah. I think I've been, running away from this for too long."

Isabelle grinned, and nodded once. "Good. I'm proud of you, Alec. Remember that."

Alec smiled shyly, and ducked his head until he heard the door shut. He still didn't think that he'd done anything to deserve her pride. Even what he was planning on doing now, was to fix a stupid mistake he should have never made. He didn't know if Magnus would even want to see him, let alone give him answers to his questions. But he had to do it.

He had to stop pushing it away just because it wasn't preferable.

 

* * *

 

He decided to walk to Magnus', with the intention of using the time to clear his mind and order his thoughts. It would be easier to tell Magnus everything, what he'd been told, what he was feeling, all of it, with a clear and determined mind.

First, he'd apologise. Because he'd been unfairly rude to Magnus, and above all, Magnus deserved an apology.

**TO** **: [Magnus]**

_Hey, I'm sorry I've been avoiding you. I was wondering if you wanted to talk? xx_

Alec was just putting his phone into his pocket, when he heard someone clearing their throat behind him. At first, he brushed it off as nothing important, and managed to take two steps before he realised how wrong he was in assuming.

"Hello, Alec."

A few strings of curses rattled Alec's mind in the time it took him to turn around. Could he seriously not catch a break? His own actions had been bad enough, but did the universe actually hate him so much that it would force him to face this, now, just when he was trying to fix his relationship while he still had it?

"What the _fuck_ do you want?"

Sebastian grinned, and Alec knew he'd made the wrong decision, but he couldn't really care less. He was done. He was offically _'over it'._

"That's a little nasty, don't you think?"

"No." Alec snapped, satisfied at the glimmer of shock in Sebastian's eyes. It was quickly covered up, but for a moment, he'd startled Sebastian. And that brought him a strange satisfaction.

"Come on, don't be like that." Sebastian stepped forward. Alec stepped back.

"Go away." Alec demanded. "I don't care about you, I don't care about whatever you have to say to me, or whatever you think I want or need to hear - _I don't care_."

"Oh, that's sweet. Unfortunately, you're not going to get rid of me that easily, Alec."

 

* * *

 

It was safe to say that Magnus Bane had missed Catarina Loss.

She was a wonderful friend, and had played an integral part in his growing up, and his acclimatisation to America. She'd been there for him when few others were, and for some strange, almost unfathomable reason, she'd stuck by him for all this time.

He was unbelievably lucky to have her as such a close friend. But there was some unfortunate factors when having a medical resident crashing on one's couch.

He fluffed up the pillows and folded the quilt, setting it down against the pillows. Catarina had left in a rush earlier that morning, dumping her nightwear and the blankets in a heap, that had eventually fallen to the floor because Chairman Meow was a brat.

Still, Magnus loved them both.

He bustled around, clearing up the cups and plates left from the night before, and earlier that morning. He had a neat stack of dishes to do, and soon, but he also had marking and three episodes of Project Runway to catch up on, so some things took top priority.

It was all, of course, a weak ploy to keep his mind off of Alec for at least a minute. He hadn't succeeded yet, but he'd been trying, which he believed counted for something.

He wasn't sure what had happened; he didn't know how to fix it or even if it was his fault in the first place. Alec had seemed fine when he'd asked for the questions on Indonesia to be left alone - it was only after he'd come back from a jog that he appeared to be tense.

So what had happened in the duration of him going out?

Magnus shook his head and glanced towards the door. It was foolish to hope that Alec would walk through the doors. _He_ was foolish to hope it. But he did.

He could text Alec, but his phone was in the bedroom and it was ultimately better if it stayed there. Then he could get his work done without any distractions. He'd been an adult for a few years now, he knew how to act like one.

Unaware of the text waiting to be read on his phone, Magnus bustled around the kitchen with the intention of getting the cleaning done.

 

* * *

 

"What is wrong with you?"

Alec could feel his blood boil, heat creeping up his neck with how angry he was getting. He didn't have enough energy or patience for any of this.

Sebastian laughed, and it was hard and sharp, mocking.

"Wrong with me?" Sebastian's laughter cut short. "The problem here isn't me, Alec. _You_ started this."

"Started - what? You following me? Stalking me? I'm guessing you're working with Camille too, right, the two of you are in this together?"

Sebastian's mouth tightened, and it was all the confirmation Alec needed. He laughed self-deprecatingly, only slightly surprised at how stupid he'd been. Until now, he only considered that Camille and Sebastian were in this together, in the sense of a possible but unlikely scenario, but now that he'd figured it out, there was no other explanation more fitting.

"You prick." Alec muttered.

He looked up, running a hand through his hair.

"Was there an actual point?" He asked. "In any of this, any part of what the two of you have been doing? Apart from actually trying to ruin my life _and_ my relationship - which, by the way, congrats might be in order if I can't make it up to Magnus."

Sebastian stepped forward, but Alec stood his ground. He'd had enough.

"Of course there was a point, Alec, I'm not an imbecile. Everything I do has a point."

"Then what you did back in school," Alec ignored the beating of his heart, the all-too-familiar anxiety threatening to overcome him. "What was the point of that?"

He almost expected Sebastian to look guilty or sheepish. Instead, he appeared almost proud, smug even. Satisfied.

"There's a very simple explanation." Sebastian shrugged a shoulder casually. "I ... _caught wind_ of a rumor that you, for lack of a better phrase, fancied me. And I must say, I found it interesting. Not because I liked you, but because you seemed so deeply infatuated with me ... I'd never seen that before."

Alec clenched his hand into a fist. None of this was going to be easy.

 

* * *

 

The dishes didn't take Magnus that long, despite being an infernally tedious task that he despised, even on his happiest days. Which today certainly wasn't. Today was one of the worst days he'd ever had

Wait. No, that wasn't fair. It wasn't one of his worst days, he'd had plenty of them before. This wasn't his best, by any stretch of imagination - at most, it was mediocre, but not his worst.

It wasn't fair, to either him or Alec, to make assumptions before he really knew the facts. He'd learnt a long time ago, that things were not always as they seemed, and shouldn't be taken that way.

He wiped the bench clean and then decided that it was the perfect time to have a shower. In all reality, he was distracting himself with minimal tasks that did technically need to be done, to ensure that his mind was kept off Alec for was long as it was possible. If he didn't, he would crack, and end up calling Alec an unreasonable amount of times in a vain attempt to fix things, whether they were in fact broken or not.

He'd always done that. Tried desperately to mend things, make sure that things are good and perfect and held together, because he hated things being broken.

He'd hated himself being broken, so he'd fixed that. By changing who he was.

But that was back then, and this was now.

It was about time that he told Alec the truth. About the _real him._

 

* * *

 

The text had come in half an hour ago. Magnus wasn't sure how he missed it, but he was certain that whatever the reason had been, none of it was worth it.

After a few days of minimal contact, Alec had reached out to him. He wanted to talk, to apologise. And although Magnus still wasn't sure what had caused the distance, he wasn't stupid enough to reject the idea.

Alec was too important for that.

He sat down on the corner of his bed, clothed in a fluffy purple towel, with a silk turban wrapped around his head, keeping his hair in place. It was a little improper, but he wasn't patient enough to actually put clothes on first.

**TO** **: [Alexander 3]**

_I've missed you. I'm home all day, you can come over whenever you like. Let me know what it is you think you have to be sorry about._

He sent the text and then spent a good five minutes staring at it. He sounded ... standoff-ish and, quite honestly, like he was pretending to be okay with things that he wasn't. Which wasn't true, because he genuinely just wanted to see Alec.

**TO** **: [Alexander 3]**

_I don't blame you, for anything. I just really want to see you. I'm certain we can sort this out, whatever it is. I love you. xx_

The distance between them was ridiculous. And he desperately wanted to fix it.

 

* * *

 

"You used me." Alec raised his voice. "Like I was a - a puppet for your amusement."

Sebastian rolled his shoulders back, twisting his head to look sharply at Alec. "It wasn't easy, to ensure you thought that I actually liked you. I put a lot of time and effort into the ruse, Alec. It was more than just a case of you being _'a puppet'_ as you so eloquently put it."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Alec drawled sarcastically. "I should be _thanking_ you for ruining my life _._ You actually messed me up, Sebastian. You messed up my view on relationships, as though my parents haven't already done a good enough job, and you destroyed my self-esteem. It took me _forever_ to accept that Magnus wasn't _lying_ to me, when he said he liked me, because I didn't believe him."

Alec's nails were too blunt to properly dig into his palm, but he clenched his hands tighter anyway. Sebastian's grin hadn't faltered, and it disgusted Alec.

"There must be something fundamentally _fucked up_ inside your head." He stated.

Sebastian stepped forward, causing Alec to shuffle an awkward step backwards. The hold he had on his balance shifted momentarily, and he had to pull himself forward. He was close to tipping off the edge of the street, if he wasn't careful.

"Not quite." Sebastian said, as though it was supossed to be a reassurement. "Camille came to me with a proposition, and I twisted together a plan to benefit both of us. Your, _issues_ , were never my intention, and yet are also not any of my concern."

"I can see how you and Camille got on so well." Alec stated wrily. "You're both cold and heartless."

There was still one thing he didn't quite understand.

"How could any of this benefit you?"

 

* * *

 

Alec still hadn't replied. Admittedly, it had only been ten minutes since Magnus had sent the text, but it still felt like an agonisingly long time. Another text felt like overkill, like he was being pushy and needy.

**TO** **: [Alexander 3]**

_My apartment door is always open. You know that. Come by whenever you want. I love you. xx_

Needless to say Magnus was beginning to panic, just a bit. As a result, he cared little whether he came across as needy or not. The truth of the matter, was that he _was_ feeling a little needy. He _needed_ to see Alec, to talk to him, to figure out what went wrong and how they could fix it. He _needed_ Alec to reply to at least one of his texts, preferably sooner than later.

He hoped he hadn't done anything to upset Alec. He couldn't remember doing anything that would seriously offend, in any manner, but he could think of few other reasons for Alec to have stayed away for so long without an explicit reason.

If it was indeed about Magnus' past, the secrets he was yet to reveal to Alec, then there was no problem at all. Because Magnus was willing, more than, to tell Alec everything. It would hurt, and it would no-doubt be one of the hardest things he'd ever have to do, but he _would_ do it.

In a heartbeat, or even less than.

 

* * *

 

"Camille wanted the two of you broken up. She despised the fact that Magnus was getting over her, I suppose. I could honestly care less about the details themselves. She was more than willing to give me what I wanted in return - and, returning to see that I still had an impact on you, well, that was a well-received bonus."

Alec had always heard the saying, about seeing one's life 'flash before their eyes'. It had never happened to him, and he'd always found the idea a little ridiculous. Yet, now, he had no other name for what was happening to him.

_Sebastian's voice, directly in his ear, his breath tickling the shell. The phantom tingle of his knuckles across Alec's skin. "I think you're interesting."_

_The sneaking around, the thrill and buzz of having a secret, between just the two of them. The knowledge that the hottest guy in school liked him, sparking shivers down Alec's spine._

_The threads of doubt, quickly banished, because it hadn't mattered that they hadn't kissed, or that nobody knew. They held hands and their shared secrets and that's what mattered._

_Putting Sebastian first. The darkness that pressed in at his corners, the darkness he ignored, because it wasn't real. Sebastian_ did _make him happy. His imagination was simply running rampant, that was all._

_Telling Sebastian. Telling Isabelle. Fearing the thought of telling Jace._

_His almost-kiss, supposed to be his first one, supposed to be important._

_The yelling, the taunts, the mocking laughter that followed him for years on end._

_Those dreadful words, so many years later. "It's certainly been a while, hasn't it?"_

Sebastian had been ruining his life from the first time they'd spoken in that abandoned classroom. Alec would be damned if he was going to let Sebastian keep doing it.

"You sick bastard." He spat.

Unfortunately, Alec was too swept up in pooling as much heat and fury into his glare as possible, to notice what happened next.

 

* * *

 

The call came in half an hour after Magnus' last text.

"Cat? I thought you were running through a double shift-"

_"Magnus. It's Alec."_

Magnus felt the impact of her words hit him, the force like the punch of a steel fist straight into his gut. His heart stuttered, in a dangerously erratic beat, his blood freezing within the walls of his veins. It induced minute flashbacks of a similair call regarding a previous relationship.

But this time was _now_ , it was happening _now_ , and he had no spare moment to dwell on the past.

"What happened?" He forced the question out, even as dread swept over him in crashing waves.

_"We're not sure yet. Paramedics just called in about an accident regarding a man who matched Alec's description - far too specifically to be coincidence. They're due to arrive within the next two minutes, and I wanted to let you know before things got too hectic."_

"I'll be there in five."

_"Magnus-"_ He only distantly heard Catarina's voice, too busy bustling around his apartment, trying to find an actual pair of shoes, preferably that matched. _"They might not let you in. They'll have to assess any damages, contact his family - even if he's only been scratched, it could be at least a day before you are allowed to see him."_

"I don't care, Catarina." Magnus said, forgoing politeness. "This is Alec we're talking about. I will be there in five, if not earlier."

He heard her sigh, a notion of her giving in with little protest _. "Just, promise me you won't do anything stupid."_

"I'll try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not going to lie this chapter took me like five days to write and it genuinely still hurts me. i know that no one is going to believe me, but I promise that I do feel bad. I hope the next few chapters will make up for it, I do have a lot of overly-fluffy and cute feels-inflated moments to make up for this chapter.
> 
> and because I feel so bad there is a high chance the next chapter will be posted earlier than expected.


	35. We're Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The solution to everyone's questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This special chapter update brought to you from my grave because I genuinely feel so bad about all the angst.
> 
> Isabelle's contact name on Magnus' phone is taken from one of the many malec-centric conversations Vulturemonem and I have partaken in. All credit (and love tbh) to her.
> 
> Also big thanks to Vulturemonem for the hospital-help. :D

_His thoughts were swimming around his head, bouncing against the walls of his skull, like silver pinballs in a machine. They never slowed down enough for him to catch onto them, but, for some reason, he didn't care. Usually it would be annoying, the lack of control over his own mind._

_Somehow, it didn't bother him. Instead, he felt unbelievably light and calm, like nothing could touch him._

_There was a niggling sense in the back of his mind, like he'd forgotten something. He'd probably remember eventually. Nothing worth worrying about now._

 

* * *

 

Magnus remembered the last time he'd been in a hospital in a situation as dire as this. Strangely, out of all the things running through his head, the similarities between now and back then were so far at the back of his mind that he barely registered it.

The only thing he could think about, as he impatiently waited for the doors to slide open, was that somewhere in the building was _Alec,_ in who knows how much pain, injured in some way or another, and nearly an hour ago he'd texted Magnus with the intention of explaining, only for his text to go ignored for far too long.

There had been few times in his life that Magnus had ever felt this guilty.

He rushed up to the triage nurse's station, lungs heaving and breath rasping against the walls of his throat, thankful that the queue wasn't long. His foot tapped erratically, his fingers fidling with the rings on his hand as his stomach twisted itself into tight knots.

The woman in front of him was cradling her curled hand - it was probably broken, so Magnus assumed - but she was quickly instructed to sit down and then Magnus was at the window of the station. The nurse on the other side had a gentle face, the kind to instantly put people at ease. Magnus was sure that it worked most of the time, but it wasn't currently working for him. Nothing but the assurance that Alec was okay would put him at ease.

"How can I help you?"

"Has Alexander Lightwood been brought in yet? He was in an accident - I don't know where, but I know that it happened within the last hour."

"I'll have to consult the records." The nurse said kindly, her sea-green eyes wide and sympathetic. Magnus was aware that his own were full of pain and distress, but there was a burning urgency to make sure that Alec was okay which was quickly overtaking any other concerns.

"Okay ... could you describe him for me please?"

"Black hair, blue eyes, caucasian, about 6"2 in height." Magnus couldn't help the crack of his voice as he struggled to focus on the specifics of Alec's description.

The tapping of the keys grated against Magnus' nerves as his anxiety levels rose.

"A man was brought in about ten minutes ago fitting that description..."

She trails off, looking up with shielded eyes.

"Please, tell me what happened." Magnus begs. "If it is him, I need to know."

He waits for her to ask if he is a family member, or at the very least what relation he has to 'the patient', considering he's just hysterically burst into the emergency room. For some reason, she doesn't, and Magnus is internally grateful. 

"Paramedics brought him in after a witness called an ambulance ... suffering from a mild concussion and head wound ... possible broken wrist and likely to have at least one fractured rib ... that's all that's on the file so far."

She looks up in deep sympathy. "I'm sorry that I have nothing more - I can find out who the doctor on call is, though-"

The likelihood of the doctor, whoever they are, allowing Magnus to see Alec is slim, and not worth the extra heartache.

"Is there - is there any chance that ... you could let me know when he's been either released or put into a ward?" Magnus asks, nervously.

The nurse frowns, and then nods slowly. Magnus rattles off his number half-heartedly, as weak as the smile he offers in gratitude.

"I know they're not at all comfortable, but you're welcome to take a seat, if you'd like."

It's people like her, like this lovely nurse, Magnus decides, that make the world go round. As he crosses the room to crumble onto a hard, plastic chair, he vows to be more like her, once all of this is over and he can properly breath again.

 

* * *

 

The pain was booming from all corners and edges of Alec's skull, like someone was beating at a drum, over and over and over, an unsteady and dysfunctional beat with an intention only to drive him mad.

He ached, all over, but the pain was especially bad when he tries to breathe in, or out, and the pressure around his eyes maked it hard for him to even consider opening them. He knew that he should, otherwise how else was he supposed to figure out what was going on - but he couldn't really find the strength or even the motivation to do so.

Besides, there was a cool shadow beckoning him forward, curling around him, encouraging him to fall back into a dreamless slumber.

Right now, that was sounding pretty good to him.

 

* * *

 

It had only been an hour, but the stress of the last few days had already been piling onto Magnus, and pairing that with the exhaustion of today left him with a deep-set fatigue he hadn't felt in months, at the very least.

So it was less a surprise than a great annoyance when Magnus was jerked out of a hazy, light nap to hear his phone ringing.

_**'Second-Best Lightwood is calling.'** _

"Isabelle. How his he?"

The words came out sloppy and fast, almost as though he was talking over himself.

_"They're about to move him into a room now. He's on a lot of painkillers, and they said he might not be able to hear us, but Jace and I have both agreed that you - that you should be here."_

"But, I'm not - I'm not family, Isabelle, they - they won't let me in-"

 _"We won't give them a damn choice."_ Isabelle's words are hard and determined. _"It doesn't matter that you're not technically family. You're just as important to him as we are. You deserve to be here. And I know, that if he was awake, he'd want you here."_

"Your parents..."

_"Aren't in yet. They're due to arrive in a few hours. We can deal with it then."_

Magnus sighed, an exhale of so many things that it would be impossible to try and list them all. Gratitude and relief were high points, and disbelief at how lucky he was.

"Thank you." He gasped out. "Thank you."

 _"I should be thanking you."_ Isabelle admitted, her voice softer, gentler, but still unmistakeably hers _. "For everything you've done for him. I can't think of anyone who should be by his side more than you."_

"Isabelle Lightwood, you are a delight, you know that?"

_"I've been told. Now get over here before I come down to that waiting room and drag you up here myself."_

Magnus wasn't sure he'd ever moved faster in his life.

 

* * *

 

"He looks a lot worse than he is."

Magnus brushed a hand gently across Alec's cheek. There was a small scratch beneath his eye, and a malformed bruise beneath his jaw, but it was grey, not mottled, so it would fade soon enough.

"Would it be cheesy of me to say that he still looks beautiful?" Magnus whispered. "Despite being all, you know, scratched and bruised."

Isabelle laughed softly, a pleasant sound that broke through the monotonous beeping of the heart monitors in the hospital room.

"No, I'd say it was sweet. _Jace_ would say that it's cheesy - and possibly dumb - but who cares what he thinks."

"Everyone cares what I think."

They both look over as Jace enters the room, bumping the door with his hip, coffee tray in hand. His smile is weak at the edges, but there was a lift to the curve of his spine, showing that although he was as nervous as the rest of them, he still had hope.

"No one cares what you think." Isabelle sniped.

Jace pouted mockingly, and handed over their drinks. "You could just let it go, at least once."

He gazed over at Alec, his gaze softening. Magnus subconsciously squeezed Alec's hand, held gently, though a little tightly, within his own. Isabelle had her palm pressed against Alec's other hand, resting there in wait for when he'd wake up.

"Maryse and Robert are due to land soon." Jace said, squeezing Alec's knee. "Max is with them."

"I'm a little surprised." Isabelle admitted. "I wouldn't have thought they'd let him come."

Jace grinned faintly. "Somehow I get the feeling he didn't give them much choice."

Isabelle smiled too, and then her dark, knowing eyes fell on Magnus, who had averted his own gaze until it was resting on Alec's collarbone. There was a faded red streak across his clavicle, yet another sign of the injuries Alec had recieved, injuries that could have been prevented if he'd only checked his phone earlier.

"I don't know what reasons you have," Isabelle's tone was kind but left little room for an arguement. "For blaming yourself. But it's not your fault. So you might as well stop wasting your time."

"He messaged me," Magnus choked out. "After - after days without contact he finally messaged me, and I - I _missed it,_ until it was too late. He wanted to fix things and I was too busy trying to distract myself to notice. And now he's hurt - you can't tell me there's not a possiblility that he might be safe if I had seen his message."

"There are a lot of possibilities, Magnus." Isabelle stated. "But there's no point in assuming anything at the moment. What matters is that he is here, and he's safe, and he'll be awake soon."

Magnus allowed the thought to mull over in his head, though he kept it from both Isabelle and Jace.

_What if he doesn't? What if it was all my fault? What if I have ruined possibly the best thing to happen to me?_

 

* * *

 

"Uggghh."

Isabelle and Magnus shared a quick look as Alec stirred. His eyelids fluttered, and then peeled open, droopily.

"Why does everything hurt?"

It wasn't the sluggish response that either of them had been expecting, and the delight that Alec was okay, sent both Isabelle and Magnus into muffled laughter.

Alec frowned, pouting without realising it. "Why are you laughing?"

His words were slow and only just audible. Magnus squeezed his his hand reassuringly, and Isabelle stroked a hand through his hair, brushing it off his face.

"Because you're adorable." Magnus explained.

"And possibly a little high on painkillers."

"But I feel fine." Alec told them. "I certainly don't feel as though I'm high."

"Shame," Isabelle tucked a strand of her own hair behind her ear. "That would have been a sight."

Alec rolled his eyes, and then winced, as the movement caused a stabbing pain of pins and needles in his head.

Isabelle sighed sympathetically and stood up. "I'm going to try and find the nurse, see if there is anything else they can give you."

She looked at Magnus and nodded, conveying a silent message for him only.

_I'm giving you the chance to talk to him. So take it._

Magnus waved half-heartedly, and then it was only him and Alec, for the Lightwood parentals had decided that a public ward was too inappropriate for their eldest son, and had insisted he be put into a private ward immediately.

Magnus usually hated even the idea of people who would do such things. Right now, he'd never been more grateful - if just for the privacy it allowed them.

"How are you-" Magnus cut himself off, before he could just something stupid. There was no point asking Alec how he was feeling, obviously, he wasn't feeling very good - he's in the freaking hospital.

"How's the pain?" He asked instead.

"It's - well, it could be worse. Whatever they have given me has really helped - I can tell that I've done something to my ribs, but I can still breath and talk ... I know the pain is there but it's, sort of numbed, if that makes sense."

Alec winced, and Magnus leant forward, taking it as something it wasn't.

"I'm fine," Alec assured him. "That was just a wince at my own awkwardness."

Magnus smiled fondly. "It's cute. But I don't think I want to know how you can tell you've hurt your ribs."

This time, when Alec winced, Magnus understood why.

"I may have had similair injuries before."

Magnus shook his head, and then leaned in, to brush his lips across Alec's forehead. Alec inhaled sharply, and Magnus pulled back, suddenly reminded of everything that had happened over the past few days.

"I'm so sorry I missed your text," Magnus rambled, sinking back into his chair. "I was ... well, the truth of the matter is I was distracting myself - but I promise I didn't intend to ignore it. I feel horrible-"

"Don't." Alec cut him off, brushing his thumb across Magnus' knuckles. "It wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have been avoiding you in the first place."

He bit his lip, not hard enough to do any damage, but enough to ground him.

"I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to do it."

"Why?" Magnus asked, before he could stop himself. It was a little insensitive, and he certainly could have approached the subject in a nicer way, but it was out and he couldn't really take it back now.

Alec looked down sheepishly. He fiddled with Magnus' hand in his, their fingers brushing together.

"I ran into Camille," He grimaced when Magnus gasped, but pushed through, determined to get it out before his own cowardice could take over.

"And she - she told me that you - that you were, the reason that your parents..."

He couldn't finish the sentence, and he couldn't find it in himself to look up at Magnus. He felt like he was being squeezed from both sides, giant stone walls pressing in on him until he was crushed.

"She told you that I killed my parents?" Magnus whispered, his voice weak and shaky.

Alec paused, and then nodded his head slowly.

"Technically," Magnus shuddered. He'd worked so hard to move past this, suffered through so much to do it. But he'd also promised to tell Alec, and he wasn't about to go break it.

"This isn't an easy thing for me to tell you," Magnus explained, looking up at Alec with clarity and pain, a curious mix. "But you deserve to know. And I _want_ you to know - I don't want to keep anything from you."

Alec exhaled slowly, but didn't say anything.

"When I was younger, about ten years old, I overheard my mother and father arguing. I didn't understand what they were arguing about, but I wanted to know, so I hid around the side of our barn..." Magnus tensed, but didn't stop.

"I saw my father's hand, and then I heard a crack. The only thing I could think about was that he had hurt my mother. I ran at him, but he caught me - he was a lot taller, and stronger, than I was. I tried to make him let me go, but he carried me over to the creek where my mother would wash our clothes - it was a very small village we lived in."

Alec's eyes were beginning to sting, and he blinked hurriedly.

"My father was so angry - he tried to dunk my head into the creek, a sort of weird, punishment thing. So I would think I was drowning. But I freaked out, and somehow, I managed to pull back and push him away. He slipped and hit his head on a rock, and then he sunk beneath the surface of the water. I waited for him to sit up, but he didn't. Then my mother rushed over and tried to wake my father up - I thought he was just asleep - but he didn't."

Magnus lifted his free hand and brushed it beneath his eyes. He refrained from looking at Alec until he finished.

"Four days later, I found my mother inside our barn. She'd hung herself, because of my father's death. Because of what I'd done."

He looked up then, to see his own pain reflected in Alec's eyes.

"So, technically, yes." Magnus fought back tears. He hadn't allowed himself to think or feel about this section of his past in so long, he'd almost forgotten how much it hurt. "I am the reason my parents are dead."

"No. You're not." Alec said, his voice forceful albeit shaky. "It was an accident - you were ten, you can't be held accountable for actions that weren't in your control."

Magnus blinked slowly, and this time, he didn't try to fight back the tears. He let them fall, because now Alec knew, and he wasn't judging Magnus. He accepted it, but more than that, he was defending Magnus.

He was so stupidly in love with Alec Lightwood, with this beautiful human being who managed to capture not only his attention but also his heart, had cherished and healed it until it was glowing.

He couldn't be happier to be in love.

"I love you," Magnus's voice was heavy with sobs, but he pushed through it. "Alexander, I love you so much..."

He leaned in and brushed his lips across Alec's, gently. Alec's lips parted easily with a gasp, his body melting into the pillows on his bed. It felt so fitting, so right, as stupidly chiche as it sounded, to feel so good because of a kiss.

It felt like the final part of a puzzle slotting into place to complete a picture. Like they were finally where they were supposed to be. Together, with no secrets between them, not even the slightest inch of distance.

"I love you too," Alec whispered, smiling into the kiss. "Thank you for telling me, I - I shouldn't have ignored you for so long."

'It's fine," Magnus kissed the corner of Alec's mouth. "Everything is fine now, I understand. I shouldn't have kept it from you in the first place."

"So, we're okay now?" Alec asked, a little apprehensively.

"Oh Alexander," Magnus smiled fondly.

"We're more than okay."

 

* * *

 

"I feel like this shouldn't feel as comfortable as it does."

Magnus grinned. "I know."

His head was resting on Alec's shoulder, their hands tangled together, resting on Alec's leg above the covers. Isabelle and Jace had gone to retrieve coffee from somewhere, even though no one was really certain whether Alec should be having caffeine or not.

This left Alec and Magnus alone in the room with just each other and a comfortable, easy silence.

"How are you feeling?"

Alec hums shortly. "I wish I could say I've never felt better - unfortunately, I have." He squeezed Magnus' hand. "But I am feeling pretty good."

"Physically?"

"Maybe, a six. The pain isn't that bad, I just feel stiff."

Magnus pouted in empathy. He hated that Alec was hurt.

"Stop that." Alec chastised. Magnus looked at him blankly, genuinely at a loss as to what he'd done wrong.

"You're blaming yourself again, I can tell. Trust me, this is the best I have felt in five days - and none of that is your fault, so it is pointless to blame yourself at all." Alec shrugged. "Besides, it's all in the past now. There's not really anything we can do about what happened, except for just apologising - which we've both already done."

Magnus tilted his head up, nuzzling softly at Alec's neck. "I'm so lucky to know you."

"I'm lucky to have you." Alec replied quietly.

Magnus hummed, kissing the underside of Alec's jaw. "And have me you do."

Alec turned his head, hinting at Magnus for a kiss. They'd barely kissed at all, when suddenly the door was opening and with no warning, Magnus was suddenly face-to-face with Maryse and Robert Lightwood.

Not really the best way to meet your boyfriend's parents for the first time. Especially not when you're _also_ the teacher to two of their other children.

(Wouldn't be a problem if they'd turned up to any of the previous parent-teacher meetings.)

"Alexander, we heard-"

Maryse's voice died off immediately, her eyes zeroing in on Alec and Magnus' hands. Magnus had lifted his head off Alec's shoulder, but when he'd tried to pull his hand away, Alec's grip had tightened.

"Who is this?"

Maryse voice was sharp and cold, and though Robert didn't say anything himself, there was a steelness to his otherwise blank expression that intimidated Magnus a lot more than he'd willingly admit.

"Mother, Father." Alec's voice was steady, firm. Calm, even.

Magnus wasn't sure how, considering _he_ felt like his lungs were in the process of freezing, and he had a deep urge to break through the glass of the window and make a run for it as fast as he could, if only so he could get away from Maryse's piercing stare.

Somehow, Alec not only had more control than him, but he was maintaining his certainty. Magnus was chuffed, beyong belief, that Alec was basically standing up for him, and their relationship, in front of his parents, but he still wasn't prepared for the words that next came out of Alec's mouth.

"This is my boyfriend, Magnus. I love him, and I care for him, and to be quite frank-"

Magnus caught Isabelle's gaze from across the room. She was hiding behind her parents, having just snuck in when no one else was paying attention. Isabelle winked, and Magnus felt himself properly blushing - a first in a very long time, for him.

Alec squeezed Magnus' hand, and this time, Magnus squeezed back. He waited for Alec to finish his sentence, caught up in his boyfriend's courage and determination.

Alec looked at his parents, daring them to comment. "I don't give a damn what you think about it."

In that singular moment, Magnus felt himself crashing through the layers of the earth's crust as he fell - deeper than was feesably possible - in love with Alexander Lightwood.

There was no certainly no turning back now. Though, in all honesty, he'd never stood a chance in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i seriously hope this makes up for the angst i genuinely stayed up late to finish writing this chapter (it's actually a really bad idea 100% do not recommend especially when you have to film the next day)
> 
> also, I was going to mention it last chapter, but elected not to - as of posting this chapter, this story is 2 years (and two weeks) old. Whilst this is far longer than it should be, it's a testament to my experience in this fandom and the evolution of my writing and I genuinely cried for a good ten minutes because I'm so proud of both how far my writing has come but also the whole journey that this story has been.
> 
> I have so many things I want to say (and so many 'thank you's to give out) but I've decided to reserve them for the next chapter.
> 
> But I can't point this out without saying anything else. If you're reading this right now, it means you've read the rest of the story, and for that I am eternally grateful. Thank you.
> 
> (also I know this says 36 chapters but that may change)


	36. I Get To Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue of sorts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've put in a slight homage to the theme of drama and angst within this story through how it's written. :D
> 
> title from 'I Get To Love You' by Ruelle. (credit to Vulturemonem who brought the song to my awareness and is the reason this chapter turned out the way it has - it was basically the only song I listened to whilst writing this.)
> 
> homage within this chapter to everyone who has read this. a few ideas I have admittedly 'borrowed' from comments as a thank you. :)

"I have to admit, this isn't what I thought you meant."

Magnus finished tying up the banner and stepped down off the ladder carefully. "I said I would throw you a party. What did you think I meant?"

Alec shut the door behind himself slowly. "I thought we agreed on a small party with just a few people. How many balloons did you blow up?"

"Technically, none." Magnus grinned. "I bought them already blown-up."

There was balloons of every colour swamping the ceiling, some with _Happy Birthday_ in glittering writing and others with hearts and stars and what might even be little cats. His birthday wasn't until the next day, but Magnus wanted to be prepared. _Happy Birthday Alexander!_ was written on the sprawling banner, with small symbols and pictures and messages scrawled around it. Alec recognised the art style, knew exactly who made it.

"You even conned Clary into helping with your evil scheme," Alec shook his head. "You, sir, are a disgrace. What would your students think?"

Magnus dodged around a box of streamers. "Considering two of them are your siblings, who have both been in on the idea since I hatched it, I doubt they would really have a problem with it."

Alec shook his head, and was about to step past to drop off his bag when Magnus pulled him in by the hand connected to his non-broken wrist and kissed him gently. Alec melted into the touch easily, dropping his bag down onto the floor. He was careful with where he placed his hands, specifically the one adjoining the broken wrist currently hidden within a bright blue cast that, supposedly matched his eyes _"beautifully" -_ though that could just have been Magnus' way of making Alec feel better.

"Welcome home," Magnus whispered, kissing the corner of Alec's mouth gently.

Home. _Home._

He'd only finished moving into Magnus' apartment a few days ago, but it hadn't taken him longer than a few hours to settle into the mindset of calling the apartment home. It felt like home, it was a place where he felt comfortable and at ease and, most of all, it was where Magnus predominantly resided.

His parents hadn't fully supported the idea of Alec moving into Magnus' apartment, but the funny thing was, Alec didn't really leave them with much choice. They could hate the idea all they liked, he wasn't about to let them stop him enjoying his life, doing with it what he wanted.

And what he wanted to do with his life, was to move in with Magnus. So he did. Stuff everyone elses' opinion. Not that anyone bar his parents had actually cared, Isabelle had hugged both Alec and Magnus when she found out, Jace had pulled him in for a stereotypical bro-hug, Helen had smiled kindly and congratulated them both and Aline had claimed credit for the whole situation.

And sure, it had been a little difficult to move out with a broken wrist and a few sore ribs, plus an assortment of cuts and bruises from when he'd crashed into the tail-end of a cyclist and crashed onto the road, barely missing the edge of a car that drove past.

(Once he and Magnus had talked things through, and gotten over the hurdle of Alec being injured in the first place, his clumsy proclivity was an amusing point of discussion.)

But it had been done, and now he was officially living with Magnus. Life had never looked so bright.

 

* * *

 

"This is a bit of a surprise."

"That I threw a party?" Magnus' forehead furrowed in confusion.

"No," Catarina glared at him half-heartedly. "That you and Alec moved in together."

"Alec-" Magnus began, smile toying at his mouth.

Catarina took a slow, careful sip of her drink. "Don't 'technically' me, Magnus Bane. Focus on the subject at hand."

Magnus shrugged. He glanced across the room, to where Alec was introducing Tessa to his friends and siblings. He was grinning, ear to ear, and it brought Magnus an uninhibited burst of happiness.

"I know I've never done it before, moved in with someone I was dating," Magnus admitted, toying with one of his rings. "But, it just - it felt right. You know? It felt like our relationship was already heading in that direction, and we both - we both wanted to."

"It's still a big step," Catarina reminded him. "I'm proud of you."

She reaches out with her spare hand and places it comfortingly on his shoulder. Magnus melted easily into her touch, the tension in his upper body lifting and easing away. He's always found it easy to talk to her, about anything. Catarina was the first person he became friends with when he moved, the first person to treat him nicely and take him for who he was and not what he'd done.

On the list of people he trusted, Catarina was pretty much the first name there.

"We've both come pretty far, hey?" Magnus said, ending the sentence with a near self-deprecating laugh. "Through evil exes and dumb mistakes and our own horrible pasts."

"You got here, didn't you?" Catarina smiled at him. "In the end, wasn't it all worth it?"

Magnus nods, his eyes back on Alec. "As I said before. He's worth everything. He always has been, and no doubt always will."

Catarina leant over and kissed Magnus' cheek. "I'm happy for you. Both of you. Tell Alec happy birthday, and that I'm sorry I couldn't stay any longer."

Magnus grinned and pulled her in for a hug. "When duty calls, super-Cat answers. Thank you for coming."

Catarina shook her head fondly, bidding him goodbye. Magnus finished the rest of his drink and was just about to refill his glass when he felt a gentle poke at his shoulder. He spun around, his smile widening as soon as he saw who was trying to gain his attention.

"Catarina would like you to know that she'd love to stay for longer but her shift starts soon. Regardless, she wishes you a happy birthday."

Alec nods, glancing at the entrance of the apartment where Catarina was exiting.

"I'm surprised she came over at all, she must _really_ love you." Alec joked, fidgeting with the fraying ends of his cast. Magnus wanted to protest, wanted to tell him that in reality, Catarina was just becoming very fond of Alec, but he kept quiet as Alec spoke.

"By the way, I know I'm very anti-parties of pretty much any kind, but I wanted to thank you for throwing this." Alec smiled shyly, still adorably nervous at times. "Everyone ... everyone's here, and I - I can't think of any better way to spend my birthday."

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. You know, if you hadn't of wanted a party, I wouldn't have thrown one. All you had to do was ask. I simply wanted to bring all your friends together to celebrate."

Alec bit his bottom lip gently. "Actually, I - I'm kind of glad you did throw me a party. I am having fun, more than I thought, I guess, but it's because of more than just having my friends here. My whole life is a lot more fun, now - which sounds ridiculous, but-"

"I understand," Magnus cut in softly. "My life is a lot better for having you in it too."

Alec ducked his head momentarily, his ears slowly getting redder. "That's ... oh, who am I kidding. That's true. You know what, I've changed my mind. I actually hate you."

"Because I made you aware of your own feelings?" Magnus asked teasingly.

Alec nodded. "Obviously."

Magnus laughed and leant in, placing his amused lips against Alec's. Alec sighed huffily, but he kissed back, his perceived annoyance betrayed by the fond smile bleeding into the kiss.

Magnus was, again, reminded that the decision he had made in telling Alec everything about his past was indeed a good one. Every day since then it had been proven to him, through little things such as Alec's blinding smile and waking up in the same bed, each morning. He wasn't even that angry at Camille anymore, for being the one to basically force him to tell Alec in the first place.

It's a little hard to be angry when Alec is the first thing he sees each morning.

Besides, neither Camille or Sebastian are really in their lives anymore. Both had been charged with seperate cases of stalking, and Camille was expected in court to provide information about three cases of fraud and tax evasion. Magnus wasn't sure where Sebastian had gotten to, though the police wanted to question him about the incident where Alec got injured, but he knew that Camille was probably already in France or something, avoiding her responsibilities, as always.

Not that he cared. Finally, for the first time since he'd met her, Magnus genuinely didn't give a damn about where she was. It was highly unlikely she'd come back into his life any time soon, if at all, but even if she did, he wouldn't care.

She couldn't hurt him anymore. Partly because he wasn't going to give her any room to, but also because she didn't have anything on him anymore. Everyone he trusted knew about his past, and he wasn't scared of his secrets being let out. He had a stronger network of support behind him than he had a few years ago, and he wasn't afraid of telling people about his past, of owning it because it made him who he was now.

And most of that was because of the bundle of human goodness that was Alec Lightwood.

Camille had broken him, Etta had fixed him up but shattered his heart despite her attempt to prevent the exact same event happening, but Alec...

Alec had wrapped him up in love and warmth and mended all his broken pieces until he was as good as new. Alec had fixed everything, without even realising it. Because that's how beautiful he was.

 

* * *

 

"I'm sorry, for not telling you before."

Alec didn't even bother trying to act annoyed, he knew it would be a wasted effort. He was far too happy to pretend to be anything but.

"No you're not." He grinned, shrugging a shoulder casually. "Which is fine. I wasn't really that surprised when I found out. This is Magnus we're talking about. I would have been more surprised if he hadn't of used your help."

Isabelle frowned, and then, strangely, poked Alec in the cheek.

"What the-" Alec spluttered.

"What happened to you?" Isabelle asked, poking him again. "Where did my brother go? Do I need to question Magnus about what he's done to you? You're different now, since you moved in with him."

She widened her eyes, almost comically, leaning in until her face was mere inches from his.

"You're actually human now."

Alec laughed, uninhibitedly, and Isabelle stared for a few more seconds before she joined in. It was her brazenness, mainly, that spurred Alec's laughter, smoothing over his initial shock at the truth deep within her comments. Because she was right, he had changed a lot over the past six or so months, and it was mostly because of Magnus. He was happier now, and he found it _easier_ to be happy, to _allow_ himself to be happy.

"I'm serious, Alec, I'm going to need to question your boyfriend." Isabelle continued, although she was grinning now, her words still carried with laughter.

"Maybe I've been cloned," Alec joked. "Who's to know?"

Isabelle's laughter ceased slowly, though her grin remained. "In all seriousness, I'm really proud of you. And I'm glad you're happy, really happy. I think that moving out was the best thing you could have done. For your relationship, but also for you."

Alec reached for a slice of strawberry and deliberated on what to say in response. He was happy, in a way he'd never been before. Like every crappy, horrible moment in his life had been leading up to his point, where he could properly enjoy it.

"I think so too," He admitted, his voice soft. Isabelle leaned in, to better hear him despite the steady beat of music and chatter of conversation around them. "It wasn't, it wasn't easy - telling Mom and Dad, especially, that I was going to move out to live with my boyfriend ... that was something I could have done without. But it was worth it."

Isabelle smiled sympathetically. "That was pretty brave. As was that time in the hospital when you told them you're gay. I have to say, Alec, that - that was incredible."

"I had to do it." Alec snuck a glance through the slight crowd of people to Magnus, who was talking to the DJ, Bat - who Clary knew through ... someone. Alec couldn't remember who. It didn't matter.

Magnus mattered.

Magnus, with his form-fitting clothes and his glitter and his purple-dipped fringe and his multitude of rings and necklaces when he wasn't going to work. Magnus, with his kind heart made of gold and his gentle nature and his unrestrained beauty in all forms.

"It wasn't fair to him, for me to keep hiding our relationship." Alec could see Isabelle about to protest, but he kept going before she could interrupt. "And besides that, I - I didn't want to. I love Magnus. And it's not, it's not that I exactly want the whole world to know, but, at least now _they_ do. At least that's something."

"Alec," Isabelle kissed his cheek, her eyes glistening with so much pride and happiness it was almost suffocating. "That's everything."

And maybe, Alec thought. Maybe it was.

 

* * *

 

Alec was - in the words of his sister - a stubbon ass. Which didn't change just because he was living in a healthy, co-dependant relationship and had the ability to use only one of his wrists.

Actually, it made him more determined to do things for himself, without any outside help. Which in turn, only made Magnus frustrated - to no forseeable end.

"Alexander. Gideon. Lightwood. Drop the pan. _Now_."

Magnus spoke the order through tightly gritted teeth. Alec's jaw pulsed as he carefully put the frying pan down onto the bench, fully aware of the sharp pain jolting through his wrist. It had only been a few weeks since the accident, but four days was enough time without the proper use of both hands to frustrate Alec, any more than eight and he was ready to tear his hair out.

Having Magnus around helped, a lot, but he hated not being independant, hated having to rely on other people to do things he should be able to do himself.

Like freaking cook breakfast for his boyfriend.

"Alec, you know there are some things you simply cannot do at the moment," Magnus smiled sympathetically. "If you wanted help, you should have just asked."

"But I didn't want help," Alec protested. He sounded ridiculous, petulant, like a whining child, but he didn't care. "I wanted to make you breakfast."

He had to blink, hastily, to push back the potential tears prickling the back of his eyes. It was just breakfast, not the end of the world, _seriously Alec get a grip._ Magnus was right, if he wanted - or even just _needed_ \- help, all he had to do was ask. It wasn't like Magnus was going to get angry or upset at him; as Magnus had said, almost repeatedly like a scratched record, it was part of being a boyfriend, of living together. And he'd do it for Magnus, in a heartbeat, or even less than.

It was different, though, accepting help as opposed to offering it.

"That's really - that's very sweet, Alexander, but you didn't have to do that. Especially not if it compromises upon your own wellbeing."

Between Magnus' words, and the raw look of pure affection and concern etched into Magnus' features, it was impossible for Alec to do anything but give in.

"I'm ... I'm sick of being injured, of not being able to do anything for myself. I - you know, it's what I've always done. I've never leant on anyone else because I just did it myself."

Magnus smiled, and it was torturously beautiful, teetering on the verge of heartbreak. "You don't always have to shoulder everything. I am here for you, you can lean on me, Alec, if you need to. That's what I am here for - partially, at least. I'm also - reportedly - very easy on the eyes and luckily for you, I am excellent at breakfast-making."

His smile morphed slowly into a grin, and Alec smiled along too, the last of his warped sadness dissipating. Maybe - maybe, it was possible, that Magnus was right. Maybe he didn't need to try and take the load of everything on his shoulders.

Maybe, sometimes, on some occassions - it was alright to accept help from someone else.

Alec sighed, dejectedly, and stepped back, allowing Magnus free space of the kitchen. "Fine. Take over. See if I care."

"I think it's clear that you do, in fact, care." Magnus said, brushing past Alec to turn on the stove.

He turned back, a fresh spark of happiness in his eyes. Where Alec was wearing only sweatpants and no shirt, Magnus had on one of Alec's old v-neck knit sweaters, and the smallest possible black briefs. The sweater is too big, the dip hanging down, providing Alec with a sinful peek at the cut of Magnus' collarbone, the smooth caramel chest that Alec has - with complete honesty - missed.

Before the accident, he'd been a little too ... stressed, to be concerned about trivial matters such as the glide of his hands over Magnus' chest, the closeness being bare-chested allowed them.

After the accident, and unfortunately still, Alec's injuries had been too pressing - and ever-present - for them to _safely_ engage in such energetic activities, no matter how much either of them would enjoy it.

Magnus had firmly put his foot down on that matter. He was happy to kiss Alec, and kiss him he did, but nothing was ever allowed to escalate any further, the actions halted once it got too heated. He claimed it was for the best, claimed he was only looking out for Alec's wellbeing.

Alec thought Magnus was being cruel. They could have done - things - without Alec being any more injured.

Perhaps Magnus just enjoyed the thought of the torture that burned Alec's veins every time they had to stop. Sadistic bastard.

"I can hear you cursing me," Magnus commented, his back to Alec.

Alec frowned, going back over the past few minutes in his head. Surely he hadn't ... no, he hadn't said anything of that out loud.

"How-"

"I know you far too well by this point, Alexander. I know what you're thinking, and I know that you're pissed off because I said we should abstain from sex whilst you're still injured. But I stand by it, I will not allow you to be hurt any more than you already are."

Magnus glanced over his shoulder, somehow managing to look caring and sweet whilst still wearing a smirk.

"I promise you," He said, slowly, sultry. "I will make it up to you, once you're all fit and healed. As many times as you want."

Alec swallowed audibly. "O-okay." He resisted the soul-deep urge to cringe at his own awkwardness. "That - that sounds, that sounds good."

Magnus winked. "I'm glad you think so. Now, breakfast. What are we having?"

Alec sat down at the breakfast bench, laughing breathily. Trust Magnus to swoop in and take over without knowing what, exactly, he was taking over. Alec knew he probably shouldn't be laughing, Magnus was genuinely worried about him, and was only trying to help as best he could.

But it was amusing, regardless, and Alec was going to soak up the moment for all he could. It was fresh, familiar in a new sense, a soothing balm over the wounds that had threatened to tear him apart only weeks ago.

Magnus might not be able to do much to fix his physical injuries, but he was doing wonders for the healing of Alec's heart.

 

* * *

 

"I'm just saying, it would make a killer song. Frosted Pencil really needs some good, fresh hits."

Alec didn't attempt to hide his amusement. "Frosted Pencil?"

Simon adjusted his glasses sheepishly. It was kind of sweet, in an awkward, nerdy way that Alec not so much admired as he felt bad about. "Rock Solid Panda had too many bad memories for us and no one else could come up with any better names. It's temporary, but we have a gig in a few days, and-"

"Sherman, is it?" Magnus grinned, fully aware of what Simon's name was. "I don't mean to trample upon your hopes and wishes but I don't think it's appropriate for you to use our tumultous love affair to better your musician dreams. However, I'm sure you can find many avenues that would better suit - perhaps a chance dalliance with your muse is in order?"

Magnus' gaze not-so-subtly landed on Isabelle, who was currently preoccupied looking and giggling at something on Clary's phone. He looked back, his expression remaining pleasant and impassive despite the fierce blush on Simon's cheeks.

Alec understood the pain.

He turned his head, leaning in to whisper for Magnus' ears only. "Stop torturing him," He chastised. "The poor kid's dating Iz, I think he has enough on his plate."

"I heard that." Isabelle spun back with a sly grin, her eyes crinkled at the corners.

She dropped a kiss on Simon's cheek, although it seemed very unlikely that he even noticed, his eyes glazed over slightly and his cheeks brighter despite how hard he appears to be pushing it down.

"I'm the muse for his better songs," Isabelle told them. "I take no responsibilty for the mediocre ones."

Simon smiled, weakly, still a little dazed. Alec wondered if it was a common occurence. He imagined so, knowing his sister better than almost anyone else.

"Oh, forgive me dear," Magnus leaned back, his shoulder brushing against Alec's, his arm wrapped around Alec's waist. "I was under the impression they were all mediocre. How passe of me."

Isabelle laughed, soft and light. Alec had to cover his mouth with his palm to keep the sniggers to himself. Simon spluttered, attempting to protest but failing each time. It was amusing, pleasant, relaxed.

Alec had missed this, without actually realising there had been anything to miss. The familiarity of being surrounded by people he knew and loved, or more accurately liked. Don't get him wrong, Simon was a nice guy and everything but they weren't that close. And wouldn't possibly be close ... ever.

Which was quite likely something they were both fine with.

The point was, he was - he was happy, and comfortable and he was surrounded by people he liked and who in turn liked him back. He was enjoying himself, and for the first time in, possibly his whole life, he didn't feel like he had to look behind with every step he took, didn't feel an omniscient presence behind him.

He felt free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really know how to end this, and as you can tell, I really don't want to let this go. 
> 
> So I'm not going to. So far it's set for 40 chapters because that's all I have (vaguely) planned, but that is still a rough number. 
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with this story. I cannot express my gratitude enough. 
> 
> However there are a few people who have, faithfully commented on pretty much every chapter and they deserve their own credit. 
> 
> My eternal gratitude and love (specifically) towards:
> 
> \- female_overlord_3 
> 
> \- Vulturemonem
> 
> \- aleclightwoodisbetterthanyou (janecanblog) 
> 
> \- FrozenHearts 
> 
> Thank you so much for your continous support. After posting a chapter your comments are what I look forward to the most, and you all, always leave me feeling good and happy. :D <3


	37. +1 Domestic Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec meets one of Magnus' oldest, and dearest, friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> complete unashamed beauty and the beast reference that the author is very happy about.

It should feel stranger than it actually did, to be dating a teacher. There were benefits, of course; often, they'd sit in calm silence, on either sides of the coffee table, their respective supplies spread out in an organised chaos. Magnus with his marking, Alec with his study notes. It was nice to spend their time together that way, for Alec especially, who prefers to be productive if he has the chance.

There was, of course, occassions where one of them was busy, and so the other ends up left alone, with only the Chairman for company - on the provision that he was in a good mood and didn't hide beneath the couch or in the laundry.

They'd been living together for a couple of months, and as such, had a pretty stable routine going on. So when Magnus texted Alec at quarter-to-five - _**'I have a meeting with a parent and then a conference with the Humanities board, so I don't think I'll be home until late, sorry darling xx'**_ \- it wasn't that big of a deal.

Alec picked up a large cappuccino on his way home - Magnus had been trying to encourage him to treat himself every now and then, and although it was only a coffee, and he really had a horrible dependence on caffeine, it was something - and settled down to go over his own notes for the day.

About halfway through, something interesting struck his attention, and he quickly pressed a number into his phone.

Alec wasn't the kind of person to keep secrets from his boyfriend, and technically, he didn't. But over the past few months, he'd gotten to know Tessa better, and with her friendship came the knowledge of someone who was studying for a Master's in Literature.

It would simply be stupid of him to not take advantage of that where he could.

_"Alec. Hello,"_

"Hi, Tessa." Alec idly tapped his notes page with a fluro highlighter. "Um, I don't mean to bother you, but I was just wondering - actually, I should probably - are you busy?"

There was a rustling sound, and then Tessa's voice came through the line, clear and amused.

_"I'm waiting for a consultation email from a colleague."_ Alec could practically see her smile. It was comforting. _"I have some free time. What do you need?"_

"I'm nearly at the end of my degree, and I'm kind of stressing out a little bit - I was wondering if you'd mind offering some advice? I can email you what notes I already have, of course."

_"I'd love to help, Alec. If you don't mind putting me on speakerphone, it would be easier for us to communicate."_ There was a pause, a low hum - possibly a voice - and then: _"Is Magnus there?"_

Even just the name of his boyfriend brought a smile to Alec's face. "No, he's working late tonight."

_"Ah, so that means that we are allowed to be as loud and quote-unquote 'nerdy' as we'd like?"_

Magnus had made many comments, on many occassions, about the level of excitement Alec and Tessa exuded when discussing literature together. He often called them nerds, affectionately, and rolled his eyes when they got particuarly enrapt in a conversation.

Alec simply found it nice to share such a deep passion of his with someone who loved it just as much, if not more - Tessa was aiming to achieve a Master's degree, that takes some serious dedication.

"For as long as you have the time." Alec answered, amusedly.

_"I will always have time to help you, Alec. Now, what is it you require assistance with?"_

* * *

"You've become such a domesticated couple. It's disgusting."

"I think you mean it's cute."

"No. I meant what I said. _Disgusting._ "

The heartwarming banter of his siblings echoed around Alec's ears. They were at lunch - or brunch, technically - all of them. Isabelle and Simon, Jace and Clary, Aline and Helen, and, of course, Magnus. Isabelle was trying to make it a weekly thing - that they all got together and did something - and to appease her, Alec was giving in, for the most part.

He did actually enjoy these little moments of shared bonding. As much as he pretended not to. He loved his family and friends, and loved being able to spend time with them - even Simon and Clary, whom he was beginning to properly warm to, considering it seemed like they weren't going anywhere. And it was nice, to include Magnus in it all, for the _others_ to include Magnus. It felt like he was becoming important to them, too. Probably not as much as he's important to Alec, but still enough.

"After the years I had to spend putting up with your relationship," Alec pointed to Jace and Clary, who were pressed so close Clary was practically sitting on Jace's lap."And the trials and tribulations of _all_ your relationships," This time Alec nodded to Isabelle.

Simon had the grace to look slightly embarrassed at even being implied. Isabelle simply stared back, unnerved and rather smug.

"I think," Alec concluded. "I have earned the right to request you both to stop criticising - or commenting on - the state of my relationship."

He smirked, quite pleased with himself. Magnus squeezed, his arm wrapped around Alec's waist. They were sitting in an appropriate position. Sitting next to each other, not, not _on each other._

Magnus smirked. He probably knew what Alec was thinking. He usually did.

"Honestly, I think everyone can agree that their relationship is disgustingly cute." Alec glared over at Aline. Did he have no support?

"However," Aline continued, well-aware of Alec's heated gaze. "None of you are us cute as Helen and myself, as we obviously take the prize for best couple out of all of you."

Helen rolled her eyes, even as the others laughed softly, Aline included. Their relationship had always been something that puzzled Alec, somewhat. Aline was such a brash and outspoken person compared to Helen's kind-hearted demeanour and calm nature, and yet he'd never heard of them having even one fight in the time they'd been together - no proper one, anyway. Small, insignificant arguments here and there, as expected, but nothing too major.

He envied them, deep down, for being so in synch and so _together._ Although, it did make him wonder. They'd been living together for almost two years, and dating for so long Alec had to seriously think to remember a time when they weren't a couple.

He knew that the two of them were interested in the idea of marriage. But he couldn't for the life of him fathom why they hadn't taken that step yet. Were they waiting for something?

Such a line of questioning should have brought him to thoughts of his own relationship, but he quickly shut them down before they could get too far. He's not ready to take that step yet, and he doesn't think that Magnus is either.

Or rather, he hopes Magnus isn't. Because whilst he may not be ready to even consider marriage, he also doesn't want to trample on Magnus' wishes if _he_ was ready.

* * *

Alec had never been the kind of person to accept the more frivolous activities in life. He enjoyed simple things, no fuss, no exaggerated, unnecessary qualities. He had his coffee black, two sugars. He always ordered from the same three-to-four takeout places, wore variations of basically the same sweater pretty much every day, owned three pairs of shoes and had a phone that was two years past it's use by date.

He had a way of doing things that he stuck by, and he liked it that way.

Magnus, however, was a lot different.

He partaked in the extravagancies of life, enjoyed the flashy and the over-the-top, the sundae with sprinkles and cherries and little chocolate chip pieces compared to Alec's plain lemon sorbet in a cardboard cup.

And one of Magnus' deepest penchants, was that for Sunday breakfast.

In bed.

Which wasn't something that Alec would have considered before Magnus came around, and even after, not really something that caught his attention. However, Magnus was something that _definitely_ caught his attention, and someone he loved, and therefore someone he was willing to try new things for.

The idea of having breakfast in bed ... wasn't entirely ... one he was necessarily opposed to - that being, of course, not something he banned, but still, still-

Still not a bandwagon he was about to jump headfirst into. Which probably sounded a bit over the top, but it was the truth.

He just didn't understand the appeal. Sure, you got to remain in bed, but there were so many other factors that intruded upon the enjoyment. Like the fact that unless you had _someone else_ to make the breakfast for you, you'd have to get up yourself and organise the breakfast and then get _back_ into bed, which just seemed pointless. Not to mention the mess - the crumbs, and the dishes, and all - all the _mess._

Nope.

However, when his stupidly adorable boyfriend woke him up on a Sunday morning with the smell of delicious blueberry pancakes and buttery toast, it was a little hard to be disgruntled for long.

Plus. Magnus made coffee. Functionality was impossible for Alec without coffee.

"Morning, sunshine." Magnus' cheery disposition was received with a short grunt and a weak smile. Alec may have been awake, but he wasn't really alert, and sounds were about all he could manage.

He rolled over, away from the warm center and Magnus' pillow, that Alec only laid on because it was softer and not at all because it smelled like his boyfriend. Not at all. It was just more comfortable, because Magnus "needed" _three_ fluffy, stupidly soft pillows and although it felt like drowning in a fabric mashmallow, sometimes it wasn't that bad.

Magnus stepped forward, something Alec was only aware of because the smell of the coffee became stronger. It was really cruel of Magnus to use Alec's greatest vice against him. (He really didn't want to consider what other vices were vulnerabe).

"Darling, you'll need to sit up to drink your coffee - these sheets are Egyptian cotton and although I do love you, I also love these sheets very much."

"How did you even afford Egyptian cotton sheets?" Alec asked, lifting himself into a sitting position. The move was a struggle.

"They were a gift." Magnus explained, waiting patiently. Once Alec had sat up, he handed over a mug of pitch-black coffee, which Alec received gratefully, inhaling the bitter scent deeply.

Magnus gracefully perched himself on the bed, precariously balancing the breakfast tray on the bed, before moving it onto his knees.

"Thank you," Alec said, more awake after the third sip. "It looks and smells great."

"Well," Magnus preened, "I'm glad to hear that. Does that mean you're finally coming around to the idea of breakfast in bed."

Alec sighed, the sound somewhat between a giggle and a happy exhale. "I'm willing to accept it's continued reoccurence." He answered. "Especially if you continue to be the one to make it."

Magnus laughed - a light and heartwarming sound. "Sounds reasonable."

Alec leant over and kissed Magnus' cheek. "I love you." He stated. Not for any other reason than because he wanted to.

"And I, you." Magnus replied, the adoration in is eyes overwhelming.

It was sweet moments like that, where Alec - instead of wondering how he got so lucky - simply thanked that he did, that he did manage to fall in love with Magnus, that Magnus in turn fell for him.

Most of all, Alec was simply grateful that they were both, finally, so blissfully happy.

* * *

"How would you feel about dinner, tonight?"

Alec frowned and closed the door behind him, hanging his keys on the gleaming metal hook by the entrance. "Tonight?"

Magnus nodded, his glitter-cased phone in hand. "Yes, at Lumiere's, on Tenth. Around seven?"

Alec smiled. "That's oddly specific."

Magnus shrugged - there was something he wasn't telling Alec about. Strange.

"Yeah, I don't think I've got any plans. Sounds good."

"Wonderful." Magnus crossed the short distance between them and kissed Alec, gently, warmly. "Hello, Alexander."

"Hi," Kissing Magnus hello was like the solidification of coming home.

"Unfortunately, I must dash, I've got to run some errands for class, but I should be back in an hour or so. I do hate to love and leave you, darling, but I'm afraid I don't have much choice."

"That's fine." Alec kissed Magnus again. "I'll see you when you get back."

"I love you," Magnus said, picking up his glossy black wallet and keys.

"I love you too," Alec replied, waving cheesily until Magnus left.

It was something that he never seemed to get sick of saying.

* * *

Alec had heard a lot about Ragnor Fell. The green-hair incident, his "grumpy cat" mannerisms and his college professor style.

None of it prepared him for the real thing.

"Magnus, you look positively ghastly."

Alec frowned, even as Magnus stepped forward and drew the tall, thin man in a tweed jacket into a tight hug. That ... that definitely wasn't a compliment. Ghastly? Not at all. And yet Magnus was smiling as brightly has Alec had ever seen, and Ragnor was - well, Ragnor was grimacing, but from what he'd heard, that was pretty normal.

"So, this is the infamous _Alec_." Ragnor turned. Magnus stood in the middle, grinning fondly.

Alec smiled, weakly, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. He hadn't felt this awkward meeting Tessa, or Catarina for that matter. Then again, he'd met all three under varying situations, and although he'd still been nervous, Tessa and Catarina had both, at least, smiled at him.

Ragnor looked like he was peeling away Alec's every layer with a bored facade and critical eyes. It was slightly unnerving.

"I must ask ... is there something wrong with him?" Ragnor queried, turning to Magnus. Alec frowned, his confusion deepening when Magnus didn't seem surprised.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with Alexander. That, my dear friend, I can assure you of."

Ragnor smiled, small and tight. "There must be, otherwise why would he be with you?"

Alec sniggered - it wasn't his fault, not really, Ragnor just said something that was really amusing. Magnus glared, half-heartedly, at Alec, who could only shrug apologetically.

"If there is, I haven't found it yet," Alec cut in, softly. Ragnor turned to him, and his smile widened.

"I like this one." Ragnor glanced at Magnus. "He's too good for the likes of you."

Magnus rolled his eyes, but Alec couldn't help the choked laugh that slips out. It wasn't the typical shovel-talk he'd expected when he first saw Ragnor. The brunt of it seemed to be directed at Magnus, Alec was - Alec was practically being praised in comparison.

"The truth could not be clearer spoken." Magnus agreed. "Shall we go in - you can continue degrading me in favour of Alexander, but at least it will be warm."

"I cannot pass up such an ample opportunity at letting the air out of your over-inflated ego." Ragnor waved a hand, in a gesture so similar to Magnus that Alec had to bite the inside of his cheek - nowhere near hard enough to cause bleeding - to stop himself from laughing.

Magnus reached out for Alec's hand, and grinned. "I always find ways to pump it back up again."

"Ah, yes, but now," Ragnor looks at Alec, almost conspiratorily. "There are two of us, to bring it to a normal level."

Alec squeezes Magnus' hand. "You'll have to teach me how."

Despite his earlier reservations, Alec was beginning to believe that the dinner could be more fun than he'd imagined. Ragnor was a lot less stern now - it seemed a bit pre-emptive to assume that he'd warmed up to Alec, but all signs were leading to that conclusion.

And Magnus was happy. Which made Alec happy.

So, really, he had nothing to complain about.

* * *

"Oh, honestly, I don't know how you and I have remained friends for all these years. Between your bloody ridiculous pranks and your horrid knack for making bad decisions, _and_ dragging me into your disastrous affairs."

Ragnor averted his attention towards Alec, who had been watching the exchange between the two old friends with fond amusement. Magnus had protested weakly, here and there, but otherwise remained passive, if a little peeved.

"I'm assuming you've heard of Camille," Ragnor spoke her name with an exhausted tone, as though even he was tired of her. Alec understood the feeling.

"Unfortunately."

Magnus squeezed Alec's hand, and gently added: "They've been acquainted - though, hopefully, she stays away for good this time."

Ragnor's gaze narrowed, flicking between the two of them. Alec poked at his salad and tried to push down the burning sensation creeping along the walls of his throat. It had been months, what felt like forever, but there was some things that were impossible to forget.

"Did that horrible, torturous swine of a woman do something?" Ragnor asked quietly, his voice sharp. "I swear, Magnus-"

"She's gone." Magnus promised. "She ran off, to who knows where - perhaps back to her Russian boy-toy - either way, I doubt she'll be back. Too many people are after her."

"Legal, people." Alec explained, because Magnus made it sound like Camille was running from hitmen or assassins or something, which wasn't true, by any stretch of imagination.

To his complete, and utter surprise, Ragnor laughed. It was low and soft, and Alec appeared to be the only one who hadn't been expecting it.

"For once, my friend, you've actually found someone who is both the best person for you and someone whom I don't think you deserve." Ragnor smiled kindly at Alec, and then stared firmly at Magnus. "Keep him close - even though it is highly unlikely that Camille will return, you have the capability of ruining it yourself. You have been known to make mistakes in the past."

Alec, without thinking, piped up: "Camille wasn't his only mistake?"

Ragnor laughed, and stared momentarily at Alec with an air of light awe. "If only. Has he told you that he's banned from Peru?"

Beside him, Magnus groaned, settling his head heavily in the palm of his free hand. "This is not a story that needs to be told."

"Ah, but there we disagree. Besides, it may not be a story that you think needs to be told, but it is one that I want to tell."

"I'm sorry," Alec tried to sound apologetic, he really did, but it came out far too curious and happy to be passed as regretful. "But I want to hear the story."

"The power is in our hands now," Ragnor stated.

Magnus sighed, clearly giving in, though he smiled. "Fine, fine. Take it away, my sweet cabbage prince."

Ragnor shuffled in his seat, and nodded. "As you wish."

* * *

"You have a peculiar set of friends."

Magnus laughed softly, and squeezed the arm that was wrapped around Alec's waist. "Now, what would make you say that?"

They were walking home from dinner, enjoying the calm air, still a little tipsy and slightly sleepy from the few glasses of red wine. It was peaceful, and relaxing, to only think about their feet on the pavement and, of course, each other.

Alec smiled gently. "Don't get me wrong, Catarina is lovely, and I really like Tessa - but Ragnor is-"

"A prickly cactus masquaerading as a college professor?" Magnus interrupted. From anyone else, it would certainly sound like an insult. After the evening he'd just had, Alec would be surprised if Magnus had said something 'nice'.

"Actually, I was going to say he's a lot like you." Alec admitted.

Not in the visible sense, by any means, but their personalities were very similar. It wasn't that much of a surprise that they were such close, old friends. Wise and eclectic, with an interesting fashion style and a strange sense of what constitutes as being friendly.

"I am aghast - Alexander, I truly thought you actually loved me. I cannot believe that you would fraternise with the enemy and compare me to such a tedious man. As if it wasn't bad enough, that you took his side during dinner."

Alec squeezed Magnus waist and slowed his pace down, until they had both stopped. He turned, so that he was facing his boyfriend, and smiled coyly.

"Isn't it a good thing that I get along with your friends?" He asked, sliding a hand up Magnus' chest, over the smooth fabric of his midnight blue blazer, up to his shoulder. "It would be pretty awkward if I wasn't,"

Magnus sighed, though his smile was playful. "I suppose that's true."

"And you're friends, with, practically everyone I know." Alec added.

"Another fact." Magnus acknowledged. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against Alec's.

They stood there, for a few seconds, just breathing. It was calming, and intimate in a sensitive, secluded way.

"Thank you for coming to dinner," Magnus' eyes were soft and honest. "I know it was kind of impromptu, but it really meant a lot to me. And to Ragnor, I imagine, though you'd have to bleed it out of him."

Alec laughed. He couldn't help it.

"You truly are an unique man, Magnus Bane." He announced.

"I do hope that is a good thing." Magnus replied, brushing his nose against Alec's. "Otherwise we might have to talk."

Alec kissed Magnus, soft brushing lips and bumped noses and steady hearts and warm hands on chilly skin.

"It's the best thing." Alec promised. "It's one of the reasons behind me falling for you."

"One?" Magnus kissed one corner of Alec's mouth, then the other.

"There's a few. I could write a list."

Magnus huffed a giggle and kissed Alec, his hand pressing against the small of Alec's back. "No need. I believe you."

Alec hummed. It was nice, this, just - just them, just being. No worries, no cares, no school or university, no friends or family poking their heads in, nothing but them. After everything, they managed to get to a place where they could safely be _just them_ , without having to overthink it.

It was happiness and domestic bliss and the lovesick romance he'd never wanted before he'd met Magnus. It was the granting of an unspoken wish.

It was the greatest joy of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter probably won't be posted until next year, so until then, happy holidays, and I will see you next chapter. 
> 
> (Also, if anyone has any requests for ideas in future chapters, please leave them in a comment or hit up [my tumblr](http://killjoyrow.tumblr.com/)) )


	38. +2 Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the MMB Christmas/Holiday Special!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said there wouldn't be a new chapter until sometime next year, and I honestly didn't think there would be. But I've gotten a few things I needed written done, and when inspiration strikes...
> 
> Happy Holidays. No matter what you celebrate, or whether you celebrate at all, I hope you have a good time, and I hope you enjoy this chapter, my gift to you as a thank you for all the support and lovely comments.
> 
> \- just to clarify - this chapter and henceforth chapters are set a few years later
> 
> \- no offence intented towards anyone who partakes in or upholds the Jewish faith - I tried to be inclusive however I am not Jewish. 
> 
> \- Quotes included this belong to Oscar Wilde.
> 
> also, because I've been told that I need to put a warning on my works:
> 
> {Courtesy of Vulturemonem - you can thank her} 'Warning: may destroy your heart and leave you making incoherent noises from the fluff. Read at your own risk'. To be fair there is a fair amount of fluff. I'm almost disgusted by the amount of fluff.

Holidays had always been a tenuous time for Alec. Gritting his teeth during Thanksgiving dinner, forcing a smile when his parents dropped in to hand out presents at Christmas and then depart the day after. He and his siblings had tried to make it something they could enjoy, something that was theirs, and although they did manage, it always felt a little hollow.

Now, however, he was the kind of person who put up their Christmas tree on December 1st, spend hours decorating the inside of his apartment with ornaments and lights and holiday candles.

He was the one to suggest to Magnus they throw a party on Christmas Eve.

They're lying in bed, pleasant in the silence only broken by their even breaths and the bustle of the city outside their window. Alec had this arm wrapped around his boyfriend, Magnus' head resting on Alec's shoulder, near the curve of his neck.

It was a thought that Alec had been pondering all day, but only braved to suggest aloud now, once things were calm for the both of them. Magnus' students had exams to prepare for, Alec had an article to submit to his editor and an assignment to complete for his Literary Honors.

"Hey," Alec whispered.

Magnus hummed, snuggling into his chest. Alec took that as his cue to continue, as Magnus hadn't given any indication otherwise.

"We should throw a party," Alec kept his gaze on the collage of framed photos on the wall across from him.

There was pictures of him and Magnus, Isabelle and himself, Isabelle and Magnus, Jace and Alec, a large one with all of them together, with Helen and Aline and Catarina and Ragnor too. They'd been together for nearly three years, it wasn't that much surprise that all they're friends had spent time together. It was nice and calming.

"You want to throw a party?" Magnus asked.

"A Christmas party. Holiday-themed party." Alec clarified. "And I'm pretty sure I suggested _we_ should."

Alec could feel the outline of Magnus' smile against his neck. He huffed out a sigh, unable to resist a grin himself.

"I'd like that," Magnus admitted, after a moment. "I'm just a little surprised you want to throw a party."

"Holidays haven't always been the jolly celebration they are now." Alec reminded him. "Not for me, anyway. I want to celebrate the way it should be celebrated, with friends and family and - you. Having a good time."

Alec kissed the top of Magnus' head, softly. "And besides, you love throwing parties."

Magnus hummed, again, this time in agreement. "That is true."

He shifted, pulling himself up so that he was able to properly look at Alec. His eyes narrowed slightly, for a moment, before a wide grin broke out on his face.

"You're really serious," He exclaimed. "You're actually serious."

Alec laughed softly, and nodded. "Yes, Mags, I'm serious. After all this time, can you not tell?"

Magnus shrugged. "I was hopeful, but I also know that parties aren't really your thing. It was surprising, that's all, to hear you suggesting it."

Alec lifted his hand, resting it on the back of Magnus' neck. "I've gotten used to them." He played lightly with the ends of Magnus' hair. "I was thinking we could do it next Saturday."

"Saturday?" Magnus echoed. "That's-"

"Christmas Eve." Alec cut in gently. "I know."

Magnus shook his head, amusedly. With a hand resting on Alec's chest, he leant in. Alec's eyes fluttered close before their lips had even touched, already anticipating a kiss. It was soft, gentle, warm - not unlike many other kisses they'd shared before. Yet, as with previous ones, the kiss was special in it's familiarity. It was a kiss that said everything it needed to and nothing more, it was a kiss that expressed a state of belonging, and carried a sense of awestruck affection.

"I think that is a wonderful idea," Magnus whispered, once they'd pulled away. "And then," He continued, kissing the corner of Alec's mouth. "We can spend all of Christmas Day alone." A kiss at the pulse point of his jaw, then another near his ear. "Just the two of us."

Alec sighed, pleasantly. "Sounds good to me."

 

* * *

 

Magnus decided that it had to be an ugly-sweater-holiday-party, becase he wanted this one to be different and special.

When Alec asked why this party would be different to any other 'ugly sweater' parties Magnus had thrown, the only reply Magnus would give was that since it was Alec's idea, he wanted to add something for Alec - and sweaters were something that, although Magnus claimed to find adorable as much as he expressed his distaste for them, were really _Alec's thing._

Alec found the whole sentiment very sweet. Which he made sure Magnus knew.

Magnus suggested they go shopping, for decorations and food and, well, sweaters. Alec would have thought they'd both be too busy, but Friday evening found them strolling around the city center, beneath garlands of twinkling fairy lights and miseltoe - which Alec managed to dodge, at first, by distracting Magnus and dragging him into the closest shop he saw.

At first.

"Alexander," Magnus had his arm hooked through Alec's, their hands intertwined. "Miseltoe is an age-old tradition."

They'd only been to two stores - Alec had found presents for Jace, Clary and Simon - who insisted he deserved a present despite not celebrating Christmas - but not for anyone else, and Magnus had gotten gifts for Chairman Meow. Neither of them were in any rush to get their shopping completed, but Alec was curious to see what sweater Magnus would deem appropriate.

"And we're in public." Alec argued.

"Ah," Magnus bumped Alec's shoulder gently. "Beneath miseltoe that was hung in public - with the sole intention of encouraging people to fulfill the universal laws of the tradition."

"You just want me to kiss you." Alec stated, grinning despite himself.

Magnus shrugged, his pace slowing. "Would that be so terrible? The situation is very tempting, and - well, I _am_ only human, after all."

Alec turned, giving in - as he knew that he would. He just enjoyed teasing Magnus.

"Okay," He forfeited. "But _only_ because I'm human too,"

Magnus' grin was blinding, and a second later it was pressed against Alec's matching smile, soft and light and precious. Alec didn't spare any mind to anyone who might be passing, because he had Magnus' lips moving gently against his and in situations like that, there was little else in the universe that mattered to him.

Besides, there was never any doubt that he'd give in and kiss Magnus. The only question had been how long could he drag the teasing out before neither of them could tak it any longer.

Magnus hummed against Alec's mouth and, regretfully, pulled away. "Mm, Mery Christmas indeed." He murmured.

Alec shook his head fondly and pressed another, though lighter, kiss to Magnus' mouth. "You're impossible." He whispered when he pulled away.

Magnus' response was a devilish grin and bright eyes that Alec had to fight hard to resist. "You love it."

Alec pulled on Magnus' arm. Sometimes, it was easy to almost forget that his boyfriend was an actual _, qualified teacher_ in charge of _actual_ students. His behaviour tended to skim below maturity when he was happy, and carefree.

"We still have gifts, and decorations, and sweaters to buy, and if you keep distracting me, we'll run out of time."

"Maybe that's my intention," Magnus pondered, allowing Alec to tug him along towards the shops. He was grinning, and any response Alec had fizzled away like smoke from a distinguised flame.

"Maybe Ragnor is right," He proposed after a moment of pleasant silence. "Maybe there is something wrong with me."

Magnus scoffed. "You should never believe a word that Ragnor says."

"Because it might be true."

Magnus raised an eyebrow amusedly. "Just because." He stated, almost daring Alec to argue.

Instead, Alec lifted their joined hands and pressed a kiss to the back of Magnus'. The fond look of adoration in Magnus' eyes warmed Alec's heart. They'd been together for longer than Alec could have ever imagined - longer than he'd hoped, even, especially at the beginning when things were so raw and new and there were so many secrets between them, holding them both back.

There was none of that now. Everything was simple and easy - though no less special or exciting - and there were no secrets. No problems. No interfering exes or problematic reminders of traumatic childhood events.

Life had screwed them both over, but they'd managed to pick themselves up and dust off, and face forward despite everything trying to hold them back. And when things felt tough, they had each other to lean on.

Magnus was, arguably, the best thing to have happened to Alec.

 

* * *

 

"You're so whipped, mate."

Alec rolled his eyes, cradling his glass of wine - because he was a classy fellow with a fancy boyfriend and he liked red wine - against the soft cotton of his Christmas sweater. It was a warm charcoal grey, with a pattern of falling snowflakes. It wasn't _ugly_ , per se, but Alec was also admittedly biased because sweaters were his favourite item of clothing.

"Because I'm the only one?" Alec retorted, looking at his adopted brother with smug curiosity.

Jace sipped his rum and coke and leaned against the bench. The two of them, and Simon, surprisingly, had ended up congregated in the kitchen. Jace had gotten somewhat into the spirit of the party, sporting a Santa-esque hat and a startingly bright red sweater adorned with reindeer antlers.

"I mean you did suggest throwing an ugly sweater party..." Simon reminded him. He was wearing a dark, forest green sweater with 'Wanna Light My Menorah?' in shimmering silver writing.

"If you'd rather pretend I hadn't, you're more than welcome to leave." Alec took a slow, deliberate sip of his wine. "I won't stop you."

"I never said it was a bad thing," Jace expanded on his previous statement. "I just find it interesting. No one could have expected this. Alec. You threw a party."

Alec shrugged, fighting to keep the warm blush off his face. "Next time, I'll save you the trouble."

"Save whom the trouble?" Magnus swept in, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. His sweater was a soft white with two cats in the center, wrapped in red and green tinsel and matching Santa hats.

Alec wondered if Magnus was planning on recreating the image with Chairman Meow.

"Jace." Alec replied, leaning into Magnus, who wrapped a hand around his waist. "I'm not inviting him to any more parties."

Jace stood, mouth agape, as Simon snickered beside him.

"Well, that decision would be all yours." Magnus tilted his head slightly. "Although I can't quite see you sticking to that promise."

It would be hard for anyone who didn't already know, that Jace used to be Magnus' student. Isabelle, too, although it had always felt a little weird for Alec, that his boyfriend had taught his younger sister who, at the beginning, had pushed for them to get together.

"No," Alec sighed. "I suppose not."

Jace glared half-heartedly for all of half a second before it fell away, and a confident grin took its place. "You wouldn't be able to stand not having me around."

"I manage quite well every other day." Alec retorted.

They were bickering like children, though no one commented on it. Some things simply didn't change, even as they got older.

"That's because he has me," Magnus added, smirking. "Something tells me that he prefers my company, on most occassions, over yours."

He concluded the sentence with a wink, which sent Jace spluttering, covering his eyes with his hands. Once again, Simon snickered, though this time he made no secret of it.

"You two are disgusting. I'm going to find someone who doesn't make me want to throw up."

"After all that time Simon and I had to put up with you and Clary in your honeymoon phase?" Alec glanced at Simon, who smiled as though he was surprised at having been included.

"You've been dating for three years." Jace spins, knocking back the rest of his drink in one smooth motion. "The honeymoon phase should be well and truly over."

Alec felt Magnus squeeze the hand that was resting on his hip. On instinct, Alec turned, but there was nothing on Magnus' face that would serve as an explanation.

"Is everything okay?" Alec asked anyway, because his curiosity had been spiked and there was a thread of worry.

"Everything is perfect." Magnus assured him, leaning in to press a light kiss to Alec's temple. "Never better."

"I love you," Alec replied, because it felt right. And besides he wanted to, for the pure, unadulterated sake of it.

"I love you too, Alexander." Magnus responded, another kiss, this one on the highest point of Alec's cheek.

Unlike others, Alec wasn't mulling over what gifts he'd find beneath the tree in the morning. He'd already been given the greatest present he could have ever asked for, in the form of his family and the shape of Magnus Bane in his life.

There was little else he needed.

 

* * *

 

Alec woke on Christmas Day by a sudden, though not that heavy weight on his chest. He blearily opened his eyes to find Chairman Meow staring at him, sprigs of holly wound with ribbon through his collar.

"Are you my present, Chairman?" Alec asked, his words mumbled from sleep. He began scratching behind the Chairman's ear, eliciting a low purr, when he distantly heard a soft huff of laughter.

"I'd like to think I'm better at choosing presents than giving you the pet we already have."

Alec glanced up to find Magnus leaning against the entryway to their bedroom. He hadn't even noticed that Magnus wasn't in the bed beside him.

"That's yet to be proven," Alec teased, pushing himself into a sitting position. "I haven't seen my presents yet."

A few years ago, it would have been harder for him to joke about having gifts, even accepting that people would go to effort to buy things for him, just because they liked him, or because they wanted to.

Now, he was a little more comfortable with it, because he understood the joy that - Magnus especially - got out of searching for that perfect gift. And anything that made Magnus happy, by extension, made Alec happy.

"How about you arise and join me in the living room?" Magnus suggested, eyes shining bright like the fairly lights that are wrapped around their tree. "I can make pancakes."

Alec hummed and closed his eyes, leaning back against the headboard. "That does sound very tempting."

There was a muffled sound, and then Chairman Meow made a high sound and shifted on his chest. Alec opened his eyes to find Magnus standing next to him, which was a position that Alec definitely liked better than his previous one.

"Merry Christmas," Magnus said, almost as a greeting, leaning down to press a light kiss against Alec's lips.

"Merry Christmas," Alec replied, deepening the kiss. He smiled, as Magnus made a soft noise in the back of his throat.

"Are you trying to distract me, Alexander?" Magnus mumbled against Alec's mouth.

"Perhaps," Alec smirked into their kiss.

The next moment, Chairman Meow bumped his head against Alec's chest. The two of them laughed quietly, and Magnus pulled back, almost reluctantly.

"I'll be out in a minute," Alec assured Magnus with a smile. Magnus nodded, and scooped Chairman Meow from off Alec's chest.

"We'll be waiting." He said, before twirling out of the room, in a whirl of grey, white and red.

He was wearing a lopsided Santa hat and Alec's Christmas jumper, which only left _his_ for Alec to wear - if he intended to dress in the spirit of the day, which he did. Magnus had probably done it on purpose, to get Alec to wear something colourful ... Magnus' jumper was _very_ bright.

With a mock-scowl, Alec tugged on Magnus' sweater and slipped on a pair of plaid grey monochromatic pajama pants, because he had no doubt that it would be freezing on the other side of the door.

Magnus was sitting on the loveseat when Alec walked in, presents already brought from beneath the tree and stacked in a pile on the coffee table. His grin was wide and bright, and for a moment there was nothing Alec could do but stand and smother a laugh behind the palm of his hand.

Magnus patted the space beside him and winked. "Care to join me?"

Alec shaked his head fondly. "You're ridiculous." He stated, crossing the room to join Magnus on the couch.

Magnus shrugged. "Or adorable, it simply depends on the perspective you choose to have."

He was already holiding a compact, though somewhat bulky package in his hand. The whole gesture was sweet and heartwarming in a way that Alec was still sometimes struggling with the extraordinary level of.

"Merry Christmas," Magnus stated, handing the gift over. There was a small, sweet note taped to the wrapping paper.

 

_Merry Christmas Alexander._

_Because I know you better than myself._

_Magnus x_

It was short and concise and perfect. Alec could feel a light heat on his cheeks already, before he'd even opened the present.

It was a beautiful edition of _The Picture of Dorian Grey_ , purple bound with gold embossed writing. Alec stroked his hand over the cover, enrapt in the awe sweeping him.

"Magnus," He breathed out. "This is beautiful. Thank - thank you so much."

He reached for Magnus' hand and squeeed it, putting as much love and gratitude as he could into it.

"I thought you'd like it." Magnus said, smiling a little shyly. "I remember you mentioning it was one of your favourites."

When did he do that? It certainly couldn't have been in the last few weeks, or even months, because he'd been studying Homer's _Odyssey_ and Shakespeare's _The Tempest_ , comparing writing styles and artistic intentions and the meanings behind the tales ... he hadn't talked about Oscar Wilde _or_ his works since ... since...

"That was, like, two years ago!" He exclaimed, astounded that Magnus had even remembered.

It had been a fleeting moment, if he did in fact remember correctly, when Ragnor had teased Magnus about his relationship with Camille, and Magnus had responded with: "Ah, but that only means I've learnt. _'Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes'_." Alec had, only slighty surprised, responded by saying that he loved Oscar Wilde, adding to the conversation: " _'There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about'_."

Alec had practically forgotten about the conversation. Apparently, Magnus hadn't.

It was a rare sight to see Magnus Bane blushing, but there was nothing deniable about the heat that spread across his cheeks.

Alec leant in and pressed a slow kiss to Magnus' mouth. "Thank you." He stated, eyes locked onto Magnus', unwavering.

There was nothing else that needed to be said, the sentiment was there and Alec didn't want to over-do it. He had, without a doubt, _the_ sweetest boyfriend _ever._ All other contendants be damned.

"You're welcome." Magnus whispered. Alec leant back, still smiling giddily.

"Now it's time for your present." He shuffled through the presents until he found a rather flat package with a giant gold ribbon on the top.

"Merry Christmas." He said, handing it over.

Magnus glanced curiously between Alec and the present in his hand. "I wonder what it could be."

Alec smirked. "Open it and find out."

The amazed look that graced Magnus' face sparked a firework in Alec's heart. "Oh, _Alexander_."

In his palm sat two premiere-seat tickets to _Wicked_ , because Magnus had mentioned a few weeks ago, that he'd always wanted to see it. Something about Elphaba enthralled him.

"I booked it," Alec admitted, almost sheepishly. "The day after you - you mentioned it."

Magnus' narrowed his eyes slightly, studiously. "You never cease to amaze me. It's almost unnerving."

Alec shrugged. "You love it."

Magnus clasped Alec's hand in his, suddenly, his expression startingly serious. "More than that. I love _you_."

There was something about the way he said it that struck a chord deep within Alec.

"Mags, is everything okay?" He asked. Magnus _looked_ fine, but appearances didn't always reflect what was on the inside, Alec knew that better than most.

"Of course." Magnus shook his head, and then his smile was back, though Alec remained distantly cautious.

"This for you," Magnus handed over a medium sized box, his eyes flitting from Alec to the tree and then to the remaining presents beside them.

Beneath the paper was a box, and within that box was another smaller box, and then another within that. It was very reminscient of a Russian Babushka doll. Alec tried to find it sweet and not otherwise annoying.

"Is this my gift?" Alec asked. "These boxes?"

Magnus simply shook his head, and gestured for Alec to continue. Curious, Alec opened the smallest box. And then promptly dropped it onto his lap.

"Alec?"

He distantly heard Magnus, in the far off expanse of his mind behind the thoughts that were occupying the forefront, the thoughts centered on what was inside the box. A relatively thick silver band, with a line of sapphire blue running through the middle, joining in an infinity symbol on the top.

"Is this what I think it is?" Alec mumbled.

"That depends on what you think it is." Magnus answered, his voice as quiet. There was a hushed moment of silence, the only sound the whirring thoughts in Alec's mind.

"Are you asking me to marry you?" Alec finally looked up. He squeezed Magnus' hand reflexively, worried that his hesitation would be taken the wrong way.

"Maybe."

"Do it." Alec stated. "Ask me."

Magnus stared at him, unblinking, for a solid few seconds, almost as though he was silently asking if Alec was sure. Which was ridiculous, because of course Alec was sure, he wouldn't have said it otherwise.

"Alexander Lightwood," Magnus whispered. "Will you marry me?"

"Absolutely. Yes. Yes." Alec replied. Magnus grinned, and time stood still for a moment. Then the atmosphere in the room eased, and Magnus tugged Alec forward, drawing him into a warm, searing kiss.

"A thousand times, yes." Alec mumbled, in between fleeting, passionate kisses.

Magnus' grin widened, his hand snaking up to grasp at Alec's shoulder. The touch burnt and Alec wouldn't have it any other way.

There was no elaborate setup, no traditional 'getting down on one knee' or romantic candles or fancy dinner.

It was them, at Christmas, just them, and it was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you thought this was a little too tooth-rotting and you want something human and real, I suggest you check out 'This Christmas (You're Someone Special) by Vulturemonem because it is beautiful.
> 
> I also must disclaim - despite my deepest desires, I am yet to read the texts in this chapter, though a friend of mine did study The Tempest.
> 
> For anyone who cares:
> 
> \- Alec tries to keep it a secret from family and friends but Isabelle's keen eye picks up on it immediately.
> 
> \- Jace calls him ridiculous but he's smiling anyway and Clary promptly slaps him on the shoulder and congratulates Alec
> 
> \- Isabelle helps Alec pick out a ring after he exclaims that he doesn't think it's fair he has a ring and Magnus doesn't.
> 
> \- Alec gives Magnus his ring on New Years Eve just as the countdown begins
> 
> \- They kiss at midnight as a newly engaged couple, both with rings on the specially designated fingers.


End file.
